Anonymous
Post 04/22/2021 17:02     Subject: Awkward situation with neighbor
Anonymous wrote:OP - A couple of questions (and apologies if this was answered above)

1) You said you walked down and picked up your kid after an hour. Were you planning on picking her up that early (or when your toddler woke up) or did you only decide to bring her home when you found a 14 year old there? It makes a difference in terms of how embarrassed she might be or how to respond.

2) If she HAD called to let you know, what would you have said?


I am the OP- the mom came and picked up my daughter because my toddler was napping.

I just walked down there as soon as the toddler woke up. We hadn't agreed upon a set time for pick up. It was a very impromptu thing. I was sort of thinking I would hang out for a bit and let the toddler play too but would have also been fine to take her back home. (or take the friend back home with us!)

If she had called, I would have probably paused (call me a helicopter parent all you want- we have never used a baby-sitter before because i stay home and my sister lives in our neighborhood.). I think I would have probably agreed but really would have liked to know.

Again, my issue is not with the 14 year old. My issue was with my friend's reaction on the phone. It was very uncomfortable. My take is that she was embarrassed that I came right when she had slipped out for a few minutes. Things have been strained ever since.

Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 22:12     Subject: Re:Awkward situation with neighbor
Anonymous wrote:Almost all of my DS's friends have nannies (mostly live in) some I know better than others and I've arrived to pick him up after a hang out or sleepover where the only person home was the nanny because the parents ran out. I've also found out after the fact that the night of a sleepover that the parents went out for the night and left the kids with a nanny and I didnt know about it ahead of time. In any of these scenarios did I get annoyed that the parents didnt tell me this beforehand.

So if it has nothing to do with the sibling being 14 or old enough to watch the kids, my experience is the same as yours. You have to be able to trust the people you leave your children with to make decisions in this area. If they mess up however then yes, that's cause for maybe a conversation around it but more of a learning for future and if you can trust their judgement.


I didnt get annoyed in any of these scenarios is what that should say...
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 22:11     Subject: Re:Awkward situation with neighbor
Almost all of my DS's friends have nannies (mostly live in) some I know better than others and I've arrived to pick him up after a hang out or sleepover where the only person home was the nanny because the parents ran out. I've also found out after the fact that the night of a sleepover that the parents went out for the night and left the kids with a nanny and I didnt know about it ahead of time. In any of these scenarios did I get annoyed that the parents didnt tell me this beforehand.

So if it has nothing to do with the sibling being 14 or old enough to watch the kids, my experience is the same as yours. You have to be able to trust the people you leave your children with to make decisions in this area. If they mess up however then yes, that's cause for maybe a conversation around it but more of a learning for future and if you can trust their judgement.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 15:36     Subject: Awkward situation with neighbor
OP - A couple of questions (and apologies if this was answered above)

1) You said you walked down and picked up your kid after an hour. Were you planning on picking her up that early (or when your toddler woke up) or did you only decide to bring her home when you found a 14 year old there? It makes a difference in terms of how embarrassed she might be or how to respond.

2) If she HAD called to let you know, what would you have said?
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 14:53     Subject: Awkward situation with neighbor
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Oh come on people. I myself was watching my younger siblings alone at home from 8-9 back in the day but it's not about that. The mom should have texted the OP to say her kid would be with the two 6 year old for a moment. Let OP decide if that was comfortable for her or not and she should get her kid back to the house.


Agreed. People like to feign ignorance on DCUM it's not about if a 14-year-old is capable of babysitting. It's irrelevant if you were babysitting infants at 14. IT's also irrelevant if you would allow your 10-year-old to babysit. OP was under the impression that mom would have been in the house the entire time. Mom should have told OP she was leaving and her 16-year-old would be watching the kids, or told OP when the girl came over that she was planning on leaving.


Yep. Many of these posters try to act dense AF.


How about this -- would it be different if mom ran out to the store, but dad was also home and she told dad to keep on eye on them? It really wouldn't occur to me to inform another mom that I was leaving if my husband was also there, because hey, capable person watching kids. Maybe the question is, do you think a change of supervisor (if that supervisor is capable) for 15-20 minutes requires notification/permission to the other parent? In my world no, but maybe other people think differently.

Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 14:50     Subject: Awkward situation with neighbor
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My 14-year old son in very capable to supervising several 6-year olds, and they are in the house or in the backyard, not in public park. 14 is old.
You are not clear how your daughter got to their house.


The mom walked over and picked her up.


NP - I think the previous poster meant how did the 6 year old get to the other house in the first place if the toddler was napping. Did she walk there by herself? Not sure how far apart the houses are but to me that would be a bigger risk than a 14 year old watching two kids at home.

