Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty sure my husband's half of our wedding guests never got any thank you notes. People who obsess over this (invariably women) never seem to hold men to this standard. Why is that?
Never? You mean never other than all the people in this thread who had help from their grooms? Read.
While there are men who write thank you notes, I have never seen anyone hold a man responsible for not writing them. This is a social standard enforced almost entirely by and against women.
"Enforced"? What the...
I have had both male and female cousins, friends, etc., fail to send thank you notes for weddings, graduation gifts, etc. And never once have I ever "enforced" that social nicety by calling them up to ask them about the gift, etc. WTH? Tell me, in great detail, how you have "enforced" this nicety with the people in your life.
I don't enforce it. I don't care about thank you notes. I give gifts when I want to because it makes me happy to do so for friends and family. I do not demand a handwritten note in return as a quid pro quo. But if you read this thread, there are plenty of people trying to enforce this practice according to their own standards by criticizing those who don't comply or, in some cases, mentioning that they have stopped giving gifts to those who didn't respond with a thank you note.
Criticizing is not “enforcing,” dum-dum. I criticized Donald Trump every day for four years, and yet he still remained in office. Turns out me calling him a dirtbag didn’t “enforce” his removal from office.
People post opinions on this thread. A lot of them are critical, snobby and snarky. That still doesn’t mean they “enforce” jack shyt.
So you simply don't believe that any enforcement of social norms exists, because such enforcement doesn't involve, like, legal consequences? What an odd view.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Those thank you notes were the band of my existence after our wedding. Maybe it’s not ideal, but I would let it go and assume the bride is doing the best she can at the moment.
No, she’s doing the least she can. And why is it all on her? Presumably there’s another party to this marriage who is also literate.
I find it tragic that this generation finds it so grueling to say thank you.
+1
-1. It's not grueling to say thank you. It's grueling to buy stationery, handwrite a bunch of notes (especially after a wedding), buy stamps, and mail them. I don't use the mail for anything else and don't really handwrite anything at this point. I would be happy to write personalized emails, but I strongly dislike physical writing.
Was it grueling for your guests to buy you a gift, wrap and send it or arrange to have it sent, buy plane tickets and reserve and pay for hotel rooms, and dress up in nice clothing to celebrate your wedding?
It is really too much to acknowledge their contribution to your life event in a personal way?
It's really not grueling to buy a gift - people just do it off the registry. It takes 10 minutes at most. And of course no one is obligated to give a gift, or attend for that matter, if it doesn't work for them. An invitation is not a summons. We attended all of their weddings and other celebrations too - they're our friends and family. You do these things for friends and family because it is fun and joyful to do so, regardless of what you get out of it in return. I think what I find troublesome about attitudes like yours is that you don't actually care about the sentiment of gratitude, it's the specific expression of it according to your terms that you are after. Why is that? Some people even demand some sort of written thank you after receiving effusive and genuine thanks in person.
Not so. What I would object to is a mass-printed thank you card with nothing specific relating to my gift and/or to me personally. I'd be fine with a pre-printed thank you card with a single line of handwritten (or typed) text specific to my gift and my joining the couple for their wedding.
It is not "grueling" to buy a gift, but it takes effort to do so, just as it takes effort to prepare for, travel to, and attend a wedding. The very least the gift recipient can do is express gratitude in some personal way.
PP's statement that it is "grueling" to buy stationery and stamps and to write notes is over the top entitlement at its worst. "I strongly dislike physical writing" - seriously? Does that person never sign anything? Or send a condolence card, a birthday card, nothing?
I stand by my words: Is it really too much to acknowledge your guests' contribution to your life event in a personal way? If it is, then maybe you shouldn't invite anyone at all to your wedding - just get married at City Hall and be done with it.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Those thank you notes were the band of my existence after our wedding. Maybe it’s not ideal, but I would let it go and assume the bride is doing the best she can at the moment.
No, she’s doing the least she can. And why is it all on her? Presumably there’s another party to this marriage who is also literate.
I find it tragic that this generation finds it so grueling to say thank you.
