Anonymous
Post 01/23/2021 13:46     Subject: In your social circle how much cheating is going on?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I had never heard of any cheating until I married my DH.

His uncles had cheated on their wives. His best friend actively cheats on his wife. One of his bosses cheats on his wife.

My husband cheated as well.


I worked in a very high stress, high pay, male dominated field out of college. At least 2/3+ the men around me were cheating on their spouse, and they weren't the ones you would expect it from. I dated (single) men I worked with for a time and unsurprisingly got cheated on every time.

Maybe just anecdotal but my takeaway from it was that when your friends or colleagues cheat and talk about it, it becomes normalized and people who would not have otherwise gone down that path end up as serial cheaters. The cliche of 'once a cheater, always a cheater' is a cliche for a reason.

In my current social circle many decades removed, no one I know is cheating and although I'm sure some are, I doubt it would be as many as my old social circle.


This is it. If you move in circles where there's cheating, you'll think everyone cheats. If you move in circles where most don't cheat, you won't think there's any cheating going on. Reality is somewhere in between and depends on your friend/family group.

Takeaway is that who you surround yourself with matters in these types of outcomes.
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2021 08:38     Subject: Re:In your social circle how much cheating is going on?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:For a spell, I ran into people cheating on their spouses.

One was a past friend, one was a relative. The third was someone I met at a conference. (I knew he was married and saw him with another woman at the conference and later saw him in a different city WITH his wife. He didn't seem happy to see me since I knew he was a cheater.--lol

When I ran into the relative, the friend with me said she had cheated on her husband so she couldn't cast stones.

Of course, in colleges I attended, I knew of married professors chasing students. Naturally, the male was the cheater.

Seems like a number of people do. My friends don't, and I don't think their spouses do. Of course, one never really knows.

I think there's a cheating type of person and it's born of insecurity with themselves or an insecurity about ending a relationship before starting a new one. They're looking for excitement or escape or they're not getting "fulfilled" at home.



I think some kids saw their parents cheating and it’s normalized to them.


Well, a lot of people cheat/have cheated at some point. So I would say it is pretty normalized already. Maybe not talked about, but no one should ever be surprised to hear someone cheated.
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2021 08:34     Subject: In your social circle how much cheating is going on?
Anonymous wrote:Wow, I had the same experience, and it was probably more like 80% of the men cheated. It was also quite out in the open on business travel. My theory is that all men want to cheat and if the shame of it is taken away and the opportunity is there, they will.

When I got divorced, so many married male friends came on to me, and yes, including the types that I wouldn't have thought. No idea what % of my social circle is cheating but the correct answer is "most" men if they could.


Agree: most married men would cheat if they "could" and the difference comes down to opportunity. Men who are super attractive, tall, wealthy, high status have opportunities without effort. That is a pretty elite group.

But the other 95% of married men have to really WORK for it. And let's be honest: most married men are just not that sexy where any sane woman wants to smash that (wedding ring and all). Most men have to actively pursue a long line of uninterested women (looking at you PP), fight through this wall of rejection, finally to create a single "cheating opportunity".

Men who are sexually satisfied at home rarely would even consider doing all this extra work! It's hard enough to pursue the wife, forget about pursuing even more lady drama! Men who are NOT sexually satisfied at home it's a no brainer, these men will even go to pathetically desperate measures to meet their sexual needs (like coming on to recently divorced PP).
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2021 07:43     Subject: In your social circle how much cheating is going on?
In my social circle, no one knows I'm a cheater
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2021 06:23     Subject: In your social circle how much cheating is going on?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I had never heard of any cheating until I married my DH.

His uncles had cheated on their wives. His best friend actively cheats on his wife. One of his bosses cheats on his wife.

My husband cheated as well.


I worked in a very high stress, high pay, male dominated field out of college. At least 2/3+ the men around me were cheating on their spouse, and they weren't the ones you would expect it from. I dated (single) men I worked with for a time and unsurprisingly got cheated on every time.

Maybe just anecdotal but my takeaway from it was that when your friends or colleagues cheat and talk about it, it becomes normalized and people who would not have otherwise gone down that path end up as serial cheaters. The cliche of 'once a cheater, always a cheater' is a cliche for a reason.

In my current social circle many decades removed, no one I know is cheating and although I'm sure some are, I doubt it would be as many as my old social circle.


Wow, I had the same experience, and it was probably more like 80% of the men cheated. It was also quite out in the open on business travel. My theory is that all men want to cheat and if the shame of it is taken away and the opportunity is there, they will.

When I got divorced, so many married male friends came on to me, and yes, including the types that I wouldn't have thought. No idea what % of my social circle is cheating but the correct answer is "most" men if they could.
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2021 01:14     Subject: Re:In your social circle how much cheating is going on?
Anonymous wrote:For a spell, I ran into people cheating on their spouses.

One was a past friend, one was a relative. The third was someone I met at a conference. (I knew he was married and saw him with another woman at the conference and later saw him in a different city WITH his wife. He didn't seem happy to see me since I knew he was a cheater.--lol

When I ran into the relative, the friend with me said she had cheated on her husband so she couldn't cast stones.

Of course, in colleges I attended, I knew of married professors chasing students. Naturally, the male was the cheater.

Seems like a number of people do. My friends don't, and I don't think their spouses do. Of course, one never really knows.

