How much longer till Mb reveals her pregnancy to me!?

[Anonymous]

Op here.

Calm down. I usually post from my phone and it's quicker to say "my" and keep on typing. I always forget the pretend names and abbreviations used here so as a nanny posting in a nanny forum I assumed saying my while referring to work would be understood I'm talking about my kids at work.

Moving on to other responses, no I was not snooping. The first aid supplies are kept in the same cabinet in her bathroom where she had a lot of tests months ago. So whenever I needed witch hazel, neosporin or band aids I had to go in there. They don't care and have told me to look in these places for items in the past when I've needed them. As far as the drawers in the bathroom go, whenever the housekeeper comes they clear off the counters in the bathroom. So in a rush db either pushes all the toothbrushes into the drawer or they put them in a cup up in the cabinet. The kids brush their teeth often in the parents bathroom at night so their toothbrushes are usually not in my oldest charge's bathroom in the mornings when we need them. So when I didn't see them in the cup I looked in the drawer like I have numerous times and the test was in there with the word pregnant on it.

Another thing my post is not because I'm concerned about being let go or her staying home. She loves having a career and db made it clear they need both incomes. He was super stressed when she was just in between jobs.

I am also not posting because I feel some need to be asked my permission or for it to be discussed with me before hand. I am an employee and can easily walk away. I was posting this because I don't really understand it. The family struggles with behavior and issues with the kids they have. I'm more interested in what's behind this in my mbs mind or any other mother that would get pregnant under these circumstances. She happened to also get pregnant with the second child a few months after the oldest being diagnosed with extreme ADHD(her words not mine) and their first nanny quitting. Which all of this happened after he was disenrolled from daycare. I wasn't working for them yet (they had 3 more nannies in between) but she has told me enough and I can piece together the time line. Her pregnancies are planned because she even told me in an unrelated convo that the only time she goes off of BC is when she wants a baby. She also used to keep her pills in the same areas as mentioned above.

So I was just wondering about this. Like if having another baby is a type of escape for her. And if there is such a condition where people do things like this. I handle my charges just fine when the parents aren't around but once they are the kids are completely different. The dad is always drinking to escape and stressed.

No their relationship is NOT my business. But as far as I am concerned if there were ever a place to discuss this with other mothers and nannies I thought it would be here. There are such instances where people do strange things like this. I find it bizarre to add a baby to the mix and yes that is my business since I am the one taking care of them and practically raising them 10-11 hours a day.

It's as if no one can even discuss anything thing here with other nannies and have real conversations with out snarky distracting posts littering the thread. Why would I say all of that if I were doing something I wasn't supposed to and "snooping"?

So let me ask this to other mothers to be clear about the discussion I'm interested in having whether I worked for them or not: if you had an extremely hyper active child proned to violence and screaming fits and attacking his younger sibling, and a 2 year old that only has 1/4 of the words he is supposed to have and now demonstrates the same behavior (they fill me in pretty good on the atmosphere of the home on weekends and evenings) would you have another baby? I almost fill like it's abuse and I feel so strange picturing what it's going to be like for the baby and how the others will cope.

[Anonymous]

*feel*

Sorry so long just trying to be clear...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

Calm down. I usually post from my phone and it's quicker to say "my" and keep on typing. I always forget the pretend names and abbreviations used here so as a nanny posting in a nanny forum I assumed saying my while referring to work would be understood I'm talking about my kids at work.

Moving on to other responses, no I was not snooping. The first aid supplies are kept in the same cabinet in her bathroom where she had a lot of tests months ago. So whenever I needed witch hazel, neosporin or band aids I had to go in there. They don't care and have told me to look in these places for items in the past when I've needed them. As far as the drawers in the bathroom go, whenever the housekeeper comes they clear off the counters in the bathroom. So in a rush db either pushes all the toothbrushes into the drawer or they put them in a cup up in the cabinet. The kids brush their teeth often in the parents bathroom at night so their toothbrushes are usually not in my oldest charge's bathroom in the mornings when we need them. So when I didn't see them in the cup I looked in the drawer like I have numerous times and the test was in there with the word pregnant on it.

Another thing my post is not because I'm concerned about being let go or her staying home. She loves having a career and db made it clear they need both incomes. He was super stressed when she was just in between jobs.

I am also not posting because I feel some need to be asked my permission or for it to be discussed with me before hand. I am an employee and can easily walk away. I was posting this because I don't really understand it. The family struggles with behavior and issues with the kids they have. I'm more interested in what's behind this in my mbs mind or any other mother that would get pregnant under these circumstances. She happened to also get pregnant with the second child a few months after the oldest being diagnosed with extreme ADHD(her words not mine) and their first nanny quitting. Which all of this happened after he was disenrolled from daycare. I wasn't working for them yet (they had 3 more nannies in between) but she has told me enough and I can piece together the time line. Her pregnancies are planned because she even told me in an unrelated convo that the only time she goes off of BC is when she wants a baby. She also used to keep her pills in the same areas as mentioned above.

