Anonymous
10/15/2020 13:21
Subject: This is so isolating - I don’t have any mom friends anymore
There is no tone.
Stop.
Stop.
Anonymous
10/15/2020 13:19
Subject: This is so isolating - I don’t have any mom friends anymore
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Op, folks are being overly harsh. It sounds like you are being careful and the things you’ve asked folks to do are safe, distanced, outdoors.
Remember this is the same board that says they are letting kids play with friends and are asking questions about birthday parties and fire pit/wine nights. (So many responses to your post are dripping with hypocrisy if by the same crowd.) We all are in different places with risk though. That’s honest and something we all address in our own way. Your circle might have the means to isolate more readily.
It’s pretty lonely for us too. I get it. We haven’t seen friends since March. Our only is struggling as are my partner and I. Trying a distanced visit next week. Cautious.
Yeah, I'm also confused by the hypocrisy of this board. In another thread people are telling a poster to hire a housekeeper and a nanny because the risk is so low, but here everyone is saying the OP has to completely isolate herself? I get that people need to weigh the risk, but the risk of a having a housekeeper probably isn't that far off from the risk of a having socially distanced picnic, outdoors with masks when not eating. I don't get people's need here to justify one and vilify the other.
Your confusion stems from your lack of reading comprehension. Read OP's post (watch out for tone this time). And then read the responses again. Focus on the last couple of pages-several posters explain why OP is getting the negative reaction.
Anonymous
10/15/2020 13:14
Subject: This is so isolating - I don’t have any mom friends anymore
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you're lonely. I would not be comfortable getting together with you while you have a family member in your house working OUT of the house. I just can't take that risk.
No, I'm not happy being home every day. Yes, I miss people and socializing. But I'd never forgive myself if one of my family members (or I) died because I wanted to hang out with a friend for an hour.
I honestly just can't believe some of these responses. So you haven't seen ANYONE since mid-March? Has anyone in your family gone to the grocery store? Have your kids been outside with other kids?
You're acting like OP is a pariah because her spouse works OUT of the house, as you said. I know a ton of people whose spouses work out of the house and they are all taking a lot of precautions. I wouldn't keep my kids from going on a bike ride with their kids. You people are seriously overly extreme.
OP, I'm sorry for you, maybe you need to go to find some new friends. My family is anything but reckless or lax about the precautions we need to take but we do allow our kids to play appropriately (i.e. outside and masked) with kids whose parents work out of the house. Snobs like PP can enjoy their time inside.
No, my kids haven't. They understand that its not safe. Its not fair that her spouse works out of the house, however that is not a reason to not abide by rules that keep them safe.
What are the rules?
I thought the rules were:
1) stay outdoors
2) If you go inside, wear masks
3) stay 6 feet apart
There is really no reason you can't have a picnic and play kickball outside with another family.
Anonymous
10/15/2020 13:09
Subject: This is so isolating - I don’t have any mom friends anymore
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'd avoid you like the plague. An attitude like this marks you as ignorant, selfish and not at all concerned with other people in society.
They can’t believe so many of my “friends” are content to stay holed up in their houses for the duration of the pandemic.
The PP might have been a bit harsh but I have to agree that there is something about the tone of your post, OP, that feels quite "off". I am guessing that you are not coming across to your friends as you think you are. Maybe use some of your down time to really be honest and look inward.
I’m frustrated. And lonely. And perhaps a bit jealous that others have husbands at home and doting local grandparents so they’re less reliant on friends to get through the long days and months.
OP I suspect your frustration is more about the fact that Covid is shining a spotlight on the difference between you and your other SAHM friends, i.e. help and support. Can you have a talk with your husband about this? I appreciate that he works outside the home but 2020 is different. He may need to scale back and help more or you may need household help if there are funds for it. Perhaps focus your energy on changing what you can.
Loneliness is a very human emotion. Hang in there.
Anonymous
10/15/2020 12:26
Subject: This is so isolating - I don’t have any mom friends anymore
Anonymous wrote:I am sorry OP. This has brought out so much paranoia in people. Families of people not working from home are facing prejudice and discrimination as a result. I hope you are able to meet people at playgrounds and/or more open minded people in general.
My household includes an essential worker who works outside the home. We are not socializing. One, because we want to minimize out risks further for ourselves. But two, I would never expect my friends to want to expose themselves to whatever my husband is exposed to at work. I am super jealous and bitter that some people get to stay home and stay safe and work from home and others have to fear death and disease every day by going into work. But I get that it makes sense that people would not want to pop up or socialize with us. I’m ok with that. It sucks for us, but it is what it is. I don’t want to get anyone sick.
