Anonymous
Post 12/24/2020 11:54     Subject: Re:Reaction to college acceptance
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:People are jealous. I learned my lesson to not share news.


OP here. This is close to my own thinking. Here are my two thoughts:

1) We’re not one of those families that believes a student must cure cancer to go to a good school. My kid took tough courses, got good grades and test scores, and wrote great essays. That’s it. I think there’s disbelief that it can be that simple. So, there’s the notion that we’re “lucky.”

2) We do not believe that somewhat better ranked privates are worth the money; instead we see UVA as a great value. Thus, we were very practical with the ED selection. Many other kids with similar qualifications ED to a reach, and are oftentimes disappointed. Typically, these students cycle back to a better state school. From that perspective, we cut the madness short. Again, we are “lucky.”

In sum, I think it’s jealously and disbelief that we got the “prize” without the craziness.


Hhhmmmm. I was mostly with you. Right up until the last line. Now I think that you were coming across as a braggart and that you're tone deaf. I say this as a UVA alum myself. You sound pretty nasty and I would start avoiding you, too.


You may be reading OPs comments in a twisted way. This is OPs analysis of the response received, not something voiced to others. As a piece of analysis, it’s probably right. However, as many others have said, these times are difficult, so it’s best to lay low with good news.
Anonymous
Post 12/24/2020 08:25     Subject: Reaction to college acceptance
I think it comes from doing a competitive individual sport; she has lost so many times, that she knows how it feels to lose and then have winners act kindly and supportively, vs act mean or badly, so she has internalized how to act on those times when she gets to stand on the podium.
Anonymous
Post 12/24/2020 08:21     Subject: Re:Reaction to college acceptance
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:People are jealous. I learned my lesson to not share news.


OP here. This is close to my own thinking. Here are my two thoughts:

1) We’re not one of those families that believes a student must cure cancer to go to a good school. My kid took tough courses, got good grades and test scores, and wrote great essays. That’s it. I think there’s disbelief that it can be that simple. So, there’s the notion that we’re “lucky.”

2) We do not believe that somewhat better ranked privates are worth the money; instead we see UVA as a great value. Thus, we were very practical with the ED selection. Many other kids with similar qualifications ED to a reach, and are oftentimes disappointed. Typically, these students cycle back to a better state school. From that perspective, we cut the madness short. Again, we are “lucky.”

In sum, I think it’s jealously and disbelief that we got the “prize” without the craziness.


Hhhmmmm. I was mostly with you. Right up until the last line. Now I think that you were coming across as a braggart and that you're tone deaf. I say this as a UVA alum myself. You sound pretty nasty and I would start avoiding you, too.
Anonymous
Post 12/24/2020 08:14     Subject: Reaction to college acceptance
My DD got into her first choice ED. She chose not to share the news on social or in casual interactions with her classmates, because many people at her school were deferred or worse in the early round, and she is thinking about their feelings. Only her closest friends know, and those who are on the private college ED 2025 group. She said "it could easily have gone the other way, and then she would be on the other side experiencing all the painful feelings, so why not be silent for now?" Of course others may choose to share or not share their news for other reasons, but I just love this about my daughter.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2020 20:41     Subject: Reaction to college acceptance
Anonymous wrote:OP, my kid got into a very highly ranked school the other day. Her best friends (sisters) were over (they are in our bubble) and we went to their house to see the Jupiter/Saturn event.

Their mom is pretty competitive/jealous type, and as we were driving over, I thought, get ready for some snark.

I didn't tell the mom about the acceptance, but her kids were outside and one of her DDs yelled the news inside to her. She said "wow" a couple of times and I was calm and matter-of-fact. She asked me a few questions and I am not kidding you, within 3 minutes she had steered the conversation around told me I was a helicopter mom. And she wouldn't let it drop.

But I could tell what was going on was that she was worried about her own kid.

I had used to consider her a friend but this person finds any damn excuse to compare and compete. So I keep my distance and only interact when I have to.

OP, just tell your true friends your (kid's) big news. Nobody else. Everyone is nervous and it doesn't help them.


Yikes, I know a few of these trainwrecks myself. You handled yourself nicely.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2020 19:56     Subject: Reaction to college acceptance
OP, my kid got into a very highly ranked school the other day. Her best friends (sisters) were over (they are in our bubble) and we went to their house to see the Jupiter/Saturn event.

Their mom is pretty competitive/jealous type, and as we were driving over, I thought, get ready for some snark.

I didn't tell the mom about the acceptance, but her kids were outside and one of her DDs yelled the news inside to her. She said "wow" a couple of times and I was calm and matter-of-fact. She asked me a few questions and I am not kidding you, within 3 minutes she had steered the conversation around told me I was a helicopter mom. And she wouldn't let it drop.

But I could tell what was going on was that she was worried about her own kid.

I had used to consider her a friend but this person finds any damn excuse to compare and compete. So I keep my distance and only interact when I have to.

