Anonymous
Post 09/17/2020 21:29     Subject: Re:Lived off trust fund and now my career sucks
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have a middle schooler who has ADHD and is very intelligent. She has a remarkable amount of background knowledge in a variety of subjects and an incredible memory. Her mind works very fast and she can speed read. She hyper focuses on the things she finds interesting, but cannot focus on anything else. She has no executive skills. She also has no trust fund, so she will have to grind it out every day like every other working stiff when she’s an adult. “Magical Thinking” is very common with ADHD - but so is having the ability to engage in “higher level thinking,” while simultaneously being unable to handle life’s minutiae. You need to treat your ADHD. There are so many different medications now. They won’t all affect you the same way.

When you start a new job, is your mindset that it’s only a temporary thing, or that you’re just doing this job until something better comes along, or that you’ll just try it out and if you don’t like it you can always just quit? That’s not how successful people approach a job. You need to change your mindset. Working with a therapist is a critical part of doing that.

You really do need coaching, and you need to make an honest assessment of why you never hold a job for more than 6 months. Is it because you don’t like the daily grind and your trust fund allows you to escape it? Because you get bored easily? Because you fall behind in your work and don’t want to face the consequences? Because you think the kinds of jobs you can get are beneath you? Because you don’t like being told what to do? Because more is expected of you once you’re no longer a new employee, but you haven’t mastered the necessary skills to take on more responsibility? Are you too embarrassed to ask questions and let people know that you haven’t mastered the job yet? Do you flounder when it comes to office politics? You may need an executive skills coach or a career coach or both - but you won’t know what you need until you’re honest with yourself about what your issues are.

Besides hiring a career coach or


This strikes me as absolutely spot on.


+1
Many on DCUM dont seem to understand ADHD


I'm the only one in my house without ADHD, so I get it really, really well. I think it's sad that someone well-off enough to be able to live off a trust fund was never given appropriate medical, psychological, and executive function care to have reached their mid-30s without being able to manage it better, though I guess OP's got a safety net most other people do not so it was easier to quit a job she found mundane because rent money could come from the trust. We have two ADHD tweens who have regular psychiatric are and executive function coaches to deal with this now before it hits crisis mode.

Appropriate care of ADHD and some sort of career coach, stat - before diving into another job, before spending money on professional or graduate school. Healthcare first.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2020 19:45     Subject: Re:Lived off trust fund and now my career sucks
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have a middle schooler who has ADHD and is very intelligent. She has a remarkable amount of background knowledge in a variety of subjects and an incredible memory. Her mind works very fast and she can speed read. She hyper focuses on the things she finds interesting, but cannot focus on anything else. She has no executive skills. She also has no trust fund, so she will have to grind it out every day like every other working stiff when she’s an adult. “Magical Thinking” is very common with ADHD - but so is having the ability to engage in “higher level thinking,” while simultaneously being unable to handle life’s minutiae. You need to treat your ADHD. There are so many different medications now. They won’t all affect you the same way.

When you start a new job, is your mindset that it’s only a temporary thing, or that you’re just doing this job until something better comes along, or that you’ll just try it out and if you don’t like it you can always just quit? That’s not how successful people approach a job. You need to change your mindset. Working with a therapist is a critical part of doing that.

You really do need coaching, and you need to make an honest assessment of why you never hold a job for more than 6 months. Is it because you don’t like the daily grind and your trust fund allows you to escape it? Because you get bored easily? Because you fall behind in your work and don’t want to face the consequences? Because you think the kinds of jobs you can get are beneath you? Because you don’t like being told what to do? Because more is expected of you once you’re no longer a new employee, but you haven’t mastered the necessary skills to take on more responsibility? Are you too embarrassed to ask questions and let people know that you haven’t mastered the job yet? Do you flounder when it comes to office politics? You may need an executive skills coach or a career coach or both - but you won’t know what you need until you’re honest with yourself about what your issues are.

Besides hiring a career coach or


This strikes me as absolutely spot on.


+1
Many on DCUM dont seem to understand ADHD
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2020 17:10     Subject: Lived off trust fund and now my career sucks
Career coaching. My son is doing this and it has been helpful and eye-opening. He is using a career coach (we are in MD) who's also a psychologist: https://ralphraphael.com/ Not sure where you are located, but he might be an option for you since he's doing telehealth right now.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2020 16:05     Subject: Re:Lived off trust fund and now my career sucks
Is this real??? Honestly OP did you really spend your 20s and part of your 30s basically doing nothing? Have you volunteered? Cultivated any interests? I just can’t imagine not needing to work and not having family responsibilities and literally just doing nothing. Unreal!

