Anonymous
Post 01/04/2021 12:50     Subject: How can I request cleaning help wear something more... modest?
Anonymous wrote:Who are you worried about seeing her body? Young boys? Your husband?

Just use this as a teachable moment. You can't keep them from such scenes at Walmart.

This is like people who homeschool, so their children are "shielded" from the real world...but then how will those kids learn to navigate it when they go to college or join a workplace.

Help them interpret what they are seeing around them, because if you try to control what the whole rest of the world, you are going to lose that battle.


I get unconrollably excited when I see skimpily dressed women with cleaning products. I understand OP's concern.

I am tempted to google if this is an actual fetish.
Anonymous
Post 01/04/2021 12:49     Subject: How can I request cleaning help wear something more... modest?
Is she Eastern European? If yes, they are the best cleaning ladies (I mean if they are good, they are REALLY good). Their standards can’t compare to most other cleaning ladies. They see what needs to be cleaned and you don’t have to point out obvious things to them.
If this is the case I would not say a word about her outfit. She is probably just clueless and thinks she is dressed in style.
Anonymous
Post 01/04/2021 12:46     Subject: How can I request cleaning help wear something more... modest?
Most cultures that get upset about that level of modesty also believe that a woman’s place is in the home taking care of the home. So you are already not adhering to your religion by not cleaning your own house. You can’t pick and choose. Pick up a toilet brush.

And in this pandemic time, you should not be seeing each other - for your safety and hers.
Anonymous
Post 01/04/2021 12:46     Subject: Re:How can I request cleaning help wear something more... modest?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sexism.

You would never ask a man to change his clothes. If a plumber came to unclog your toilet you would not ask him to wear a non-offensive t-shirt.



Actually, the guy who came to fix our kitchen sink was not expecting our family when he put on his All Lives Matter t-shirt that morning. DH is a 6 foot 4 dark-skinned black man. The guy asked to use the bathroom and when he came out, his shirt was on inside out. No words exchanged about it.


Right? And if he was coming every week for hours, it would be fine to ask him to wear a non-offensive shirt.

The sexism is coming from the women on this thread who believe that OP should be quiet and demure and not dare to offend someone by expressing her thoughts. Not to mention those who believe that she should be cleaning her own home.


It's sexism to think women need to dress a particular way.


Yeah, if anyone is sexist here, it's the OP with her judgment of what the cleaning lady is wearing.
Anonymous
Post 01/04/2021 12:46     Subject: Re:How can I request cleaning help wear something more... modest?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sexism.

You would never ask a man to change his clothes. If a plumber came to unclog your toilet you would not ask him to wear a non-offensive t-shirt.



Actually, the guy who came to fix our kitchen sink was not expecting our family when he put on his All Lives Matter t-shirt that morning. DH is a 6 foot 4 dark-skinned black man. The guy asked to use the bathroom and when he came out, his shirt was on inside out. No words exchanged about it.


Right? And if he was coming every week for hours, it would be fine to ask him to wear a non-offensive shirt.

The sexism is coming from the women on this thread who believe that OP should be quiet and demure and not dare to offend someone by expressing her thoughts. Not to mention those who believe that she should be cleaning her own home.


Nice strawman there. I would agree that a male OP should keep his trap shut about what the cleaning lady wears, too. The cleaner is not an employee, she is wearing clothing that is comfortable for the work she is doing, and we're talking about a couple of hours a week, probably. OP's personal decision to wear different clothing does not give her the right to tell another adult what to wear.
Anonymous
Post 01/04/2021 12:44     Subject: How can I request cleaning help wear something more... modest?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:On one hand, you are the employer, so it seems like your employee should abide by your comfort zone (as long as it is legal). BUT, what if you wanted her to wear a veil in your home, that would be going too far in my opinion.

How about your hire a cleaning person through an agency (which usually protects them and you more anyway, in terms of benefits/being bonded, etc). When you first put in the request, explain that due to your cultural/religious beliefs/customs, you would appreciate it if the person they send does not wear X, Y, Z (don't label it as modest, be specific, since "modest" is subjective). That way you are describing a work requirement, not insulting an individual.


Why do people keep saying that OP is the employer? It sounds like this is a cleaning lady, not a full-time housekeeper. So OP is not the employer.


Ok. OP is the client. It’s still a reasonable request.


Would it be reasonable for your employer to ask you to start wearing a headscarf to work, now that they've been bought by a Saudi conglomerate? After all, it's part of their religion.


I’m a therapist and own my own practice. It would be reasonable for a client to tell me that they would prefer that I wear a headscarf while I am with them. And it would also be completely reasonable for me to say that I am not comfortable with that and to work it out or refer them elsewhere.


I don’t think that’s a reasonable request at all. If they wanted a therapist from their own community, they should have sought one out to begin with.
Anonymous
Post 01/04/2021 12:43     Subject: Re:How can I request cleaning help wear something more... modest?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sexism.

You would never ask a man to change his clothes. If a plumber came to unclog your toilet you would not ask him to wear a non-offensive t-shirt.



Actually, the guy who came to fix our kitchen sink was not expecting our family when he put on his All Lives Matter t-shirt that morning. DH is a 6 foot 4 dark-skinned black man. The guy asked to use the bathroom and when he came out, his shirt was on inside out. No words exchanged about it.


