what chores can an AP do?

[Anonymous]

beyond the child care?
we are thinking of hiring an au pair for next year, but our kids are in preschool - that means she would help out in evenings/afternoons and weekends. it may not total 40 hours per week - can she run kids' laundry and change their sheets during the day while they are not there? can she vaccuum their rooms? can she prepare/prep dinner (if its for all of us?)?

just trying to get a sense of what is allowed and covered and if this is a reasonable option for us - not trying to be horrid to an au pair!

also thinking an extension au pair would be good as a first trial - any thoughts on that?

[Anonymous]

Officially, AP can be asked to do any chores related to the children - including washing/drying/folding/putting away their clothes, tidying their room, changing their sheets, fixing their meals, etc. She can also be asked to contribute to household chores in the same way that you, DH, and other household members contribute - eg, clearing dishes/loading dishwasher/cleaning house/etc. However, she cannot be asked to do ALL of the cleaning, or cooking, etc.

Unofficially, if you have a good relationship with your AP, you may have more flexibility. For instance, our AP does not mind picking up drycleaning, filling up the car (we give her the $ for this), taking car to car wash. She also does more than just the kids' laundry. But we don't ask her to do much housework since we have a cleaning lady weekly (who also cleans AP's room) and we don't ask her to do much in the way of cooking either (we prefer to cook).

I don't have experience with extension APs - could be a good route especially if you get to meet AP in person. I found very few extension APs were available that met my criteria but I was looking for a German and they tend not to extend.

[Anonymous]

14:12 has it right. They can do anything child-related and then are supposed to help out as a family member. We got along with our last one so well that she sometimes did a little extra if she had time, although we never asked her too and always thanked her profusely afterwards.

We only use about 25 hours a week. Same schedule as you - morning and afternoon and then two date nights a week (two Weekend nights a month and the other four weekdays). That said, the main benefit and the reason we don't feel like we're not "getting our money's worth" by not using the max hours is that when we do need her for 45 hours, we don't have to scramble for child care. There are lots of days and weeks when school is closed for example. So she's typically 25 hours, but sometimes 40ish. She also feels like she has an easy job, which makes her happy

[Anonymous]

Why do Germans not tend to extend? What countries do?

[Anonymous]

We had a German AP extend. They are more likely to extend if they are younger though - most 22 year olds want to get back to school and their real life.

[Anonymous]

Actually, I believe it's the opposite. Most Germans come right after HS and before college, and they come for one year and then go home to college/univ. Many Latin/South Americans/Eastern Europeans come after college, so there is often nothing definite to get back to and thus they are often more open to staying. Depending on the country, there also may not be many options for a young woman when she goes home, so staying here (and evantually converting to a student visa or something) can be an attractive option for an AP who is post-college but without definite plans of what to do after her AP time is up.

[Anonymous]

Also, I know it's a stereotype but . . . Germans are not the most "flexible" people on the planet. If she has it in her mind that she's come for one year . . . one year it is. Can be hard for them to move off a fixed idea of how it is "supposed" to be.

[Anonymous]

Well there are disadvantages for some to having their au pair extend, so some may not want them to anyway. I don't think I consider it "unflexible" for German girls to want to go back home and start school - I consider it smart. Do you think 2 years versus 1 year really improves their chances of finding a job or whatever back home, or do you think they are staying primarily because they have fewer options upon return? Personally I would prefer someone who has some goals, and if that means leaving after a year, then that is good.

[Anonymous]

Host mom of two German au pairs here and I don't think it has anything to do with any German stereotype of being inflexible. For both of our au pair's it has had everything to do with the reason they are here and what is waiting for them when they return. Both of ours have come after their A-levels (sort of like high school) and both have come before going to college to be teachers. I understand it's fairly typical for Germans to come here between HS and college. They come to get experience, improve their English, have a year of fun before buckling down and planning for their career.

[Anonymous]

Germans often just do a gap year between HS and college ad don't want to extend because it's only supposed to be a year. My last German AP told me that often it's frowned upon to take more than one year in the business world. Because they see it as 'goofing off' after a year and since English is a taught language in school a year 'should be' sufficient to hone skills.

I almost took an extension AP for my first and I'm so glad I didn't! You both should start fresh. Find your bearings and rules your comfy with...and bring that to the next ones. An extension AP knows America and the ways here but she might be used to someone else's ways/rules and may not be flexible to yours...make sense?

[Anonymous]

PP here. Mine does kid laundry and cleaning of their areas, grocery shopping, emptying the DW and sometimes helps take out the trash bins...but the key word is SOMETIMES.

[Anonymous]

To those who say that Germans just want to do only the one year because they are anxious to go back to school . . . that only is the case if your AP year coincides with the school year. If you have an AP that arrives middle of school year, they return to Germany middle of school year and will have to do some other filler before starting university. Doesn't explain why they don't want to extend for 6 or 9 months (to coincide with start of university).