How does your AP help out after dinner (if not on the clock)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our au pairs usually leave the table when done, clear their own stuff, but unload the dishwasher in the mornings. They very occasionally help clean pots and pans after dinner, but we make clear that they need to pick a general chore, like unload the dishwasher, to do on a regular basis to help out.

This is about how it's been with each of our 2 APs. You can ask them to help with cleanup after dinner X-number of days a week, or on particular days, etc.

I have asked each AP we've had to prepare dinner for the family one night a week and it's been great. The first AP didn't know how to cook but appreciated the chance to experiment. I spent time with my kids instead of cooking that one eve a week. The second AP was comfortable in the kitchen and made dinner *with* my kids, who were/are old enough to participate in food prep (3 and 5 now).

[Anonymous]

When I was an AP I would always clean up after everybody at dinner. Usually the mom had cooked.
The father didn't do anything BUT he would take out the trash and do other tasks so all in all everybody was happy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:30-45 minutes for eating dinner is a LONG time for an at home dinner. I would expect many APs to feel done after about ten minutes. Maybe you could have some set tasks that are her responsibility that she can complete before dinner is totally done?

Ok that is not a bad idea,I will have to think about it. But how is 30 minutes a long time for a home dinner? You got 3 adults and 3 children who needs to eat.

Are you making her sit with you while your children eat slowly? That would bug. 30 minutes is a really long time to eat a typical, non multi-course meal at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you making her sit with you while your children eat slowly? That would bug. 30 minutes is a really long time to eat a typical, non multi-course meal at home.

While 30 minutes is long for eating, I don't think it's long for a family dinner if you want a bit of interaction while eating. Even without children my husband and I could easily sit over a bowl of pasta and a salad for half an hour, just chatting over the day. With school-aged children who all want to talk about their day? 30 minutes can be nothing. Dinner in my HF could easily take an hour.

OP, if you want your AP to eat with you and to help clean up, schedule her. For your own sake. If she is not scheduled please do not expect her to join you for dinner (especially if she had a 10 hour day) or to do more than help set/clean the table or put her own things into the dishwasher before she runs out to meet her friends. If your AP is off at 3.30pm please do not expect her to stick around until after dinner. Or at least please do not be disappointed if she doesn't.
"Once upon a time" when I was an AP, I officially worked 7.30am to 5.30pm on a regular day (toddler). I ate with my HF maybe once or twice a week (usually cooked dinner on the clock once a week) but was usually out the door when I was off (classes two evenings a week) and usually had plans for Friday evening and on the weekends. If I cooked, I didn't clean (family rule - who cooks doesn't have to help with the cleaning). If I didn't cook I did help to clear the table and then usually unloaded the dishwasher the next morning (as one of my regular household chores). However, we had three (pre)teens who were made to help every night so there were plenty of hands to do the work.
We do now schedule our APs for dinner in their first month or so (depending on how long we can be flexible with their working hours) to set the tone (and to make time to get to know them better) and after that they are always invited to join us for dinner but we don't expect them to. If they are not scheduled we don't expect more from them than we do from our kids - put your things in the dishwasher. If everybody does that all that remains is wiping the table and washing pots and pans which is DHs job (because I cook, so I don't do the cleaning - family rule).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you making her sit with you while your children eat slowly? That would bug. 30 minutes is a really long time to eat a typical, non multi-course meal at home.

While 30 minutes is long for eating, I don't think it's long for a family dinner if you want a bit of interaction while eating. Even without children my husband and I could easily sit over a bowl of pasta and a salad for half an hour, just chatting over the day. With school-aged children who all want to talk about their day? 30 minutes can be nothing. Dinner in my HF could easily take an hour.

OP, if you want your AP to eat with you and to help clean up, schedule her. For your own sake. If she is not scheduled please do not expect her to join you for dinner (especially if she had a 10 hour day) or to do more than help set/clean the table or put her own things into the dishwasher before she runs out to meet her friends. If your AP is off at 3.30pm please do not expect her to stick around until after dinner. Or at least please do not be disappointed if she doesn't.
"Once upon a time" when I was an AP, I officially worked 7.30am to 5.30pm on a regular day (toddler). I ate with my HF maybe once or twice a week (usually cooked dinner on the clock once a week) but was usually out the door when I was off (classes two evenings a week) and usually had plans for Friday evening and on the weekends. If I cooked, I didn't clean (family rule - who cooks doesn't have to help with the cleaning). If I didn't cook I did help to clear the table and then usually unloaded the dishwasher the next morning (as one of my regular household chores). However, we had three (pre)teens who were made to help every night so there were plenty of hands to do the work.
We do now schedule our APs for dinner in their first month or so (depending on how long we can be flexible with their working hours) to set the tone (and to make time to get to know them better) and after that they are always invited to join us for dinner but we don't expect them to. If they are not scheduled we don't expect more from them than we do from our kids - put your things in the dishwasher. If everybody does that all that remains is wiping the table and washing pots and pans which is DHs job (because I cook, so I don't do the cleaning - family rule).

OP here. This make sense. However our kids are still very young and DH and I need to put them to bed, vacuum around, put dishwasher on, clean what doesn't go in dishwasher, so it get busy after diner. But I don't expect AP to eat with us every day, it is really up to her. But I would expect she will do more than putting her plate away if she does have diner with us. No? I was originally planning to have her empty the dishwasher as her chore but I feel like helping out after dinner will be the best use of her time, so I am intending to tell her that helping out after diner is family chores where everyone participates (of course only for the nights she decide to eat diner with us).

[Anonymous]

My APs put their plate, cup, and utensils in the dishwasher after dinner, and that was the most I could reasonably expect from them. Most of the time they either met their friends for dinner, or they left asap after a quick meal to meet up with their friends. I have scheduled APs to cook a family meal once a week during work hours, and that worked better than any expectation that they would help clean the kitchen or vacuum crumbs, wipe up spills.

[Anonymous]

It is common courtesy to help out. I certainly help out others after meals. This says alot about the au pair and them being me-centric.