Alcohol rules

[Anonymous]

We offer our over-21 au pairs a glass of wine when we are enjoying one. She usually accepts. She’s never touched any other alcohol in our house. If I had an ap just helping herself to a beer a day I would definitely say something. Are you sure she’s only drinking in her time off? Drinking them all herself?

[Anonymous]

We are on our 12th year of hosting. We offer our APs and BPs a glass of wine or a beer if we are drinking, which is rarely. Not one has ever helped him or herself to any alcohol without us offering it first. I would consider this a serious lapse of judgment and would have an immediate sit down if it were to occur. This is not about the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are on our 12th year of hosting. We offer our APs and BPs a glass of wine or a beer if we are drinking, which is rarely. Not one has ever helped him or herself to any alcohol without us offering it first. I would consider this a serious lapse of judgment and would have an immediate sit down if it were to occur. This is not about the money.

+1. She is overstepping boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Laundry, soap and toilet paper are basic household supplies, not being generous. Gifts and vacations and a car are your choice. $200 a week is not a lot of money.

You’re right HFs don’t have to provide gifts or vacations, that is the HFs choice. It is also the HFs choice about if they allow AP to drink their alcohol. Also, FYI no where does in the rules does it state that HFs have to provide toilet paper etc, and some families don’t.

[Anonymous]

Find me an au pair who wouldn't rematch if the family refused to let her use their toilet paper. That is absolutely not a benefit and an insane thing to say. It's like saying that letting her drink your tap water or sit on your couch is a perk. She lives in your house and it is a qualification of the job. She is not an indentured servant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Find me an au pair who wouldn't rematch if the family refused to let her use their toilet paper. That is absolutely not a benefit and an insane thing to say. It's like saying that letting her drink your tap water or sit on your couch is a perk. She lives in your house and it is a qualification of the job. She is not an indentured servant.

Definitely not an insane thing to say, and never said I agreed with it, or that it was the rule at my house. I know a HF who didn’t provide it. The AP had their own suite, and the HF just told the AP they were responsible for all there own toiletries including toilet paper, tissues, etc for their private bath.

[Anonymous]

Our au pair has her own suite, and we provide toilet paper and she’s free to use our cleaning supplies. We don’t buy soap/toiletries after the initial set of supplies we stock it with when she arrives. We pay 250/week and pay for all her gas, $70 cell plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh no! Not an extra $7-10/week on top of her $200 stipend! This forum is eye opening!

2 things.

1) if you think $200 is all AP gets, you are naive. We pay for APs cell phone, car expenses (insurance, gas, maintenance) and she does not drive my children anywhere. We pay of her food, and things like laundry soap, toilet paper etc. We also pay over the $500 a year for classes. Plus gifts and vacations. So yeah, she makes over $200 a week. I’m sick of people who don’t put these other expenses into consideration and act like APs are so mistreated because they “only make 200 a week.”

2) How would you like it if you went to the store after work, bought a 6 pack of a craft brew you really wanted to try and then you got NONE of them because AP drank them all? So now, if you want some you’ve got to go back to the store. And yes, you have to go because it’s the weekend and AP is gone all weekend hanging out with her friends.

Laundry, soap and toilet paper are basic household supplies, not being generous. Gifts and vacations and a car are your choice. $200 a week is not a lot of money.

Why does every discussion on here end up with someone complaining that APs aren’t paid enough. Writer- we hear you. You can pay your ap $300/week, given them all of your beer and wine and expensive apples. But you are wrong to think that the rest of us don’t pay enough. So pls consider your work here done and go start heckling the people in the politics forum.

[Anonymous]

amend the handbook to say “wine or beer” if you are having some at a meal and offer.
I have a glass w dinner several nights a week, but AP can only have some if she’s not going out.
When we visit family we don’t tear through their alcohol.
AP probably tried it, and is waiting to see if you’ll say something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are on our 12th year of hosting. We offer our APs and BPs a glass of wine or a beer if we are drinking, which is rarely. Not one has ever helped him or herself to any alcohol without us offering it first. I would consider this a serious lapse of judgment and would have an immediate sit down if it were to occur. This is not about the money.

+1. She is overstepping boundaries.

+1. Have a talk. Tell her she is NOT welcome to take alcohol and drink by herself. It is for shared occasions only. Also, I'd find this concerning in general.

Wait until AP has a friend over and wipes out all your beer/wine because she thinks it's ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are on our 12th year of hosting. We offer our APs and BPs a glass of wine or a beer if we are drinking, which is rarely. Not one has ever helped him or herself to any alcohol without us offering it first. I would consider this a serious lapse of judgment and would have an immediate sit down if it were to occur. This is not about the money.

+1. She is overstepping boundaries.

+1. Have a talk. Tell her she is NOT welcome to take alcohol and drink by herself. It is for shared occasions only. Also, I'd find this concerning in general.

Wait until AP has a friend over and wipes out all your beer/wine because she thinks it's ok.

And then gets in the car and drives, and its your fault. We don't allow it either.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thank you all for your input. I'm glad to know it's not the norm to allow your AP to help themselves to your alcohol just because it's in the house.

I'm not sure when she has been drinking it, I just find the beer in the recycling bin at times when I know it wasn't my husband or myself. And since I know someone is going to ask how I can be sure it's not my husband, my husband travels for work a lot, so trust me, I know. I do *think* it has been in her off hours. We will have a talk with her about only sharing in alcohol if she is joining us for dinner and we make the offer.

[Anonymous]

If she wants to drink more than you offer she should buy her own.