Also I doubt your friends tell you that you would make a good president is a company. Lol.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2020 15:53     Subject: Lived off trust fund and now my career sucks
Your options seem to be grad school, networking, or marrying rich. You've wasted a lot of time you could be building your career, and grad school + networking is the only way to bring yourself on part to your friends, if that's what you want.

Before investing in grad school, it's probably worth some therapy or life/career coaching, maybe both, to figure out what you want to pursue, especially if your trust won't help you pay for graduate school and you need loans or fellowships to make it work. Grad school sometimes also requires perseverance through bureaucracy, dull intro classes, and things that might not keep you stimulated, so factor that in to your decisions.

I have a very smart kid with ADHD, and we've drilled into them that being smart is not all you need to be successful in life. You can be a genius but not have the executive function skills to maintain a job and pay your bills - smart is only part of the equation, so we're focusing on what you do with "smart" to become successful.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2020 11:47     Subject: Lived off trust fund and now my career sucks
Why don't you move to a lower cost of living area and start over. There are some really great areas where you could be very comfortable. The reason you are unhappy is because you're comparing yourself to others.
A new start would force you to meet new people and possibly allow you to explore new goals and interests. What are your hobbies? Do you enjoy being outside? Do you enjoy animals? Move to a beautiful area and start a small farm. Growing your own food and caring for animals can be very fulfilling and rewarding. Do you like kids? Become a dance teacher. You have so many options right now, you just need to step outside your comfort zone and find what will make you happy.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2020 11:47     Subject: Lived off trust fund and now my career sucks
Here's a different perspective: you were born with what 99% of people in the working world, even the lawyer/MBA types like myself, are busting their butts to achieve--a stable source of income for the rest of your life sufficient to cover your basic needs. Instead of trying to find a job that will let you buy more stuff and go on more/better vacations, consider taking your amazing freedom and using it to really explore the world or yourself. Ditch the apartment and use your rent money to travel around the world or live in a cabin in the woods for a year (the road less travelled, etc.). You can't start traveling now, of course, because of COVID, but you can start planning now so that you are ready to hit the ground running once things return to normal. You won't be staying in 4-star hotels, but you can see amazing things, meet amazing people, and broaden your horizons beyond buying more stuff to keep up with the Joneses.

If you feel like your life is unfulfilling now, do you really think an office job and bunch of fancy cars and nice vacations is going to give you a sense of purpose?
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2020 11:18     Subject: Lived off trust fund and now my career sucks
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Get married, have kids.

Problem solved.

Yup. Husband with a high income solves your problems. You don’t really want to work, you just want to have more money.

Or even a husband with a low income, since OP will still have her income. That frees her to choose from a wider pool.



Read the room.
OP wants more money.
She’s not going to be happy clipping coupons and using her trust to supplement her husband’s low income. It’s NOT the career that she’s unhappy about, it’s being left behind her peers. Her friends all worked lower wage jobs in their 20’s and are getting promoted in their 30’s. Now, instead of being the well off one, she’s the “poor” friend. Everyone else is buying big houses and going on nice vacations that she can’t afford.



Oh, boo hoo. Get a real problem, OP.
If you haven’t really developed a “hunger” by this point, it’s probably not going to happen. You might just have to learn to be content with less. (Knowing that your “less” is far more than most people could ever dream about.)
—Spouse of a trust funder


At this point in OP's life, she has never had to "work." for a living. That is, put sustained effort into something that does not interest or benefit you. Yes, many folks have great careers but those include many many hours of "work." I don't see her having the ability to step into any college major or job that sticks.

Is there a coach or program or book out there that shows the path forward for someone in this situation?
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2020 11:08     Subject: Re:Lived off trust fund and now my career sucks
Anonymous wrote:I have a middle schooler who has ADHD and is very intelligent. She has a remarkable amount of background knowledge in a variety of subjects and an incredible memory. Her mind works very fast and she can speed read. She hyper focuses on the things she finds interesting, but cannot focus on anything else. She has no executive skills. She also has no trust fund, so she will have to grind it out every day like every other working stiff when she’s an adult. “Magical Thinking” is very common with ADHD - but so is having the ability to engage in “higher level thinking,” while simultaneously being unable to handle life’s minutiae. You need to treat your ADHD. There are so many different medications now. They won’t all affect you the same way.

