Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 6DD developmentally is closer to 4/5 due to being in the hospital off and on from age 3 to almost 5. DS is also very immature due to his ADHD although he is very smart, virtual learning has been nightmare, he will rip up papers, throw pencils, and even harm himself or his siblings when frustrated. Their behaviors have completely drained me.

I realize that I see my 9DD has being much older than my younger two. I will admit that I am harder on her and do rely on her for more help. I don’t think my DD is wrong that I’m a shitty mom, but I do need her help, I cannot handle her having tantrums and screaming too over a simple chore.

I am sad this is what my life looks like and I’m also sad that I can’t give my oldest a more normal childhood, but I can’t change the circumstances and I’m at a loss.

Give her up for adoption to somrone.will.love her and treat
like a valuable human being.

Holy shit! You're a monster PP

No. I am not. This 9 year old child is miserable and abused by OP.

Please ignore these nuts.

I read an article today about how kids are suffering in foster care. I hate how people always throw out adoption as an answer to many of life's ills.i know of several people who basically graduated from foster care and we're never adopted.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is a bad mother to her oldest child. SHe can be a good mother to two others, but her oldest clearly knows she is neglected. Take this to heart op, do things with your eldest, one on one. Why is she a Cinderella?

Op is not a “bad mother” for having her capable child do chores and and it does not make her daughter a “Cinderella” because she does more chores than her SN siblings. It is good for children to do chores (research has shown this) and most kids complain about doing them and think their mothers are awful, abusive, etc when they make their kids do them. That’s why it is soooo much easier to do it yourself. The difference in this situation is that OP has had a hard go of it and feels bad for not giving this child as much attention as the SN kids, and so took the adolescent gripe seriously.

Anyway, it’s ok that she thinks it’s unfair (I’d remind her it’s unfair that her siblings got cancer/ADHD too), but she can’t disrespect you like that OP.

No. She is not a bad mother. She is a horrible mother
The daughter should not suffer because of the other two. I had a friend in school who younger sister was always sick and had Down syndrome. By the time she was grown she hated her mother and didn't she'd a tear or go to funeral service of either her sister or mother.

Your daughter is neither your maid nor babysitter, OP. Empty your own damn dishwasher!

It’s actually really bad for kids to not do chores. If you don’t give your kids chores, you’re depriving them of the opportunity to learn to work toward a common goal, gain pride in having completed a task, and recognizing that basic living creates work. It’s “bad” parents who don’t make their kids do chores, if we want to categorize parents into good and bad (which is absurd).

Yeah...my 3.5 year old assists us in emptying the dishwasher and other things around the house (cleans room, helps put in a load of laundry, etc) that are appropriate to his age. Having kids do chores is normal and expected. It is part of being a member of the household. Op is not a shitty mom the require this is an able bodied member of the household.

If it’s her responsibility to unload the dishwasher, then have a discussion about how that has to work (i.e. you run it every night before bed and she needs to empty it before breakfast). But calling a kid away from something fun that they’re doing because you want them to unload the dishwasher on demand is kind of unfair. Also, as someone who grew up with a younger sibling with high needs, it sucks. Make sure the chores and things are being doled out evenly.

OP, hugs to you. All introspection aside, please know that kids sometimes behave like little shits. It's almost a part of the growing process. You are to never take remarks like this seriously.

My kids are grown now, but when they blurted out things like this, I usually calmly suggested "why don't you go get another one? someone you like better? What's that? You won't? That's right. I don't see people lining up to get you, either. You're stuck here so get your crap done, then you can speak."

OP, does your daughter have any space to express her concerns, like in counselling or a support group for siblings of cancer survivors? An activity (even if it’s virtual right now) “all her own?”

She needs and deserves a place where she can be a little girl, and be be free of the burden of her sibling’s illnesses. If you don’t have the time to get her away, then see if you can access programs though Big Sisters or a similar organization.

There is nothing wrong with expecting your 9 yo to do chores. There *is* a problem with you are relying on her to help run the house.

Also, and I say this kindly - is there some truth to you not having expectations from your two younger children? Yes, you may not be able to expect “the same”, but you should expect the equivalent to their abilities. Both your younger children will not break if you give them chores, and “need” responsibility the same way your older child does.

As suggested above, PEP classes may also be helpful.

That said, you also need time away, and counselling to help you both collect your thoughts and explore your frustrations. Your DH has unfairly put the burden of pretty much everything on you, and it’s not your fault, nor is it your daughter’s fault that you are overwhelmed right now. You’re not a sh*tty mother, but there is nothing wrong with exploring how to become a better one.

Hugs OP.

I would work on figuring out what to do about your DH and in the meantime get some house help for your own sanity. As for the DD, I think a heart to heart talk and a chore chart would help. You know kids can say mean things...try to not take it personally. Sometimes being a good mom is perceived as "shitty." It doesn't mean you're actually a shitty mom.