Yes, in ideal world she would have asked, but 14 is a totally appropriate age to watch two 6 year olds especially if she does it all the time. Neighbor wasn't trying to sneak something by OP. She thought is was no big deal to have a 14 year old in charge because she does it all the time. Which is fine. (Depending on the specific 14 year old.)
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 14:47     Subject: Awkward situation with neighbor
OP -- I'm with you. Although plenty of parents would be comfortable leaving kids with a 14-year-old sibling, she didn't get to make that decision for you. Even if it was a 25-year-old paid sitter, it is your business to know who is watching your kids and not her call to make for you without telling you.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 14:40     Subject: Awkward situation with neighbor
You wouldn't leave your kid with a 14 year old sitter? Why? That's a totally normal baby sitting age. My daughter started baby sitting at 12.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 14:40     Subject: Awkward situation with neighbor
I think she should have let you know, but I bet she just didn't even think about it. She's left her 6 year old home with her 14 year old sibling a million times and it just slipped her mind that she should let you know, especially if it really was a quick errand.

FWIW I let my 6 year old play outside in neighbors' backyards (with the neighbors' kids)) with no pretense that anyone is watching them. We live on the Hill and, as long as our 6 year old tells us where she is in advance & doesn't have to cross any streets & is with at least one other child we know her age or older, I actually don't think parental supervision is needed at all. Just to say that it's also possible that mom thought your kid was coming over to play but didn't actually think of herself as needing to actively watch them.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 14:38     Subject: Awkward situation with neighbor
I would have zero problem with that. If I trust my neighbor, I trust her judgement that the 14 year old can watch the kids. My daughters were babysitting every weekend at 14, so as long as the 14 year old is responsible, I don't see what the problem is.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 14:28     Subject: Awkward situation with neighbor
My first babysitting job was on my 11th birthday. My best friend (also 11) and I babysat 5 hours for a 2yo and 6 month old TRIPLETS. Now thinking back those parents were nuts to leave us watching them.

A 14yo and 6yos? Totally fine.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 14:12     Subject: Re:Awkward situation with neighbor
Anonymous wrote:My 10 year old son is capable of watching his sister...frankly you seem cray cray. If you want control then supervise your daughter yourself.


You sound like a moron. Also, there's no need to call OP names. Finally, there's a difference between allowing a 14-year old to babysit your kid and finding out that it happened without your knowledge. - NP
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2021 14:09     Subject: Awkward situation with neighbor
Anonymous wrote:I let my 6 year old play with a neighbor in their fenced in backyard. We live on the same side of street a couple houses up. I had a toddler napping at home so I told the mom that my DD could come play but I would need to stay at home. She said that was fine and said she would set the kids up with chalk. An hour later, my toddler wakes up and so we walk down to their house. I get there to discover that my DD and her 6 year old buddy are being supervised by a 14 year old sister while mom ran to the store. I was stunned. Don’t you think she would have called me to let me know she was leaving the house? We would not leave our kids with a 14 year old sitter.

I took my daughter home and texted the neighbor. She called me right away and apologized but I think she was more embarrassed that I find out. I suspect she was just running a quick errand and thought I wouldn’t ever know. Now things are just awkward between us and I feel like it’s on me to smooth it over for the sake of peace in the neighborhood. We see each other all the time, especially now that the weather is nicer. Would you let it go? Nothing left to be said right?


(1) This wasn't a baby sitter - it was a sibling. So it's not like this kid doesn't know her sister.

(2) You were home right down the street.

I definitely think the mom should have told you, and I would also be upset, but I think for the sake of your kids and your sanity, you should let it go and realize that nothing happened and she'll probably never do it again. Or just have her kid over from here on out.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2021 23:52     Subject: Awkward situation with neighbor
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Oh come on people. I myself was watching my younger siblings alone at home from 8-9 back in the day but it's not about that. The mom should have texted the OP to say her kid would be with the two 6 year old for a moment. Let OP decide if that was comfortable for her or not and she should get her kid back to the house.


Agreed. People like to feign ignorance on DCUM it's not about if a 14-year-old is capable of babysitting. It's irrelevant if you were babysitting infants at 14. IT's also irrelevant if you would allow your 10-year-old to babysit. OP was under the impression that mom would have been in the house the entire time. Mom should have told OP she was leaving and her 16-year-old would be watching the kids, or told OP when the girl came over that she was planning on leaving.


Yep. Many of these posters try to act dense AF.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2021 22:37     Subject: Re:Awkward situation with neighbor
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am the OP. Didn’t expect to get so flamed. Ha!

I wasn’t looking to start a conversation about whether or not 14 year olds should babysit. The point was that I was thrown off that she didn’t let me know she was leaving the house. She was embarrassed when she called which made the situation awkward. My text to her simply said “hey- just letting you know that I picked up DD.”



Because your text however innocent could be taken as passive agressive.


Agree. Very passive aggressive.