Au Pair and Friends During Pandemic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please see the thread on APs and traveling. You are proving what most suspect -- you want an AP for cheap childcare, not for the cultural experience.

I personally agree with others, that at some level, you are engaging in human trafficking. Please tell me what your AP is getting out of this. And please don't say you explained it all to her when she came. No way a young woman from another country (may impoverished) knows what it means to be stuck at home with her boss and kids.

Please rematch.

This can be explained and it has.

The pandemic is global, and many APs are in lockdown mode regardless of where they are, and want to be somewhere different. It's on the HF and agency to be crystal clear on what the rules and restrictions are. AND, it's also on the AP to make a decision based on the restrictions.

It's deceptive if the HF says "Oh, yeah, you can do x, y, and z" but in reality the situation is different.

It's also deceptive if the AP says "YES" to everything and comes with their own agenda.

Totes, because young women with dependent immigration status as wealthy HFs in terms of bargaining power....ignorant AF. Also, many HFs in our circle have all kinds of creative mental gymnastics to explain why they get mani-pedis, boozy backyard get-togethers and daily trips to WFs but refuse to either provide a car or let their au pairs use public transportation to go to grocery or meet up with friends outside. One of our AP’s friends host family told her pre-pandemic she is unable to date during her cultural exchange year. She’s 24. That is insane. This is why the program is falling apart.

[Anonymous]

You are missing the point. This is supposed to be a cultural experience, not cheap labor. You are basically admitting all you care about is the cheap labor. You should not be getting an AP right now if you have such hard rules.

Please don't tell me an 18-24 girl should know better and know what she is signing up for.

[Anonymous]

Its a free for all in our house. Also went to give blood and both DH and I have the antibodies. We clearly had it,, but didn't know it. I still consistently run 25 miles a week and haven't stopped this year. I really don't care what she does or where she goes or with whom you in her free time.

[Anonymous]

Oof some of these replies are really rude to OP. I’m a former HM who left the program because it wasn’t worth the risk of having an AP hanging out with friends and potentially bringing the virus home so we are taking on more than childcare load but it’s worth it to not have this stress. I also didn’t want to deal with an unhappy or sulking AP. It’s just a tough time all around. I don’t think it’s human trafficking (lol???) to expect an AP to abide by the same rules and restrictions that the host family is following and that public health officials are imploring people to follow to stop community transmission. It’s these every day decisions that people are selfishly making that’s contributing to the massive rise in cases and hospitalizations, and causing schools to remain shut. This is a learning experience for people of all ages, including au pairs in their 20s who can learn about sacrificing for the greater good and not always being able to get what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oof some of these replies are really rude to OP. I’m a former HM who left the program because it wasn’t worth the risk of having an AP hanging out with friends and potentially bringing the virus home so we are taking on more than childcare load but it’s worth it to not have this stress. I also didn’t want to deal with an unhappy or sulking AP. It’s just a tough time all around. I don’t think it’s human trafficking (lol???) to expect an AP to abide by the same rules and restrictions that the host family is following and that public health officials are imploring people to follow to stop community transmission. It’s these every day decisions that people are selfishly making that’s contributing to the massive rise in cases and hospitalizations, and causing schools to remain shut. This is a learning experience for people of all ages, including au pairs in their 20s who can learn about sacrificing for the greater good and not always being able to get what you want.

Whatever you tell yourself to sleep at night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oof some of these replies are really rude to OP. I’m a former HM who left the program because it wasn’t worth the risk of having an AP hanging out with friends and potentially bringing the virus home so we are taking on more than childcare load but it’s worth it to not have this stress. I also didn’t want to deal with an unhappy or sulking AP. It’s just a tough time all around. I don’t think it’s human trafficking (lol???) to expect an AP to abide by the same rules and restrictions that the host family is following and that public health officials are imploring people to follow to stop community transmission. It’s these every day decisions that people are selfishly making that’s contributing to the massive rise in cases and hospitalizations, and causing schools to remain shut. This is a learning experience for people of all ages, including au pairs in their 20s who can learn about sacrificing for the greater good and not always being able to get what you want.

+1. Agreed.

[Anonymous]

You people are crazy and just love to miss the point.

No one disagrees with your rules.

We disagree with you having an AP under these circumstances. Find other child care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You people are crazy and just love to miss the point.

No one disagrees with your rules.

We disagree with you having an AP under these circumstances. Find other child care.

Why doesn’t the AP have agency to choose the situation though? I get it in March that the APs had come for one situation and it drastically changed, and I’d get it if it were a bait and switch and they came now thinking the rules are different, but if you are upfront and honest about your family’s Covid approach and she agrees, why don’t you credit that? You seem to be coming from a place that all APs are too immature and stupid to make decisions about their lives, and that’s not my experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have asked our au pair to always wear a mask indoors except at our house (so including in the homes of her friend APs) and to avoid crowded places. We said she could choose two friends to bring into our home, masked, and see them only in the basement (which has her bedroom, bathroom and TV/lounge room plus its own entrance). We have given her complete free reign with our car -- even to the extent it impacts us -- and free gas with the understanding that she will not use any public transportation. We ask her to discuss her plans with us in advance if there are gray areas to these rules and told her we will always do our best to come up with a compromise that works for both of us. So far, so good.

