Lesson From Our Son's Nanny.

[Anonymous]

As a nanny, seeing posts like this one and one from last week where a nanny was talking about being lonely on her job - is such a welcome change from the constant (and typical) posts about money and how the nanny should clean the house type posts.

This post is about a successful nanny/mother relationship - where they each have their strengths and work together.

The other post was about a nanny who did her job so well that she felt lonely only having the baby charge to talk to all day - but loved the baby all the same and knew her job was important and did it well. She never talked about her salary or other job responsibilities - just talked honestly about being a nanny.

I know that complaints and questions about salary and job responsibilities are important but it really is nice to see people talking about actually being a good nanny and being a good parent/employer.

[Anonymous]

Women in their sixties aren't smart asses - they are tough, don't-mess-with-the-little-ones, don't-hand-me-crap, grown-up women who aren't afraid of anyone anymore because they have paid their dues!!! My grandmother would say something like this to protect her grandchildren.

Go Nanny! You rock!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a nanny, seeing posts like this one and one from last week where a nanny was talking about being lonely on her job - is such a welcome change from the constant (and typical) posts about money and how the nanny should clean the house type posts.

This post is about a successful nanny/mother relationship - where they each have their strengths and work together.

The other post was about a nanny who did her job so well that she felt lonely only having the baby charge to talk to all day - but loved the baby all the same and knew her job was important and did it well. She never talked about her salary or other job responsibilities - just talked honestly about being a nanny.

I know that complaints and questions about salary and job responsibilities are important but it really is nice to see people talking about actually being a good nanny and being a good parent/employer.

I was thinking the same. I really admire the relationship this MB has with her nanny and I would like to hire a nanny like her or the nanny who did her job so well and was so devoted that she was lonely for adult conversation (I'd talk to her!) I'm just 27 weeks pregnant but I hope to find a nanny as good as these two women and hope to be as good a MB as this mother.

[Anonymous]

I was confused by the "smart ads answer" also. And I'm fairly intelligent bookworm who often figures things out by context, but for some reason this one just stumped me. I just laughed at myself when I read the explanation, and thought, "well duh!".

[Anonymous]

As a 54-year-old nanny myself, it warmed my heart to read this, OP!

All through my 20s and 30s, and I hate to admit it even into my early 40s, I was non-assertive and timid about speaking up for myself or my charges. I hated that about myself but kept working hard to change it.

In the past 8 years ago I have noticed a fairly profound shift in my personality that finally allowed me to be a grownup and speak up for myself and assert myself when needed. It is an awesome feeling to feel no more fear, no more insecurity, just a quiet confidence that allows me to be myself and not worry about what others think.

OP, I can tell from the tone of your posting that you would be an awesome MB and kudos to your "elderly" nanny!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a 54-year-old nanny myself, it warmed my heart to read this, OP!

All through my 20s and 30s, and I hate to admit it even into my early 40s, I was non-assertive and timid about speaking up for myself or my charges. I hated that about myself but kept working hard to change it.

In the past 8 years ago I have noticed a fairly profound shift in my personality that finally allowed me to be a grownup and speak up for myself and assert myself when needed. It is an awesome feeling to feel no more fear, no more insecurity, just a quiet confidence that allows me to be myself and not worry about what others think.

OP, I can tell from the tone of your posting that you would be an awesome MB and kudos to your "elderly" nanny!

You know, it would probably be far easier for people, women especially, to reach that point of confidence and self-assuredness earlier in life if everyone weren't so quick to dismiss the thoughts opinions and capabilities of young people. It's kind of a chicken-egg conundrum. Are you more confident as you grow older because people show you more respect, or do they show you more respect because you are more confident?

It continues to boggle my mind that older nannies are often celebrated for certain qualities, and anyone who even hints that there may be disadvantages to this type of nanny is stomped out, but it is okay to make ridiculous generalizations about younger nannies and we are patronizingly talked down to. Parents are often dumbfounded when I show up for interviews after they have exchange emails with me, because I am only 23 but given my maturity and confidence, they assumed I was far older. Age is not a true indicator of anything but age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a 54-year-old nanny myself, it warmed my heart to read this, OP!

