Can you ask your au pair to do the laundry when she has a kid with her all day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:23:54, why aren't you asking her to do the laundry during those 2.5 hr naps? Just wondering.

23:54 here - we don't micromanage those types of things. She takes English classes 3 nights a week and often does her homework during nap time. She knows her responsibilities and it's up to her to prioritize them and balance them with her personal life.

I'm the PP that called you out. I understand what you're saying in that it is up to her to handle all of her responsibilities, but you really are shirking yours by not counting ALL of the hours she spends working. If you don't like the way she spends her working hours or feel she is choosing activities that aren't appropriate, that of course should be addressed. However the fact of the matter is that if she is taking your kids on activities, whether you feel they benefit her or not, she is still working and those hours count, as do any hours she spends doing laundry in the evening as a result of said activities. You can't pick and choose which hours you'd like to count. If she's working, they count. If you don't like how she's spending her work time address it.

PP - Ok, you are right. Thanks for "calling me out". If she's working, she's working. I will now tell her that she cannot set up play dates with her AP friends (and their infant charges) and now has to stay local in our neighborhood on the one day when she isn't doing drop off and pick up so that she can do the laundry and my kids can get to know our neighborhood kids better.

I will also pull together a list of child related activities that she will be required to do instead of studying for her English classes during naptime (organizing the kids books so they look better on the shelves, sorting the laundry by color, sleeve length, etc so it looks more organized, work harded at getting stains out of the kids clothes, organize the toys so that all those tiny pieces on the bottom of the toy box actually find their home, set up children's crafts and science projects for when the kids wake up, washing and usiing anti-bacterial scrubs on all the toys, organizing the seasonal clothes, - oh the list of things I will now be able to get off my to-do list and now pass on to our AP!!!). If she's working, she's working. And I really don't want to be "shirking my duties" by not telling her exactly what she is supposed to be doing every minute for 45 hours a week.

Thanks for pointing out that we are not effectively micromanaging our AP's time and not using all the hours that we should be on specific actvities that directly support our child's development without regard to our AP's personal and academic life.

Obviously, we have different approaches to developing our AP relationships. Since all of our APs have extended for a second year, I would say that they have been pretty happy with the flexibility that we provide to them with regard to finding a work/life balance that works for them.

Not sure why you're being so defensive. I wasn't making a comment on you as a person, just pointing out the fact that it is your decision to allow her to set up these play dates and study on the clock. All of that is well and good, but it doesn't mean you get to pick and choose which hours you count and which you don't. You know what you're doing is wrong, despite other possibly redeeming aspects of the job. You are skirting the rules and you know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:23:54, why aren't you asking her to do the laundry during those 2.5 hr naps? Just wondering.

23:54 here - we don't micromanage those types of things. She takes English classes 3 nights a week and often does her homework during nap time. She knows her responsibilities and it's up to her to prioritize them and balance them with her personal life.

I'm the PP that called you out. I understand what you're saying in that it is up to her to handle all of her responsibilities, but you really are shirking yours by not counting ALL of the hours she spends working. If you don't like the way she spends her working hours or feel she is choosing activities that aren't appropriate, that of course should be addressed. However the fact of the matter is that if she is taking your kids on activities, whether you feel they benefit her or not, she is still working and those hours count, as do any hours she spends doing laundry in the evening as a result of said activities. You can't pick and choose which hours you'd like to count. If she's working, they count. If you don't like how she's spending her work time address it.

PP - Ok, you are right. Thanks for "calling me out". If she's working, she's working. I will now tell her that she cannot set up play dates with her AP friends (and their infant charges) and now has to stay local in our neighborhood on the one day when she isn't doing drop off and pick up so that she can do the laundry and my kids can get to know our neighborhood kids better.

I will also pull together a list of child related activities that she will be required to do instead of studying for her English classes during naptime (organizing the kids books so they look better on the shelves, sorting the laundry by color, sleeve length, etc so it looks more organized, work harded at getting stains out of the kids clothes, organize the toys so that all those tiny pieces on the bottom of the toy box actually find their home, set up children's crafts and science projects for when the kids wake up, washing and usiing anti-bacterial scrubs on all the toys, organizing the seasonal clothes, - oh the list of things I will now be able to get off my to-do list and now pass on to our AP!!!). If she's working, she's working. And I really don't want to be "shirking my duties" by not telling her exactly what she is supposed to be doing every minute for 45 hours a week.

