Please help!!

[Anonymous]

I am at my wits end. I've been with my family about 6 months and the entire time, there have been the typical "I want mom/dad" tantrums. They used to be very brief and the kids were just fine after the parents left. Now, however, it's getting so much worse and I have no idea how to handle it. On Friday, when mb was leaving, kid 1 starts bawling and saying why do you have to work, etc. mb responds with just as much u happiness as 1- she says its miserable leaving him, she wishes she didn't have to work, she doesn't know why she has to work, she wishes she could stay with him. So on top of a screaming toddler, I have a mb who is very close to a tantrum herself! She admits openly that she hates leaving the kids and they know it. Well, her behavior reinforces their behavior so much, as I'm sure you all understand. What used to be 2 mins of years has become 30. Today, I picked up 1 from school, and we came home and were eating lunch. A tantrum started about 25 mins ago and 1 is still wailing and begging for mb. I don't know what to do. I've tried everything I can think of! I was a teacher for kids with severe behavior issues and emotional disabilities before taking this job. I think I'm very skilled at behavior modification, but in this case I have NO support from the parents and this behavior would get 1 hugs and cuddles and the same "I'm miserable without you" attitude right back. I don't know how to handle this. 1's teacher has noticed the same thing, actually, and commented to me about it last week. She was saying how mb's attitude rubs off on the kids and its so true!

I've tried hugs and love, ignoring, putting 1 in his room to calm down- which is where he is right now and the screaming hasn't lessened in the slightest. I was hoping he'd at least tire himself out but he hasn't. Before anyone says I'm horrible for leaving him in his room, I've been checking on him and this was a last resort so I could post here and hopefully get some advice!

[Anonymous]

U happiness= unhappiness, 2 mins of years should've been tears

[Anonymous]

While we know what the problem is (MB is making things worse by carrying on) you can't exactly tell her that. She'll get her feelings hurt.
Why not sit down with her and say something like "I'm noticed kid 1 has been getting more upset for a longer period of time lately. I was hoping we could work together to try and find a solution/help him transition better."

How old is he?
I have no idea if this would work or not, but might as well give it a shot; right? Is there any way you could set a timer. Let him be sad/mad/cry until the timer goes off. Once the timer goes off, shake the sillies out or do something. Simon says. Something to get him moving and to get his mind off of mom leaving.

Or, once the timer goes off, you and he can make a special drawing/card for mommy to see as soon as she gets home.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP - we know what the issue is but you can't come out and say it. The behavior modification that has to happen here is the MB's behavior, so you'll have to find a way to introduce the problem. PP's advice to approach it from a "DC is having a harder time now, can we find a solution together" is right, but go into that conversation either with articles from parenting websites or chapters from parenting books about this stage, about how a quick goodbye helps children to recover quickly themselves, feedback from DC's teacher about the same issue, and then move forward gently. Instead of saying "If your goodbye was faster he would stop crying sooner," say, "DC's teacher suggested implementing a short and sweet goodbye routine to help the kids cope with your departure, do you think we could try it this week and see if anything changes?" (or something like that).

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Thanks guys. I think what shocked me most today was that this usually happens if he is leaving mb but today there was no trade-off, I just got him from school(normal routine, fri was only diff bc he was sick). I like the idea about articles to show the facts.

[Anonymous]

Op again- I really don't think her behavior is going to change, which is the worst of it. I guess I'm just trying to find a way to work around it.

[Anonymous]

Sit MB down and tell her that you understand that she doesn't want to go to work and would rather be home with her kid, however showing her unhappiness about the situation in front of him makes it harder on him when she has to leave and that it then makes parts of your day difficult.

Also engage your charge in an activity when MB is getting ready to leave/leaving. Have MB say bye, give hugs and kisses and then say "hey 'charges name' lets come play this game/color this picture that I brought with me!" It will get his mind off the fact that MB is leaving and will start the day off in a fun way.