All through my 20s and 30s, and I hate to admit it even into my early 40s, I was non-assertive and timid about speaking up for myself or my charges. I hated that about myself but kept working hard to change it.

In the past 8 years ago I have noticed a fairly profound shift in my personality that finally allowed me to be a grownup and speak up for myself and assert myself when needed. It is an awesome feeling to feel no more fear, no more insecurity, just a quiet confidence that allows me to be myself and not worry about what others think.

OP, I can tell from the tone of your posting that you would be an awesome MB and kudos to your "elderly" nanny!

You know, it would probably be far easier for people, women especially, to reach that point of confidence and self-assuredness earlier in life if everyone weren't so quick to dismiss the thoughts opinions and capabilities of young people. It's kind of a chicken-egg conundrum. Are you more confident as you grow older because people show you more respect, or do they show you more respect because you are more confident?

It continues to boggle my mind that older nannies are often celebrated for certain qualities, and anyone who even hints that there may be disadvantages to this type of nanny is stomped out, but it is okay to make ridiculous generalizations about younger nannies and we are patronizingly talked down to. Parents are often dumbfounded when I show up for interviews after they have exchange emails with me, because I am only 23 but given my maturity and confidence, they assumed I was far older. Age is not a true indicator of anything but age.

I've never found a disadvantage with an older nanny, PP. Hiring a fit and healthy woman is important to me regardless of their age and I have found equally fit women in their 50s and 60s to young women. That accomplished, why wouldn't I want to hire a person with more experience (in life and in nannying)? It just makes sense. Older women are generally more settled, less into the dramas of youth and are not addicted to texting and talking on the phones. You may well be different, PP, you may be a settled and reliable as an older nanny, you may never have boyfriend dramas and never text or talk to anyone but me while taking care of my children - but you are the exception and not the general rule.

Age is an indicator of life experience. It's important. People make generalizations because something is generally true.


BTW - I love this post. All the best to the amazing nanny and wonderful mother who have created this partnership!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a 54-year-old nanny myself, it warmed my heart to read this, OP!

All through my 20s and 30s, and I hate to admit it even into my early 40s, I was non-assertive and timid about speaking up for myself or my charges. I hated that about myself but kept working hard to change it.

In the past 8 years ago I have noticed a fairly profound shift in my personality that finally allowed me to be a grownup and speak up for myself and assert myself when needed. It is an awesome feeling to feel no more fear, no more insecurity, just a quiet confidence that allows me to be myself and not worry about what others think.

OP, I can tell from the tone of your posting that you would be an awesome MB and kudos to your "elderly" nanny!

You know, it would probably be far easier for people, women especially, to reach that point of confidence and self-assuredness earlier in life if everyone weren't so quick to dismiss the thoughts opinions and capabilities of young people. It's kind of a chicken-egg conundrum. Are you more confident as you grow older because people show you more respect, or do they show you more respect because you are more confident?

It continues to boggle my mind that older nannies are often celebrated for certain qualities, and anyone who even hints that there may be disadvantages to this type of nanny is stomped out, but it is okay to make ridiculous generalizations about younger nannies and we are patronizingly talked down to. Parents are often dumbfounded when I show up for interviews after they have exchange emails with me, because I am only 23 but given my maturity and confidence, they assumed I was far older. Age is not a true indicator of anything but age.

I am a soon-to-be first time grandmother who has been haunting this site to get information to help my daughter, a soon-to-be first time mother in Northern Virginia, navigate the new world of hiring and employing a nanny. I am 59 years old.

Those of us in our later years have been young and are now older - while you have only been young - so we have a dual perspective while you can only have one. I can't explain to you the changes that naturally happen when you get older any more than I could successfully explain to my children when they were very young why grown-ups don't cry when they skin their knees or why we don't fall out of our beds anymore. I could never get my daughter to believe that one day she would be thrilled to receive clothes as a gift instead of toys until it happened.

I have kept very detailed journals since I was 16 and I can say now that I howl in laughter over things that I thought were so important when I was in my twenties - the slights, the arguments with boyfriends and friends, the "pressures" I thought were profound at the time and wrote with passion and great detail about. No one could ever have told me that I would ever laugh about these issues one day - I simply would not have believed them.

