Anonymous
05/07/2021 11:57
Subject: Daughter dating 31 year old man
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think big age gaps are fine when you are a little older, say at least 23, 24. At nineteen you have done everything within the context of your parents' support. I think I would encourage DD to avoid pregnancy and stay open to "having fun" with people her age. Then I would not express disapproval again. Treat it as a non-issue after that one short conversation.
+1. Let it run its course. Getting involved in your kid's love life is a BAD idea. My parents cut me off at 19 when they found out I was dating my college boyfriend (different race). We were just having fun. When they cut me off, they made it into this serious thing. We were then together 6 years (which we should not have been). Broke up at 25. My parents and I did not speak for years and barely speak now more than 20 years later. Stay out of it. Let it run its natural course. Unlikely to be serious unless you get involved.
So kinda doesn’t seem like the relationship with him was really worth being so stubborn about does it? But it’s obvious you’ve framed it as a race issue here to justify making them the villains in your story—but I wonder why you’d be speaking to them AT ALL if it were really the case that they were horrible racists ????
Maybe, just maybe, your parents who love you more than life itself were lovingly concerned about you and wanted the best for their precious daughter.
It’s tough as a parent to know what to do when you see your young-adult child making poor decisions to link her life to someone who isn’t good for her. In your case it sounds like their decision to draw a hard line backfired spectacularly. Not just on them....but for you too. And that’s a shame. If they are not the raging racists that you implied, I hope in time you’ll be able to view their actions through a different lens and forgive them for the way they tried to steer you away from the bad relationship. After all, seems like it turned out you admit that they were right about you not being a good match.
Anonymous
05/07/2021 11:49
Subject: Daughter dating 31 year old man
Anonymous wrote:I dated a 32 year old guy when I was 22. I was in my first year of grad school and lived and worked as an RA in a dorm. He was an adult living on his own. In retrospect, I can see how insecure and immature this man was, but I don't think he was taking advantage of me in a calculated way. I think he was simply unable to connect with adult independent women in his own age range and life phase.
He didn't treat me very well, and I think only a very young and inexperienced woman like I was then would have put up with this. I kept trying to change myself to make it work with him, partly because it was my first "real" relationship and I looked up to him so much/thought he was so amazing.
There wasn't anything anyone could say to persuade me it was a bad idea to date him. My 21-22 year old friends were all dating young guys in our age group and I had convinced myself I was dating a "real adult" man, complete with his own home and a real job, etc. I don't think there is much you can do for your daughter except to be there for the eventual breakup. For her sake, I hope it happens soon.
+1 to all of this.
I did the same thing (34 year old, I was 21), and now I feel very differently about the relationship in ways that PP has articulated but nothing would have stopped me at the time.
Anonymous
05/07/2021 11:47
Subject: Daughter dating 31 year old man
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Pp, why are you sexualizing a 19 year old girl on an anonymous forum. Are you some appalling perv? Make sure to register for the sex offender list on the way out!
You must not have insta or tiktok...
Otherwise you’d know that these 19-year-old “girls” (ummmm pretty sure adult females are women—not girls. Unless you’re trying to infantilize them to bolster your point?h ...are doing a stellar job of sexual ozone themselves all on their own.
*sexualizing*
Anonymous
05/07/2021 11:47
Subject: Daughter dating 31 year old man
Anonymous wrote:Pp, why are you sexualizing a 19 year old girl on an anonymous forum. Are you some appalling perv? Make sure to register for the sex offender list on the way out!
You must not have insta or tiktok...
Otherwise you’d know that these 19-year-old “girls” (ummmm pretty sure adult females are women—not girls. Unless you’re trying to infantilize them to bolster your point?h ...are doing a stellar job of sexual ozone themselves all on their own.
Anonymous
05/07/2021 09:47
Subject: Daughter dating 31 year old man
Anonymous wrote:I think big age gaps are fine when you are a little older, say at least 23, 24. At nineteen you have done everything within the context of your parents' support. I think I would encourage DD to avoid pregnancy and stay open to "having fun" with people her age. Then I would not express disapproval again. Treat it as a non-issue after that one short conversation.
