Anonymous wrote:OP, please come back and explain why you were sleeping in the same room as your hosts. That is the oddest part of this entire scenario!

Yes - please!!!

If this causes such a rift in the friendship, that you need to post, you aren't close enough to have been a guest at their house.

Anonymous wrote:If you are old enough to be menopausal, hopefully you can AFFORD A HOTEL ROOM. Then you can crank the A/C for your hot flashes.

Spoiler alert: if your hosts don't have a guest room and the only option is to sleep in the same room as them (WEIRD), you are a major imposition. HOTEL.

And it you are cheap or clueless and force your presence on them anyway, keep your cheap, sweaty mitts off their thermostat.

This!!!! OMG, grown-ass adults do not...share bedrooms with their hosts, or sleep on couches. A host without a proper guest room means you are a burden, so don't stay with them. Pony up, what, $118 a night? If you can't afford that, you can't afford to visit, so don't.

Anonymous wrote:Spent the night at a friends house and got hot during the night. Was hot but did not want to wake them. I went and turned the thermostat down 3 degrees and this morning they were angry that I touched their thermostat and turned it down 2 degrees —from 71-68. They said no one who is a guest at someone’s home would turn down the temperature without asking. Nobody. I explained that I did not know it was a problem. Really. If I had known it was a problem I would not have done it. Honestly did not think this would be a problem and tried to tell them this. They told me to take a poll of my friends or anyone to see what they say. I’m posting here to get feedback also. I’m honestly confused and they can’t understand me and I don’t understand them. Feedback please. TIA

I cannot imagine doing this as a guest in someone's home - I wouldn't even do this if I visited my mother, now that I think about it. You took a personal issue - feeling hot - and made a house-wide issue. Did it not occur to you to take a blanket off the bed? Change into cooler pajamas? Or try something else before deciding to roll out of bed and change the thermostat?

Reminds me of when I had moved into a place, fairly low income neighborhood, during grad school and neighbor's kids came over to introduce themselves. The 10 year old went straight to my fridge and opened up the freezer door. I was so shocked. When I was a kid other people's fridges were completely alien territory--the rare occasion I saw inside one of them the contents seemed weird to me! I had no idea kids might be brought up where this was ok.

A couple of months later they came over to borrow butter because they were making rice krispie bars. Sure, I said. Then they asked to borrow Rice Krispies and marshmallows. Their mom (single, but she married while I lived there and within a year was sending the kids over to call 911 when she and new husband were fighting, moved away not long after) clearly was not up to the task of raising kids.

If you are old enough to be menopausal, hopefully you can AFFORD A HOTEL ROOM. Then you can crank the A/C for your hot flashes.

Spoiler alert: if your hosts don't have a guest room and the only option is to sleep in the same room as them (WEIRD), you are a major imposition. HOTEL.

And it you are cheap or clueless and force your presence on them anyway, keep your cheap, sweaty mitts off their thermostat.

Anonymous wrote:Never touch anyone‘s thermostat as a guest. So not your place.

My MIL does this. Waits until we go to bed and jacks it up to 75. We keep it below 70 at night. I have hot flashes and my husband sleeps hot. I get so angry. Their house is hideously hot when we visit but I would never touch their thermostat. It’s their house, if they want it to be 77, their prerogative.

Totally understand that you don't want her touching your thermostat. BUT, you need to be a better hostess. If your guests are cold (remember that older people have a hard time with homeostasis/temperature regulation) and supply her with an electric blanket that she can control. You are going through hot flashes, so don't assume that everyone else will need the same temperature as you. Some kindness, please.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very rude to touch a thermostat in someone else’s house.

I honestly has no idea that I was being rude. I’m menopausal. Hot flashes. We were sleeping in the same room and they were asleep. I don’t think this would have bothered me. But I hear everyone’s feedback.

You have hot flashes = it's not objectively hot, YOU are hot because of YOUR hormones. So you decided to mess with everyone else's potential comfort?

Not to mention they pay for the extra energy you used. And it also took a toll on the environment.

Rude, rude, rude, OP. They could have been more gracious, but the initial and most egregious fault was squarely yours.

Both rude. However, I do wonder if OP has a habit of overstepping boundaries (since she had no clue this was rude) and this friend just sort of snapped over this particular thing. Maybe the whole visit OP has been a bit clueless to her rudeness and the thermostat was just what sent her friend over the edge.

I don't get that a 2 degree change would make the OP significantly more comfortable. Or that the hosts would even notice it.

Both rude.

This is why I tell my guests to feel free to adjust the thermostat during their stay. Our guest room is in the basement on a separate system that also controls the main floor. The other bedrooms on the upper level have a different system.

You were 100% in the wrong.

Anonymous wrote:Guests should never touch the thermostat. Your hosts set it at a temperature that works for them and you don't have the right to make them uncomfortable in their own home.

+1000 How did this not occur to you, OP?

It’s really rude, OP. But it sounds like your friend is rude too.

Anonymous wrote:
Probably OP and friends are close enough to have conversations like this. It's probably not the first time OP has acted in a thoughtless and self-centered manner, but since he/she refuses to see it, the friends told OP to ask around.

OP, you may be on the spectrum if this is so hard for you to understand. Please read the replies carefully and think about it.

On the spectrum?