Anonymous
Post 01/16/2021 14:11     Subject: Re:I know this is completely unethical
Anonymous wrote:You know him. Is there any chance he would be willing to sign away his parental rights if you come at it from a "it frees you from financial responsibility" aspect?


He would never
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2021 13:38     Subject: Re:I know this is completely unethical
I would keep the baby - if you want to have the baby- and end the engagement.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2021 13:10     Subject: I know this is completely unethical
Don’t list him on the birth certificate and give the baby your last name. He will have such incredibly limited rights. —a mom who has protected her daughter from her dad
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2021 13:06     Subject: Re:I know this is completely unethical
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Birth certificates are public record. He'll easily be able to find things out by doing a genealogy search using your name and DOB.


Why would he go looking if he thinks I miscarried? He is supposed to go out of town soon for work. I'm planning on " miscarrying" then. Once I move he will probably attempt to call I will most likely change my number


It's a permanent record. Are you sure he wont' google you any time in the next 18 years?

Go Google one of your parent's names right now. I bet you'll find a result with your name listed there also. Guess where that information is coming from...
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2021 13:03     Subject: Re:I know this is completely unethical
Anonymous wrote:You know him. Is there any chance he would be willing to sign away his parental rights if you come at it from a "it frees you from financial responsibility" aspect?


This is not legally possible, unless OP has another parent who wants to adopt as a stepparent. It’s a common misconception that this is a thing. It’s not. You cannot sign away child’s right to support unless there’s someone else to replace that parent.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2021 12:50     Subject: I know this is completely unethical
Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe people think this is a real story


I can't believe you don't. There is a reason they say "real life is stranger than fiction" -- it is.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2021 12:49     Subject: I know this is completely unethical
My friend can't leave the state she is in because her child's father fought for that. I would leave then let him know. I also know about infertility issues so I understand how hard this choice is to make. Good luck.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2021 10:19     Subject: I know this is completely unethical
Anonymous wrote:I've been in a very long term relationship. We recently got engaged and I found out he's been seeing someone else. We had been trying to get pregnant for about 6 months. For a few weeks he's become verbally abusive. He wasn't always this way. When I found out about the new relationship I was already pregnant. I've also found a few dating profiles. I stopped looking because it's hurtful. I've spoken to my therapist about our relationship and she says it sounds like he's " escalating". I'm in my late 30s time is not on my side. I'm not going to terminate. I am however considering telling him I lost the pregnancy and going home to be with my family. They live a few thousand miles away we have no mutual friends. Is there anyway he can later come back and take my child from me?

Thanks for any and all advice


Yes, move with your family and have the baby. Don't tell him you're terminating, just leave. You have all the rights until the child is born. You don't have to list him as the father on the birth certificate. Only if you want child support. But, if the child is born in another state, especially if you've been there long enough to be considered a resident, that child is a resident of that state, and many states, they don't want to award custody to the parent in another state.

If you don't list him, he would have to sue you for a paternity test to establish for the court that he's the father.

But yes, this will escalate. It is better to get out now. I had the same thing happen to me when I was pregnant. I almost moved home for this reason, but I stayed with my local support system. We got back together and the abuse got worse. So, please leave now.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2021 10:14     Subject: I know this is completely unethical
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Although PP is right, I'd probably do what you propose and move thousands of miles away and fake a miscarriage. How vested is he in the pregnancy? You can always claim you used a sperm donor later if he happens to find out--and I would absolutely tell my family and everyone else that's what I did just in case he shows up one day.


He can't come to my appo because of covid. But he's pretty involved. He's always wanted a biological child. He's much older than me. I like the sperm donor idea, thank you.


it sounds like you were yhe side chick.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2021 10:09     Subject: I know this is completely unethical
I can’t believe people think this is a real story
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2021 10:06     Subject: I know this is completely unethical
Anonymous wrote:Absolutely do that. I was in your shoes and tried to do the "right" thing, which made my life hell. Abusive people will use your child to abuse you, and will abuse your child. You are doing the right thing by protecting your child from him.

Consult with multiple attorneys because most suck, and find one that actually gives a F about you. I met with 6-7 before I found one that had any idea what they were talking about and who actually cared.

If you have the baby where you are, you will likely be stuck there. Relocation is extremely difficult. Remember, you can always move *back* if dad suddenly changes and can be an effective parent.

His parents will not be able to take the baby, no matter how much money or influence they have. They will tell you otherwise (believe me, been there) and will try to manipulate you. Don't fall for it.

Cut off all contact with ex, get off of social media, block his number. #1 thing is to find a good attorney, tho.


Oh, one more thing - a good attorney will also get you connected with a good attorney in your home state/wherever you plan to move, and will set up you there.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2021 10:05     Subject: I know this is completely unethical
Absolutely do that. I was in your shoes and tried to do the "right" thing, which made my life hell. Abusive people will use your child to abuse you, and will abuse your child. You are doing the right thing by protecting your child from him.

Consult with multiple attorneys because most suck, and find one that actually gives a F about you. I met with 6-7 before I found one that had any idea what they were talking about and who actually cared.

If you have the baby where you are, you will likely be stuck there. Relocation is extremely difficult. Remember, you can always move *back* if dad suddenly changes and can be an effective parent.

His parents will not be able to take the baby, no matter how much money or influence they have. They will tell you otherwise (believe me, been there) and will try to manipulate you. Don't fall for it.

Cut off all contact with ex, get off of social media, block his number. #1 thing is to find a good attorney, tho.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2021 10:03     Subject: I know this is completely unethical
Good plan, actually. It's the best thing for all.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2021 09:46     Subject: Re:I know this is completely unethical
You know him. Is there any chance he would be willing to sign away his parental rights if you come at it from a "it frees you from financial responsibility" aspect?
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2021 09:43     Subject: I know this is completely unethical
As long as you never ask for child support I see no problem. However, you child might want to know their father. Keep the ring too. What an a$$.