Anonymous
Post 08/13/2021 14:19     Subject: Why or why not have a 4th child?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I only have two but I heard that three is harder than four so I always thought that if I had three I wouldn’t stop there.


I think this is because those that have difficulty adjusting their parenting style from man-to-man to zone defense stop at three, and parents to whom it comes easy (or have children amenable to that style) continue to have more kids.


DP, but I think the whole "three is hardest" is because many families end up with three but didn't plan on three, either because they went for a second and had twins, or they had an unplanned third pregnancy and couldn't bear to terminate.

We planned on having three, have three, and love having three. I know many other families in the same boat. The ones I know with three who struggle didn't plan on three and had a hard time adjusting. Some adjust fine, of course, but many don't. DH and I "could" have four (or more), but we also value our careers and individual time with the kids, so stopping at three makes sense.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2021 14:14     Subject: Why or why not have a 4th child?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Both my DH and I came from families of 6 so we wanted 4 kids. I think some people really don’t “get” wanting to have 4 but I see this as similar to people who don’t “get” having kids at all. We love it but I know it would be a difficult family size for some people to handle.



It's not really about getting it or not being able to handle it. It's that it's completely irresponsible to have that many kids that intentionally.

And the parents with 4+ kids are never handling it as well as they think they are.


Just because you can't handle 4+ kids doesn't mean you should rationalize it with all that judgment.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2021 14:05     Subject: Why or why not have a 4th child?
Currently expecting #4. I just wasn’t done. But I now feel this will be my last. You’ll know when you are done. No one said this had to be rational.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2021 13:24     Subject: Why or why not have a 4th child?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Both my DH and I came from families of 6 so we wanted 4 kids. I think some people really don’t “get” wanting to have 4 but I see this as similar to people who don’t “get” having kids at all. We love it but I know it would be a difficult family size for some people to handle.



It's not really about getting it or not being able to handle it. It's that it's completely irresponsible to have that many kids that intentionally.

And the parents with 4+ kids are never handling it as well as they think they are.


What do you think it is that makes you so critical and sensitive towards the idea of larger families? I see these types of responses and they often come off as needlessly defensive and self conscious.

I have 2 and am done but there are obviously both good and bad parents of one child and of four. Are people who make snide remarks just jealous? If they truly don’t want more, why?
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2021 12:28     Subject: Why or why not have a 4th child?
Anonymous wrote:Both my DH and I came from families of 6 so we wanted 4 kids. I think some people really don’t “get” wanting to have 4 but I see this as similar to people who don’t “get” having kids at all. We love it but I know it would be a difficult family size for some people to handle.



It's not really about getting it or not being able to handle it. It's that it's completely irresponsible to have that many kids that intentionally.

And the parents with 4+ kids are never handling it as well as they think they are.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2021 12:25     Subject: Why or why not have a 4th child?
Anonymous wrote:We have 4 kids. We were done at 3, but our last was a surprise. There are age gaps between some of the kids. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Our 4th completes our family and it is a lot of fun.

But it’s a lot some days. If you are more of a free range parent and let the kids roam, it would probably be easier, but we are not those parents. There is a lot of homework to help with, a lot of activities to arrange and take them to. And I’m insistent that all kids are treated equally and get to do their own activities. I am really really tired at the end of the day.

Let’s face it, kids are expensive and the 4th one actually drives up the cost. Traveling can suck because most accommodations are not for 4 kids. You need bigger cars.

My kids will still ask for more babies. They love having a big family. I am VERY clear they are out of luck for that request.


So your husband had a vasectomy and or you got your tubes tied and you still got pregnant with a 4th? That's truly amazing!
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2021 12:23     Subject: Why or why not have a 4th child?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I never heard a good argument for having that many kids. so I guess you'd say my reason was reason.


I want another child.

Isn’t it the same argument if you have any children?



That only works up to 2 kids after that it's not a good reason.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2021 11:38     Subject: Re:Why or why not have a 4th child?
Anonymous wrote:Lots of posters on here saying their fourth was an oops baby. Was it? Was it really?


not oops, but I went off the pill and just thought, if it's meant to happen, it will. So, sort of?
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2021 11:09     Subject: Why or why not have a 4th child?
We have 2. I didn’t want an only and I don’t know that we could comfortably afford more. If I had unlimited resources I’d choose to have more kids.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2021 10:58     Subject: Why or why not have a 4th child?
Both my DH and I came from families of 6 so we wanted 4 kids. I think some people really don’t “get” wanting to have 4 but I see this as similar to people who don’t “get” having kids at all. We love it but I know it would be a difficult family size for some people to handle.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2021 10:30     Subject: Re:Why or why not have a 4th child?
Lots of posters on here saying their fourth was an oops baby. Was it? Was it really?
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2021 09:26     Subject: Why or why not have a 4th child?
Anonymous wrote:I never heard a good argument for having that many kids. so I guess you'd say my reason was reason.


I want another child.

Isn’t it the same argument if you have any children?

Anonymous
Post 08/13/2021 09:21     Subject: Why or why not have a 4th child?
Anonymous wrote:I only have two but I heard that three is harder than four so I always thought that if I had three I wouldn’t stop there.


I think this is because those that have difficulty adjusting their parenting style from man-to-man to zone defense stop at three, and parents to whom it comes easy (or have children amenable to that style) continue to have more kids.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2021 09:13     Subject: Why or why not have a 4th child?
We have 4 kids. We were done at 3, but our last was a surprise. There are age gaps between some of the kids. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Our 4th completes our family and it is a lot of fun.

But it’s a lot some days. If you are more of a free range parent and let the kids roam, it would probably be easier, but we are not those parents. There is a lot of homework to help with, a lot of activities to arrange and take them to. And I’m insistent that all kids are treated equally and get to do their own activities. I am really really tired at the end of the day.

Let’s face it, kids are expensive and the 4th one actually drives up the cost. Traveling can suck because most accommodations are not for 4 kids. You need bigger cars.

My kids will still ask for more babies. They love having a big family. I am VERY clear they are out of luck for that request.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2021 22:08     Subject: Why or why not have a 4th child?
I never heard a good argument for having that many kids. so I guess you'd say my reason was reason.