Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anger

You think people cheat out of anger? Why? Do they realize this? A lot of them want to stay in marriages.

It's poor coping skills and missing the empathy chip. And, yes, that a lot of times that includes anger. The things they do to try to repress the anger, rage and self-hatred--drinking, cheating, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are often rational actors. The marriage is bad, no sex for example. The cost of divorce might be hight--financial and loosing custody of the kids. By cheating they can have their cake and eat it too.

If it works out they win. If it doesn't, they are no worse off than if they just got divorced.

Except that’s not true for most men. They don’t want a divorce. They often are still having sex at home, but her greedy and want some variety as they face down middle age. They get caught and life implodes and they cause great hurt to those they love. They seriously fk up a good thing.

It wasn’t such a good thing for him. There is no delusion greater than that of the 3 DCUM betrayed wives who didn’t leave despite “having the great job and insurance we rely on,” who were having “great sex multiple times a week,” who of course are far far hotter than the slut he found plus no doubt 99% of all women —— and then, record scratch, this Adonis hero dad and DH bafflingly started acting like the whore he is. Just give it up! You’re wrong, you never knew him fully, and if he was patiently plotting and scheduling times to screw for YEARS, even with “no feelings,” his feelings for YOU were full of contempt. You choose to stay, because you have no dignity and want to be the victim til you croak. And now you are a victim by your own compliance with his lies. Just be honest here for once.

What inspires people to write such cruel things? Did you leave a cheating husband, pp? Your feelings are obviously very strong but I don’t understand this judgment for other people’s choices. Leaving is HARD, staying is HARD. Betrayed spouses are in a situation where they can’t win. And everyone in the situation is complicated with complicated feelings, the cheaters, the betrayed spouses. Maybe we can’t ever truly “know” anyone, even ourselves.

Obviously the whore who was planning an exit affair with him and is bitter and jaded to find herself dumped. Quite possibly the one that hung in there 10 years. Lol

+1 for anyone to get that worked up over an anonymous poster, you can pretty much guess why.

I was SAH to a child with serious medical needs, feeling sad about doing what I had to in order to keep them and life in general ok, when I started reading DCUM as a mindless pleasure, and when that tale of woe went somewhat viral here. I am not a cheater, and have a good, sexual marriage to a man who is…also not a cheater! I detest mommy wars and the kind of pigs like that poster and you who think it’s fine if other posters catch strays because you and others here chose rather poorly when you got engaged.

That’s some serious fiction. I like how you threw in the special needs child. Pigs? I think you might want to re-read your own posts, crazy lady.

You’re such a foul little dummy. The OW who apparently was with someone’s DH for a decade has chimed in. What I wrote was true, and I’m glad that the betrayed she-beast with the slut DH is as miserable as she quite obviously is, as a neat little bit of symmetry to what she posted here. And yes, you and she are terribly piggish. I’m sick of the unanswered crap some betrayed wives post here that effectively attack many other women, who don’t and haven’t cheated. It’s gross, just like you!

DP. Nobody believes for a minute you aren’t an OW or former jilted OW. The fact you are so full of vitriol is a tell.

Fwiw, Nobody is the “Patron Saint of OW” as you deem yourself to be. That’s not a position that anyone wants to hold.

Oh yes. I am the Patron Saint of Child abusers or the Patton Saint of Shoplifters,,, give me a break.

So beyond being unusually and aggressively stupid, you’re confused about patron sainthood. I see!

I’m not any of the things you wish me to be. I’m so tired of the slams that miserable betrayed women toss at others in order to spare their douchelord husbands; it’s flat out misogyny and the fact that you and your fellow misery heifers lean on that so hard is a tell on you, and not on anyone else. The only reasonable conclusion is that the betrayed poster is responsible for much of her misery. It is what it is.

It's a running theme for certain posters to cry 'misogyny, misogyny!' whenever they as women engage in awful behavior. Tearing apart married women who are victims of cheating would likely classify. Cheating and lying and causing ill will and then hiding under the cover of 'misogyny!!!', not so much. If you want to sink to the level of cheating men, you are going to have to grow thicker skin.

Americans place cheating on a spouse dead last on a list of acceptable behaviors. It has been consistently frowned upon by the masses, across decades and demographics. Adultery is less popular than cloning humans, polygamy, suicide, abortion, cohabitation, pornography, out-of-wedlock births and divorce, among others. A puny 6 percent say adultery is acceptable, according to a Gallup poll conducted last May.

A potential for explosive impact and collateral damage may keep adultery at the bottom of the list, experts told the Deseret News. Infidelity “seemingly has a larger ripple effect than other things like cloning or abortion. It continues to painfully impact a family as they interact at family events and have to raise children together. It affects the lives of children and the extended family as well,” said Kristin Hodson, therapist and founder of Salt Lake-based The Healing Group, who co-wrote “Real Intimacy: A Couples’ Guide to Healthy, Genuine Sexuality.”