+1. Let it run its course. Getting involved in your kid's love life is a BAD idea. My parents cut me off at 19 when they found out I was dating my college boyfriend (different race). We were just having fun. When they cut me off, they made it into this serious thing. We were then together 6 years (which we should not have been). Broke up at 25. My parents and I did not speak for years and barely speak now more than 20 years later. Stay out of it. Let it run its natural course. Unlikely to be serious unless you get involved.
Anonymous
05/07/2021 09:35
Subject: Daughter dating 31 year old man
Anonymous wrote:Pp, why are you sexualizing a 19 year old girl on an anonymous forum. Are you some appalling perv? Make sure to register for the sex offender list on the way out!
That is an adult, not a "girl"
Anonymous
05/07/2021 09:02
Subject: Daughter dating 31 year old man
I think big age gaps are fine when you are a little older, say at least 23, 24. At nineteen you have done everything within the context of your parents' support. I think I would encourage DD to avoid pregnancy and stay open to "having fun" with people her age. Then I would not express disapproval again. Treat it as a non-issue after that one short conversation.
Anonymous
05/07/2021 08:12
Subject: Daughter dating 31 year old man
My Larlo had skills is a DCUM all time top 10 cringe post.
Anonymous
05/07/2021 08:04
Subject: Re:Daughter dating 31 year old man
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I bet this 31 y/o is a far better lover than any 19 y/o kid she could date. It may be good for her in the long run to learn that most guys are not good lovers until they're like 30.
Omg. Gross and so wrong.
I met my husband when he was 24 and he knew his way around a vagina ...and then some😂. I was 25. The man had skills. Serious skills.
A 31 man and a 19-year old college girl is gross and creepy. Is he going to come to the keggers and sorority formals?
Nobody needs to know about your husband's "skills". No proof or evidence than I don't believe..lol
Your word is not enough and we don't care!
Anonymous
05/07/2021 08:02
Subject: Daughter dating 31 year old man
Anonymous wrote:I learned that my 19 year old daughter is dating/hooking up with a 31 year old man. She seems to be developing feelings for him but I am concerned. Do I say anything?
How strong is your relationship? What kind of kid is your daughter? Some kids are more rebellious and if you disapprove they want to prove you wrong and continue doing what they want ( like my SIL who married the turd) Or can she take advice and gentle warning?
How you answer will affect my advice.
If rebellious try not to say anything negative directly but try to flush out why she likes him. Invite them to lunch/dinner and spend lots of time doing stuff and watching the relationship. Try to find out why a 31 year old is interested in a 19 year old. Is he controlling?
If she is open ( and after you spent time with him) I would ask these questions more directly.
Good luck! I would dread this for my dds
Anonymous
05/07/2021 07:53
Subject: Daughter dating 31 year old man
She's on drugs.
Anonymous
05/07/2021 07:30
Subject: Daughter dating 31 year old man
Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't be concerned.
You should be.
Anonymous
05/07/2021 06:40
Subject: Daughter dating 31 year old man
Anonymous wrote:Pp, why are you sexualizing a 19 year old girl on an anonymous forum. Are you some appalling perv? Make sure to register for the sex offender list on the way out!
I agree. By calling the relationship gross all you're doing is sexualizing this young girl. Get your minds out of the gutter!
Anonymous
05/07/2021 00:31
Subject: Re:Daughter dating 31 year old man
Anonymous wrote:I bet this 31 y/o is a far better lover than any 19 y/o kid she could date. It may be good for her in the long run to learn that most guys are not good lovers until they're like 30.
Omg. Gross and so wrong.
I met my husband when he was 24 and he knew his way around a vagina ...and then some😂. I was 25. The man had skills. Serious skills.
A 31 man and a 19-year old college girl is gross and creepy. Is he going to come to the keggers and sorority formals?
Anonymous
05/07/2021 00:31
Subject: Daughter dating 31 year old man
Pp, why are you sexualizing a 19 year old girl on an anonymous forum. Are you some appalling perv? Make sure to register for the sex offender list on the way out!