So far so good or she just lies. We are being completely flexible with our au pair (we are somewhat desperate and luckily have no risk factors), but our au pair has told us all her friends just lie to their host families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oof some of these replies are really rude to OP. I’m a former HM who left the program because it wasn’t worth the risk of having an AP hanging out with friends and potentially bringing the virus home so we are taking on more than childcare load but it’s worth it to not have this stress. I also didn’t want to deal with an unhappy or sulking AP. It’s just a tough time all around. I don’t think it’s human trafficking (lol???) to expect an AP to abide by the same rules and restrictions that the host family is following and that public health officials are imploring people to follow to stop community transmission. It’s these every day decisions that people are selfishly making that’s contributing to the massive rise in cases and hospitalizations, and causing schools to remain shut. This is a learning experience for people of all ages, including au pairs in their 20s who can learn about sacrificing for the greater good and not always being able to get what you want.

+1. Agreed.

Absolutely on point. These HFs are the ones who probably roll the Charmin for the APs and their own kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please see the thread on APs and traveling. You are proving what most suspect -- you want an AP for cheap childcare, not for the cultural experience.

I personally agree with others, that at some level, you are engaging in human trafficking. Please tell me what your AP is getting out of this. And please don't say you explained it all to her when she came. No way a young woman from another country (may impoverished) knows what it means to be stuck at home with her boss and kids.

Please rematch.

This can be explained and it has.

The pandemic is global, and many APs are in lockdown mode regardless of where they are, and want to be somewhere different. It's on the HF and agency to be crystal clear on what the rules and restrictions are. AND, it's also on the AP to make a decision based on the restrictions.

It's deceptive if the HF says "Oh, yeah, you can do x, y, and z" but in reality the situation is different.

It's also deceptive if the AP says "YES" to everything and comes with their own agenda.

Yup, trafficking is a bait and switch, and then, ha ha ha, you have to do x, y, and z.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:HF who believes is science. Just won’t engage in slavery and bring a girl here for cheap labor.

When you troll this bad, no one takes you seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:HF who believes is science. Just won’t engage in slavery and bring a girl here for cheap labor.

When you troll this bad, no one takes you seriously.

Agree with this. Clearly there is someone on this forum who is or was an AP and who has rather intellectually deficient reasoning skills and probably a significantly atrophied emotional IQ. The point is that we are in pandemic, and following guidelines from the CDC is not "human trafficking" or "slavery". Rather, these points prove that the troll is actually quite immature and would probably lie to the host family and take no precautions, which ends up underscoring the legitimate concerns of the HF. Thus, little troll, you actually prove the point of the concerned and responsible HFs.

[Anonymous]

If the home country of an aupair is locked down, I'm not sure why they expect different rules here. This isn't one host family locking down their house because they believe the end of the world is coming. This is a global pandemic.

I would vote not to host an aupair who can't be honest and responsible. I'm not holding parties or getting mani-pedis. I don't think their own mother in their own home country is as well. I also vote for families to wait until they can host an aupair who is coming for a gap year experience and will return to an awaiting family in their own country. It cuts down on the drama and increases the cultural exchange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our Au Pair is in a bit of denial over the pandemic. She insists on seeing other au pair friends. For example, tonight she went over to her au pair friend’s house (the host family is traveling and not home) to cook and hang out. She is also seeing other au pair friends and taking car drives and camping trips. We recently shut down a planned trip to Florida that she wanted to take in January with friends. My question is: how careful should we be about her seeing friends right now, particularly indoors? We hear that we should avoid non-household people right now. Our family is generally very careful, but our au pair breaks out in tears whenever we bring up restrictions related to the pandemic. We want to be reasonable with her (don’t want to control her) but also be responsible. What rules are people adhering to with their au pairs and socializing?

Be clear, open, honest and put the rules in writing. In our home, we feel comfortable with XYZ:
Until conditions change and the positivity rate is less, we will continue to expect XYZ:
We WILL change the policies and rules of our home according to the state's mandates and according to our high risk status. The most restrictive would be XYZ: The least restrictive would be ZYC:

Many aupairs are upset at the moment because families have changed their policies because of rising case rates. As if we don't have the right to react accordingly. We do.
I am a huge advocate for having a great aupair year and we do our best. I am also unabashedly clear that my familiy and their health trumps her amazing aupair year. We would be happy to help her rematch, but if she catches covid19, odds are she will recover well. The odds are not as likely for the other members of our family. I am not going to sacrifice my family's health for someone else's dream year. I will do everything I can to make sure she finds a family who will allow her to live the life she is hoping to live.

It's a maturity and trust thing. Don't sneak around. Rematch. Be free. Don't endanger someone's life. Same with HF. Be clear. Be honest. Lose childcare if it means losing childcare. You will figure it out. Your family's health is more important.