Experiencing the pandemic has absolutely been a trauma for our family. I am a sahm of 4 young kids and my husband is a primary care physician. We live in NY. His office, all patients and providers, came down with covid early in the pandemic (thank God he did not). Schools closed soon after and we kept paying high tuition for our middle kids while having crappy virtual learning which all the kids hated. My husband worked more than ever and many of his patients died. He was not provided with Ppe and we had to use a stash of painters masks in the basement for him. Meanwhile, my mother panicked and isolated and only called to talk about herself.

I struggled HARD. I had friends stop calling me when I was no longer able to provide them emotional support. Now they are coming back… uhm… what?

Now that I am out of it, I can see clearly that we are so, so alone in the world. We need to save all our money to support our kids as no one but us truly cares about them.

Our church community left us hanging. No help for virtual faith formation for the kids for 9 months. When I finally set foot solo in the church again, it was absolutely packed with boomers and I was revolted. I’m STILL furious. We kept our kids home for 9 months, no activities or trips or birthday parties for a year, no restaurants, date nights, ANYTHING… so that the most vulnerable population to covid could eat out and travel and go to church?!?!?

This is a rage that will never, ever end. My kids, self, and spouse were at the brink of despair for no good reason.

I am entirely over covid and will never trust those in power again. I will save our money more than ever as we are all alone! I will value my true friends who were there for us when I was weak.

And to all of you that had an easy time of it, eff you. My husband and I truely thought we were going to die of it before it was understood. Our medical friends suffered and took pay cuts to place the vents of people who denied covid, while putting their kids in expensive, clinical chidcare. Young families with medical parents are the real losers of this year.

Wow, this thread has gone in a sad direction.

For what it's worth, we are a middle class family for whom the burden of losing childcare/school was a genuine hardship. I don't care if you think it was easy or not, I know what happened. We do not have the finances to simply replace in-person school with paid childcare. We used some savings to pay for some childcare just to make it possible to get by. We both work. Our children are young (3 and 5). We were fortunate that one of us could always work from home, though we both had to work in person at times.

But this year was brutal and I have only just started to recovery. Even now, we are dealing with insane schedules just to get by. We were able to buy about a month of summer camp with our kids (normally we'd be able to afford more, but we paid for part-time care throughout the year and are just tapped out at this point). The weeks we don't have camp, I usually work until 1am and then my husband watches the kids until 9am so that I can sleep in, and then I take over until he gets home from work, and then he handles dinner/bedtime while I pull another night shift. This is one of those weeks. I'm so tired. I keep telling myself that September is the finish line. We will limp across it.

It is unreal how many people blow off what families like ours have been through, simply because we didn't die. Oh, and if you are wondering, we have lost 3 family members in the last year, including one to Covid, plus are supporting another who is so deep in grief she cannot care for herself.

Lots of ordinary families who aren't necessarily first responders or essential workers took it on the chin all year. Lots of us are hurting. The lack of empathy in this thread for us is par for the course, but still hurts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s made me mad. I will never ever forget the feeling of abandonment. The whole world walked out. I was home alone with 3 small children, one with special needs, for 15 months. Our schools didn’t reopen. Therapies were only on zoom. And nobody cared. My parents social distanced from us. My DH can’t work from home and was out of the house from 8-7 every weekday. Soooo many “friends” and neighbors gushed about all the “silver linings” of the pandemic and how they enjoyed the family time and slower pace. Can’t relate. At all.

I am going to say this as gently as I can — you are alone when it comes down to taking care of your kids. Yes, we all build villages which are very important, however, your kids will be entirely dependent on you during emergencies like a pandemic. That is true for everyone. The therapists our kids depend on? They also have families who they had to protect from a pandemic. Same for the teachers and even your parents — they had to protect themselves. Being mad at people for taking care of themselves and protecting their own families is a waste of precious emotional energy because the outcome will always be the same.

NP here. But society decided to reopen freaking bars!! Disney was open. You could go bowling while kids sat at home unable to attend in-person school or get the important therapies they needed.

I’m sorry, but our country made its priorities very clear over the past 15 months and it’s apparent that children, particularly those with special needs/mental health issues/too young to benefit from virtual learning were absolute bottom of the barrel. Working moms a close second.

It’s not like the rest of the country was also hunkering at home along with the parents of young kids. I saw so many of my child free friends taking advantage of cheap flights, going out to restaurants, etc. while my 5 year old sat at home on an iPad trying to learn how to read and I tried to cling to my job. So sorry, but I think parents of young kids have a right to feel like we’ve been abandoned by society. We sacrificed the well-being of the young to by and large save the elderly (many of which I saw living their lives out and about on social media as if there wasn’t even a pandemic!).

And even now, many camps aren’t offering aftercare this year or have reduced enrollment because staffing/planning was done back in Feb. before we knew what the summer would look like. Life is back to normal for many people, but those of us with young kids are still very much awaiting full reopening and hopefully a safe pediatric vaccine.

+100000 to all this

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having small kids and taking care of them is the most isolating and tiring experience even when there is no pandemic.

