Anonymous wrote:You're asking what you should do, but I don't think you want to do anything. I think you want to vent and have a bunch of people tell you you did nothing wrong. You said yourself you don't want to be friends with her and that you never see her. You're tricking out facts a little at a time. The whole thing seems bizarre and there's more going on that what you are saying it what you know.

Either decide to hear her out, and don't get defensive, even if tiger king costumes were your worst offense. Or go on the way you have been, with her not a part of your life.

I can tell it bothers my DH and it bothers me that they are posting that the family is hate filled and racist on social media and I don’t think that’s fair but I don’t know how to engage with them because they are crazy. When we reached out to them to call us and talk and tell them we support them, we were given websites to read and told there would be no phone conversations until we read on the ring theory of race and then once we’ve done that we can reach out to see if they’ll engage with us.

I guess I am venting and also wondering if we were really out of touch or if they are indeed crazy. The more I processed it today, the more I realize they are and we are fine with no relationship. I just don’t like that extended relatives or whoever on Facebook sees her posts and thinks “wow, poor you and your family is so awful”’ when they don’t know the story.

You're asking what you should do, but I don't think you want to do anything. I think you want to vent and have a bunch of people tell you you did nothing wrong. You said yourself you don't want to be friends with her and that you never see her. You're tricking out facts a little at a time. The whole thing seems bizarre and there's more going on that what you are saying it what you know.

Either decide to hear her out, and don't get defensive, even if tiger king costumes were your worst offense. Or go on the way you have been, with her not a part of your life.

I’m Black and I don’t think it was racist. I’ve heard of the tiger king but didn’t know he was a racist. Your SIL sounds immature af. She could’ve said hey ‘did you know the tk is racist?” Then you could’ve said, I didn’t know, I will research my characters more thoroughly next time, sorry if you find this offensive, didn’t mean to offend you”.

And everyone carries on!

Another Asian here and SIL seems nuts. Dressing up as someone for Halloween is usually mocking that character, not honoring them or indicating you share or respect their views. That's crazy!

Is dressing up as Trump for Halloween racist?

Anonymous wrote:https://people.com/tv/tiger-king-celebrities-dressed-up-as-joe-exotic-and-cast/

And a Huge list of other celebs including Kelly Fila and Ryan seacrest, rob lowe, Stallone family even WOKE Chrissy Tiegan. So you know what? No, I’m not going to apologize.

I don’t recognize half those celebs; but I do see your point in justifying displaying your racist views just because a few other celebs do it. I bet you also call covid “the China virus” even though H1N1 which started in the US was never called the US virus.

Team OP, SIL sounds totally nuts and will find an issue out of nothing just to stir the pot. If it's not Halloween, it's Easter or it would be something else. She's obviously not a stable person if she's begging her "racist" ILs for money as a grown adult. Ignore her and let her and BIL be DH's problem. You have nothing to gain by trying to be friends with her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op again-I will apologize to her but I truly didn’t dress up like tiger king and Carol to promote racist views. It was a pop culture thing and we had the stuff in our closet so it was an easy outfit. Halloween really should be banned.

Oh yeah I see why she might not like you. BAN HALLOWEEN because someone didn't approve of my costume. Oh you poor precious thing. Gag.

Look, if I were in your shoes (I loved that trainwreck doc and didn't know he was racist), I would approach her now and say I am really sorry. I had no idea about the racism. I should have done my research when you mentioned it, but I didn't and that was a mistake. " Don't make excuses. Do tell her you want to be friends. Then leave the ball in her court.

Are there other incidents? If not, hopefully she's willing to move on for the sake of family unity.