Thanks for pointing out that we are not effectively micromanaging our AP's time and not using all the hours that we should be on specific actvities that directly support our child's development without regard to our AP's personal and academic life.

Obviously, we have different approaches to developing our AP relationships. Since all of our APs have extended for a second year, I would say that they have been pretty happy with the flexibility that we provide to them with regard to finding a work/life balance that works for them.

Not sure why you're being so defensive. I wasn't making a comment on you as a person, just pointing out the fact that it is your decision to allow her to set up these play dates and study on the clock. All of that is well and good, but it doesn't mean you get to pick and choose which hours you count and which you don't. You know what you're doing is wrong, despite other possibly redeeming aspects of the job. You are skirting the rules and you know it.

Actually, using your exact words you "called me out" for "shirking my responsibilities". Not sure how that isn't intended to be a personal attack. My longer resonse wasn't written from a defensive position, but one of mocking humor.

I don't pick and choose her hours and determine what she accomplished and when - she does.

As I said, I think we just approach the relationships we form with our APs from different places. We don't micromanage. We treat our APs as the adults they are, who can manage their time and resonsibilities.

[Anonymous]

When our kids were napping, we asked the AP to do laundry during that time. When the kids are awake, I rather have her engage them then fold laundry.

I also have to say that out of the 5 APs we had, only 1 did an acceptable job cooking and only 1 did the laundry appropriately. It is kind of sad what (or what not) young women are taught today. And I don't mean this only applies to women but I only had female APs. Anybody should be able to do laundry and have basic cooking abilities, those are life skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When our kids were napping, we asked the AP to do laundry during that time. When the kids are awake, I rather have her engage them then fold laundry.

I also have to say that out of the 5 APs we had, only 1 did an acceptable job cooking and only 1 did the laundry appropriately. It is kind of sad what (or what not) young women are taught today. And I don't mean this only applies to women but I only had female APs. Anybody should be able to do laundry and have basic cooking abilities, those are life skills.

We have had APs for 8 years, and most of our APs haven't been great at laundry or cooking. Both tasks, however, fall into my 80/20 rule. If I am happy with their work 80% of the time, I try to let go the 20% I am not happy with. Fortunately, most of our APs have been fabulous or at least good with our children, good drivers, and basically responsible people -- enough that these constitute 80%. In these cases, I buy a lot of Trader Joes heat-up meals or else leave food to warm up and call it good on the cooking, and I do a lot of sorting/resorting of laundry when DD's shirts end up in DS's drawer and DS's socks end up in DD's drawer. We've been in the program long enough to know that you don't get 100% of what you want. If I'm happy 80% of the time, though, I consider our family lucky and act and appreciate accordingly (I do the same with DH, too, which is why we are very happily married but I absolutely never expect him to put away one piece of laundry).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When our kids were napping, we asked the AP to do laundry during that time. When the kids are awake, I rather have her engage them then fold laundry.

I also have to say that out of the 5 APs we had, only 1 did an acceptable job cooking and only 1 did the laundry appropriately. It is kind of sad what (or what not) young women are taught today. And I don't mean this only applies to women but I only had female APs. Anybody should be able to do laundry and have basic cooking abilities, those are life skills.

We have had APs for 8 years, and most of our APs haven't been great at laundry or cooking. Both tasks, however, fall into my 80/20 rule. If I am happy with their work 80% of the time, I try to let go the 20% I am not happy with. Fortunately, most of our APs have been fabulous or at least good with our children, good drivers, and basically responsible people -- enough that these constitute 80%. In these cases, I buy a lot of Trader Joes heat-up meals or else leave food to warm up and call it good on the cooking, and I do a lot of sorting/resorting of laundry when DD's shirts end up in DS's drawer and DS's socks end up in DD's drawer. We've been in the program long enough to know that you don't get 100% of what you want. If I'm happy 80% of the time, though, I consider our family lucky and act and appreciate accordingly (I do the same with DH, too, which is why we are very happily married but I absolutely never expect him to put away one piece of laundry).

[Anonymous]

It's fine to assign laundry to an AP who is working with the kids for 45 hours. Before elementary school that was our case with things like laundry and the play room. However, if a random week came up that the kids were particularly demanding/there was too much to clean up, etc, I always made it clear that she should manage her time as well as reasonably possible to finish what she could and anything that didn't get done during her 45 hours would fall to me.