People need to also understand that having more than 1 or 2 kids is not easy. No one owes the raising of your kids to you. The parents have to raise them. If they are lucky they will have paid or unpaid caregivers at various times but it is not a guarantee.

If you cannot do it on your own and do it well then don't have kids.

Oh shut up.

This poster isn’t wrong though…when the going gets tough, raising kids is entirely on the parents.

Absolutely. But do you understand how many people had to work in person over pandemic that had no childcare resources? Our children are absolutely our responsibility…but no one has 11 back up plans for plague. It’s so dismissive.

Yes, it's a pat answer that really has no connection to reality. So the nurse/ essential worker you need more than ever to be working has no child care -- but that just means she shouldn't have had kids? What about the guy bringing you your groceries so you can bunker down with your family--should he have created a pandemic-proof backup childcare system 8 years ago in anticipation of potential world pandemic? We structure society in ways that maximize public wellbeing that involve interdependence. In all sorts of ways - hardly just childcare. It is just idiot magical thinking to say everyone can/should immediately be able to cope and flourish without these structures.

Thank you.

Whatever. Do I feel bad for the truly low-income essential families who were crushed by this? Absolutely.

Do I feel bad for the Pulomonologist married to the research scientist with the $400K dual-income who had to suddenly pay for private childcare during the year? Not a chance.

Lots of high income and high net worth individuals in this region had to shift their finances from $5,000/trip vacations to paying nannies through the nose. And I do not care.

I really don’t think the people claiming hardship on here are those that make 400k per year and simply canceled some travel in order to afford a nanny. Heck those people probably already had a nanny.

They are not representative of the vast majority of people in this area, so your attitude is unnecessarily flippant.

On the contrary they do represent a large contingent of DCUM.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having small kids and taking care of them is the most isolating and tiring experience even when there is no pandemic.

People need to also understand that having more than 1 or 2 kids is not easy. No one owes the raising of your kids to you. The parents have to raise them. If they are lucky they will have paid or unpaid caregivers at various times but it is not a guarantee.

If you cannot do it on your own and do it well then don't have kids.

Oh shut up.

This poster isn’t wrong though…when the going gets tough, raising kids is entirely on the parents.

Absolutely. But do you understand how many people had to work in person over pandemic that had no childcare resources? Our children are absolutely our responsibility…but no one has 11 back up plans for plague. It’s so dismissive.

Yes, it's a pat answer that really has no connection to reality. So the nurse/ essential worker you need more than ever to be working has no child care -- but that just means she shouldn't have had kids? What about the guy bringing you your groceries so you can bunker down with your family--should he have created a pandemic-proof backup childcare system 8 years ago in anticipation of potential world pandemic? We structure society in ways that maximize public wellbeing that involve interdependence. In all sorts of ways - hardly just childcare. It is just idiot magical thinking to say everyone can/should immediately be able to cope and flourish without these structures.

Thank you.

Whatever. Do I feel bad for the truly low-income essential families who were crushed by this? Absolutely.

Do I feel bad for the Pulomonologist married to the research scientist with the $400K dual-income who had to suddenly pay for private childcare during the year? Not a chance.

Lots of high income and high net worth individuals in this region had to shift their finances from $5,000/trip vacations to paying nannies through the nose. And I do not care.

I really don’t think the people claiming hardship on here are those that make 400k per year and simply canceled some travel in order to afford a nanny. Heck those people probably already had a nanny.

They are not representative of the vast majority of people in this area, so your attitude is unnecessarily flippant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s made me mad. I will never ever forget the feeling of abandonment. The whole world walked out. I was home alone with 3 small children, one with special needs, for 15 months. Our schools didn’t reopen. Therapies were only on zoom. And nobody cared. My parents social distanced from us. My DH can’t work from home and was out of the house from 8-7 every weekday. Soooo many “friends” and neighbors gushed about all the “silver linings” of the pandemic and how they enjoyed the family time and slower pace. Can’t relate. At all.

I am going to say this as gently as I can — you are alone when it comes down to taking care of your kids. Yes, we all build villages which are very important, however, your kids will be entirely dependent on you during emergencies like a pandemic. That is true for everyone. The therapists our kids depend on? They also have families who they had to protect from a pandemic. Same for the teachers and even your parents — they had to protect themselves. Being mad at people for taking care of themselves and protecting their own families is a waste of precious emotional energy because the outcome will always be the same.

NP here. But society decided to reopen freaking bars!! Disney was open. You could go bowling while kids sat at home unable to attend in-person school or get the important therapies they needed.

I’m sorry, but our country made its priorities very clear over the past 15 months and it’s apparent that children, particularly those with special needs/mental health issues/too young to benefit from virtual learning were absolute bottom of the barrel. Working moms a close second.

It’s not like the rest of the country was also hunkering at home along with the parents of young kids. I saw so many of my child free friends taking advantage of cheap flights, going out to restaurants, etc. while my 5 year old sat at home on an iPad trying to learn how to read and I tried to cling to my job. So sorry, but I think parents of young kids have a right to feel like we’ve been abandoned by society. We sacrificed the well-being of the young to by and large save the elderly (many of which I saw living their lives out and about on social media as if there wasn’t even a pandemic!).

