Anonymous wrote:To: Jane Capsticher

From: Pleather, Way Out There PR Company

Hi Jane!

Hope you’re enjoying summer. Sending a few quick reminders your way for upcoming content you may want to look at. Since you’ve switched to our Ultra Budget Plan, you’re on your own for your social feeds, but those fond memories of when you spent money like it was toilet paper make me want to help you out a little.

First, it’s time to recycle your annual back-to-school post. Completely OK if you post pictures of your adult kids that date back to their elementary school days. Not at all cringy - just remind people that you are still the authority on all things BTS, even though you did that whole my kid/my roommate switcharooney a couple of years ago. We’ll just hope for the best - see what spaghetti sticks to the wall, LOL - but maybe make sure Ashlee or Ashli or WTH ever is helping you out is extra Johnny-on-the-spot with deleting any comments that shine a negative spotlight on the current reality.

If Grennan + Ali can shill Pampers- yes, they’re really doing that and no, we’re not sure if either of them has actually ever diapered a baby but OK - you can totes still be the authority on BTS. It’ll be great.

Ditto for that reminder about “Fake Fall.” Even though you’ve got a heavy percentage of followers in South and Central Texas who understand that the weather is still boob sweat city until about November, Fake Fall is your time to shine - I mean, like literally LOL. Maybe add a note to create an affiliate link to your favorite face powder or those shine-blotting papers - or both! Revenue, revenue, revenue!

Don’t worry about anyone who points out the fact that just about everyone in Texas uses the term Fake Fall. That’s because you said it first. Hashtag Thought Leader!


And finally, I’ve got a list of the MeCourses I have you down for:

How to look your best after 50 because I am now
Sex after 50 - which I hope to have at some point
Interracial Relationships, A Primer

Just checking to make sure you’re…sure about these? The “After 50” series will be ah-may-zing, but you’ve been 50 for about six hours, so maybe give those a little more time to simmer before we launch, for credibility’s sake? Just a suggestion. You’re the #GirlBoss

We might be running into some snags with Interracial Relationships, A Primer, which shouldn’t come as a surprise to you. We’re running up against Trevor’s contract expiration, and although he’s had the draft renewal in his inbox for more than a month, it’s been pretty much crickets. Crickets, but I’m seeing lots of new witty tee shirts, so I guess that’s enough proof of life in Trevorland! HA!

We’ve got to make sure we can launch the course, have time for Grennan and Ali’s podcast, and the church tour where you and Trevor appear on stage together as a united front and shenanigans. I’ve got yesses from Bumblesqueak Iowa - Bumblesqueak sure loves them some Jane and Trevor - and Razzencratch Tennessee - but I’m still waiting for responses from the rest of your list. A couple of them, including Briarsnatch, Missouri, and Boolabora, Oklahoma, have expressed concern about Trevor’s lack of presence in your Instagram feed despite the five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred times you’ve tagged him. I thought he had a team working with his Insta? Geez Louise, would it hurt them to throw you a heart once in a while? It’s literally the most minuscule of muscle movements.

Anyhoo, I’ll send him another reminder - maybe the fact that he’s got that super dope new shirts with words line to shill will snap him in line. I heard he’s doing #HarrisWalz2024 beanies but that might be just a rumor.

Let’s be positive - we still have some time but not much, so be prepared to pivot. I’m preparing a short list of potential replacements but I’m telling you - it’s a little scary out there.

I think that’s it for now. By the way, if you can swing an in-person trip out here anytime soon - I hear Southwest Airlines sends out that low-fare email on Tuesdays, so maybe you can snag an affordable flight! - let's get together for some wines. My check, girl.

Xoxo,

Pleather

Anonymous wrote:“we’ve left a copy of Feed These People and a link to get herself a pair of LifeChoice shoes in her stateroom.”

👍💕👏

Anonymous wrote:Tra la la, drippings! I’m in Europe and you’re not! By the way, did you know “tra la la” in the European Language is “tra la la?” Tres fantastique!