Right? And if he was coming every week for hours, it would be fine to ask him to wear a non-offensive shirt.

The sexism is coming from the women on this thread who believe that OP should be quiet and demure and not dare to offend someone by expressing her thoughts. Not to mention those who believe that she should be cleaning her own home.


It's sexism to think women need to dress a particular way.
Anonymous
Post 01/04/2021 12:40     Subject: Re:How can I request cleaning help wear something more... modest?
OP,

I woukd not ask your cleaning lady to wear different clothes, but if you feel strongly about it, look for a service that requires uniforms that meet your needs.
Anonymous
Post 01/04/2021 12:39     Subject: Re:How can I request cleaning help wear something more... modest?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sexism.

You would never ask a man to change his clothes. If a plumber came to unclog your toilet you would not ask him to wear a non-offensive t-shirt.



Actually, the guy who came to fix our kitchen sink was not expecting our family when he put on his All Lives Matter t-shirt that morning. DH is a 6 foot 4 dark-skinned black man. The guy asked to use the bathroom and when he came out, his shirt was on inside out. No words exchanged about it.


Right? And if he was coming every week for hours, it would be fine to ask him to wear a non-offensive shirt.

The sexism is coming from the women on this thread who believe that OP should be quiet and demure and not dare to offend someone by expressing her thoughts. Not to mention those who believe that she should be cleaning her own home.


The problem is not expressing her thoughts. It's believing she has any right to tell her what to wear or push her beliefs onto her cleaning person. If anything, just stop hovering over or staring at the woman while she cleans!
Anonymous
Post 01/04/2021 12:31     Subject: Re:How can I request cleaning help wear something more... modest?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sexism.

You would never ask a man to change his clothes. If a plumber came to unclog your toilet you would not ask him to wear a non-offensive t-shirt.



Actually, the guy who came to fix our kitchen sink was not expecting our family when he put on his All Lives Matter t-shirt that morning. DH is a 6 foot 4 dark-skinned black man. The guy asked to use the bathroom and when he came out, his shirt was on inside out. No words exchanged about it.


Right? And if he was coming every week for hours, it would be fine to ask him to wear a non-offensive shirt.

The sexism is coming from the women on this thread who believe that OP should be quiet and demure and not dare to offend someone by expressing her thoughts. Not to mention those who believe that she should be cleaning her own home.


It’s sexist to think one should clean up after themselves? No one said she has to do it alone - her husband and kids can clean, too.
Anonymous
Post 01/04/2021 12:22     Subject: Re:How can I request cleaning help wear something more... modest?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sexism.

You would never ask a man to change his clothes. If a plumber came to unclog your toilet you would not ask him to wear a non-offensive t-shirt.



Actually, the guy who came to fix our kitchen sink was not expecting our family when he put on his All Lives Matter t-shirt that morning. DH is a 6 foot 4 dark-skinned black man. The guy asked to use the bathroom and when he came out, his shirt was on inside out. No words exchanged about it.


Right? And if he was coming every week for hours, it would be fine to ask him to wear a non-offensive shirt.

The sexism is coming from the women on this thread who believe that OP should be quiet and demure and not dare to offend someone by expressing her thoughts. Not to mention those who believe that she should be cleaning her own home.
Anonymous
Post 01/04/2021 12:16     Subject: Re:How can I request cleaning help wear something more... modest?
Anonymous wrote:Sexism.

You would never ask a man to change his clothes. If a plumber came to unclog your toilet you would not ask him to wear a non-offensive t-shirt.



Actually, the guy who came to fix our kitchen sink was not expecting our family when he put on his All Lives Matter t-shirt that morning. DH is a 6 foot 4 dark-skinned black man. The guy asked to use the bathroom and when he came out, his shirt was on inside out. No words exchanged about it.
Anonymous
Post 01/04/2021 12:11     Subject: How can I request cleaning help wear something more... modest?
You can find a company where the workers wear uniforms.
Anonymous
Post 01/04/2021 12:10     Subject: How can I request cleaning help wear something more... modest?
Don't hire Russians then
Anonymous
Post 01/04/2021 12:09     Subject: How can I request cleaning help wear something more... modest?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It depends on what she is wearing. I’ve never seen a cleaning woman wear leather pants or low cut top. She works for you. If it bothers you mention it gently. She is your employee.


Wrong she is not your employee. OP is her customer. She is an independent business/contractor.


That is really the kicker here. OP, if you want to hire her as a employee, you can provide her a uniform or give a dress code; depending on what you request she might be able to deduct the cost of the uniform as a work expense. But you may also have to pay FICA taxes, unemployment insurance, worker's comp, give paid leave, etc.

If you don't want her to be your employee (or she doesn't want to) then she wears what she likes. You are free to hire a different housecleaner if you prefer.



OP, I would get her one of those cover-ups you wear at the hairdresser's. There's a snap at the neck and a belt. It's big and loose, and should be comfortable to wear while cleaning. this is only if you have the same cleaner that cleans your house and not a company that sends different people each time. Also, I'd keep it at your house, wash it and provide it.

I'd explain that due to your religion, you'd prefer if she wear [this] while in your home and explain that you'll keep and clean it for her. If she doesn't want to, I would get a new housecleaner, but at the interview, explain - clearly - that they'd have to wear this cover-up while in your home.