What do you wish you had been stricter about at the beginning? What SYSTEMS/checklists have helped?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So here\'s my gut reaction on reading your post: I don\'t think you\'re going to have a super successful experience with Au Pairs. It sounds like cleanliness and tidiness are SUPER important to you and honestly....those are driven so much more by personality than by a checklist or whatever. Have hosted 6 Au Pairs. 3 were extremely clean/tidy, 2 were clean (didn\'t leave things filthy but didn\'t clear up clutter) and one was a complete mess (although super sweet and the kids ADORED her). We are a clean home but it\'s not always tidy (I am looking at the kids\' shoes in an array on the floor and backpacks looking like they exploded on the bench next to the door as I type). If you want to be successful you can\'t focus too much on that sort of thing...sorry. Of course you can try and you can ask that she starts clean up with the kids 30 minutes before her shift is over, etc. and you can screen by asking her about how she keeps things at home...but it is subjective. Living with strangers is hard for this reason so maybe a nanny is a better choice for you if being clean and tidy is an overriding priority, which it sounds like it is.

Thank you for this feedback. You may very well be right.

I do not need full-time childcare, because I just work less than half-time and from home. I don't want to spend less time with my young children, I am hoping to improve the QUALITY of the time I spend with them. I spend literal HOURS a day fixing their meals, cleaning up after them, changing diapers (3 are in them), dressing/undressing/bathing, etc. On the one hand, of course this IS mothering. On the other, I'd love to sit down on the floor with them once in a while without having 700 things that still need doing. Also, because they are all so young, it's not as safe (or enjoyable) as I'd prefer to take all 4 to the park or museum for instance by myself. I thought having an extra set of hands for those things would help, too, but still, it's just so. much. housework. caring after 4 under 4. And my husband's away five days a week and, to be honest, only makes more work when he's home (although he's an absolute darling playing with the children, and quite dashing, he's not much of a housekeeper).

Do you feel like a nanny would be a better fit? I'd never thought of them as doing housework, to be honest, but I've also no experience or knowledge about it, save for a few references from movies. Thanks so much.

OP

A nanny becomes a!-‘my because she wants to do childcare. I don’t want to spend hours preparing our OCD means and doing your cleaning. Hire a housekeeper who likes kids. Your nanny won’t last!!!

- nanny

[Anonymous]

I am one of the previous posters.

If you have 4 kids under 4 and work from home (which are all things that will make it harder to match trust me) I would really be wary of doing things the way you want to.

It seems like you are looking for someone who do most of the non fun stuff while you get to finally sit and play with your kids. I get the sentiment but that really is not what an AP is there for. You will really get a resentful AP if you are at home chilling with the kids while you have her do all the things you don’t want to do. The AP program is again, a cultural exchange, they are here to cover for you when you are at work or unavailable and while it’s okay to have her work while you are around to look after the kids as an extra pair of hands, it’s really not in the spirit of the program to have her do all the nappies and things you (and your husband!?) don’t want to do when you are there to do it. You are much more likely to succeed by doing the opposite use the AP to entertain the kids while you sort things for them so you don’t have to juggle them, and then once down sit down with them to play knowing everything is done.

I do think you should look into a nanny/housekeeper gig as it doesn’t really seem like you are looking to provide a cultural exchange for the Au Pair and more looking for someone to make up for your husband lack of help which is not the role of an AP.

[Anonymous]

OP, think carefully about this advice to get a nanny/housekeeper. Au Pairs are a lot of work, and they are limited in what they can do because the program is so restrictive. You can pay someone $20 per hour for 20 hours per week and still not even come close to what you pay for the au pair program. But, you'll have a lot more flexibility in what you are able to have them help with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, think carefully about this advice to get a nanny/housekeeper. Au Pairs are a lot of work, and they are limited in what they can do because the program is so restrictive. You can pay someone $20 per hour for 20 hours per week and still not even come close to what you pay for the au pair program. But, you'll have a lot more flexibility in what you are able to have them help with.

+100, housekeeper is the way to go. (not nanny, housekeeper who can help with childcare).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, think carefully about this advice to get a nanny/housekeeper. Au Pairs are a lot of work, and they are limited in what they can do because the program is so restrictive. You can pay someone $20 per hour for 20 hours per week and still not even come close to what you pay for the au pair program. But, you'll have a lot more flexibility in what you are able to have them help with.

Thank you for all the thoughts about the best option. I do want the full time and live-in status, but your point is well taken that perhaps, even though it's permitted by the au pair program to have them do housework, perhaps they do not necessarily expect or want to. I will give all your feedback consideration.