OP, just tell your true friends your (kid's) big news. Nobody else. Everyone is nervous and it doesn't help them.
Anonymous
Post 12/22/2020 17:59     Subject: Re:Reaction to college acceptance
Congrats OP. Your friends are either 1) worried about their own kids; 2) think your kid isn’t that special and so are therefore holding their real thoughts back. If they were happy for you they’d say so.
Anonymous
Post 12/22/2020 17:26     Subject: Re:Reaction to college acceptance
There’s no real point in bragging or feeling special. There’s always someone who is smarter, richer, savvier. If my DD gets a solid education that helps her in life, makes some good friendships, contributes to the community at least as much (and hopefully more) than what she received, and can look back on her college years fondly and feel satisfied, then I’d consider that a success.
Anonymous
Post 12/21/2020 16:06     Subject: Reaction to college acceptance
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP sounds nutty and i am thrilled no one gave her the reaction she thought the news deserved.



I still think she's really a college-aged troll home from Va Tech or UMD (UVA rivals) who wants to stir the pot for fun. And they did get a number of pages of responses of fun out of this.


Yes, blame someone from somewhere else whenever a UVA parent acts douchey. Par for the course.
Anonymous
Post 12/21/2020 15:58     Subject: Re:Reaction to college acceptance
If you're proud of your kid getting into UVA or any school they're happy with, no shame to share with good friends and other parents. All of my friends and other "normal" moms/dads were genuinely happy with my kid getting into where my kid wanted to go (VA Tech). The most important thing....the pressure is off, your kid is going where they WANT to go...and you can enjoy the holidays as a family!!!! Congrats!!!!

Anonymous
Post 12/21/2020 12:21     Subject: Reaction to college acceptance
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My kid was recently admitted to UVA ED. I shared the news with a few friends who attended elite schools and whose kids are striving to do the same. I was somewhat surprised that their reaction was somewhat muted and they quickly changed the topic. Any idea what’s up here?


Why did you share the news in the first place? It’s your child’s news to share, not yours...right?


Oh stop being petulant.

Parents have taken pride and announced things about their children since society developed. It's good that way. Don't act like you are in some way superior. You are not, it is petulant, and you look it.
Anonymous
Post 12/21/2020 11:01     Subject: Reaction to college acceptance
Anonymous wrote:My kid was recently admitted to UVA ED. I shared the news with a few friends who attended elite schools and whose kids are striving to do the same. I was somewhat surprised that their reaction was somewhat muted and they quickly changed the topic. Any idea what’s up here?


Why did you share the news in the first place? It’s your child’s news to share, not yours...right?
Anonymous
Post 12/21/2020 10:54     Subject: Re:Reaction to college acceptance
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:People are jealous. I learned my lesson to not share news.


OP here. This is close to my own thinking. Here are my two thoughts:

1) We’re not one of those families that believes a student must cure cancer to go to a good school. My kid took tough courses, got good grades and test scores, and wrote great essays. That’s it. I think there’s disbelief that it can be that simple. So, there’s the notion that we’re “lucky.”

2) We do not believe that somewhat better ranked privates are worth the money; instead we see UVA as a great value. Thus, we were very practical with the ED selection. Many other kids with similar qualifications ED to a reach, and are oftentimes disappointed. Typically, these students cycle back to a better state school. From that perspective, we cut the madness short. Again, we are “lucky.”

In sum, I think it’s jealously and disbelief that we got the “prize” without the craziness.


Just stop OP.


I actually think OP is right. This is an extremely competitive area and people don't even try to hide it. Congratulations, OP! That said, I am mindful that some of these other parents likely are completely stressed out over their own kid's applications. Because this definitely is a sensitive subject, I suggest not volunteering this news further to other parents of seniors unless they specifically ask you about your kid's college plans. I am sure your kid will do great at UVA!!


This pretty much sums it up-as a parent, I’m so over it. My husband and I both went to competitive colleges back in the day and went on to demanding professional careers and so did many people we know. No one seems particularly happy around here. My kids are smart enough but not Uber competitive nor do they want to be. Maybe they are on the right track...


I notice this too, not just amongst the mommies vying for the highest college acceptances accolades, but also amongst kids at school who cannot handle the fact a friend is also good at something they are good at. It kind of takes the joy out of life.
Anonymous
Post 12/21/2020 10:48     Subject: Re:Reaction to college acceptance
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op, more likely they just don’t particularly care where your kid is going to college.


OP here. That may be true, but I got a very different response from friends whose kids are not applying or whose parents didn’t go to selective schools. Their response was lots of genuine happiness.


At many private schools, the parents and students are asked to refrain from announcing their school choice until the spring. It's wise to show humility and grace at a time when others are on pins and needles.


I like this idea. I think humility is a foreign concept to some people.
Anonymous
Post 12/21/2020 00:39     Subject: Reaction to college acceptance
Anonymous wrote:OP sounds nutty and i am thrilled no one gave her the reaction she thought the news deserved.



I still think she's really a college-aged troll home from Va Tech or UMD (UVA rivals) who wants to stir the pot for fun. And they did get a number of pages of responses of fun out of this.