That would be a good outcome. For those kids who have the wherewithal to ID their broken parents before age 20 (or ever), that can be helpful to breaking the cycle, if self motivated to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you haven't given any reasons as to why your wife is angry with you. Unless you blindsided her and moved your daughter in without her approval.

If my DH moved a family member into our home with consulting me you bet I'd be mad. Have you tried counseling with your wife to resolve the issues? A lot cheaper, and when you daughter
graduates she can go to college which will solve your problem. Your wife isn't angry for no reason, obviously she's said something....

My thought too that this problem will resolve itself in a year when DD moves out. Surely you guys can come up with a tolerable arrangement for one year.

You think a 17 yo with recent suicidal ideation and intermittent estrangement from *both* parents is waltzing off to UPenn next year? Folks she’s on Dad’s couch indefinitely. Second wife knows this and is understandably in full on wtf mode. I won’t even wade into how OP’s daughter got there; the question is about OP’s wife’s reaction. And it’s legit. You think OP sold his situation as a “maybe DD will live with us one day” scenario to this lady? Now she’s got a fragile teen in the house 24/7. Say what you will, but this lady didn’t sign up for that.

Prob not U Penn but maybe community College and they get her an apartment.

I actually have a friend who was similar to OPs daughter. Borderline negligent and mentally abusive mom. Dad had moved states after divorce and wasn't involved much. Friend got caught up in drugs and attempted suicide. Mom refused to take her home and dad got custody. Dad went between overly involved and annoyed by having her as a responsibility. Friend counted down the days until she went off to college. Got into decent college and. pretty much never looked back. The escape of college was probably the only thing that kept her going.

OP hasn't told us exactly WHAT the conflict is. He just states that his wife is a raging monster. What exactly does that mean? What is she doing/saying? What makes you think she's jealous? Some amount of adjustment to the new situation is to be expected. If you just assumed that you'd move your DD in and your DW would become instant doting mother, then that was YOUR deluded thinking. In most blended family situations, children and new spouses are given time to develop relationships before throwing them together in an instant family scenario. It seems like you set your wife up for failure. Not saying it isn't possible that she's just a terrible nasty person (certainly that could be the case), but from the information you've given, I don't see how anyone can really form an honest opinion that isn't based solely on assumptions.

Also, from your description it sounds like she's lashing out at YOU, not your DD. This is why I tend to feel that she ISN'T a nasty terrible person. She is probably feeling unsupported and out of her depth with the situation, and you are doing nothing to help her navigate it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does your daughter treat your wife?

Is she rude to your wife?

Did your wife complain about the daughters behavior or manners early on and if so how did you respond?

I suspect we are missing something.

Given how messed up your daughter is, it’s very possible that she is manipulative and nice to your wife to your face but horrible behind your back.

Lol.
Op just said he is at home and can see the interactions.

So untrue. When my husbands family said mean things it was always when he was out of the room.

Was moving the daughter into the home a joint decision???

Joint decision?

It was a court order!!!

He was estranged from the daughter the entire time he was with his wife. Then abruptly he files for full custody and basically moves a stranger into their home.

My question is: OP was the full custody a joint decision?? What was the feedback from your wife at the time?

Not by choice. His wife wouldn't answer the door, the police wouldn't enforce custory agreements. ... it isn't as though he abandoned his child -- his child was kept from him.

How can you still live and be attracted to her?

If you do/are, then maybe try marriage counseling. Your child will have her own life eventually.

However, I would put my child first, and remove her from this stress. Anyone who could be mean to a child with fragile mental health sounds awful.

Even if the DD were to magically recover, move out and live independently, I don't think I could come back to a relationship with a partner who "turned into a raging monster towards me" - in addition to giving my child the silent treatment and saying crazy sh!t like "this was your ex's plan all along to keep me from being happy". This is not a person you can build a healthy, long haul, relationship with.