+1
-1. It's not grueling to say thank you. It's grueling to buy stationery, handwrite a bunch of notes (especially after a wedding), buy stamps, and mail them. I don't use the mail for anything else and don't really handwrite anything at this point. I would be happy to write personalized emails, but I strongly dislike physical writing.
Was it grueling for your guests to buy you a gift, wrap and send it or arrange to have it sent, buy plane tickets and reserve and pay for hotel rooms, and dress up in nice clothing to celebrate your wedding?
It is really too much to acknowledge their contribution to your life event in a personal way?
It's really not grueling to buy a gift - people just do it off the registry. It takes 10 minutes at most. And of course no one is obligated to give a gift, or attend for that matter, if it doesn't work for them. An invitation is not a summons. We attended all of their weddings and other celebrations too - they're our friends and family. You do these things for friends and family because it is fun and joyful to do so, regardless of what you get out of it in return. I think what I find troublesome about attitudes like yours is that you don't actually care about the sentiment of gratitude, it's the specific expression of it according to your terms that you are after. Why is that? Some people even demand some sort of written thank you after receiving effusive and genuine thanks in person.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Those thank you notes were the band of my existence after our wedding. Maybe it’s not ideal, but I would let it go and assume the bride is doing the best she can at the moment.
No, she’s doing the least she can. And why is it all on her? Presumably there’s another party to this marriage who is also literate.
I find it tragic that this generation finds it so grueling to say thank you.
+1
-1. It's not grueling to say thank you. It's grueling to buy stationery, handwrite a bunch of notes (especially after a wedding), buy stamps, and mail them. I don't use the mail for anything else and don't really handwrite anything at this point. I would be happy to write personalized emails, but I strongly dislike physical writing.
You must be an actual citizen of the Panem Capital if you find handwriting and using stamps to be “grueling.” Like, how pampered and lazy are you?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty sure my husband's half of our wedding guests never got any thank you notes. People who obsess over this (invariably women) never seem to hold men to this standard. Why is that?
Never? You mean never other than all the people in this thread who had help from their grooms? Read.
While there are men who write thank you notes, I have never seen anyone hold a man responsible for not writing them. This is a social standard enforced almost entirely by and against women.
"Enforced"? What the...
I have had both male and female cousins, friends, etc., fail to send thank you notes for weddings, graduation gifts, etc. And never once have I ever "enforced" that social nicety by calling them up to ask them about the gift, etc. WTH? Tell me, in great detail, how you have "enforced" this nicety with the people in your life.
I don't enforce it. I don't care about thank you notes. I give gifts when I want to because it makes me happy to do so for friends and family. I do not demand a handwritten note in return as a quid pro quo. But if you read this thread, there are plenty of people trying to enforce this practice according to their own standards by criticizing those who don't comply or, in some cases, mentioning that they have stopped giving gifts to those who didn't respond with a thank you note.
Criticizing is not “enforcing,” dum-dum. I criticized Donald Trump every day for four years, and yet he still remained in office. Turns out me calling him a dirtbag didn’t “enforce” his removal from office.
People post opinions on this thread. A lot of them are critical, snobby and snarky. That still doesn’t mean they “enforce” jack shyt.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Those thank you notes were the band of my existence after our wedding. Maybe it’s not ideal, but I would let it go and assume the bride is doing the best she can at the moment.
No, she’s doing the least she can. And why is it all on her? Presumably there’s another party to this marriage who is also literate.
I find it tragic that this generation finds it so grueling to say thank you.
+1
-1. It's not grueling to say thank you. It's grueling to buy stationery, handwrite a bunch of notes (especially after a wedding), buy stamps, and mail them. I don't use the mail for anything else and don't really handwrite anything at this point. I would be happy to write personalized emails, but I strongly dislike physical writing.
Was it grueling for your guests to buy you a gift, wrap and send it or arrange to have it sent, buy plane tickets and reserve and pay for hotel rooms, and dress up in nice clothing to celebrate your wedding?
It is really too much to acknowledge their contribution to your life event in a personal way?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty sure my husband's half of our wedding guests never got any thank you notes. People who obsess over this (invariably women) never seem to hold men to this standard. Why is that?