Thanks again,
OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, think carefully about this advice to get a nanny/housekeeper. Au Pairs are a lot of work, and they are limited in what they can do because the program is so restrictive. You can pay someone $20 per hour for 20 hours per week and still not even come close to what you pay for the au pair program. But, you'll have a lot more flexibility in what you are able to have them help with.

Thank you for all the thoughts about the best option. I do want the full time and live-in status, but your point is well taken that perhaps, even though it's permitted by the au pair program to have them do housework, perhaps they do not necessarily expect or want to. I will give all your feedback consideration.

Thanks again,
OP

*housework related to the children* of course.

OP

[Anonymous]

It really is a crap shoot. I may send my ap your way!
She is incredibly obsessed with cleanliness and organization. I mean, even our garage freezer and fridge are organized.
My kitchen now looks like crate and barrel displays when I openly cabinets.
I love it, I think. I thought I was clean and organized before but current ap has taken it to a new level.

No system or check list, just who she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So here\'s my gut reaction on reading your post: I don\'t think you\'re going to have a super successful experience with Au Pairs. It sounds like cleanliness and tidiness are SUPER important to you and honestly....those are driven so much more by personality than by a checklist or whatever. Have hosted 6 Au Pairs. 3 were extremely clean/tidy, 2 were clean (didn\'t leave things filthy but didn\'t clear up clutter) and one was a complete mess (although super sweet and the kids ADORED her). We are a clean home but it\'s not always tidy (I am looking at the kids\' shoes in an array on the floor and backpacks looking like they exploded on the bench next to the door as I type). If you want to be successful you can\'t focus too much on that sort of thing...sorry. Of course you can try and you can ask that she starts clean up with the kids 30 minutes before her shift is over, etc. and you can screen by asking her about how she keeps things at home...but it is subjective. Living with strangers is hard for this reason so maybe a nanny is a better choice for you if being clean and tidy is an overriding priority, which it sounds like it is.

Thank you for this feedback. You may very well be right.

I do not need full-time childcare, because I just work less than half-time and from home. I don't want to spend less time with my young children, I am hoping to improve the QUALITY of the time I spend with them. I spend literal HOURS a day fixing their meals, cleaning up after them, changing diapers (3 are in them), dressing/undressing/bathing, etc. On the one hand, of course this IS mothering. On the other, I'd love to sit down on the floor with them once in a while without having 700 things that still need doing. Also, because they are all so young, it's not as safe (or enjoyable) as I'd prefer to take all 4 to the park or museum for instance by myself. I thought having an extra set of hands for those things would help, too, but still, it's just so. much. housework. caring after 4 under 4. And my husband's away five days a week and, to be honest, only makes more work when he's home (although he's an absolute darling playing with the children, and quite dashing, he's not much of a housekeeper).

Do you feel like a nanny would be a better fit? I'd never thought of them as doing housework, to be honest, but I've also no experience or knowledge about it, save for a few references from movies. Thanks so much.

OP

Lol, GOOD LUCK to you. Your AuPair, like any SAHMs with small children will have no time to be tidy. You have a very unrealistic expectation as to what a young inexperienced girl is going to do who is really just here for a cultural exchange

Your home right now (appropriatly) is way too chaotic at this moment in time for military precision. You will he much happier if you can let go of control and not be so uptight and type A.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, think carefully about this advice to get a nanny/housekeeper. Au Pairs are a lot of work, and they are limited in what they can do because the program is so restrictive. You can pay someone $20 per hour for 20 hours per week and still not even come close to what you pay for the au pair program. But, you'll have a lot more flexibility in what you are able to have them help with.

This. However we had a rockstar nanny for the first 8 years of our kids lives. She was a house manager. We had weekly deep cleaners, but she did the laundry, unloaded the dishwasher, swept, keeps closets organized, grocery shopped, and did some basic meal prep. For this we paid 52 on up to 60k/yr, plus health insurance.

Once the kids were all in school FT we moved to an AP. Sounds like OP is more in need of a housekeeper/nanny. Our APs have been lovely, but they are not professional house managers/nannies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, think carefully about this advice to get a nanny/housekeeper. Au Pairs are a lot of work, and they are limited in what they can do because the program is so restrictive. You can pay someone $20 per hour for 20 hours per week and still not even come close to what you pay for the au pair program. But, you'll have a lot more flexibility in what you are able to have them help with.

Thank you for all the thoughts about the best option. I do want the full time and live-in status, but your point is well taken that perhaps, even though it's permitted by the au pair program to have them do housework, perhaps they do not necessarily expect or want to. I will give all your feedback consideration.

Thanks again,
OP

They can do housework. They can do a lot of housework (laundry, cleaning up after kids). What we're saying is...they may resent it if they're always doing housework while you're playing with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the previous posters.