I am so #BLESSED and honored to be here with my besties. We are working with Babylon River Cruises, where I am the featured storyteller, AKA I’m a BFD. The cruise line people - who are just the most ADORABLE SOULS - organize events and usher random passengers - dear, dear, dear old people from quaint places like Duluth and Chippewa Falls who have no idea who I am but they’ve been SUPER SWEET about posing for pictures with me. My fave is that one where I’m crouching front and center, throwing a gang sign, and squishing my piehole up like I’m about to give a BEEJ. BTW, you can still register for my OTHER CRUISE, where we’ll have our very own SEXPERT to talk with us about SEX and other SEXY things because we’re grown-ass damn women who can talk about SEX without blushing - much - and say the word damn. #FIESTY


It’s just such a SPECIAL TIME, bedazzled. I wish EVERY DAMN ONE OF YOU were here to see it. These PRECIOUS seniors are being ushered into our storytelling sessions, where I tell stories about—what else—ME. Some of them seem a bit confused, but most are placated by the presence of free booze and snacks. It’s SO AMAZING what you can get people to agree to when they’re well-lubricated. Tee hee @thetylermerritproject

One of these DARLING older ladies asked me if I’ve ever met Joanna Gaines <green puke face emoji>, and you know what, droplets? There’s nothing to affirm the desperate dedication of my RIDE OR DIES like witnessing the tackling of a 70+-year-old woman wearing floral capris and New Balance tennies and dragging her from the room by her ankles. She’s FINE, droolings, and we’ve left a copy of Feed These People and a link to get herself a pair of LifeChoice shoes in her stateroom.

The best part about this week - other than doorways, doorways, doorways - has been the INCREDIBLE opportunity to hang with my besties. Well, that and the free booze, LOLZ. When you find those people who understand how to achieve the perfect balance of deference and friendship, you hang onto them and LOVE THEM HARD, even if it means convincing one of them to spring for plane tickets to Amsterdam instead of that dental work we all know she needs. #TrueFriendship

Notice how they envelop me in every photo, like protective MAMA BEARS. This makes me feel safe and protected because you know PEOPLE EVERYWHERE are clamoring to meet me - or at least stare at me quizzically in that “I know she’s SOMEONE, but I can’t quite place her. They’re totally not playing “Spot the Thirsty American Tourists” because we are SO blending in with our Yankees ball caps or Target tee shirts. We are WOMEN OF THE WORLD, and we have the questionable fashion choices to prove it.
More shenanigans to follow. I know you can’t wait.

Stay UNHINGED, darlings, and tag your people who would tackle an old lady for daring to utter the name of your nemesis out loud.

P.S. HEART AND COMMON if you think the next MeCamp should be in Chippewa Falls! I met a DARLING lady who has an Airbnb there that according to her, needs just a teensy bit of work. Think of the fun we could have with Instagram captions #TheChippewaFallsHatmakers #teehee #tralala #MeCamp

Anonymous wrote:What's up with that picture of people in the green tee shirts? That actually looks like a decent-sized crowd, although I can see them padding the picture with other people to make her look like more of a big deal, ha!

Also, since this is a snark thread, one of her friends is in some serious need of cosmetic dentistry.

Anonymous wrote:i

Anonymous wrote:She has a post about how to “discover best practices for embodied living”. WTH?

Right? My guess is she will keep beating this drum because this is a big theme in the upcoming memoir --a theme she is hoping to get added attaboys from Oprah for more reach into audience readership. Because while Oprah seems passé to many, she's really not. Her influence in the book world is still very strong.

Anonymous wrote:She has a post about how to “discover best practices for embodied living”. WTH?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone notice that in all her walking pics she’s not wearing the life life stride shoes nor are her besties?! She wore the loafers once but the walking pair haven’t made an appearance despite their sponsorships.

She still has time! She looks pretty and thinner than she normally looks.