Never? You mean never other than all the people in this thread who had help from their grooms? Read.
While there are men who write thank you notes, I have never seen anyone hold a man responsible for not writing them. This is a social standard enforced almost entirely by and against women.
"Enforced"? What the...
I have had both male and female cousins, friends, etc., fail to send thank you notes for weddings, graduation gifts, etc. And never once have I ever "enforced" that social nicety by calling them up to ask them about the gift, etc. WTH? Tell me, in great detail, how you have "enforced" this nicety with the people in your life.
I don't enforce it. I don't care about thank you notes. I give gifts when I want to because it makes me happy to do so for friends and family. I do not demand a handwritten note in return as a quid pro quo. But if you read this thread, there are plenty of people trying to enforce this practice according to their own standards by criticizing those who don't comply or, in some cases, mentioning that they have stopped giving gifts to those who didn't respond with a thank you note.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t think twice about this. Why do you need them to hand write a thank you?
As a sign of actual gratitude, not a cookie cutter mass print you order online and send out just so you can check off the box.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Those thank you notes were the band of my existence after our wedding. Maybe it’s not ideal, but I would let it go and assume the bride is doing the best she can at the moment.
No, she’s doing the least she can. And why is it all on her? Presumably there’s another party to this marriage who is also literate.
I find it tragic that this generation finds it so grueling to say thank you.
+1
-1. It's not grueling to say thank you. It's grueling to buy stationery, handwrite a bunch of notes (especially after a wedding), buy stamps, and mail them. I don't use the mail for anything else and don't really handwrite anything at this point. I would be happy to write personalized emails, but I strongly dislike physical writing.
Anonymous wrote:Someone took the time to buy you a gift, even if all they did was click from your registry,they spent their hard earned money on you. The least you can do is take the time to write them a three-sentence thank you note. Thank you for the blah blah blah, can't wait to use it blah blah blah, glad you could make it to the wedding or sorry we missed you at the wedding.
Doesn't take that long (I wrote over three hundred of them, the majority as gifts arrived beforethe wedding, some after, 3 per day until they were all written and sent. I am in my late 40s. I would be unhappy with a preprinted thank-you card, unless their was a special needs situation where writing was extremely challenging - not some twit who thinks they are too self-important/too busy to write a thank you note!
Times may change, but good manners never go out of style.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It’s not ideal, but I rarely get thanks for gifts I send, so I’d consider any acknowledgement a win. People are busier now than in generations past—in our mothers and grandmothers generation, women didn’t always work, so they had time to fuss over handwritten cards. That said, I’m in the camp of sending hand written thank you notes—I just know not everyone has the same priorities.
No, they are not.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Those thank you notes were the band of my existence after our wedding. Maybe it’s not ideal, but I would let it go and assume the bride is doing the best she can at the moment.
No, she’s doing the least she can. And why is it all on her? Presumably there’s another party to this marriage who is also literate.
I find it tragic that this generation finds it so grueling to say thank you.
+1000
Shocking how many people seem to have been raised with trailer park manners.
Those of us with real manners know that you don't put down people who live in modular homes, and write off lower-SES people as ill-mannered based only on their SES.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Those thank you notes were the band of my existence after our wedding. Maybe it’s not ideal, but I would let it go and assume the bride is doing the best she can at the moment.
No, she’s doing the least she can. And why is it all on her? Presumably there’s another party to this marriage who is also literate.
I find it tragic that this generation finds it so grueling to say thank you.
+1
-1. It's not grueling to say thank you. It's grueling to buy stationery, handwrite a bunch of notes (especially after a wedding), buy stamps, and mail them. I don't use the mail for anything else and don't really handwrite anything at this point. I would be happy to write personalized emails, but I strongly dislike physical writing.
Anonymous wrote:It’s not ideal, but I rarely get thanks for gifts I send, so I’d consider any acknowledgement a win. People are busier now than in generations past—in our mothers and grandmothers generation, women didn’t always work, so they had time to fuss over handwritten cards. That said, I’m in the camp of sending hand written thank you notes—I just know not everyone has the same priorities.