If you have 4 kids under 4 and work from home (which are all things that will make it harder to match trust me) I would really be wary of doing things the way you want to.

It seems like you are looking for someone who do most of the non fun stuff while you get to finally sit and play with your kids. I get the sentiment but that really is not what an AP is there for. You will really get a resentful AP if you are at home chilling with the kids while you have her do all the things you don’t want to do. The AP program is again, a cultural exchange, they are here to cover for you when you are at work or unavailable and while it’s okay to have her work while you are around to look after the kids as an extra pair of hands, it’s really not in the spirit of the program to have her do all the nappies and things you (and your husband!?) don’t want to do when you are there to do it. You are much more likely to succeed by doing the opposite use the AP to entertain the kids while you sort things for them so you don’t have to juggle them, and then once down sit down with them to play knowing everything is done.

I do think you should look into a nanny/housekeeper gig as it doesn’t really seem like you are looking to provide a cultural exchange for the Au Pair and more looking for someone to make up for your husband lack of help which is not the role of an AP.

This x a million

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So here\'s my gut reaction on reading your post: I don\'t think you\'re going to have a super successful experience with Au Pairs. It sounds like cleanliness and tidiness are SUPER important to you and honestly....those are driven so much more by personality than by a checklist or whatever. Have hosted 6 Au Pairs. 3 were extremely clean/tidy, 2 were clean (didn\'t leave things filthy but didn\'t clear up clutter) and one was a complete mess (although super sweet and the kids ADORED her). We are a clean home but it\'s not always tidy (I am looking at the kids\' shoes in an array on the floor and backpacks looking like they exploded on the bench next to the door as I type). If you want to be successful you can\'t focus too much on that sort of thing...sorry. Of course you can try and you can ask that she starts clean up with the kids 30 minutes before her shift is over, etc. and you can screen by asking her about how she keeps things at home...but it is subjective. Living with strangers is hard for this reason so maybe a nanny is a better choice for you if being clean and tidy is an overriding priority, which it sounds like it is.

Thank you for this feedback. You may very well be right.

I do not need full-time childcare, because I just work less than half-time and from home. I don't want to spend less time with my young children, I am hoping to improve the QUALITY of the time I spend with them. I spend literal HOURS a day fixing their meals, cleaning up after them, changing diapers (3 are in them), dressing/undressing/bathing, etc. On the one hand, of course this IS mothering. On the other, I'd love to sit down on the floor with them once in a while without having 700 things that still need doing. Also, because they are all so young, it's not as safe (or enjoyable) as I'd prefer to take all 4 to the park or museum for instance by myself. I thought having an extra set of hands for those things would help, too, but still, it's just so. much. housework. caring after 4 under 4. And my husband's away five days a week and, to be honest, only makes more work when he's home (although he's an absolute darling playing with the children, and quite dashing, he's not much of a housekeeper).

Do you feel like a nanny would be a better fit? I'd never thought of them as doing housework, to be honest, but I've also no experience or knowledge about it, save for a few references from movies. Thanks so much.

OP

I have been in your shoes. You don't want an au pair or a nanny. You need a housekeeper 3-5 days a week plus a part time babysitter. If you can find someone willing to do both and be Alice to your Carol Brady, more power to you. I never managed to hire such a unicorn.

It sounds expensive, and it is, but I don't think it will be SO expensive. If you are willing to do all of the thought work and have checklists for what you want done every day, you can probably get away with hiring someone for $15/hr. At 20 hours/wk, that's $300/wk. Then subtract out what you are paying for monthly cleaning, take out, etc. And you might end up with something like $10-12k/yr.

You also have some very real childcare needs. How are you getting those met now? Can you stick with your current strategy and add on the housekeeper?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So here\'s my gut reaction on reading your post: I don\'t think you\'re going to have a super successful experience with Au Pairs. It sounds like cleanliness and tidiness are SUPER important to you and honestly....those are driven so much more by personality than by a checklist or whatever. Have hosted 6 Au Pairs. 3 were extremely clean/tidy, 2 were clean (didn\'t leave things filthy but didn\'t clear up clutter) and one was a complete mess (although super sweet and the kids ADORED her). We are a clean home but it\'s not always tidy (I am looking at the kids\' shoes in an array on the floor and backpacks looking like they exploded on the bench next to the door as I type). If you want to be successful you can\'t focus too much on that sort of thing...sorry. Of course you can try and you can ask that she starts clean up with the kids 30 minutes before her shift is over, etc. and you can screen by asking her about how she keeps things at home...but it is subjective. Living with strangers is hard for this reason so maybe a nanny is a better choice for you if being clean and tidy is an overriding priority, which it sounds like it is.

Thank you for this feedback. You may very well be right.

