Anonymous wrote:I have 3 friends who recently divorced.

1- wife was nuts. Lots of mental problems. Eventually denied sex to the husband completely, which was a dealbreaker for him. They divorced, and now she dates women.

2 - wife had a difficult personality, which may or may not have contributed. Husband did shift work and had a lot of free time during the day, and eventually found a way to fill it...with another woman.

3 - Couple I'm not as close with seemed to have a nice family, but the woman seemed like the one in charge. I notice that can be a difficult dynamic. They divorced and now she dates women.

My two other friends who divorced in the past few years both have significant mental illness. My mentally stable friends seem to have stable marriages.

did their mental illness also lead to their cheating? the ones I know did that too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They tend to lie a lot on social media and pretend everything is fine when socializing.

+1 and in my experience the people that spout their love endlessly online are doing worse off at home.

I have personally know only one couple who typists constantly about how much they love their spouse, how hot they are, how great of a marriage they have, etc., and I cannot believe they haven’t split yet. I think they have been married for 15 years. I suspect they are swingers.

“divorced for no reason” or “without even trying therapy”?

That’s what people probably think about me and my ex. Even after the divorce I invited him over several times a week for dinner, to all the kids activities and even went out with him and the kids once a weekend. Many people didn’t even know we were divorced.

He probably tells his friends that he was such a nice guy he “let” me have custody because he travels for work a lot.

The real truth is that he was having sex with prostitutes, colleagues, pickups, etc., unbeknownst to me. He also was stealing my prescription medication, drinking in secret and was undiagnosed bipolar. Once I unravelled enough of the story to confront him, he denied everything and gaslit me for more than a year.

I invited him over to keep an eye on him and the kids until they were old enough to protect themselves in his presence.

Do you think I’m going to tell that story to anyone in my community? My children & I would be shunned. I only told a few friends and family members who I knew would believe and support me. I didn’t want to have to re-visit the trauma each time I told someone, so I limited that.

This all happened pre-Me Too, so maybe if it happened now I could expect more sympathy and support, but I doubt it.

I have 3 friends who recently divorced.

1- wife was nuts. Lots of mental problems. Eventually denied sex to the husband completely, which was a dealbreaker for him. They divorced, and now she dates women.

2 - wife had a difficult personality, which may or may not have contributed. Husband did shift work and had a lot of free time during the day, and eventually found a way to fill it...with another woman.

3 - Couple I'm not as close with seemed to have a nice family, but the woman seemed like the one in charge. I notice that can be a difficult dynamic. They divorced and now she dates women.

My two other friends who divorced in the past few years both have significant mental illness. My mentally stable friends seem to have stable marriages.

Anonymous wrote:They tend to lie a lot on social media and pretend everything is fine when socializing.

+1 and in my experience the people that spout their love endlessly online are doing worse off at home.

Anonymous wrote:I'm not saying that every couple has a dark secret that could lead to divorce, but if you heard the stories in my UMC neighborhood full of yoga pants wives and giant SUVs, your head would spin.

Are their neighborhoods that are NOT full of yoga pants and SUV’s?

Anonymous wrote:They tend to lie a lot on social media and pretend everything is fine when socializing.

And some times the one doing the posting is completely blind-sided!!

Anonymous wrote:They tend to lie a lot on social media and pretend everything is fine when socializing.

NEWSFLASH: NOBODY posts bad news or strife on social media.

They tend to lie a lot on social media and pretend everything is fine when socializing.

Covid proved the wisdom of the phrase “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

DW and I can’t wait for our toddler to get vaccinated so we can go back to our normal lives of business travel, daycare, days in the office, happy hours, etc.

Sleeping for a night or two in a hotel room in a king bed and ordering room service without any kid or spouse responsibilities is GLORIOUS. This is what my DW misses the most about pre-COVID life LOL

Know a Big 4 partner, married three times with two kids from each marriage. Now separated from third wife. How he keeps track of all these people is beyond me. Looks like a typical middle aged office white guy. But who knows?

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Anonymous wrote:Gee, OP. It's almost as if people don't owe you the personal and private details of their marriage and their decisions.

Get a life.

I don't need to know the private details. It seems pretty obvious that their kids would be better off with their parents together and the parents are just being selfish. But clearly you all think getting divorced is NBD so have fun, I guess?

I have two children and have been happily married for 10 years, but nice try.

Anyway, the husband isn't telling you the reasons because it's none of your business. Buzz off. Buzz. Off. You are nosy, intrusive and think you are owed personal information. You are not. By the way, you might want to look to your own marriage--happy people don't get this fixated and don't project so much. Best of luck.

I'm not nosy. I didn't even talk to him. HE called my husband and WANTED TO TELL HIM.

I'm still in complete shock. You wouldn't be?

That's pretty normal. If I'm friends with someone I want to know what happened. It always gets out through one of the spouses.

Did he say why he was leaving? If you see him with someone pretty quick you'll know it was cheating. People are talking about sex problems which would never be a reason to cheat or leave. I mean give me a break. If you stay married long enough there will always be life problems. When a spouse bails it often means you married the wrong person. Especially if they didn't even value their own kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know there’s no abuse, adultery, or addiction?

Because its the close friend of my husband and he confirmed it. He's basically just...leaving her.

I saw that quite often with men in their 40's. Got tired of the family life, and the fantasy always looks better. The second marriages were worse in most cases from what we've seen.

It's no picnic to have to spend time with new inlaws, steps, your own kids, and various exes you didn't want in your life. Why second marriages fail at a much greater rate, and I believe a significant percentage to be struggling. My friends in second marriages would agree.

Anonymous wrote:Just learned of another one today. No abuse, no adultery or addiction. Functioning involved parents to three kids. They didn't even see a therapist. We are early 40's and most people we know have kids in upper elementary and MS. The pace of divorce announcements seems to be ticking up.

WTAF?

You really don't know. I knew a couple who divorced when the kids were very young. They were both idiots and immature for being 37. I looked her up and found out she married someone a year after her divorce. That said a lot, but then she got divorced from the second one 1.5 yrs later. They put the poor kids through so much instead of putting them first. Not uncommon, but most divorces could probably be avoided. At least most of the ones we've known could have saved the marriage. Most in 2nd marriages didn't fare any better with steps, and exes.

Anonymous wrote:You would probably never guess my DH told me to ABORT our perfectly health second child because he decided he just doesn't like kids. Do you think I'm going to broadcast that?

Yes we are divorced. I dumped him and kept the kid.

Where is the lady who always chimes in here to tell you about the negative environmental impact of your decision?