I think there's a cheating type of person and it's born of insecurity with themselves or an insecurity about ending a relationship before starting a new one. They're looking for excitement or escape or they're not getting "fulfilled" at home.



These statements are true of my friend who cheated on her husband with her co-worker. Despite being very intelligent and attractive, she lacks confidence and prior to getting married went from one relationship to the next very quickly. Plus, her AP was an Olympic Gold Medalist (not recent, he is in his 40's now) and I think that was exciting to her.
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2021 00:05     Subject: Re:In your social circle how much cheating is going on?
Anonymous wrote:For a spell, I ran into people cheating on their spouses.

One was a past friend, one was a relative. The third was someone I met at a conference. (I knew he was married and saw him with another woman at the conference and later saw him in a different city WITH his wife. He didn't seem happy to see me since I knew he was a cheater.--lol

When I ran into the relative, the friend with me said she had cheated on her husband so she couldn't cast stones.

Of course, in colleges I attended, I knew of married professors chasing students. Naturally, the male was the cheater.

Seems like a number of people do. My friends don't, and I don't think their spouses do. Of course, one never really knows.

I think there's a cheating type of person and it's born of insecurity with themselves or an insecurity about ending a relationship before starting a new one. They're looking for excitement or escape or they're not getting "fulfilled" at home.



I think some kids saw their parents cheating and it’s normalized to them.
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2021 00:00     Subject: Re:In your social circle how much cheating is going on?
For a spell, I ran into people cheating on their spouses.

One was a past friend, one was a relative. The third was someone I met at a conference. (I knew he was married and saw him with another woman at the conference and later saw him in a different city WITH his wife. He didn't seem happy to see me since I knew he was a cheater.--lol

When I ran into the relative, the friend with me said she had cheated on her husband so she couldn't cast stones.

Of course, in colleges I attended, I knew of married professors chasing students. Naturally, the male was the cheater.

Seems like a number of people do. My friends don't, and I don't think their spouses do. Of course, one never really knows.

I think there's a cheating type of person and it's born of insecurity with themselves or an insecurity about ending a relationship before starting a new one. They're looking for excitement or escape or they're not getting "fulfilled" at home.

Anonymous
Post 01/22/2021 23:37     Subject: In your social circle how much cheating is going on?
Anonymous wrote:I had never heard of any cheating until I married my DH.

His uncles had cheated on their wives. His best friend actively cheats on his wife. One of his bosses cheats on his wife.

My husband cheated as well.


I worked in a very high stress, high pay, male dominated field out of college. At least 2/3+ the men around me were cheating on their spouse, and they weren't the ones you would expect it from. I dated (single) men I worked with for a time and unsurprisingly got cheated on every time.

Maybe just anecdotal but my takeaway from it was that when your friends or colleagues cheat and talk about it, it becomes normalized and people who would not have otherwise gone down that path end up as serial cheaters. The cliche of 'once a cheater, always a cheater' is a cliche for a reason.

In my current social circle many decades removed, no one I know is cheating and although I'm sure some are, I doubt it would be as many as my old social circle.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2021 23:24     Subject: In your social circle how much cheating is going on?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:None. I'm divorced and most of my friends have divorced within the past 5 years. Everybody is single, free and living their best damn lives.


Oh, and we all divorced cheaters.

That’s statistically very high—all of your friends?

I’m 50 and none of my HS or college friends have divorced. No idea if anyone’s been cheated on. If they have, they’ve kept it private.


They probably don't work and can't afford to divorce.



Nope. Lawyers, Scientist, IT, Feds. Only 1 of many is a SAHM and that was after a career too.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2021 23:20     Subject: In your social circle how much cheating is going on?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:None. I'm divorced and most of my friends have divorced within the past 5 years. Everybody is single, free and living their best damn lives.


Oh, and we all divorced cheaters.

That’s statistically very high—all of your friends?

I’m 50 and none of my HS or college friends have divorced. No idea if anyone’s been cheated on. If they have, they’ve kept it private.


They probably don't work and can't afford to divorce.

Anonymous
Post 01/22/2021 23:19     Subject: In your social circle how much cheating is going on?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:None. I'm divorced and most of my friends have divorced within the past 5 years. Everybody is single, free and living their best damn lives.


Oh, and we all divorced cheaters.

That’s statistically very high—all of your friends?

I’m 50 and none of my HS or college friends have divorced. No idea if anyone’s been cheated on. If they have, they’ve kept it private.


It’s less common the more educated and higher SES of couples.


Now this is some nonsense. More educated and higher SES means more to lose, so spouses look the other way. There is a crap ton of cheating in high SES circles.


Absolutely. Speaking from experience - and from the experiences of my dearest, closest friends. And we don't speak about it to anyone but each other.

Anonymous
Post 01/22/2021 23:14     Subject: In your social circle how much cheating is going on?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I cheated and I know that no one in my circle would ever think I’d do it.


Gross


Yep, OP here, not something I am proud of. I am a DW in a sexless marriage.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2021 23:13     Subject: In your social circle how much cheating is going on?
Do people talk about their cheating in their social circle? Seems like most wouldn’t want to air their dirty laundry
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2021 23:04     Subject: Re:In your social circle how much cheating is going on?
You beat me to it.

Seriously, high net worth men, especially attractive ones all cheat. All of them. Women don't divorce them because they lose their social status


Obviously, not all high net worth men cheat. Broaden your circle a bit.