Anonymous
10/15/2020 12:15
Subject: This is so isolating - I don’t have any mom friends anymore
Anonymous wrote:Op, folks are being overly harsh. It sounds like you are being careful and the things you’ve asked folks to do are safe, distanced, outdoors.
Remember this is the same board that says they are letting kids play with friends and are asking questions about birthday parties and fire pit/wine nights. (So many responses to your post are dripping with hypocrisy if by the same crowd.) We all are in different places with risk though. That’s honest and something we all address in our own way. Your circle might have the means to isolate more readily.
It’s pretty lonely for us too. I get it. We haven’t seen friends since March. Our only is struggling as are my partner and I. Trying a distanced visit next week. Cautious.
Yeah, I'm also confused by the hypocrisy of this board. In another thread people are telling a poster to hire a housekeeper and a nanny because the risk is so low, but here everyone is saying the OP has to completely isolate herself? I get that people need to weigh the risk, but the risk of a having a housekeeper probably isn't that far off from the risk of a having socially distanced picnic, outdoors with masks when not eating. I don't get people's need here to justify one and vilify the other.
Anonymous
10/15/2020 12:09
Subject: Re:This is so isolating - I don’t have any mom friends anymore
My husband and I also WOH, and we are also much more comfortable getting together with people on a socially distanced way. After all, we have months of personal evidence that social distancing has been effective.
My sister and her husband both WAH. They have an au pair that they don’t allow to leave the house either. They get everything delivered. I think that they have it built up in their minds that if they leave the house, there is a very high probability that they will die.
Whatever studies you read, it’s hard to trump personal experience. My personal experience is that you can leave the house safely, and that is my belief. She, like your friends, has not had that experience and has a different belief.
My sister and her husband both WAH. They have an au pair that they don’t allow to leave the house either. They get everything delivered. I think that they have it built up in their minds that if they leave the house, there is a very high probability that they will die.
Whatever studies you read, it’s hard to trump personal experience. My personal experience is that you can leave the house safely, and that is my belief. She, like your friends, has not had that experience and has a different belief.
Anonymous
10/15/2020 12:04
Subject: This is so isolating - I don’t have any mom friends anymore
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, sorry you are getting all of these extremely rude answers. You just have to take advantage of the last few nice weeks and get out there! Mask up and head to playgrounds and state and regional parks with your kids. There are so many great things to do at this time of year! On the playground, your kids will naturally find other playmates, and chat with those parents, and it will evolve into meeting them regularly. Honestly, I know so many people at the playgrounds now, bc it is always the same people who are willing/desperate/interested in getting their kids outside - you will see the same people over and over. It sounds like you need a new friend crew anyway, so just go for it!
You know what's rude? Taking a polite "no, I'm sorry, we're not comfortable with that yet" and running to DCUM with it. What's rude is taking someone's "no" response to any invitation and chewing on it like a dog with a bone.
It's fine to invite. It's also fine to decline, for ANY reason. Nobody owes you entertainment, social time, or affirmation of your boundaries and choices.
When one friend says "no," I either move on with my plans with just my nuclear family, or I invite someone else. I don't stew. I don't make up little back stories about how overly cautious they are, or why they will hang out with their local cousins outdoors, but not me. I move on with my day.
Seriously, honestly asking: how do you not just...move on with your day?
Months of loneliness are terrible. You can't just ... move on when there's no one to move on to.
You are attacking OP when you didn't bother to read her post.
I suspect it's because OP's post, whether intended that way or now, came off as exasperated and accusatory, rather than lost and lonely.
Yup. And also superior.
She is superior. All of her friends and these crazy posters are wrong. Meeting with friends is the right thing to do.
Oh, they are. Just not with superior-acting overbearing types that we're all happy to have the excuse to finally drop.
Yes. OP definitely needs to find other friends. Friends who aren't loony shut-ins or jerks who ghost people.
Anonymous
10/15/2020 11:58
Subject: This is so isolating - I don’t have any mom friends anymore
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you're lonely. I would not be comfortable getting together with you while you have a family member in your house working OUT of the house. I just can't take that risk.
No, I'm not happy being home every day. Yes, I miss people and socializing. But I'd never forgive myself if one of my family members (or I) died because I wanted to hang out with a friend for an hour.
I honestly just can't believe some of these responses. So you haven't seen ANYONE since mid-March? Has anyone in your family gone to the grocery store? Have your kids been outside with other kids?
You're acting like OP is a pariah because her spouse works OUT of the house, as you said. I know a ton of people whose spouses work out of the house and they are all taking a lot of precautions. I wouldn't keep my kids from going on a bike ride with their kids. You people are seriously overly extreme.