Many people — the adult who as a child saw the fallout from a parent’s affair, the boyfriend or girlfriend who was cheated on, the spouse who feels betrayed — have wounds from infidelity, said Hodson. It is not a distant concept, but something raw: “It’s an issue that hits close to home for many that often is surrounded by a lot of pain,” she said.

https://www.timesonline.com/story/lifestyle/around-town/2014/06/17/americans-like-adultery-less-than/18479356007/

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are often rational actors. The marriage is bad, no sex for example. The cost of divorce might be hight--financial and loosing custody of the kids. By cheating they can have their cake and eat it too.

If it works out they win. If it doesn't, they are no worse off than if they just got divorced.

Except that’s not true for most men. They don’t want a divorce. They often are still having sex at home, but her greedy and want some variety as they face down middle age. They get caught and life implodes and they cause great hurt to those they love. They seriously fk up a good thing.

It wasn’t such a good thing for him. There is no delusion greater than that of the 3 DCUM betrayed wives who didn’t leave despite “having the great job and insurance we rely on,” who were having “great sex multiple times a week,” who of course are far far hotter than the slut he found plus no doubt 99% of all women —— and then, record scratch, this Adonis hero dad and DH bafflingly started acting like the whore he is. Just give it up! You’re wrong, you never knew him fully, and if he was patiently plotting and scheduling times to screw for YEARS, even with “no feelings,” his feelings for YOU were full of contempt. You choose to stay, because you have no dignity and want to be the victim til you croak. And now you are a victim by your own compliance with his lies. Just be honest here for once.

What inspires people to write such cruel things? Did you leave a cheating husband, pp? Your feelings are obviously very strong but I don’t understand this judgment for other people’s choices. Leaving is HARD, staying is HARD. Betrayed spouses are in a situation where they can’t win. And everyone in the situation is complicated with complicated feelings, the cheaters, the betrayed spouses. Maybe we can’t ever truly “know” anyone, even ourselves.

Obviously the whore who was planning an exit affair with him and is bitter and jaded to find herself dumped. Quite possibly the one that hung in there 10 years. Lol

+1 for anyone to get that worked up over an anonymous poster, you can pretty much guess why.

I was SAH to a child with serious medical needs, feeling sad about doing what I had to in order to keep them and life in general ok, when I started reading DCUM as a mindless pleasure, and when that tale of woe went somewhat viral here. I am not a cheater, and have a good, sexual marriage to a man who is…also not a cheater! I detest mommy wars and the kind of pigs like that poster and you who think it’s fine if other posters catch strays because you and others here chose rather poorly when you got engaged.

That’s some serious fiction. I like how you threw in the special needs child. Pigs? I think you might want to re-read your own posts, crazy lady.

You’re such a foul little dummy. The OW who apparently was with someone’s DH for a decade has chimed in. What I wrote was true, and I’m glad that the betrayed she-beast with the slut DH is as miserable as she quite obviously is, as a neat little bit of symmetry to what she posted here. And yes, you and she are terribly piggish. I’m sick of the unanswered crap some betrayed wives post here that effectively attack many other women, who don’t and haven’t cheated. It’s gross, just like you!

DP. Nobody believes for a minute you aren’t an OW or former jilted OW. The fact you are so full of vitriol is a tell.

Fwiw, Nobody is the “Patron Saint of OW” as you deem yourself to be. That’s not a position that anyone wants to hold.

Oh yes. I am the Patron Saint of Child abusers or the Patton Saint of Shoplifters,,, give me a break.

So beyond being unusually and aggressively stupid, you’re confused about patron sainthood. I see!

I’m not any of the things you wish me to be. I’m so tired of the slams that miserable betrayed women toss at others in order to spare their douchelord husbands; it’s flat out misogyny and the fact that you and your fellow misery heifers lean on that so hard is a tell on you, and not on anyone else. The only reasonable conclusion is that the betrayed poster is responsible for much of her misery. It is what it is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my case, I was somewhat, not really happily married and then a narcissist pursued me and I fell for it. I fell in love with someone who was only ever playing a game with my head. He had women all over the world he was forging a “soul mate” relationship with. I am having to come to terms with being completely duped and facing the fact that I can’t be married to an alcoholic anymore.

I was desperate for emotional satisfaction. Sex was infrequent but the passion he pretended to have was what hooked me. And now I’m much worse off.