I don’t want to be friends with her. We aren’t friends. She lives in San Francisco and has never met my two children who are 11 and 7. My children have met their uncle twice and only the second time because we flew him out to his Moms birthday Pre covid and girlfriend did not come. She has never once visited us or the family. She never calls, emails or asks or inquired about our lives. Only in March last year when they started the group chat with the entire family to try to communicate. My mother in law wished everyone a Happy Easter and she then wrote to everyone that this was insensitive of my mil because not everyone celebrated Easter and she should acknowledge this. Everyone on the thread was raised catholic including her but whatever and there were countless woke moments like these throughout the year which led to the ultimate Tiger king Halloween incident. They have asked us for money twice in the last few years because they are starving artists but they are both 40 now so it’s pretty pathetic at this point and we said no the last year and that caused issues.
Im angry that she flames the family on social media for these incidents as hateful and violent-which they are not.

Anonymous wrote:OP, drop the act. Girl, in this day and climate, everyone knows exactly what is offensive to others unless you Whiteness blinds you to your racism. Your action offended your SIL in a hurtful and racist way. There is no ifs and buts about it. Now, you can either apologize for your insensitivity if this was an oversight, or shrug it off if you did it to humiliate her. Your choice.

Why would deessing up.as tiger king insult a korean?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op again-I will apologize to her but I truly didn’t dress up like tiger king and Carol to promote racist views. It was a pop culture thing and we had the stuff in our closet so it was an easy outfit. Halloween really should be banned.

I’ll keep Halloween, thanks. If you’re that sensitive to criticism by people with extreme points of view you could always just stop posting on Facebook.

Poor taste for sure to make fun of poor and uneducated people like the TK. But it’s pop culture so it’s okay. GOT IT.

TK puts himself out there for entertainment... so fair game.

Anonymous wrote:Op again-I will apologize to her but I truly didn’t dress up like tiger king and Carol to promote racist views. It was a pop culture thing and we had the stuff in our closet so it was an easy outfit. Halloween really should be banned.

Oh yeah I see why she might not like you. BAN HALLOWEEN because someone didn't approve of my costume. Oh you poor precious thing. Gag.

Look, if I were in your shoes (I loved that trainwreck doc and didn't know he was racist), I would approach her now and say I am really sorry. I had no idea about the racism. I should have done my research when you mentioned it, but I didn't and that was a mistake. " Don't make excuses. Do tell her you want to be friends. Then leave the ball in her court.

Are there other incidents? If not, hopefully she's willing to move on for the sake of family unity.

https://people.com/tv/tiger-king-celebrities-dressed-up-as-joe-exotic-and-cast/

And a Huge list of other celebs including Kelly Fila and Ryan seacrest, rob lowe, Stallone family even WOKE Chrissy Tiegan. So you know what? No, I’m not going to apologize.

https://www.vulture.com/2020/10/kim-kardashian-carole-baskin-tiger-king-halloween-costume.html

Is Kim kardashian getting canceled for racist views? She also dressed in tiger king.

Thanks for the enlightenment everyone!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are racist op, and ignorant about being racist. Just bcs you don't think you are racist, doesn't mean you are not.

Please enlighten us as to how on earth the OP is racist.

OP, this is why social media is so toxic. The good news is that she and BIL are exposing themselves for the idiots they are. You don't need to say a word. Just let it all play out. The more they post, the more people see they're ridiculous.

I'm part Japanese. I have no problem with geisha costumes or any other depiction of Asian people at Halloween. Some microaggressions can be really burdensome, but this isn't one of them.

They dressed as a racist who abused animals, drugged younger "husbands," and rant about not being able to use the N word. Among many racist statements by Joe Exotic cut out by the director?
He represents angry white racists.

But, um , no one dressing as them are doing it to honor or make an homage. If you are dressed in Tiger King stuff its because you are making fun of them, no?

OP, drop the act. Girl, in this day and climate, everyone knows exactly what is offensive to others unless you Whiteness blinds you to your racism. Your action offended your SIL in a hurtful and racist way. There is no ifs and buts about it. Now, you can either apologize for your insensitivity if this was an oversight, or shrug it off if you did it to humiliate her. Your choice.