My 12 year-old girl dresses like a 14 year-old boy in grunge-era Seattle. Skater shorts, flannel shirts, shaggy haircut, baseball cap.

Sometimes I want to grab her and push her hair back just to get a look at her face, but I don't.

Welcome to parenting teens/tweens, OP. You can't control their bodies as much as you did when they were little.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the premise the society pressures women and girls to cover up. In my experience over almost 50 years, society pressures young women and teen girls to display their bodies. Boys never walk around with their bellies on display or their ass cheeks hanging out. Why? Because it’s generally not comfortable and they don’t feel the need to display their bodies in order to garner positive attention. Putting aside things like girls going run a run or out on a very hot day, I think it’s indisputable that most girls are doing this either to attract the male gaze or to satisfy some societal expectation of what is feminine or in. (Note all the threads on this site about women looking dowdy or like an old lady if they wear bathing suits that cover their ass or their stomach.)

It's both.

The age-old dilemma that you're a slut if you have sex, and you're a prude if you don't. You're not cool if you don't wear revealing clothes, but if you do, you're trashy and skanky.

Males absolutely walk around displaying their bodies. I worked at a gym, and it was always the guys who would take their shirts off long before they even started sweating, then walk around flexing for the attention. And they wear short shorts. Ever hear of Ranger panties?

If the problem is the male gaze, then we need to fix the male gaze, not put the onus on females. Teach your boys not to objectify females. Men need to understand it's not okay to sexualize teenagers.

My European friends don't get what the big deal is. They see bodies as just bodies. Stomachs are just a body part, legs are just a body part, no need to keep them covered up. Even breasts are no big deal. Not everything has to be sexualized.

Please... we might as well pop out men's eyes. Ain't gonna happen, ever.

Also, this is a 13 yr old girl we are talking about, dressing to show off her body. That's not appropriate.

Also, my DH is from the UK, and he recently went to his friend's house, and their 13 yr old girl was wearing a tube top. She is very large chested. He found the way she dressed inappropriate.

So females have to alter how they dress because men can’t control themselves? Hello, rape culture.

Females should be careful when they go out, period. That's just reality. It would be nice if we didn't have to, but that's not reality, and you do a disservice to your DD if you don't teach her what real life is like.

Please teach your DD that if she walks down a dark alley at night, she may get mugged or worse. So, don't do it.

Please teach your DD that if she gets rip roaring drunk, she is an easy target for getting raped.

Please teach your DD that if you display your wares, there are pervy men who will look. No one has the right to touch you, but you can't stop them from looking unless you gouge their eyes out.

I'd love life to be all puppy dogs and rainbows, where there is no rape, girls aren't sexualized, every child is loved and has plenty to eat, but that's not reality.

So wearing a crop top is the same as walking down an alley at night? Smh.

My daughters know they have the right to wear whatever they want, and if any man thinks it gives them the right to disrespect them or touch them, law enforcement gets involved.

Research has shown over and over that the “don’t get drunk” warnings simply don’t work. Bystander training is much more effective.

? It's an example of things to warn your children about. Seriously, why are you being so obtuse.

Why not let your 13 yr old wear a teeny tiny bikini and a thong if you think men should control themselves?

Of course people have a right to wear what they want? And others have a right to ogle. How will your DD react when a perv ogles her? Will she like the attention or be grossed by it, you think?

I can't believe you think a bystander will help your DD if she gets rip roaring drunk.

You are so naive and live in la la land.

Are you from the medieval ages or what?

Yes, my 16 year old DD wears a thong bikini. It is her choice and she is comfortable in it. She likes the attention. It is healthy and normal. And yes men should control themselves!!!! Look and ogle all you want but you do not have a right to anything more.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To school and formal events we would require DD wear appropriate clothes.

As for hanging our with her friends and boyfriend, anything goes. This is a fun age and she looks cute. Tube top, crop top, 2 1/2 inch short shorts are all fine in these situations.

When I was 15 I enjoyed the attention and it is a nice ego boost. What is the harm in a little fun.

I agree up to a point and it depends where they are hanging out with friends. And the shorts you describe aren’t that short by today’s booty hanging out the back standard… yuck
When I was 15 I dressed modestly and still got attention that made me uncomfortable but then enjoyed it by 19 which is more age appropriate

Any shorts are fine, even with booty hanging out. DD wears those sometimes. She also wears a bikini that is far more revealing to the beach, pool, theme parks/water parks. The shortest of shorts cover a lot more than the bikini. It is not like men turn off their attention in a bikini wearing zone and turn back the attention in other situations.

What matters is she is comfortable in these and enjoys the attention. So why should a parent care about some arbitrary modesty standards?

Anonymous wrote:To school and formal events we would require DD wear appropriate clothes.

