Anonymous wrote:+1 to both above posts. Look: when you join a team that is not Rec, what you year is it’s all about your DCs development. You watch and wait. Then after a while you realize that all is not quite as it seems. Let’s say, the biggest players always start. Or at U11 or U10, the kids never play different positions. Or, playing time is a serious issue (which is never ok at very young ages). You raise this to the coach and they say, I’m the coach. Not you. Or you raise to the club and they say, it is at the coach’s discretion. You could leave, but now your DC has friends. And at least the downsides are known. Who would now trust another club or coach to be honest? How do you know the difference? All most of us want is for our kids to learn, grow, and have a great time playing competitive soccer. Play in high school. Maybe college for a very few. The system seems designed to beat families down, to be honest. I should not have to talk to the coach to get my 9YO to see more than 15 minutes in a game. Or to play anything other than defense. He may not be the best on the team now, but he is also unlikely to improve much with that little time in game. So. What do you do?

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Anonymous wrote:Meh.
I do agree that some parents are out of control as are some kids. However, many clubs have given up on development and parents are tired of shelling out thousands of dollars to have coaches who yell and scream at kids if they screw up but won't spend the time to help them grow. Youth soccer is toxic and coaches are part of the problem too.

100% I believe that is the point of most of the posts on this forum. And the fact that some coach gets on here to defend his horrible behavior is just perfect.

+2 To the OP, I would tell you what I tell my clients - communication goes a long way. Clubs or coaches need to communicate expectations to parents. Coaches, in particular, need to communicate with players. All players should be treated fairly. The 5'10 inch striker on your u13 team is fast and can win the ball in most situations. However, if he skill and tactical issues to work on, make sure you tell him that. That undersized benchwarmer can't make himself bigger, but make sure you help him understand how to use his body and technical skills effectively.

Every player on the team should be equally important in terms of your communication, effort, and interest. Ignoring players who have displeased you for reasons unknown to them is part of what sets parents off. Hold your best players to the same standards as you do your bench players and acknowledge hard work and effort when you see it. It's way easier for that fast kid to win the ball than the slow kid, so when the slow kid succeeds through intelligent movement off the ball, that should be celebrated more than a footrace.

Having been through youth soccer with several kids, with different years when my kids were at the top of a team or at the bottom, the best coaches treat every player on the roster with respect. And truth be told, when your kid is at the top, as a parent, that can be tough to take. You'll get the sideline grumbling when the bench players start warming up during a tight game. Ultimately, teaching children fairness and respect is more important than any win. I'm all for playing your best in tournaments, but in regular league games, you need to find a spot for every player to play in the younger age groups.

Oh, and by the way, if you made a mistake and picked a kid who is not up to snuff, have the difficult conversation. That's your job. Don't ignore the kid or force her family to travel to some crappy town in New Jersey paying for a hotel room for the honor of sitting on the sidelines while their daughter does not see a single minute of playing time over the course of a weekend. I've watched that happen (not to my own kid), and it lead me to decide that none of this is worth it. I felt dirty playing along.

If you really want to earn respect, if you aren't as committed to the development of your weaker players, talk to them or their parents about other options for playing opportunities. Don't wait until someone better shows up at practice to tell the kid what he needs to work on. That's a coward's way out, but it happens all the time.

Yes, some parents are nuts. I've found myself venturing down that road at various times. Still, don't forget that they are your customers. You feed the crazy if you don't communicate and create a positive dynamic for the team and parents. That too is a club and coach responsibility.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh.
I do agree that some parents are out of control as are some kids. However, many clubs have given up on development and parents are tired of shelling out thousands of dollars to have coaches who yell and scream at kids if they screw up but won't spend the time to help them grow. Youth soccer is toxic and coaches are part of the problem too.

100% I believe that is the point of most of the posts on this forum. And the fact that some coach gets on here to defend his horrible behavior is just perfect.

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Anonymous wrote:I have been around this now for many years.

