Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:do you work outside the home?

I work from home because of COVID. Hoping to go back soon.

This is the key, my friend. Get the hell outta the house, and send your brats to school and aftercare. A change will do you good, I promise.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Peeing everywhere and that much screaming is not normal.

Two theories:
1. You are depressed and it’s affecting the kids and now they are acting out. Seek help
2. You are living in toxic mold. Apparently Pee accidents with older kids are connected to this and mold can affect people psychologically.

Either is a huge concern

Could also be that OP’s mental state is blinding her to abuse occurring in her home.

I think the kids need to be sent away to a trusted relative for the summer...something very bad is up in OP’s house. Mom? Dad? Who knows? This isn’t about needing more rules.

I'm suspecting toxic or abusive home too. OP indicated her house is a mess - to the point her kindergartener has to stuff dirty clothes under bed, OO steps on schoolwork on floor, and OP expects her kindergartener and 2nd grader to be self cleaning maids????

OP - You sound like you need mental help. You aren't cleaning up after your children, and your anger issues might be abusive, combined with mess, and your kids are so full of anxiety they piss themselves. The End.

Let me ask the question you should be considering this way: if someone were sexually abusing your kids, who would it be?

Anonymous wrote:Peeing everywhere and that much screaming is not normal.

Two theories:
1. You are depressed and it’s affecting the kids and now they are acting out. Seek help
2. You are living in toxic mold. Apparently Pee accidents with older kids are connected to this and mold can affect people psychologically.

Either is a huge concern

Could also be that OP’s mental state is blinding her to abuse occurring in her home.

I think the kids need to be sent away to a trusted relative for the summer...something very bad is up in OP’s house. Mom? Dad? Who knows? This isn’t about needing more rules.

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry. Your feelings are real and valid. You need more/different parenting strategies. I recommend a therapist for you and a parenting class for you (and your partner if you have one). The best that I know for difficult kids is Dr. Dan Shapiro's, http://www.parentchildjourney.com/

Tackle one issue at a time. You mention the messes, the eating, and the toileting. What is your biggest problem? Focus just on that, letting the other things go for now.

+1

Dr. Dan is wonderful. Maybe get on the list for Kennedy Kreiger if you can’t afford a behavioral therapist OOP.

Dr. Moshe Stuhl, Director of Family Compass in Reston VA. ASAP.

Step 1 should be to prioritize your own mental health and see your doctor and get a recommendation for next steps, whether they think you need to see a psychiatrist and/or therapist. Can you get away alone or with a friend for a couple nights? You need to take a little time away even if it's a stretch with work or financially or your partner needs to bear the load for a few days.

Step 2 would be to see your pediatrician for recommendations about the peeing. That's not developmentally appropriate and you need medical input on next steps.

Anonymous wrote:

It will get better once you can find medication which helps.

Honestly it doesn't always get better. I'm not sure why people keep insisting it does. It might get better with medication and therapy, but it might not. Sometimes therapy makes things worse.

NP. Therapy requires commitment. If things are worse, it is a temporary part of the healing and recovery process. Much like the cleansing of a wound before stitching and the pain around it vs what the method (painful esp without medicine during the transformation/surgical process) ans not worth what you’ve already sustained with your dirty and imperfectly ripped would.

Medicine for your mind is nothing to play with. Yes, it takes time and that amount can vary; it can feel really low before things normalize and are better. But with a trained professional and good medical practitioner in psychiatry, that understands the mind and it’s functional capacity and paths to supporting neurological repair —- the low points will be fewer and farther between than the good normal and eventually high points again.

Even “treatment resistant” depression is a priority for research, there are often new findings supporting off label use of drugs around for many years - things aren’t how they used to be. So please stay encouraged. There were times when I was so close to the end and my only hope was that there was a treatment, somewhere, somehow, that I could receive. The circumstances aren’t so dire where things don’t get better with medicine, because they truly do. It’s just the path of discovery of the right medicine for the patient than can be tricky depending on their profile.

OP, your children sound sensitive. Have you tried reading the book “The Highly Sensitive Child,” by Elaine Aron? My friend has a child like this and she said this book helped tremendously.