As for hanging our with her friends and boyfriend, anything goes. This is a fun age and she looks cute. Tube top, crop top, 2 1/2 inch short shorts are all fine in these situations.

When I was 15 I enjoyed the attention and it is a nice ego boost. What is the harm in a little fun.

I agree up to a point and it depends where they are hanging out with friends. And the shorts you describe aren’t that short by today’s booty hanging out the back standard… yuck
When I was 15 I dressed modestly and still got attention that made me uncomfortable but then enjoyed it by 19 which is more age appropriate

To school and formal events we would require DD wear appropriate clothes.

As for hanging our with her friends and boyfriend, anything goes. This is a fun age and she looks cute. Tube top, crop top, 2 1/2 inch short shorts are all fine in these situations.

When I was 15 I enjoyed the attention and it is a nice ego boost. What is the harm in a little fun.

Anonymous wrote:what is the greatschools rating, we saw this at lower rated schools and when we moved to an 8 it went away.

Lol, oh my god

How old are guys? Some much of current teen fashion is a throw back from the 1990s when many of us were kids. Seems strange to getting all worked up about basically what many of us and our friends wore.

I thought they all are obsessed with love shack fancy or maybe that’s only nyc

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She is beautiful and has a lovely figure (she is a dancer and swimmer). I feel like the shorts and crop tops look trashy honestly. I would never say this to her. I say things like "too revealing" or "too mature." I bought a couple of "tasteful" crop tops at the beginning of the season at her begging and hoping that that would shut her up. It didn't and she has since bought several more at Target with her own money. After purchasing yet another couple today at Target with friends, I told her "I think that's enough crop tops." She was horribly offended and stormed upstairs.

Its her money correct? Then you dont really have a say. You are making a fight about her independence and thats going to go sideways. She is buying crop tops not mushrooms.

She knows you think they look trashy because you are saying too revealing and too mature. You need to start to have REAL and HONEST conversations with your daughter about the balances that females have to make. If she is a dancer or swimmer she has already been in skintight revealing outfits, so there is hypocrisy at play here. Its not her body its the clothes but you are also saying the clothes are how she is being judged. These are really NUANCED conversations that are important to have. I mean you can talk about how the world wants women to cover up and its ingrained and how some people think that the way someone dresses reflects how they should be treated. There is some truth to that. Just as there are trashier outfits there are power outfits. No one deserves to be treated poorly because of the way they dress but it happens- she needs to be aware of things she CAN control and the things she cant control are other peoples reactions to her. She may like that she is looked at and desired. You see her as 13- her brain is not fully developed but the body develops faster than our brains do. Her body signals reproduction if she has breasts and hips, which is sexual.
Look at the school in FL that took the yearbook photos and covered up girls who had ANY amount of cleavage showing. https://www.cnn.com/2021/05/25/us/florida-yearbook-photos-altered-trnd/index.html

Um, what? LOL. She is thirteen. Yes, her parents can tell her what she can and cannot purchase and what she can and cannot wear. When she's 18 and/or no longer in their legal custody, she can buy and wear what she likes.

Wearing a crop top is dressing like a prostitute? seriously? quite a leap. My teen also likes to dress this way. As long as her butt isn't hanging out of the shorts (and she has no desire for it to) then she can wear all the shorty shorts she wants to. I see nothing wrong with it--and she is skinny and tall, so she can pull it off. I don't love the crop top look either, however I told her she cannot wear them to school and she cannot wear anything where the fabric is above her navel, otherwise we're in tube top territory. The crop tops we've agreed on cut right at the navel or just below. And she's also into the oversized shirts over her shorts and I have reminded her that it looks like she's not wearing any shorts--we've compromised with tying one corner of the shirt up, but I'm sure she takes that down the minute she's out of sight. She did show me a one piece bathing suit the other day that had the center cut out around the navel, and that item in particular did remind me of Julia Robert's outfit in Pretty Woman and I was like no way and she respects my response. So far, I think her fashion choices are pretty on par with the majority of teens these days. There's nothing wrong with it and I don't think we should send the message to our girls that they're dressing inappropriately and attracting "the wrong kind of attention" if they're not wearing shorts down to their knees. What's next--we're going to get out our rulers and start measuring skirt length?

what is the greatschools rating, we saw this at lower rated schools and when we moved to an 8 it went away.

Anonymous wrote:Please help me get over this.

Shorts are way too tight and short. They look like they don't fit her. And she pairs them with either t-shirts that are so big it looks like she isn't wearing any shorts at all, or crop tops.

There isn't a single outfit that she likes and I like.

