Bedtime/naptime issues with two-year-old RSS feed

Anonymous
Hi-
I am a nanny for a 2.5 year old. The two year old has NOT been going to bed well for the parents at night. Meaning, they do bedtime routine around 7:30, put him to sleep by 8, and 75% of the time he doesn't actually fall asleep until 10/10:30, occasionally even later. He shares a room with his 4 year old brother, who goes to sleep almost right away and with no issues. Because he hasn't been sleeping good at night (or early enough I should say), he has been taking very long naps for me. We would like his naptime to be in line with what other 2 year olds do, go to sleep after lunch, around 12/12:30. But, he is super tired in the mornings, and he is ready to pass out around 9 o clock in the morning. Therefore, sometimes I'll put him down for a nap at 9:30 and he'll sleep until 12:30- sometimes even 1. If I can wait on his nap, and put him down at 11:30 (a couple days/week we have a 10am class and don't get home until 11), he'll sleep just as long, waking up at 2:30 (ocassionally even until 3). He often falls asleep in the stroller on the way to or from class though because he's exhausted.
The parents have been getting very frustrated with bedtime, and I don't blame them.
He has never given me any issues with naptime. I say it's naptime, tuck him in, give him his blankie, and kiss him on the forehead and say "ok, have a good nap!" and that's it. He doesn't get up, protest, nothing. I have been firm with him since the beginning. With them, he gets out of bed multiple times, whines, cries, yells, runs around in protest, etc.... he gets up over and over again. I am not here to see what they actually do, but the Dad says he "tries" to be firm and brings him back each time, but he (the 2 year old) usually just ends up falling asleep on the couch next to him (the dad)- the dad does work on the couch for a while after the kids go to bed, and then the Dad brings him to bed once he's asleep.
This is not a healthy cycle, and I know it and they know it. A 3-3.5 hour nap during the day is a pretty long nap, but it's not unheard of for a 2.5 year old. The Dad asked if I could limit his naps to 2 hours, which is fine, but I know it'll be annoying for me and for him. Here's the thing- I don't think that 1 less napping hour will make a difference. The issue is their bedtime shenanigans.
My question, is how can I tell them to cut the BS with bedtime- they need to be firm and make him stay in bed. If we can break this cycle, his naptime and bedtime schedule will be far more consistent and better for everyone. The parents are awesome and very easy to talk to, but no one likes to hear that theyre doing it completely wrong. But they are. They've clearly given up and let the kid just fall asleep on the couch- and that's what he wants.
Anyways, sorry for the rambling post. Any thoughts?

Anonymous
I'm a nanny 3 hrs is too long of a nap for a 2.5 yr old.Also nap at 9:30 am is to early especially if he can stay up till 11 when you have class. If you keep him busy like he would be during class he should stay awake until nap time. You say it will be annoying for you if he only gets a 2 hr nap is that because you would have to entertain him? One hour during the day will maker a difference at night. He's probably over tired since he naps so early and then he us hyper and can't get to sleep at night. I think you're lazy and trying to blame the parents routine
Anonymous
First, a 3 hour nap is not too long for a 2.5 year old. It is within the range of normal for a child this age. Different children have different sleep needs. Some nap longer during the day and sleep slightly less at night while others sleep longer at night and have a shorter nap during the day. Heck, The 5 year olds I take care of were regularly taking 3 hours naps almost up until age 4 and still slept well at night...that's what their bodies needed.

Ok, it sounds like there are a couple of issues...and unfortunately the issues will each in turn affect the other. The bedtime routine at night is not working. This is causing him to be super tired during the day which is leading to a REALLY early nap for a child his age. The early nap is then likely causing him to be overtired at bedtime like the PP said. Overtired children have a much harder time going to sleep.

I would suggest that for the time being the parents begin the bedtime routine half an hour earlier. They may be missing the window of opportunity for him. Once they put him in bed they need to remain firm on making him go to sleep in his bed...even if it means returning him to his bed 50 times (without talking) for however long it takes. They need to remove the couch as sleeping location option. This is on them to resolve.

The second piece of this puzzle is that you will have to stop letting him take a morning nap...no matter how tired he is. Yes it will be miserable for both of you until he gets on a better sleep schedule, but allowing him to take that morning nap is adding to the issue. Keep him busy...even if that means needing to leave the house everyday so that you are out of the house during the time he would normally be tired. If he needs a few minutes of quiet time b/c he is tired read a few books and then engage him in a more active activity...and keep doing this until it's time for lunch FOLLOWED by nap.

You're in for a rough few weeks until things get back on track. Talk to your employers and let them know what your plan is for moving his naptime to a more reasonable time for a child his age. Include why you think a 12/12:30 nap would help ease the likely overtiredness he is experiencing at night. Ask if they have any other suggestions they think would be helpful to you for the daytime. At this point they may be more receptive to hearing what your plans are for getting his daytime sleep on track before you offer up suggestions on how to improve the nighttime routine. Unless you really feel they would be receptive to suggestions about their nighttime routine I would let them come to you when they are ready for help rather than offering it up.
Anonymous
He shouldn't be napping that early, or that long. You need to get him back on track. Keep him busy in the mornings and don't let him sleep until after lunch. Then limit how long his nap is (should be 1.5-2 hours).

Once he is back and track and not so overtired, the bedtime/sleep issues should improve.
Anonymous
I disagree with the nap being 1.5-2 hrs. I have taken care of many kids this age and most needed 2 hours, sometimes anywhere from 15-45 minutes more depending on the day. The times that they woke up before 2 hours they were still sleepy for the next while looking like they would almost go back to sleep, before finally "really" waking up. Not saying this is true for all kids, some might just need 1.5 hours, but 2 is much more common as a normal length from my experience.

You should never have to limit how long a nap is. Once you work out the child getting to sleep at a good time at night then the afternoon nap should get worked out on it's own, how long they sleep for is then how much they actually need (whether the same each day or if one day they just need a bit more sleep, then they will sleep a bit more on their own).

To get the afternoon nap successfully moved, the parents really do need to work on the nighttime sleep pattern too, AT THE SAME TIME. Otherwise he will be getting too tired in the mornings and it will take much longer to do all of it. You just have to explain to them that you can move the daytime nap to more normal hours in the afternoon (after lunch) but that is only half of what needs to be done and that they have to work with you on their half of the process. If only one half gets done, it won't work properly and will be a waste of time. Basically let them know that if they don't commit to it, the child will still have to deal with the issues that are going on now (it just might end up being before the afternoon naps instead of before bedtime). If they don't actually end up helping on their end, then I would find a new job. Parents that can't do their share are h*ll to work for.
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