OP, I'm sorry for you, maybe you need to go to find some new friends. My family is anything but reckless or lax about the precautions we need to take but we do allow our kids to play appropriately (i.e. outside and masked) with kids whose parents work out of the house. Snobs like PP can enjoy their time inside.
We order our food online and have it shipped to my doorstep. We use zoom. Its not that difficult to do those things rather than go to the store where you could get COVID.
No, my kids haven't. They understand that its not safe. Its not fair that her spouse works out of the house, however that is not a reason to not abide by rules that keep them safe.
Anonymous
10/15/2020 11:58
Subject: This is so isolating - I don’t have any mom friends anymore
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, sorry you are getting all of these extremely rude answers. You just have to take advantage of the last few nice weeks and get out there! Mask up and head to playgrounds and state and regional parks with your kids. There are so many great things to do at this time of year! On the playground, your kids will naturally find other playmates, and chat with those parents, and it will evolve into meeting them regularly. Honestly, I know so many people at the playgrounds now, bc it is always the same people who are willing/desperate/interested in getting their kids outside - you will see the same people over and over. It sounds like you need a new friend crew anyway, so just go for it!
You know what's rude? Taking a polite "no, I'm sorry, we're not comfortable with that yet" and running to DCUM with it. What's rude is taking someone's "no" response to any invitation and chewing on it like a dog with a bone.
It's fine to invite. It's also fine to decline, for ANY reason. Nobody owes you entertainment, social time, or affirmation of your boundaries and choices.
When one friend says "no," I either move on with my plans with just my nuclear family, or I invite someone else. I don't stew. I don't make up little back stories about how overly cautious they are, or why they will hang out with their local cousins outdoors, but not me. I move on with my day.
Seriously, honestly asking: how do you not just...move on with your day?
Months of loneliness are terrible. You can't just ... move on when there's no one to move on to.
You are attacking OP when you didn't bother to read her post.
I suspect it's because OP's post, whether intended that way or now, came off as exasperated and accusatory, rather than lost and lonely.
Yup. And also superior.
She is superior. All of her friends and these crazy posters are wrong. Meeting with friends is the right thing to do.
Oh, they are. Just not with superior-acting overbearing types that we're all happy to have the excuse to finally drop.
Anonymous
10/15/2020 11:56
Subject: Re:This is so isolating - I don’t have any mom friends anymore
[/b]
I suspect it's because OP's post, whether intended that way or now, came off as exasperated and accusatory, rather than lost and lonely.
That was not the tone I read at all. Funny that. She just sounds lost and overwhelmed to me.
Anonymous
10/15/2020 11:55
Subject: Re:This is so isolating - I don’t have any mom friends anymore
Op,
This is hard, isolating, and exhausting.
Try to carve out some time just for yourself. Talk to your DH about how you’re feeling burnt out. Grab your mask and go for a walk where you wouldn’t be able to take your kids.
Find some zoom events that you can do when the kids are in bed and connect with other adults or exercise your brain like with a class. Or maybe play backgammon with your DH. (Or strip poker—whatever floats your boat.)
I agree with another poster, make a plan with your kids every day and have fun. I like this website for ideas:
https://www.kidfriendlydc.com/special-seasonal/activities-around-dc-during-these-corona-times/
My kid has SN. Pre-pandemic we didn’t get play date invites. Connecting with other sn families could be difficult b/c of therapy schedules, juggling more than one kid’s schedule, distance, work schedules. So we did a lot of things on our own. Ideal? No, but we just our best. You can too!
This thread seems overly harsh, and just so you know you can link it in website feedback and ask the host to lock or delete it. You don’t need any more knocks to your self esteem.
I also think trying to find preschool options for your kids might help.
These suggestions might not be ideal. We aren’t living in ideal times. Know that you’re not alone. A lot of people are in the same boat. Think outside the box.
This is hard, isolating, and exhausting.
Try to carve out some time just for yourself. Talk to your DH about how you’re feeling burnt out. Grab your mask and go for a walk where you wouldn’t be able to take your kids.
Find some zoom events that you can do when the kids are in bed and connect with other adults or exercise your brain like with a class. Or maybe play backgammon with your DH. (Or strip poker—whatever floats your boat.)
I agree with another poster, make a plan with your kids every day and have fun. I like this website for ideas:
https://www.kidfriendlydc.com/special-seasonal/activities-around-dc-during-these-corona-times/
My kid has SN. Pre-pandemic we didn’t get play date invites. Connecting with other sn families could be difficult b/c of therapy schedules, juggling more than one kid’s schedule, distance, work schedules. So we did a lot of things on our own. Ideal? No, but we just our best. You can too!
This thread seems overly harsh, and just so you know you can link it in website feedback and ask the host to lock or delete it. You don’t need any more knocks to your self esteem.
I also think trying to find preschool options for your kids might help.
