Checking boyfriends phone with permission - fine or totally uncool

[Anonymous]

If you’re suspicious is it ok to ask to check your boyfriends phone? Or is the better approach to assume the worst and decide whether to stay, leave, trust or not? I don’t want to be a woman who is crazy obsessed about the phone but some stories of travel and exs don’t line up. One quick search of his calendar will give specific dates to his vague responses. I do know now that he was still seeing his ex when we met but I didn’t know that at the time. Don’t want to go crazy but I’d love the truth.

[Anonymous]

In your case I'd say assume the worst and decide from there. He's being vague, you have a gut feeling, even if you don't find anything suspicious, that feeling would continue to gnaw at you.

[Anonymous]

I have had a very close group of 8 girlfriends (plus me os 9) for 25 years. Every single time one of us felt the way you do in a relationship, we ended up being right. In my opinion, your gut is good enough.

[Anonymous]

Play this out: you find out he was still seeing her when you first started dating. What next?

Or, you find nothing. What then?

Or you find nothing and he catches you doing it? Then what?

I think if you can’t trust him, you should just end it now.

[Anonymous]

Trust your gut, and get out. The right relationship makes you feel secure, not suspicious.

[Anonymous]

I really like all these replies and I've been going with my gut. I'm not completely out but I can sense I'm starting to feel like I need to fade away from the relationship. Not feeling secure is exactly the feeling. Such a shame as I was on cloud nine but reality always hits.

[Anonymous]

Obviously, there are trust issues. Get out now and cut your losses.

[Anonymous]

If you have to check your boyfriends phone you are either the problem or you are in the wrong relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’re suspicious is it ok to ask to check your boyfriends phone? Or is the better approach to assume the worst and decide whether to stay, leave, trust or not? I don’t want to be a woman who is crazy obsessed about the phone but some stories of travel and exs don’t line up. One quick search of his calendar will give specific dates to his vague responses. I do know now that he was still seeing his ex when we met but I didn’t know that at the time. Don’t want to go crazy but I’d love the truth.

But yet here you are

[Anonymous]

People who believe you should be able to share phones should date each other and people who don't should date each other.

My H and I share our phones there is nothing we can't share. I would never date someone who thinks I'm crazy looking at their phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who believe you should be able to share phones should date each other and people who don't should date each other.

My H and I share our phones there is nothing we can't share. I would never date someone who thinks I'm crazy looking at their phone.

My husband and I share our phones as well. It is no big deal. But that is entirely different than this situation where she feels like she needs to check the phone because she doesn’t trust the guy. She should get out of this.

My husband and I share phones for convenience. Not because we are checking up on each other.