Anonymous
Post 09/06/2021 12:15     Subject: Does your DH go "out" to bars? What does that look like?
Mid 40s with young elementary kids - no never.
Anonymous
Post 09/06/2021 12:13     Subject: Does your DH go "out" to bars? What does that look like?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I wish DH would do it more. Like most men his age, he doesn’t have as many friends as he should.


Same. No friends, tries to go out with coworkers but only talks shop. He’s quirky like that.

I started going out with friends after kids go to bed too.


I think it really depends on your husbands personality. By DH has a few very close friends, none of them live around here. He is very social and engaging. He frequently meets up with more casual friends from this area for lunch/cocktails. I don’t see him not having friends that he would go out for a drink to the bar with as an issue.

We do date night at least once a week, sometimes two. I get the impression that he would much rather do that than go sit at bar with a friend.

Anonymous
Post 09/06/2021 09:32     Subject: Does your DH go "out" to bars? What does that look like?
OP here. Thank you to the PP who recommended chumplady.com . I had never heard of it.
Anonymous
Post 09/06/2021 08:08     Subject: Does your DH go "out" to bars? What does that look like?
Anonymous wrote:I wish DH would do it more. Like most men his age, he doesn’t have as many friends as he should.


Same. No friends, tries to go out with coworkers but only talks shop. He’s quirky like that.

I started going out with friends after kids go to bed too.
Anonymous
Post 09/06/2021 07:47     Subject: Re:Does your DH go "out" to bars? What does that look like?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
My girlfriend and I see each other once a week.

Sometimes I bring the kids and they play with her kids.

6 nights a week with my spouse is more than enough


I hope you are a troll. You suck in the very worst possible way.


I suck because I only want to spend 6 nights a week with my spouse. FFS, get a life.


No. You such because you are married and have a girlfriend.


I read this as a mom who meets up with another mom one a week in a non intimate way. Sometimes with kids, sometimes without.
Anonymous
Post 09/06/2021 07:45     Subject: Does your DH go "out" to bars? What does that look like?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Bars, very very rare. He’s more likely to meet up with a friend or two for dinner and have a drink or two there. But he’s not a huge drinker, nor am I.


Almost the same except my dh drinks quite a bit, he usually drinks at home more than the bar though. He will drink more at bars if we're on vacation.




Is he getting help for his problem drinking?
Anonymous
Post 09/06/2021 07:42     Subject: Re:Does your DH go "out" to bars? What does that look like?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
My girlfriend and I see each other once a week.

Sometimes I bring the kids and they play with her kids.

6 nights a week with my spouse is more than enough


I hope you are a troll. You suck in the very worst possible way.


I suck because I only want to spend 6 nights a week with my spouse. FFS, get a life.


No. You such because you are married and have a girlfriend.
Anonymous
Post 09/05/2021 23:39     Subject: Re:Does your DH go "out" to bars? What does that look like?
Anonymous wrote:
My girlfriend and I see each other once a week.

Sometimes I bring the kids and they play with her kids.

6 nights a week with my spouse is more than enough


I hope you are a troll. You suck in the very worst possible way.


I suck because I only want to spend 6 nights a week with my spouse. FFS, get a life.
Anonymous
Post 09/05/2021 22:41     Subject: Does your DH go "out" to bars? What does that look like?
Anonymous wrote:Can’t stand my husband. He leaves the house every week with his buddies for his night out mid-week. Most night I’d wish he never came back home.


I feel you.. I'm in pretty much the same boat... I wonder how many are out there feeling this way.
Anonymous
Post 09/05/2021 22:16     Subject: Re:Does your DH go "out" to bars? What does that look like?
Pre Covid my husband did a good amount of business travel so I’m sure he had plenty of bar nights but never too late as he always called me. It helps that he’s never been a big drinker. He rarely goes out when home as he puts in long days and he really likes to be home to spend time with our young children. He’s never been a frat boy type so boys night out is just not his thing.
Anonymous
Post 09/05/2021 22:06     Subject: Does your DH go "out" to bars? What does that look like?
My husband goes out once a week for a drink either by himself or with friends. He's usually gone a few hours. My husband goes on long weekends and camping trips with his friends twice a year that are essentially weekend long drinking excursions.

My girlfriends and I get together about once a year fora weekend long drinking excursion. I generally go out with friends once a month.
Anonymous
Post 09/05/2021 21:59     Subject: Does your DH go "out" to bars? What does that look like?
Can’t stand my husband. He leaves the house every week with his buddies for his night out mid-week. Most night I’d wish he never came back home.
Anonymous
Post 09/05/2021 13:51     Subject: Re:Does your DH go "out" to bars? What does that look like?
My girlfriend and I see each other once a week.

Sometimes I bring the kids and they play with her kids.

6 nights a week with my spouse is more than enough


I hope you are a troll. You suck in the very worst possible way.
Anonymous
Post 09/05/2021 13:44     Subject: Does your DH go "out" to bars? What does that look like?
Anonymous wrote:OP here.
The combination of all of it is just disgusting to me. The drunkenness. The texting. The titty bar (a new low). The women and the drunk nights are a pattern. I have allowed for this for years even tho it made me uncomfortable bc I didnt want to be a controlling wife. I cant continue like this. It is so deeply disrespectful and hurtful to me.

Grow the F up. You're 40, you have 2 kids and a wife who miraculously still wants to be married to you. Behave like a respectable married father or get out of the marriage.


Hugs, OP. I hope you find the strength to take care of your needs and do what is best for you. Unfortunately I haven’t seen many men like him change, they just seem to get worse over time. If you’re not ready to divorce, perhaps a separation for a year or two with the requirement he get counseling.

I’d also check out Chump Lady, I've found her resources to be extremely helpful.

Also, I know you’ll get a ton of pressure to put up with it “for the kids”, but what kids need is a happy mom.