Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yuck. The guy sounds creepy. I just asked my nephew who is only in 9th grade and he said most 9th graders would hesitate to date a middle schooler.

Exactly and your nephew is likely only 14/15 himself and more age-appropriate and only a year older than OP's daughter and he's sees the issues. Something is off with this 17 year old.

Exactly! I’m PP and I would not be bothered by my nephew dating an 8th grader but he thinks that’s weird and it further confirms my thought that this is really off for an 11th grader!

What's sad is a child recognizes this but we have adults in this thread trying to justify it.

Yes. It would be seen as weird by almost all 17 year olds.
Not at all the same thing, but when I was 20 in college, I went out with a much older man in his early 30’s. We were at old Ebbit Grill for dinner on a date( one of only a handful) and we ran into friends of his coupled with women their own age. He clearly knew them all. Almost all the men were polite but looked uncomfortable. ALL of the five women’s mouths almost dropped open and looked at him like he was dirt after he introduced me to them. It was so obvious they all recognized how weird they thought he was for being with me, a MUCH young woman. That was the last time I went out with him. Peers do notice.

And a 17 year old girl is still a child too in many ways

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This age gap is crazy. 2y is an acceptable age gap max in hs and no more.

Every girl I've seen in this situation ended up having sex or being assaulted and then being dumped because it was a joke to the older boys in school.

Even if they know each other from an activity, etc, it still is too large a maturity gap. If they are "meant to be" then the older one will respectfully wait until the younger is older and by that I mean around at least 17.

Because a 17 and 20yo is a good idea? 🤔

I agree a 21 and 24 year old, fine
A 27 and 30, of course
A 14 year old girl is still a child, and that don’t end well in 99 percent of cases

Anonymous wrote:17 and 14 would be okay to me. Nothing older than 3 years age difference, though.

Um no
3 year age gap in college is vastly different than in HS
A 14 year old just finished MS
A 17 year old is almost in college

Anonymous wrote:This age gap is crazy. 2y is an acceptable age gap max in hs and no more.

Every girl I've seen in this situation ended up having sex or being assaulted and then being dumped because it was a joke to the older boys in school.

Even if they know each other from an activity, etc, it still is too large a maturity gap. If they are "meant to be" then the older one will respectfully wait until the younger is older and by that I mean around at least 17.

Because a 17 and 20yo is a good idea? 🤔

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely approach his parents. In today's world, because folks this is not 1984 or 1995, there's something wrong with a 17 ear old who is dating a 14-year-old especially one in middle school. Though that the 17-year-old doesn't know this might suggest other parenting failures.

What’s the difference between then and now? It was as wrong then as it is now.

It was wrong then. But posters who were teens in the 80s and 90s are writing about how they were 14 and dating 18 year olds and it was no big deal, forgetting we're in 2021 where the rules are very different and the enforcement of those rules are different.t

What rules are you referring to?

This age gap is crazy. 2y is an acceptable age gap max in hs and no more.

Every girl I've seen in this situation ended up having sex or being assaulted and then being dumped because it was a joke to the older boys in school.

Even if they know each other from an activity, etc, it still is too large a maturity gap. If they are "meant to be" then the older one will respectfully wait until the younger is older and by that I mean around at least 17.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely approach his parents. In today's world, because folks this is not 1984 or 1995, there's something wrong with a 17 ear old who is dating a 14-year-old especially one in middle school. Though that the 17-year-old doesn't know this might suggest other parenting failures.

What’s the difference between then and now? It was as wrong then as it is now.

It was wrong then. But posters who were teens in the 80s and 90s are writing about how they were 14 and dating 18 year olds and it was no big deal, forgetting we're in 2021 where the rules are very different and the enforcement of those rules are different.t

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 14 (August birthday, HS freshman) and 17 (October birthday, HS junior). So they could both be high school students and two years apart in school.

Still, I would not be OK with this.

Then I guess someone should tell all parents of teens and all HS to start publishing the dating rules. Something like:
1)Only Junior and Seniors can date one another. Freshman/Sophmore can date one another.
2) Juniors dating seniors be prepared to breakup if said senior goes to college in the summer/fall.
3) Anyone turning 18, be prepared to breakup you’re dating someone not also turning 18 in the next month or so.

Making and enforcing these rules is going to be interesting. But I’d love to watch folks try.

My parents, who were very loving and not particularly strict, would not allow my sister and I to date anyone more than two grades ahead of us in High School. This was in the eighties. It wasn't a good idea back then, and isn't now. Plus, in Virginia, and as the mother of teenage sons, I would strongly discourage this due now to the statutory rape laws in this state.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - there is no easy way to handle this. This was me (albeit many years ago). Good luck.

+1
I dated a 18 year old who had just graduated HS when I was 14. My parents made me take a friend or younger sister with us when we went out.

So, I was a rising sophomore when I was 14. So months before we would have been a freshman dating a Senior. This would follow the consensus that age gaps in HS is ok. It was the late 80’s in a small town and I was not an anomaly.

I’m not saying it is cool but if it is already happening this is one way to limit damage. It is better to know what is going on than having them sneaking around.

FWIW - I’m a fully functional adult, have a PhD in the hard sciences and have been married for 25+ years.

Anonymous wrote:Definitely approach his parents. In today's world, because folks this is not 1984 or 1995, there's something wrong with a 17 ear old who is dating a 14-year-old especially one in middle school. Though that the 17-year-old doesn't know this might suggest other parenting failures.

What’s the difference between then and now? It was as wrong then as it is now.

My kids are 14 (August birthday, HS freshman) and 17 (October birthday, HS junior). So they could both be high school students and two years apart in school.

Still, I would not be OK with this.

Definitely approach his parents. In today's world, because folks this is not 1984 or 1995, there's something wrong with a 17 ear old who is dating a 14-year-old especially one in middle school. Though that the 17-year-old doesn't know this might suggest other parenting failures.