Not sure who is worse, the coaches or the parents. But I will say this, the parents have emotion as an excuse. They are not the supposed professionals in this relationship. The coaches have two jobs: 1) To teach the kids; 2) to communicate in a professional and thoughtful and open manner to their paying customers (the parents). At the older ages at the higher levels they should also connect top kids with college coaches. Winning is tertiary, but nice to also achieve. If they are doing the first two things it is likely that will be true too.

The coaches in this area are by and large excellent and far better than when I played. The parents are far worse. I am one of them and part of the problem. I think we need to temper our expectations for how our kids will turn out and substantially raise our expectations for how much our kids should be accountable for their own development. The same is true in education. The same chronic expectation of perfection for others to produce great results for our kids with minimal stress and accountability for our kids in classrooms is played out in athletics. There has never been a better infrastructure for success in athletics and education matched with an equally impoverished environment at home for breeding autonomy, independent decision making, and excellence.

Anonymous wrote:Meh.
I do agree that some parents are out of control as are some kids. However, many clubs have given up on development and parents are tired of shelling out thousands of dollars to have coaches who yell and scream at kids if they screw up but won't spend the time to help them grow. Youth soccer is toxic and coaches are part of the problem too.

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Anonymous wrote:The only allegiance I want my coach to have is to winning.

I prefer a coach who despise talking to parents. All parents. No favorites. No politics.

Winning. That’s it

That would be great. I recall one of the club's in the area doesn't allow parents to talk to the coach directly. They need to talk to a staffer who will coordinate the meeting and be in the meeting as well. More clubs should do this. More clubs should also drop having players family members help with team mgmt. Too much favoritism by the coach goes to those players. Again, politics in travel soccer is unnecessary.

Anonymous wrote:I understand what OP is trying to say and there are a lot of truths but do you see how coach took no accountability for any of it. 95% of coaches just want parents to keep their mouths shut and just follow along. That's what pisses me off. They want to hide behind "development" with no measurable ways to track it and that they deal with players directly. If you want to diffuse problems, hold more parent meetings. Be more available to discuss things. Care!

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Anonymous wrote:The only allegiance I want my coach to have is to winning.

I prefer a coach who despise talking to parents. All parents. No favorites. No politics.

Winning. That’s it

meh. nothing angers me more than a coach who hides behind the policy of talking to players only to avoid a difficult subject with a parent. This is a service industry in which the parents are the customers, not the players. Too often coaches do not have enough respect for parents. I agree that parents should not go off half cocked, and these few bad cases are very likely coloring the picture of all parents as lunatics, but coaches need to man up as well.
With regard to posts on DCUM, nobody, including coaches should take anything on here seriously. This forum is not real life, so coach ... lighten up.

You have a point. Too many coaches automatically take a militant attitude with parents. Fair enough. But, coaches don't flock here to issue half-cocked innuendos assassinating parents. If we did, we may run out of space. I once kicked a kid off my team in the middle of a game. The player had been warned and warned but exhibited a poor attitude and, when I took him or her off the field, he or she threw a temper tantrum. I told the player (17) to pick up their bag and hit the road. It was incredibly gratifying, but not as gratifying as dealing with the parents when they called to complain that I had sent their little brat packing. They said to me "You are supposed to be the adult" to which I responded "Well, so are you, and you raised a little monster. Get it together before that kid ends up in jail". I refused to give them their money back as I had put the kid on a behavior contract and clearly outlined the expectations. All of a sudden, my name started getting trashed on the old forum. Pretty hard to figure out who it was huh? Oh, and the kid did end up in jail. I tried to tell them. Oh, and the rest of the players and the rest of the parents loved me for doing it

You have one example of a bad apple. We have thousands of examples of terrible coaching and money management and abusive tactics. Read thru the forum.

Abusive tactics. Did you leave right away? Seems like that would be the responsible thing to do.. Thousands of examples... please. This is a select group of loudmouth accentuated by the occasional irate Karen. At least, that is the makeup of the coach and childbashers. There are also good threads here

I would bet that 99% of these posts are by men not women. And now you can count yourself as one.

Karens can be either

Chad’s. They’re Chad’s.

Someone older out there is going to start talking about hanging chads.