And even now, many camps aren’t offering aftercare this year or have reduced enrollment because staffing/planning was done back in Feb. before we knew what the summer would look like. Life is back to normal for many people, but those of us with young kids are still very much awaiting full reopening and hopefully a safe pediatric vaccine.

Anonymous wrote:It turned me into a republican. I will not vote for Trump and I’ve masked/been vaccinated but going forward I’m only voting GOP. I’ve had enough of the over the top identity politics being so extreme lately. I’ve had enough of the COVID scare tactics. I want my kids back in school.

Same, but I was always more of a lefty libertarian.

As an atheist, the “religious right” used to scare me more than any other group.

Not anymore. They are powerless when compared to the crazy authoritarian left.

I, the Atheist, would have given almost anything to get my kids into the Evangelical school down the road. But- they were full with a massive waiting list. LOL I’d rather they have normal school and say some meaningless prayers than be zoned out in front of Zoom or sit boxed in a weird plastic cubicle at school.

Total 180. I’ve been worrying about the wrong threat all my life. Go figure.

I was disheartened by the way the pandemic just became an excuse to crap on parents--and women--and the combo, moms, just as this thread has illustrated in its incessant need to question and diminish SAHM of young kids who have the temerity to express that the pandemic was a challenging time for them.
-Not a SAHM

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having small kids and taking care of them is the most isolating and tiring experience even when there is no pandemic.

People need to also understand that having more than 1 or 2 kids is not easy. No one owes the raising of your kids to you. The parents have to raise them. If they are lucky they will have paid or unpaid caregivers at various times but it is not a guarantee.

If you cannot do it on your own and do it well then don't have kids.

Oh shut up.

This poster isn’t wrong though…when the going gets tough, raising kids is entirely on the parents.

Absolutely. But do you understand how many people had to work in person over pandemic that had no childcare resources? Our children are absolutely our responsibility…but no one has 11 back up plans for plague. It’s so dismissive.

In CRT scholarship, this attitude is evidence of white supremacy culture. It reflects rugged individualism (everyone is on their own, if you didn't have backup, backup backup pandemic childcare plans you are an irresponsible person), power hoarding and either or thinking. These people think that if it wasn't a problem for me, then it wasn't a problem at all. There's no sense of the greater good and no willingness to listen to the experiences of others, only blame and judgment. The resulting isolation pushes all of us further apart at a time when shared values and concern for the common good are needed the most.

I am sure whites had a very different Covid experience than the rest of us, who had no choice but to work on the front lines and take all the risks.

It turned me into a republican. I will not vote for Trump and I’ve masked/been vaccinated but going forward I’m only voting GOP. I’ve had enough of the over the top identity politics being so extreme lately. I’ve had enough of the COVID scare tactics. I want my kids back in school.

Anonymous wrote:Made me really appreciate just how evil the Chinese Communist Party / Chinese government truly is.

They are the Number One threat to the world. Not just to their own citizens, but to every single human on this planet.

+1000

The Chinese communist party is dishonest to the core. And completely devoid of anything resembling morality.

In secret, they are actively perpetuating genocide against their Uighur population.

They are also massively exploiting Africa and many other underdeveloped regions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having small kids and taking care of them is the most isolating and tiring experience even when there is no pandemic.

People need to also understand that having more than 1 or 2 kids is not easy. No one owes the raising of your kids to you. The parents have to raise them. If they are lucky they will have paid or unpaid caregivers at various times but it is not a guarantee.

If you cannot do it on your own and do it well then don't have kids.

Oh shut up.

Please shut up. You have no idea what anyone's circumstances are.
Maybe her husband died. Maybe he was abusive.
Just be kind people. Why is that so hard.

For myself and my friends, the pandemic was mostly ok. We are set financially and are retired. Both of my kids who are college age spent lots of time with us that we would not have otherwise enjoyed.

The only significant source of stress was in helping my elderly mother who lives in an independent living facility. There were weeks and months where I was not allowed to see her in person. Also when she was hospitalized, I was prevented from seeing her. But she has weathered the pandemic with significant hearing loss and less cognitive ability than before. I have her over for dinner, call her every day and try to do things that make her happy. We muddle through.

Learned that most people are complainers. Not being able to go to the store or out to dinner 3x/wk or being able to dump their kids at school/daycare 40 hrs/wk was tragic to them (and no they weren't essential workers - they were home often with one stay home spouse).

I had ongoing knee problems, and doing grocery store pickup or delivery and not running errands for a year allowed me to make a huge amount of knee pain progress with my physical therapy program. I had no idea how everyday walking was holding me back. Now I can walk with so much less pain.

Realized I was better off not being around critical and insulting people. That my dh and I need to stay away from some of our relatives, and see others more often. Also that I need new DC area friends who are not insulting and competitive.

Realized how lucky I am to have any sort of sfh in the DC area, even if it's not my favorite. And how lucky we are to have jobs which can be done remotely. And how lucky we were not to lose anyone to Covid; most of our

The down side: my already existing anxiety went out of control and now I have needed to reenter society slowly, among other reasons, to keep anxiety under control. Has more to do with the Capitol insurrection than Covid.