I am helping my daughter find an older nanny for the simple reason that with age does come a certain wisdom of what is and is not important. A nanny position is a perfect fit for a woman who has taught school, been a mother herself, or knows that it is a privilege to be around and care for babies and young children past the age when she can ever have them again.

There are many jobs that are better suited to young employees (advertising and comedy writing come to mind) but it is my opinion that generally, provided the woman is in good health, a nanny position is better suited for an older woman.

I don't doubt for a moment that you are a good and responsible young woman and you can dismiss everything I have just written and I would completely understand that (as I would have done the same at your age). But one day you will look back and realize that I was right.

All the best to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a 54-year-old nanny myself, it warmed my heart to read this, OP!

All through my 20s and 30s, and I hate to admit it even into my early 40s, I was non-assertive and timid about speaking up for myself or my charges. I hated that about myself but kept working hard to change it.

In the past 8 years ago I have noticed a fairly profound shift in my personality that finally allowed me to be a grownup and speak up for myself and assert myself when needed. It is an awesome feeling to feel no more fear, no more insecurity, just a quiet confidence that allows me to be myself and not worry about what others think.

OP, I can tell from the tone of your posting that you would be an awesome MB and kudos to your "elderly" nanny!

You know, it would probably be far easier for people, women especially, to reach that point of confidence and self-assuredness earlier in life if everyone weren't so quick to dismiss the thoughts opinions and capabilities of young people. It's kind of a chicken-egg conundrum. Are you more confident as you grow older because people show you more respect, or do they show you more respect because you are more confident?

It continues to boggle my mind that older nannies are often celebrated for certain qualities, and anyone who even hints that there may be disadvantages to this type of nanny is stomped out, but it is okay to make ridiculous generalizations about younger nannies and we are patronizingly talked down to. Parents are often dumbfounded when I show up for interviews after they have exchange emails with me, because I am only 23 but given my maturity and confidence, they assumed I was far older. Age is not a true indicator of anything but age.

I am a soon-to-be first time grandmother who has been haunting this site to get information to help my daughter, a soon-to-be first time mother in Northern Virginia, navigate the new world of hiring and employing a nanny. I am 59 years old.

Those of us in our later years have been young and are now older - while you have only been young - so we have a dual perspective while you can only have one. I can't explain to you the changes that naturally happen when you get older any more than I could successfully explain to my children when they were very young why grown-ups don't cry when they skin their knees or why we don't fall out of our beds anymore. I could never get my daughter to believe that one day she would be thrilled to receive clothes as a gift instead of toys until it happened.

I have kept very detailed journals since I was 16 and I can say now that I howl in laughter over things that I thought were so important when I was in my twenties - the slights, the arguments with boyfriends and friends, the "pressures" I thought were profound at the time and wrote with passion and great detail about. No one could ever have told me that I would ever laugh about these issues one day - I simply would not have believed them.

I am helping my daughter find an older nanny for the simple reason that with age does come a certain wisdom of what is and is not important. A nanny position is a perfect fit for a woman who has taught school, been a mother herself, or knows that it is a privilege to be around and care for babies and young children past the age when she can ever have them again.

There are many jobs that are better suited to young employees (advertising and comedy writing come to mind) but it is my opinion that generally, provided the woman is in good health, a nanny position is better suited for an older woman.

I don't doubt for a moment that you are a good and responsible young woman and you can dismiss everything I have just written and I would completely understand that (as I would have done the same at your age). But one day you will look back and realize that I was right.

All the best to you.

What a great response and a truly impressive post! Thank you. I am a FTM and you have made a very convincing argument on why I should seek to hire an older nanny. Again, thank you.