You should clearly confront her about this, and make it unmistakably clear that you disapprove of her clothing choices. That'll work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She is beautiful and has a lovely figure (she is a dancer and swimmer). I feel like the shorts and crop tops look trashy honestly. I would never say this to her. I say things like "too revealing" or "too mature." I bought a couple of "tasteful" crop tops at the beginning of the season at her begging and hoping that that would shut her up. It didn't and she has since bought several more at Target with her own money. After purchasing yet another couple today at Target with friends, I told her "I think that's enough crop tops." She was horribly offended and stormed upstairs.

There is more going on here than you're saying. I can't imagine saying this or even thinking it about my kid.

Give me a break holier-than-thou parent Also, how old are your kids?

I have 7 kids. They range from 11 to 23. I have never, ever thought or said about my any of my kids that I was "hoping that would shut her (or him) up."

OP's problem isn't her kid, OP's problem is herself. Too bad for the kid.

It is harsh but your response is over the top

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She is beautiful and has a lovely figure (she is a dancer and swimmer). I feel like the shorts and crop tops look trashy honestly. I would never say this to her. I say things like "too revealing" or "too mature." I bought a couple of "tasteful" crop tops at the beginning of the season at her begging and hoping that that would shut her up. It didn't and she has since bought several more at Target with her own money. After purchasing yet another couple today at Target with friends, I told her "I think that's enough crop tops." She was horribly offended and stormed upstairs.

There is more going on here than you're saying. I can't imagine saying this or even thinking it about my kid.

Give me a break holier-than-thou parent Also, how old are your kids?

I have 7 kids. They range from 11 to 23. I have never, ever thought or said about my any of my kids that I was "hoping that would shut her (or him) up."

OP's problem isn't her kid, OP's problem is herself. Too bad for the kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the premise the society pressures women and girls to cover up. In my experience over almost 50 years, society pressures young women and teen girls to display their bodies. Boys never walk around with their bellies on display or their ass cheeks hanging out. Why? Because it’s generally not comfortable and they don’t feel the need to display their bodies in order to garner positive attention. Putting aside things like girls going run a run or out on a very hot day, I think it’s indisputable that most girls are doing this either to attract the male gaze or to satisfy some societal expectation of what is feminine or in. (Note all the threads on this site about women looking dowdy or like an old lady if they wear bathing suits that cover their ass or their stomach.)

It's both.

The age-old dilemma that you're a slut if you have sex, and you're a prude if you don't. You're not cool if you don't wear revealing clothes, but if you do, you're trashy and skanky.

Males absolutely walk around displaying their bodies. I worked at a gym, and it was always the guys who would take their shirts off long before they even started sweating, then walk around flexing for the attention. And they wear short shorts. Ever hear of Ranger panties?

If the problem is the male gaze, then we need to fix the male gaze, not put the onus on females. Teach your boys not to objectify females. Men need to understand it's not okay to sexualize teenagers.

My European friends don't get what the big deal is. They see bodies as just bodies. Stomachs are just a body part, legs are just a body part, no need to keep them covered up. Even breasts are no big deal. Not everything has to be sexualized.

Please... we might as well pop out men's eyes. Ain't gonna happen, ever.

Also, this is a 13 yr old girl we are talking about, dressing to show off her body. That's not appropriate.

Also, my DH is from the UK, and he recently went to his friend's house, and their 13 yr old girl was wearing a tube top. She is very large chested. He found the way she dressed inappropriate.

So females have to alter how they dress because men can’t control themselves? Hello, rape culture.

Females should be careful when they go out, period. That's just reality. It would be nice if we didn't have to, but that's not reality, and you do a disservice to your DD if you don't teach her what real life is like.

Please teach your DD that if she walks down a dark alley at night, she may get mugged or worse. So, don't do it.

Please teach your DD that if she gets rip roaring drunk, she is an easy target for getting raped.

Please teach your DD that if you display your wares, there are pervy men who will look. No one has the right to touch you, but you can't stop them from looking unless you gouge their eyes out.

I'd love life to be all puppy dogs and rainbows, where there is no rape, girls aren't sexualized, every child is loved and has plenty to eat, but that's not reality.

So wearing a crop top is the same as walking down an alley at night? Smh.

My daughters know they have the right to wear whatever they want, and if any man thinks it gives them the right to disrespect them or touch them, law enforcement gets involved.

Research has shown over and over that the “don’t get drunk” warnings simply don’t work. Bystander training is much more effective.

? It's an example of things to warn your children about. Seriously, why are you being so obtuse.

Why not let your 13 yr old wear a teeny tiny bikini and a thong if you think men should control themselves?

Of course people have a right to wear what they want? And others have a right to ogle. How will your DD react when a perv ogles her? Will she like the attention or be grossed by it, you think?

I can't believe you think a bystander will help your DD if she gets rip roaring drunk.

You are so naive and live in la la land.