So sorry to hear that OP. BTDT, it's not you. I mean, how can you, as a normal person, have expected someone to go through all that effort fabricating a relationship just to gleefully yell "sucker!" at the end. There is something seriously wrong with him. Do not kick yourself for being attracted to this weirdo. You were emotionally down and he provided a spark. The key now is to ignite your own spark by doing healthy things like exercise, spending time with good friends, volunteering and the like and letting him move on out of your life.

Thank you. I am still reeling. It was an extremely intense emotional affair, or so I thought. He began to triangulate me with his wife, the trickle truth of other women and then he played the role of a martyr, invoking religion. Narcissist. PTSD and some of the things he said as it unraveled made it clear he’s also mentally ill.

I’m unsure how to grieve the loss of a relationship that never really was. I can’t even speak of it to anyone because though my husband is a checked out alcoholic, it’s still an affair.

I’m so ashamed, hurt and angry.

Began to triangulate you with his wife? I think you’ve got that backwards. How did he use religion against you? That’s low.

His wife doesn’t know. He would say and do things that were manipulative and involved her. And then he started to do the same with other women he knew, which it turns out he was also using to fuel his narcissist supply. He would use religion as a tactic to coerce and justify it. Looking back it is abusive. And here I sit missing him.

How was he manipulating them? Your posts are interesting but confusing.

Banging strange is fun.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are often rational actors. The marriage is bad, no sex for example. The cost of divorce might be hight--financial and loosing custody of the kids. By cheating they can have their cake and eat it too.

If it works out they win. If it doesn't, they are no worse off than if they just got divorced.

Except that’s not true for most men. They don’t want a divorce. They often are still having sex at home, but her greedy and want some variety as they face down middle age. They get caught and life implodes and they cause great hurt to those they love. They seriously fk up a good thing.

It wasn’t such a good thing for him. There is no delusion greater than that of the 3 DCUM betrayed wives who didn’t leave despite “having the great job and insurance we rely on,” who were having “great sex multiple times a week,” who of course are far far hotter than the slut he found plus no doubt 99% of all women —— and then, record scratch, this Adonis hero dad and DH bafflingly started acting like the whore he is. Just give it up! You’re wrong, you never knew him fully, and if he was patiently plotting and scheduling times to screw for YEARS, even with “no feelings,” his feelings for YOU were full of contempt. You choose to stay, because you have no dignity and want to be the victim til you croak. And now you are a victim by your own compliance with his lies. Just be honest here for once.

What inspires people to write such cruel things? Did you leave a cheating husband, pp? Your feelings are obviously very strong but I don’t understand this judgment for other people’s choices. Leaving is HARD, staying is HARD. Betrayed spouses are in a situation where they can’t win. And everyone in the situation is complicated with complicated feelings, the cheaters, the betrayed spouses. Maybe we can’t ever truly “know” anyone, even ourselves.

Obviously the whore who was planning an exit affair with him and is bitter and jaded to find herself dumped. Quite possibly the one that hung in there 10 years. Lol

+1 for anyone to get that worked up over an anonymous poster, you can pretty much guess why.

I was SAH to a child with serious medical needs, feeling sad about doing what I had to in order to keep them and life in general ok, when I started reading DCUM as a mindless pleasure, and when that tale of woe went somewhat viral here. I am not a cheater, and have a good, sexual marriage to a man who is…also not a cheater! I detest mommy wars and the kind of pigs like that poster and you who think it’s fine if other posters catch strays because you and others here chose rather poorly when you got engaged.

That’s some serious fiction. I like how you threw in the special needs child. Pigs? I think you might want to re-read your own posts, crazy lady.

You’re such a foul little dummy. The OW who apparently was with someone’s DH for a decade has chimed in. What I wrote was true, and I’m glad that the betrayed she-beast with the slut DH is as miserable as she quite obviously is, as a neat little bit of symmetry to what she posted here. And yes, you and she are terribly piggish. I’m sick of the unanswered crap some betrayed wives post here that effectively attack many other women, who don’t and haven’t cheated. It’s gross, just like you!

DP. Nobody believes for a minute you aren’t an OW or former jilted OW. The fact you are so full of vitriol is a tell.

Fwiw, Nobody is the “Patron Saint of OW” as you deem yourself to be. That’s not a position that anyone wants to hold.

Oh yes. I am the Patron Saint of Child abusers or the Patton Saint of Shoplifters,,, give me a break.

Anonymous wrote:Anger

You think people cheat out of anger? Why? Do they realize this? A lot of them want to stay in marriages.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are often rational actors. The marriage is bad, no sex for example. The cost of divorce might be hight--financial and loosing custody of the kids. By cheating they can have their cake and eat it too.

If it works out they win. If it doesn't, they are no worse off than if they just got divorced.