So I was just wondering about this. Like if having another baby is a type of escape for her. And if there is such a condition where people do things like this. I handle my charges just fine when the parents aren't around but once they are the kids are completely different. The dad is always drinking to escape and stressed.

No their relationship is NOT my business. But as far as I am concerned if there were ever a place to discuss this with other mothers and nannies I thought it would be here. There are such instances where people do strange things like this. I find it bizarre to add a baby to the mix and yes that is my business since I am the one taking care of them and practically raising them 10-11 hours a day.

It's as if no one can even discuss anything thing here with other nannies and have real conversations with out snarky distracting posts littering the thread. Why would I say all of that if I were doing something I wasn't supposed to and "snooping"?

So let me ask this to other mothers to be clear about the discussion I'm interested in having whether I worked for them or not: if you had an extremely hyper active child proned to violence and screaming fits and attacking his younger sibling, and a 2 year old that only has 1/4 of the words he is supposed to have and now demonstrates the same behavior (they fill me in pretty good on the atmosphere of the home on weekends and evenings) would you have another baby? I almost fill like it's abuse and I feel so strange picturing what it's going to be like for the baby and how the others will cope.

You don't get to decide who has babies. We can't stop drug addicts from having babies, poor people from having babies, rich people who ignore their children from having babies, bad parents from having babies, or people with two special needs children from having babies. Sometimes people get pregnant by accident. Sometimes they get pregnant on purpose. Sometimes they get pregnant accidentally on purpose. Sometimes, they get pregnant because they really want another baby, but know they shouldn't have one, and so sabotage their birth control or just stop using it.

You think these people are awful parents who are screwing up their children worse than they would be naturally. It's not a crime to be burnt out on a family. Your option is to get out of there, though, not direct their fertility.

[Anonymous]

It's possible the test is left from a previous pregnancy and a kid found it in the back of the cabinet and pulled it out. You never know. Sounds like they really have their hands full. As for the speech delay, that's nothing to do with anyone. That's just how the brain developed. Everyone's brain develops differently. His/hers developed a different area first. No biggie.

[Anonymous]

Contraception can fail. Maybe she got pregnant by accident and was planning on terminating the pregnancy. Maybe she is considering her options. Who knows.

[Anonymous]

You are completely out of line OP.

Completely.

I am offended on behalf of the family for whom you work, the child you're describing, the parents whose judgement/parenting/life choices you are so obnoxiously judging, and every nanny who will be judged unfairly by parents who think you might represent the industry.

I am a mother. I am not interested in having a discussion like this with you. But if you'd like to know how I'm judging your grammar and spelling, and whether I'd like you influencing the intellectual, social and emotional development of my child then we could have a long chat.

I think you're a blemish on the profession.

[Anonymous]

I've been through this with two families. Both times it was my charges who casually "spilled the beans" about the expected baby, way before the parents broke the news to me. Both times I thought to myself "why in the world would they think it's a good idea to have another baby?" and have mildly freaked out imaging how my job is going to be impacted.

I think it's very difficult for the parents to break this news to their nannies. They just aren't sure how to do it, they're worried what we'll think, if we'll expect a raise, or if we'll quit altogether. So you are usually the very last to know.

The bottom line is there's nothing you can do except wait for them to tell you, and decide from there what you want to do.

[Anonymous]

This is the PP from 13:01.

So let me ask this to other mothers to be clear about the discussion I'm interested in having whether I worked for them or not: if you had an extremely hyper active child proned to violence and screaming fits and attacking his younger sibling, and a 2 year old that only has 1/4 of the words he is supposed to have and now demonstrates the same behavior (they fill me in pretty good on the atmosphere of the home on weekends and evenings) would you have another baby? I almost fill like it's abuse and I feel so strange picturing what it's going to be like for the baby and how the others will cope.

Both the families who have gotten pregnant during my time with them have had, in my opinion, chaotic family life with poorly disciplined children. That's a nice way of saying working with their kids was incredibly stressful and if I was in their shoes, there's no way I would have thought it smart (or even possible, given the kids' behavior) to have another child. But these are not your children, it's not your family, and frankly none of your business. I don't mean that to say I didn't think the same exact thoughts you did, about why would they think it a good idea to have another, but I mean that's how you have to approach it. It's their choice.

Because you're basically asking why families would do this, I'll share that the first experience I had with a pregnant MB involved deception on the mother's part in order to get pregnant. She confided in me that she wanted a third, her husband didn't, and she was glad she got pregnant because she "got lucky" and didn't think she'd get another chance. Apologies for the TMI, but there you go. The second family's pregnancy I was told was an accident, and they essentially were as nervous about another baby as I was. So there you have it. No family is perfect. Accidents happen. People are human and make whatever decisions they want to.