When you start a new job, is your mindset that it’s only a temporary thing, or that you’re just doing this job until something better comes along, or that you’ll just try it out and if you don’t like it you can always just quit? That’s not how successful people approach a job. You need to change your mindset. Working with a therapist is a critical part of doing that.

You really do need coaching, and you need to make an honest assessment of why you never hold a job for more than 6 months. Is it because you don’t like the daily grind and your trust fund allows you to escape it? Because you get bored easily? Because you fall behind in your work and don’t want to face the consequences? Because you think the kinds of jobs you can get are beneath you? Because you don’t like being told what to do? Because more is expected of you once you’re no longer a new employee, but you haven’t mastered the necessary skills to take on more responsibility? Are you too embarrassed to ask questions and let people know that you haven’t mastered the job yet? Do you flounder when it comes to office politics? You may need an executive skills coach or a career coach or both - but you won’t know what you need until you’re honest with yourself about what your issues are.

Besides hiring a career coach or


This strikes me as absolutely spot on.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2020 11:05     Subject: Re:Lived off trust fund and now my career sucks
she will not stay at a job so what makes people think she will stick with grad school? Also spending money on grad school may not be financially wise.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2020 10:33     Subject: Lived off trust fund and now my career sucks
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Also, do you have ADHD? If you're bright but have trouble holding down a job, that screams ADHD to me. Read up on the different types of ADHD.



Yeah I do. But not really sure what the solution is. I decided to go off my medication because of health risks and I was sick of being wired on adderall 24/7. Things weren't ideal before that either. I am really bad at small tasks like organization but again I have to get through those tasks to get promoted up to more strategic/higher thinking ones, so it seems like a catch 22.


I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and have a similar career struggle. Down to people constantly telling me I should be leading the organization/company/etc. I have no judgement on the trust fund issue. You're lucky as hell. I would likely be in a far better position professionally now had there been a safety net that would have allowed me to leave bad jobs that were not a good fit and taken lower paying roles that would have had a better upward trajectory. The only thing that saved me was marrying a man who supports our family without needing my income.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2020 10:08     Subject: Lived off trust fund and now my career sucks
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Get married, have kids.

Problem solved.


Yup. Husband with a high income solves your problems. You don’t really want to work, you just want to have more money.


Or even a husband with a low income, since OP will still have her income. That frees her to choose from a wider pool.





Read the room.

OP wants more money.

She’s not going to be happy clipping coupons and using her trust to supplement her husband’s low income. It’s NOT the career that she’s unhappy about, it’s being left behind her peers. Her friends all worked lower wage jobs in their 20’s and are getting promoted in their 30’s. Now, instead of being the well off one, she’s the “poor” friend. Everyone else is buying big houses and going on nice vacations that she can’t afford.



Oh, boo hoo. Get a real problem, OP.

If you haven’t really developed a “hunger” by this point, it’s probably not going to happen. You might just have to learn to be content with less. (Knowing that your “less” is far more than most people could ever dream about.)

—Spouse of a trust funder
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2020 09:51     Subject: Lived off trust fund and now my career sucks
Go to grad school OP.
And accept that in your late 30s you will basically be starting out entry level in some career.

Or open a store-front dance studio, hire a few local kids to teach for relatively cheap, and hope you can get enough kids to sign up that you can at least cover the studio rent and insurance and stuff.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2020 09:50     Subject: Lived off trust fund and now my career sucks
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Get married, have kids.

Problem solved.


Yup. Husband with a high income solves your problems. You don’t really want to work, you just want to have more money.


+3

It’s obvious


Husband doesn't eve nneed to be a high earner per se just a stable earner with solid benefits, etc. since OP still has her trust fund.


She said that she wants more money though, hence why she is looking for a better job.

Kids are hella expensive!
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2020 09:49     Subject: Lived off trust fund and now my career sucks
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Get married, have kids.

Problem solved.


Yup. Husband with a high income solves your problems. You don’t really want to work, you just want to have more money.


Or even a husband with a low income, since OP will still have her income. That frees her to choose from a wider pool.





Read the room.

OP wants more money.

She’s not going to be happy clipping coupons and using her trust to supplement her husband’s low income. It’s NOT the career that she’s unhappy about, it’s being left behind her peers. Her friends all worked lower wage jobs in their 20’s and are getting promoted in their 30’s. Now, instead of being the well off one, she’s the “poor” friend. Everyone else is buying big houses and going on nice vacations that she can’t afford.