Except that’s not true for most men. They don’t want a divorce. They often are still having sex at home, but her greedy and want some variety as they face down middle age. They get caught and life implodes and they cause great hurt to those they love. They seriously fk up a good thing.

It wasn’t such a good thing for him. There is no delusion greater than that of the 3 DCUM betrayed wives who didn’t leave despite “having the great job and insurance we rely on,” who were having “great sex multiple times a week,” who of course are far far hotter than the slut he found plus no doubt 99% of all women —— and then, record scratch, this Adonis hero dad and DH bafflingly started acting like the whore he is. Just give it up! You’re wrong, you never knew him fully, and if he was patiently plotting and scheduling times to screw for YEARS, even with “no feelings,” his feelings for YOU were full of contempt. You choose to stay, because you have no dignity and want to be the victim til you croak. And now you are a victim by your own compliance with his lies. Just be honest here for once.

What inspires people to write such cruel things? Did you leave a cheating husband, pp? Your feelings are obviously very strong but I don’t understand this judgment for other people’s choices. Leaving is HARD, staying is HARD. Betrayed spouses are in a situation where they can’t win. And everyone in the situation is complicated with complicated feelings, the cheaters, the betrayed spouses. Maybe we can’t ever truly “know” anyone, even ourselves.

Obviously the whore who was planning an exit affair with him and is bitter and jaded to find herself dumped. Quite possibly the one that hung in there 10 years. Lol

+1 for anyone to get that worked up over an anonymous poster, you can pretty much guess why.

I was SAH to a child with serious medical needs, feeling sad about doing what I had to in order to keep them and life in general ok, when I started reading DCUM as a mindless pleasure, and when that tale of woe went somewhat viral here. I am not a cheater, and have a good, sexual marriage to a man who is…also not a cheater! I detest mommy wars and the kind of pigs like that poster and you who think it’s fine if other posters catch strays because you and others here chose rather poorly when you got engaged.

That’s some serious fiction. I like how you threw in the special needs child. Pigs? I think you might want to re-read your own posts, crazy lady.

You’re such a foul little dummy. The OW who apparently was with someone’s DH for a decade has chimed in. What I wrote was true, and I’m glad that the betrayed she-beast with the slut DH is as miserable as she quite obviously is, as a neat little bit of symmetry to what she posted here. And yes, you and she are terribly piggish. I’m sick of the unanswered crap some betrayed wives post here that effectively attack many other women, who don’t and haven’t cheated. It’s gross, just like you!

Wait, does the 10 year affair AP OW have children? Oy vey.

Yes. Saying your AP was a narcissist and evil when you actively tried to get him to marry you for 10 years comes off as a cop out.

And just yesterday you were going to drive to his house and dump mementos of the affair at his family’s doorstep. It’s really hard to see you as a victim.

What I notice is the lack of thought for your own husband and children. It’s- oh he dumped me so now I appreciate them after 10 years. It’s not authentic.

Anonymous wrote:That’s exactly what I did. Own up to it. I say used me because we used each other.

Stop your hate and anger for other women. You’re just as sick as everyone else.

Nothing I said was hateful in the prior post. A common trait of cheaters is to blame others. They tend to be selfish and see themselves as victims. Your prior post reads as someone blaming the man for everything when you were acting like a wife and doing “airport pickups and everything you could for him”.

I’m glad you realize you were using each other and both at fault. That’s the start of change. Perhaps you will not do it again if you learn enough about it in therapy.

That’s exactly what I did. Own up to it. I say used me because we used each other.

Stop your hate and anger for other women. You’re just as sick as everyone else.

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OW with the 10 year affair. I didn’t write any of the things above. Maybe now I understand why he used me so so many years. Some of these BW are really wretched and mean.

I just fell in love with someone who I had known for a long time and once it started it was impossible to stop. My marriage has its own set of problems and rather than face them, I created a fantasy to escape. The OM is a narcissist and the trauma bonding was like an addiction.

I’m not well emotionally. But I realize I’m a pathetic woman.

You weren’t used. You were an ACTIVE participant in 10 years of cheating on your own husband with someone else’s. Quit playing the victim.

You will never get healthy unless you own up to your moral failings and responsibility for the decade long affair—and you stated you were actively trying to get him to leave his marriage even when he had said he had no desire to.

I’m glad it’s finally over for you, but please stop playing the victim. You were an active player and manipulative as well.

Anger

I’m the OW with the 10 year affair. I didn’t write any of the things above. Maybe now I understand why he used me so so many years. Some of these BW are really wretched and mean.

I just fell in love with someone who I had known for a long time and once it started it was impossible to stop. My marriage has its own set of problems and rather than face them, I created a fantasy to escape. The OM is a narcissist and the trauma bonding was like an addiction.

I’m not well emotionally. But I realize I’m a pathetic woman.