These suggestions might not be ideal. We aren’t living in ideal times. Know that you’re not alone. A lot of people are in the same boat. Think outside the box.
Anonymous
10/15/2020 11:55
Subject: This is so isolating - I don’t have any mom friends anymore
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you're lonely. I would not be comfortable getting together with you while you have a family member in your house working OUT of the house. I just can't take that risk.
No, I'm not happy being home every day. Yes, I miss people and socializing. But I'd never forgive myself if one of my family members (or I) died because I wanted to hang out with a friend for an hour.
I honestly just can't believe some of these responses. So you haven't seen ANYONE since mid-March? Has anyone in your family gone to the grocery store? Have your kids been outside with other kids?
You're acting like OP is a pariah because her spouse works OUT of the house, as you said. I know a ton of people whose spouses work out of the house and they are all taking a lot of precautions. I wouldn't keep my kids from going on a bike ride with their kids. You people are seriously overly extreme.
OP, I'm sorry for you, maybe you need to go to find some new friends. My family is anything but reckless or lax about the precautions we need to take but we do allow our kids to play appropriately (i.e. outside and masked) with kids whose parents work out of the house. Snobs like PP can enjoy their time inside.
No, my kids haven't. They understand that its not safe. Its not fair that her spouse works out of the house, however that is not a reason to not abide by rules that keep them safe.
Anonymous
10/15/2020 11:53
Subject: This is so isolating - I don’t have any mom friends anymore
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, sorry you are getting all of these extremely rude answers. You just have to take advantage of the last few nice weeks and get out there! Mask up and head to playgrounds and state and regional parks with your kids. There are so many great things to do at this time of year! On the playground, your kids will naturally find other playmates, and chat with those parents, and it will evolve into meeting them regularly. Honestly, I know so many people at the playgrounds now, bc it is always the same people who are willing/desperate/interested in getting their kids outside - you will see the same people over and over. It sounds like you need a new friend crew anyway, so just go for it!
You know what's rude? Taking a polite "no, I'm sorry, we're not comfortable with that yet" and running to DCUM with it. What's rude is taking someone's "no" response to any invitation and chewing on it like a dog with a bone.
It's fine to invite. It's also fine to decline, for ANY reason. Nobody owes you entertainment, social time, or affirmation of your boundaries and choices.
When one friend says "no," I either move on with my plans with just my nuclear family, or I invite someone else. I don't stew. I don't make up little back stories about how overly cautious they are, or why they will hang out with their local cousins outdoors, but not me. I move on with my day.
Seriously, honestly asking: how do you not just...move on with your day?
Months of loneliness are terrible. You can't just ... move on when there's no one to move on to.
You are attacking OP when you didn't bother to read her post.
I suspect it's because OP's post, whether intended that way or now, came off as exasperated and accusatory, rather than lost and lonely.
Yup. And also superior.
She is superior. All of her friends and these crazy posters are wrong. Meeting with friends is the right thing to do.
Well, it should be pretty easy for her then. She can move on and find other "superior" people to hang out with. Maybe her "inferior" friends are tired of hanging out a friend that is above their level.
Anonymous
10/15/2020 11:46
Subject: This is so isolating - I don’t have any mom friends anymore
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, sorry you are getting all of these extremely rude answers. You just have to take advantage of the last few nice weeks and get out there! Mask up and head to playgrounds and state and regional parks with your kids. There are so many great things to do at this time of year! On the playground, your kids will naturally find other playmates, and chat with those parents, and it will evolve into meeting them regularly. Honestly, I know so many people at the playgrounds now, bc it is always the same people who are willing/desperate/interested in getting their kids outside - you will see the same people over and over. It sounds like you need a new friend crew anyway, so just go for it!
You know what's rude? Taking a polite "no, I'm sorry, we're not comfortable with that yet" and running to DCUM with it. What's rude is taking someone's "no" response to any invitation and chewing on it like a dog with a bone.
It's fine to invite. It's also fine to decline, for ANY reason. Nobody owes you entertainment, social time, or affirmation of your boundaries and choices.
When one friend says "no," I either move on with my plans with just my nuclear family, or I invite someone else. I don't stew. I don't make up little back stories about how overly cautious they are, or why they will hang out with their local cousins outdoors, but not me. I move on with my day.
Seriously, honestly asking: how do you not just...move on with your day?
Months of loneliness are terrible. You can't just ... move on when there's no one to move on to.
You are attacking OP when you didn't bother to read her post.
I suspect it's because OP's post, whether intended that way or now, came off as exasperated and accusatory, rather than lost and lonely.
Yup. And also superior.
She is superior. All of her friends and these crazy posters are wrong. Meeting with friends is the right thing to do.