Anonymous wrote:Well it is a ring she will theoretically wear for the rest of her life.

I don't blame her for wanting 1.5-2 carats, that's really the bare minimum for something you'd want to wear in your 30s and 40s.

I got engaged at 23 with a 1.5 carat solitaire ring. It's so puny, I'm embarrassed to wear it now and never do.

Can you get a loan from your parents or something? I'd try hard to get a 2 carat stone. You can go down on quality for size.

You sound lovely.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not just save up more or take out a loan? If it’s that important to her.

I told my SO the ring I wanted cost $14000, because it did. He figured it out. I make a good salary and can afford more than that and he knows that, is meeting me where I’m at.
Nothing wrong with that and I like what I like.

Only an idiot would take out a loan for a ring.

Agreed. What didn’t you pay for the difference?

This is where an honest conversation with your girlfriend is the answer. It isn't hard to game the diamond industry, it's kind of a scam anyway. And I'm a woman with a beautiful ring I love. But as someone approaching 50 with a man I also love, boy does stuff like this pale in comparison to our kids, our future goals, how we feel around each other. We talked one day and he said one of the things he loved best about me was my "financial restraint", lol. And I understand. Men feel enormous pressure and guilt by our dumb society to show their love with these trinkets. Show your love by showing up for her, literally and metaphorically, every day (or most days). If you both value that, you'll make it. The ring is just window dressing.

agree. I'm nearing 50 and while I definitely could upgrade now (bought a vintage sapphire/platinum ring for about 4k?) it doesn't really matter. I'd much rather drop 8-10k on an amazing trip with the kids, or put it away for retirement. I also don't care what others think about the size or price of my ring because I don't really run in those circles (though my job puts me in contact with wealthy people al the time).

you can get a nice ring for 8k, OP, but can you get on the same page with your fiancée--not just about this but everything? It could be that for whatever reason this is the thing she's fixated on but generally not materialistic, or could be a sign that she has a certain vision for her life--size of house, cars, etc--that is not realistic. What kind of wedding does she envision? that will also tell you something.

speaking of that ^, weren't her earrings insured?

Anonymous wrote:Well it is a ring she will theoretically wear for the rest of her life.

I don't blame her for wanting 1.5-2 carats, that's really the bare minimum for something you'd want to wear in your 30s and 40s.

I got engaged at 23 with a 1.5 carat solitaire ring. It's so puny, I'm embarrassed to wear it now and never do.

Can you get a loan from your parents or something? I'd try hard to get a 2 carat stone. You can go down on quality for size.

getting a loan to buy a bigger ring should send any prospective groom running

Anonymous wrote:Well it is a ring she will theoretically wear for the rest of her life.

I don't blame her for wanting 1.5-2 carats, that's really the bare minimum for something you'd want to wear in your 30s and 40s.

I got engaged at 23 with a 1.5 carat solitaire ring. It's so puny, I'm embarrassed to wear it now and never do.

Can you get a loan from your parents or something? I'd try hard to get a 2 carat stone. You can go down on quality for size.

Well it is a ring she will theoretically wear for the rest of her life.

I don't blame her for wanting 1.5-2 carats, that's really the bare minimum for something you'd want to wear in your 30s and 40s.

I got engaged at 23 with a 1.5 carat solitaire ring. It's so puny, I'm embarrassed to wear it now and never do.

Can you get a loan from your parents or something? I'd try hard to get a 2 carat stone. You can go down on quality for size.

1.5c cushion cut, I/VS2/Very good cut in plain band with pave wedding band: $7840.

Ok I need to stop!

Anonymous wrote:You might not be able to get a decent 1.5 carat stone in a solitaire setting for 8k (although you can come close) but you can definitely do it for 9k through Ritani or some of the other online sources. Don't ever shop at a local jeweler, they'll just try to fool you by saying "doesn't this one look shiny!" The certificate is all that matters... is it VS1, VS2, etc., is it H color or D color? My advice is that the naked eye can't tell an H from a D unless they are side by side, and there is almost never a reason to get higher clarity than VS2. Obey these principles and you can make your fiance happy for 9k or less, guaranteed.

Cathedral setting with pave band: $890
https://www.brilliantearth.com/Sonora-Diamond-Ring-White-Gold-BE110-1152702/

Matching pave wedding band: $890:
https://www.brilliantearth.com/Ballad-Diamond-Ring-(1/6-ct.-tw.)-White-Gold-BE2D1823/

1.3c I color VS2 princess ideal cut diamond: $5550
https://www.brilliantearth.com/loose-diamonds/view_detail/9878048/

Total $7330

Or, skip the side stones and you can get to 1.5c. But PP is correct that you save money and lose no appearance in going just under the .5 and whole carat benchmarks.

BUT: This is where an honest conversation with your girlfriend is the answer. It isn't hard to game the diamond industry, it's kind of a scam anyway. And I'm a woman with a beautiful ring I love. But as someone approaching 50 with a man I also love, boy does stuff like this pale in comparison to our kids, our future goals, how we feel around each other. We talked one day and he said one of the things he loved best about me was my "financial restraint", lol. And I understand. Men feel enormous pressure and guilt by our dumb society to show their love with these trinkets. Show your love by showing up for her, literally and metaphorically, every day (or most days). If you both value that, you'll make it. The ring is just window dressing.

I don’t see why he gets to be the one to decide the budget and size. She has to wear it for the next 50 years. I didn’t want my Dh wasting money on a small stone either. I like 1.5ct. But I was willing to pay and I did. I also am low maintenance but throwing money at something I didn’t really want would have been a bad choice.

I knew a couple who this didn’t turn out great for. The guy made a good salary (150k) but told her he’d only spend 5k and more than that was stupid. She got upset at the arbitrary number and how archaic it was for a guy to get to pick out and buy the ring. She kicked him out of her house and dumped him.

Anonymous wrote:Find a new fiancé. Nothing will make her happy.

This.

You REALLY need to find a different girl friend.
I can understand this may sound like an extreme measure and emotionally you may not be strong enough to do it, but this really is a big enough issue that you should break up with her.

I don't care if she eventually comes around or you figure out a way to get a bigger ring because she has already shown you that she is focused on getting what she wants and what she wants most is NOT you.

I understand if she doesn’t like the style, but if it’s based on cost and size out of your budget, that’s a red flag to me.

I think I read somewhere that the success of a marriage is inversely related to how much was spent on the ring and wedding.

You might not be able to get a decent 1.5 carat stone in a solitaire setting for 8k (although you can come close) but you can definitely do it for 9k through Ritani or some of the other online sources. Don't ever shop at a local jeweler, they'll just try to fool you by saying "doesn't this one look shiny!" The certificate is all that matters... is it VS1, VS2, etc., is it H color or D color? My advice is that the naked eye can't tell an H from a D unless they are side by side, and there is almost never a reason to get higher clarity than VS2. Obey these principles and you can make your fiance happy for 9k or less, guaranteed.