Was I Wrong Here?

[Anonymous]

A lot of religious groups market their events in secular terms - the first few meetings may indeed be secular, just to establish rapport. The dad is probably concerned about the motives of those organizing the group.

Perhaps the church just agreed to make the space available - kinda like a rec center - but perhaps the church has this as their way to get people in the door. The dad just wants to understand what this is before agreeing to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make sure that I'm allowed to take my charges once to any recurring non-religious activity to test it out. The parents trust my judgment, and I've pulled kids from playgroups or other activities for a variety of reasons. After attending the first time, I give a summary of the group, activity and any theme I thought might be recurring. Technically, they make the decision about whether the kids attend after the first time, but they've always just said that they trust my judgment and that they want me to keep informing them after we check out new activities.

It's not like you took your charge to some Buddhist Temple where you had to be silent for 15 min. or anything like that.
It sounds like you just visited a neighborhood church and the playgroup sounds really fun.

Considering they do not allow you to drive and you have limited activities to walk to, this sounds like it would be something new and different for both nanny and child.

I wouldn't care as a parent. When I hire a nanny, I have to trust her fully to do what is right for my child. To offer her restrictions in doing this, I am going to make her unhappy.

It sounds so harmless to me and the child sounds like he had a great and fun time. Any parent who would need to "check it out" is going overboard. This is a neighborhood play event, not a baptism. Geez.

Would you be this sanguine if the place in question was a synagogue, or a mosque?

09.30 here. I've scoped out a playgroup through a synagogue before, but it wasn't a good fit because it was religious. I heard about a playgroup run in a mosque's extra building that isn't religious, and I wouldn't have an issue taking my charge to one meet-up. I don't do any activities that have everyone start at the same time (unless it's something I know to be innocuous), that way there's less chance that it's during the settling in period. I need to know what the vibe is, not what the group wants to portray initially.

[Anonymous]

No, I could never take myself and a charge to a Muslim mosque.

Reason being is that these mosques are very strict in that no one who wears shorts can enter the building.

I live in CA where everything is pretty much laid back and the weather is warm all year long. My charge wears short as well.

I would prefer a community church vs. a mosque.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I could never take myself and a charge to a Muslim mosque.

Reason being is that these mosques are very strict in that no one who wears shorts can enter the building.

I live in CA where everything is pretty much laid back and the weather is warm all year long. My charge wears short as well.

I would prefer a community church vs. a mosque.

As long as it's not in the mosque itself and is progressive, normal clothes are okay. No, I would never take a charge while any of us were wearing a sleeveless shirt, had hems more than an inch above our knees or if I had any cleavage showing, but I follow the same guidelines when it's a playgroup in a church building.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have felt the same way as the dad. What happens when the kid sees a picture of Jesus on the wall and asks what's that? why is he naked? why is he nailed to a cross?

I would also want to check it out myself. I want to be in charge of laying the religious tracks in my children's brains.

Do you ever think absentee management can be successful? There's a reason why successful business owners hire competent and trustworthy managers. You just can't do it from afar, no matter how hard you try.

Perhaps the thinking is, "If I (attempt to) control nanny's every move, why should I pay for a competent nanny who is capable of properly doing her job?"

[Anonymous]

Depending on the family I was working for I would have either texted or called the parents to make sure it was alright. Some families I've worked for would have been fine with a brief text others would have wanted me to call them and give them a detailed description of where we were going.

[Anonymous]

You sound like an awesome nanny for finding an age-appropriate playgroup on your own.

Too bad the parents didn't do their homework, then they could have found it for you.

And kudos to you for being so engaged with keeping your charge busy and happy. I think the father just feels bad that he wasn't the one who sought out local activities first and his statement is mostly one of pride.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't take my charge somewhere without getting approval first. It's in my contract.

hundred percent I will!!I don't need their approval they approve me when I sign the contract. Don't give them that much freedom you're in charge . If they are upset Drop the charge in the office and leave .... There is no way I have to Deal with there insecurity lifestyle!!!

[Anonymous]

MB here. I don't think you should fret much about this incident, OP. Sounds like your DB gave you a reasonable response. You should run future ideas like this by the parents before taking your charge to avoid possible problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't take my charge somewhere without getting approval first. It's in my contract.

hundred percent I will!!I don't need their approval they approve me when I sign the contract. Don't give them that much freedom you're in charge . If they are upset Drop the charge in the office and leave .... There is no way I have to Deal with there insecurity lifestyle!!!

Someone needs to find a new line of work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't take my charge somewhere without getting approval first. It's in my contract.

hundred percent I will!!I don't need their approval they approve me when I sign the contract. Don't give them that much freedom you're in charge . If they are upset Drop the charge in the office and leave .... There is no way I have to Deal with there insecurity lifestyle!!!

I agree. Professionals don't need micromanagement.

[Anonymous]

Here's the thing. I'm Christian. If my nanny took my kid to playgroup at a church that wasn't Christian (like some atheist place) I would be upset even if it didn't mention atheism. This is my personal feeling but I would find out what has them upset? Is it that you went or that it was at a church?

[Anonymous]

Here's the funny thing: the fact that so many parents get upset when the nanny does what she thinks is best.

Where's the "wake up and smell the coffee" poster?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like an awesome nanny for finding an age-appropriate playgroup on your own.

Too bad the parents didn't do their homework, then they could have found it for you.

And kudos to you for being so engaged with keeping your charge busy and happy. I think the father just feels bad that he wasn't the one who sought out local activities first and his statement is mostly one of pride.

Yeah, riiiiigggghhhht!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like an awesome nanny for finding an age-appropriate playgroup on your own.

Too bad the parents didn't do their homework, then they could have found it for you.

And kudos to you for being so engaged with keeping your charge busy and happy. I think the father just feels bad that he wasn't the one who sought out local activities first and his statement is mostly one of pride.

Yeah, riiiiigggghhhht!

Lol PP.

I was just about to bold this line and re-post it but it looks like you beat me to the punch. Or the kool-aid.

I think the father here knows you did a great thing and just wishes he had done it first.

In other words, he may have taken a hit to his parenting skillz. To say the least.

It is the family's job to find engaging and interactive activities for you and your charge to do. If the nanny finds something, great...But ultimately the parents should take the time to do some research so nanny and child get to do a variety of things, not the same thing each and every day.

I haven't found ONE family who has taken the initiative to plan activities for us to do, I have always had to go online and look things up myself.

Don't parents understand that a bored nanny equates a bored and unhappy child??! It's not rocket science.

So this father was okay for you guys to go to the library over and over...And over. So you found a new, fun local activity and he has to approve it? As a parent, he should have found this local playgroup himself.