Both DH and I have habits that bug each other. I basically let most of them go at this point (leaving all the lights on, all the cabinets open, dirty coffee cups everywhere) but I do remind him of the ones that I care about like taking off his shoes and socks and putting them on the breakfast bar (ugh!) or not ever cleaning up the sink with all his shaving hairs in them. He also reminds me of my foibles (i leave dirty spoons from my coffee cups on the counter and do not close bottles enough and do not wrap the cheese sufficiently). The thing is that we both try not to nag constantly and inect some humor into things. Let most of it go, but be serious about the gross ones (floss in shower, ugh). If you nag about everything then you get tuned out.

OP- the reason you're getting so much support is because deep down most womn are selfish slobs. And they get very scared later in life (like after 35) because they've lost their value as it was all wrapped up in their looks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend’s DH stands next to her when she’s doing the dishes and makes sure she uses the right sponge. I stayed with them and he walked after me to remind me to turn off the lights.

Fun times.

I’m dead. LOL. That’s insane.

Did you say anything to her?
My husband used to do stuff like this. I was so focused on just getting through the day to day with work and little kids that I didn’t notice it had gotten so bad. One day my mom was there when DH pulled me out of the shower to show me that the wipes container on the changing table was empty and waited while I refilled it. My mom didn’t say anything at the time, but she told me later that his behavior wasn’t normal, and it prompted us to change this dynamic. (He didn’t want to be a controlling asshole as much as I didn’t want to be a submissive victim.)

I was one of many people who thought OP was being naggy and controlling. The “gotcha” makes me think OP is naggy, controlling, and also probably just a jerk with a chip on his shoulder.

Sadly spouses at this late of age with bad life habits probably won’t make any effort to get it together.

Are your kids taking on the same bad habits and shortcomings? Focus there, for the sake of your kids future relationships and life habits.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would you react to a Spouse that constantly uses the phrase above anytime you ask them to do simple courteous things like:

- turn off the lights when they leave a room
- close the doors during the middle of summer
- hang wet towels instead of throwing them on the bed
- not leave the kitchen sink just running while they fill the dishwasher
- refill the Brita when they empty it
- empty the trash when its full instead of smashing more in until the bag breaks
- leaves used dental floss in the shower
- doesn't replace TP when emptied


And a gazillion other examples of generally being an extremely selfish housemate.

OP, you seem extremely controlling , and I bet some of the behavior is sticking it to you for being controlling.

Let go
Lights
Doors
Brita
Trash- if they aren't relying on you to clean it up.

Change-
Dental floss
Towels

This. Also, that OP deliberately hoped to catch people in a gotcha moment tells me exactly the kind of person he is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would you react to a Spouse that constantly uses the phrase above anytime you ask them to do simple courteous things like:

- turn off the lights when they leave a room Nobody cares, you can do it and stop nagging your spouse to do it
- close the doors during the middle of summer Would be nice, but it is not a big deal for a short period of time.
- hang wet towels instead of throwing them on the bed Are they picked up by said spouse when it is time to sleep? Is yes, who gives a damn?
- not leave the kitchen sink just running while they fill the dishwasher Nobody gives a damn either. Not here. But, he/she is loading the dishwasher?? Pick your battle in that case!
- refill the Brita when they empty it, just drink the tap water or label it your own
- empty the trash when its full instead of smashing more in until the bag breaks Yes, valid complaint.
- leaves used dental floss in the shower Yes. absolutely disgusting, I would love my mind at this.
- doesn't replace TP when emptied If you figure out how to get your spouse and your kids to do this... I would love a lesson from you.


And a gazillion other examples of generally being an extremely selfish housemate.

I care about not sleeping in a wet bed!

OP's wife is a lazy disrespectful mooch. I've seen it all the time in Alexandria. All these liberal SAHMs think the sun shines out of their @ss and that the world exists to cater to them.

who here doesn't rinse the dishes while loading the dishwasher? that's the hill you're willing to die on?

dip sh_t

^^not love, lose my mind

Anonymous wrote:How would you react to a Spouse that constantly uses the phrase above anytime you ask them to do simple courteous things like:

- turn off the lights when they leave a room Nobody cares, you can do it and stop nagging your spouse to do it
- close the doors during the middle of summer Would be nice, but it is not a big deal for a short period of time.
- hang wet towels instead of throwing them on the bed Are they picked up by said spouse when it is time to sleep? Is yes, who gives a damn?
- not leave the kitchen sink just running while they fill the dishwasher Nobody gives a damn either. Not here. But, he/she is loading the dishwasher?? Pick your battle in that case!
- refill the Brita when they empty it, just drink the tap water or label it your own
- empty the trash when its full instead of smashing more in until the bag breaks Yes, valid complaint.
- leaves used dental floss in the shower Yes. absolutely disgusting, I would love my mind at this.
- doesn't replace TP when emptied If you figure out how to get your spouse and your kids to do this... I would love a lesson from you.


And a gazillion other examples of generally being an extremely selfish housemate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Interesting respones. My wife is the one that does all these inconsiderate and filthy habits.

My response remains the same. If you aren't married, think about splitting up.

If you are married, let most of it go. Get some less and water savers for the faucets.

I would add if you aren't married never get married to anyone, you are far to controlling to be a spouse or parent.

Good advice. Too bad OP’s wife won't read it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is like this. I give up. I just take care of the kids and anything else required (cleaning, laundry, helping with homework, maintaining friendships and family relationships; taking trash cans to and from the curb) and spend as much time away from him as possible. I have no time up cook in addition to working a full time job so most meals are delivery and take-out. He has a full time job but due to work from home with Covid is able to skate by doing next to nothing daily. I think it’s a combination of depression and alcoholism. I keep it together most days but cry in my car when alone. It’s exhausting and embarrassing so I don’t confide in my friends. I have lost all respect for him.

What is your game plan? My husband is a selfish ass too and I am sick of it.

Accept being miserable for several more years until the youngest goes to college. I went back to work full time and am trying to get our finances in order. Our DD has ADHD but my DH refuses to help me help her with homework, and says “let her fail”. Before I leave for work, after I get our kids breakfast and set up for online schooling, asks me to check his email to see if there is anything pressing while he is still in bed. He can’t go out to grocery shop or walk the dog but I see Drizly (alcohol delivery service) on Ring drop off. This is not who i married but I feel in some way I am responsible. It’s exhausting but I am not willing to deal with shared custody.

Get rid of the Brita filter. They’re germy and take up precious fridge space.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Interesting respones. My wife is the one that does all these inconsiderate and filthy habits.

My response remains the same. If you aren't married, think about splitting up.

If you are married, let most of it go. Get some less and water savers for the faucets.

I would add if you aren't married never get married to anyone, you are far to controlling to be a spouse or parent.