I do not need full-time childcare, because I just work less than half-time and from home. I don't want to spend less time with my young children, I am hoping to improve the QUALITY of the time I spend with them. I spend literal HOURS a day fixing their meals, cleaning up after them, changing diapers (3 are in them), dressing/undressing/bathing, etc. On the one hand, of course this IS mothering. On the other, I'd love to sit down on the floor with them once in a while without having 700 things that still need doing. Also, because they are all so young, it's not as safe (or enjoyable) as I'd prefer to take all 4 to the park or museum for instance by myself. I thought having an extra set of hands for those things would help, too, but still, it's just so. much. housework. caring after 4 under 4. And my husband's away five days a week and, to be honest, only makes more work when he's home (although he's an absolute darling playing with the children, and quite dashing, he's not much of a housekeeper).

Do you feel like a nanny would be a better fit? I'd never thought of them as doing housework, to be honest, but I've also no experience or knowledge about it, save for a few references from movies. Thanks so much.

OP

I have been in your shoes. You don't want an au pair or a nanny. You need a housekeeper 3-5 days a week plus a part time babysitter. If you can find someone willing to do both and be Alice to your Carol Brady, more power to you. I never managed to hire such a unicorn.

It sounds expensive, and it is, but I don't think it will be SO expensive. If you are willing to do all of the thought work and have checklists for what you want done every day, you can probably get away with hiring someone for $15/hr. At 20 hours/wk, that's $300/wk. Then subtract out what you are paying for monthly cleaning, take out, etc. And you might end up with something like $10-12k/yr.

You also have some very real childcare needs. How are you getting those met now? Can you stick with your current strategy and add on the housekeeper?

With an au pair, OP will pay an absolute minimum of 20k. To get a resentful young woman living with her and probably not doing the tasks that well. For the same money she could get a much better deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So here\'s my gut reaction on reading your post: I don\'t think you\'re going to have a super successful experience with Au Pairs. It sounds like cleanliness and tidiness are SUPER important to you and honestly....those are driven so much more by personality than by a checklist or whatever. Have hosted 6 Au Pairs. 3 were extremely clean/tidy, 2 were clean (didn\'t leave things filthy but didn\'t clear up clutter) and one was a complete mess (although super sweet and the kids ADORED her). We are a clean home but it\'s not always tidy (I am looking at the kids\' shoes in an array on the floor and backpacks looking like they exploded on the bench next to the door as I type). If you want to be successful you can\'t focus too much on that sort of thing...sorry. Of course you can try and you can ask that she starts clean up with the kids 30 minutes before her shift is over, etc. and you can screen by asking her about how she keeps things at home...but it is subjective. Living with strangers is hard for this reason so maybe a nanny is a better choice for you if being clean and tidy is an overriding priority, which it sounds like it is.

Thank you for this feedback. You may very well be right.

I do not need full-time childcare, because I just work less than half-time and from home. I don't want to spend less time with my young children, I am hoping to improve the QUALITY of the time I spend with them. I spend literal HOURS a day fixing their meals, cleaning up after them, changing diapers (3 are in them), dressing/undressing/bathing, etc. On the one hand, of course this IS mothering. On the other, I'd love to sit down on the floor with them once in a while without having 700 things that still need doing. Also, because they are all so young, it's not as safe (or enjoyable) as I'd prefer to take all 4 to the park or museum for instance by myself. I thought having an extra set of hands for those things would help, too, but still, it's just so. much. housework. caring after 4 under 4. And my husband's away five days a week and, to be honest, only makes more work when he's home (although he's an absolute darling playing with the children, and quite dashing, he's not much of a housekeeper).

Do you feel like a nanny would be a better fit? I'd never thought of them as doing housework, to be honest, but I've also no experience or knowledge about it, save for a few references from movies. Thanks so much.

OP

I have been in your shoes. You don't want an au pair or a nanny. You need a housekeeper 3-5 days a week plus a part time babysitter. If you can find someone willing to do both and be Alice to your Carol Brady, more power to you. I never managed to hire such a unicorn.

It sounds expensive, and it is, but I don't think it will be SO expensive. If you are willing to do all of the thought work and have checklists for what you want done every day, you can probably get away with hiring someone for $15/hr. At 20 hours/wk, that's $300/wk. Then subtract out what you are paying for monthly cleaning, take out, etc. And you might end up with something like $10-12k/yr.

You also have some very real childcare needs. How are you getting those met now? Can you stick with your current strategy and add on the housekeeper?

No way will she find anyone of any quality for $15/hr.

[Anonymous]

Please don’t hire a nanny. Hire a housekeeper and have her babysit. Nannies don’t want this job. Hire someone desperate and they will adhere to your lists and stay. Nannies have options.