[Anonymous]

Oh god. *puke* Go on with your prejudice ladies. You could very well be missing out on the perfect nanny for your child and your actual needs. I have been a teacher, am raising my own children, and (unfortunately) had more life experiences than most in my 26 years. I've lived all over the world, I've been to college, I've survived a tumultuous childhood, I've been in a terrible relationship and a healthy marriage. The only thing on your list I don't have are dried up eggs. There are plenty of old women that have none of the wisdom you speak of. Life experience makes you wise, but simply being on the earth longer doesn't necessarily give you that. I promise you the old lady who lived in one town her whole life, never went to school, and knows nothing outside of her own limited experience, is not a more fit nanny simply by virtue of her age. What condescending bullshit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh god. *puke* Go on with your prejudice ladies. You could very well be missing out on the perfect nanny for your child and your actual needs. I have been a teacher, am raising my own children, and (unfortunately) had more life experiences than most in my 26 years. I've lived all over the world, I've been to college, I've survived a tumultuous childhood, I've been in a terrible relationship and a healthy marriage. The only thing on your list I don't have are dried up eggs. There are plenty of old women that have none of the wisdom you speak of. Life experience makes you wise, but simply being on the earth longer doesn't necessarily give you that. I promise you the old lady who lived in one town her whole life, never went to school, and knows nothing outside of her own limited experience, is not a more fit nanny simply by virtue of her age. What condescending bullshit.

Again, as PP said, there are things you simply cannot understand now that you will at 50. Print out your post and tuck it away to read when you are middle-aged/elderly.

And you will also learn not to be as defensive and easily offended as you are now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh god. *puke* Go on with your prejudice ladies. You could very well be missing out on the perfect nanny for your child and your actual needs. I have been a teacher, am raising my own children, and (unfortunately) had more life experiences than most in my 26 years. I've lived all over the world, I've been to college, I've survived a tumultuous childhood, I've been in a terrible relationship and a healthy marriage. The only thing on your list I don't have are dried up eggs. There are plenty of old women that have none of the wisdom you speak of. Life experience makes you wise, but simply being on the earth longer doesn't necessarily give you that. I promise you the old lady who lived in one town her whole life, never went to school, and knows nothing outside of her own limited experience, is not a more fit nanny simply by virtue of her age. What condescending bullshit.

You have missed the point. All things being equal - education, health and experience - a mother would most definitely, in my opinion, be better served by an older nanny.

Your response is a perfect example of the melodrama and easily-slighted-youth that the PP was talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh god. *puke* Go on with your prejudice ladies. You could very well be missing out on the perfect nanny for your child and your actual needs. I have been a teacher, am raising my own children, and (unfortunately) had more life experiences than most in my 26 years. I've lived all over the world, I've been to college, I've survived a tumultuous childhood, I've been in a terrible relationship and a healthy marriage. The only thing on your list I don't have are dried up eggs. There are plenty of old women that have none of the wisdom you speak of. Life experience makes you wise, but simply being on the earth longer doesn't necessarily give you that. I promise you the old lady who lived in one town her whole life, never went to school, and knows nothing outside of her own limited experience, is not a more fit nanny simply by virtue of her age. What condescending bullshit.

"Oh god. *puke*" and the fact that you are reading/posting at 9:55 AM on Monday when you should be caring for you charges are reason enough for me to dismiss you as a good nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh god. *puke* Go on with your prejudice ladies. You could very well be missing out on the perfect nanny for your child and your actual needs. I have been a teacher, am raising my own children, and (unfortunately) had more life experiences than most in my 26 years. I've lived all over the world, I've been to college, I've survived a tumultuous childhood, I've been in a terrible relationship and a healthy marriage. The only thing on your list I don't have are dried up eggs. There are plenty of old women that have none of the wisdom you speak of. Life experience makes you wise, but simply being on the earth longer doesn't necessarily give you that. I promise you the old lady who lived in one town her whole life, never went to school, and knows nothing outside of her own limited experience, is not a more fit nanny simply by virtue of her age. What condescending bullshit.

"Oh god. *puke*" and the fact that you are reading/posting at 9:55 AM on Monday when you should be caring for you charges are reason enough for me to dismiss you as a good nanny.

You're right. I couldn't possibly have a schedule different than the usual 9-5, and therefore not actually be at work right now. Is this the "wisdom" I have to look forward to? Because us young people call that dementia.

[Anonymous]

"The baby" ?? not "My baby" lol. Just thought that was off. Good story though!