Anonymous wrote:I wish I realized my family was toxic and cut them out a long time ago.

Me too ... but these days I am making up for lost time.


- Finally became estranged due to abuse and working on my healing

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not one mistake, but a long series of only ever doing “enough” to get by. By all accounts I’m decently successful - own a house, make six figures, college degree, relative financial stability. In reality I do just enough to coast in every aspect of life.

Most people who meet me think I am very smart - and I am, but I never ever put it to use. I spend a lot of time thinking and scheming about how to do the bare minimum (because, lazy) and still look like the brilliant one in any situation. I have a government job in which I work maybe 2 hours a day and run circles around my coworkers.

Bottom line: if I actually tried, who knows where I would be.

Yup, sounds familiar. If you find a solution to this, chime back in, will you?

Oh my gosh, I was just thinking about this same thing today. I really wrestle with these dual desires: 1. to be GREAT at something and recognized for that greatness; and 2. to take it easy and have a pleasant, easy time. I guess I feel like overall, if I can settle into pleasantness that's probably more sustainable for someone like me, who really does like a relaxed pace of things. But man, I do have my (many, many) moments of wishing I could conjure some hustle. And like you, I've got many of the markers of success - what looks like a good job; great degrees; couple of books published. But I feel like a total slacker who's never really tried for anything - except tried to have a nice, easy time of things.

Anyway, just to say - there really is a lot of good TV on right now and it would be a shame not to have the time to watch it.

I've got plenty of mistakes. Going to law school was probably a mistake though to this day I'm still not sure where I'd be now without it (a year away from finishing paying my loans, I think, 20 years out; only practiced a short while but that led to the other things I've gotten to do). Staying in two doomed relationships way way way too long. But I had my moments of enjoying those and I know why I stayed.

The one I can point to with absolute certainty is not starting to save for retirement when I was in my 20s. I could kick myself for the dumb things I frittered away my money on - mostly travel; so much travel - boy did I love it but boy was it stupid to spend so much - instead of just putting away a little bit every month for the future.

Sleeping with a male escort. But he was hot

Anonymous wrote:My first husband was a mistake. I almost ran an airplane out of gas once.

Let me guess, Spirit Air?

I wish I realized my family was toxic and cut them out a long time ago.

my problem is more that I make decisions that seem right at the time, yet in retrospect, were the wrong way to go. But I can't take any of it back, so now I'm basically mid-40s with a low-level job that pays nowhere near what I should be worth at this point. But life being as it is, it doesn't make sense for me to make changes to the job or anything else.

I have a very low self-esteem because of my wasted potential.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not one mistake, but a long series of only ever doing “enough” to get by. By all accounts I’m decently successful - own a house, make six figures, college degree, relative financial stability. In reality I do just enough to coast in every aspect of life.

Most people who meet me think I am very smart - and I am, but I never ever put it to use. I spend a lot of time thinking and scheming about how to do the bare minimum (because, lazy) and still look like the brilliant one in any situation. I have a government job in which I work maybe 2 hours a day and run circles around my coworkers.

Bottom line: if I actually tried, who knows where I would be.

Yup, sounds familiar. If you find a solution to this, chime back in, will you?

+1 this is me

Smoking. I had quit for a few years and started again during quarantine and Im full on addicted. Missed it and now love it again.

Anonymous wrote:I went to the first school that offered me a full scholarship (based upon my PSAT score). My family, who were blue collar with six kids, had never been to college and were ecstatic because it was "a private school."

I did not even apply anywhere.

Now that I am older and in a higher social class, I realize that I should have gone to a MUCH better school (probably an Ivy). My standardized tests were off the charts. The college was much too easy for me (I got one B in 4 years, all the rest A's...with minimal work).

If I had gone to the best school I could have gotten into, my trajectory (e.g., who I dated, faculty contacts, work network, references, etc) would have been different. My parents had NO clue, nor did I. Everyone was happy because of the scholarship.

Not a tragedy, but I feel it would have changed a lot.

in a higher social class? your trajectory nosedived because of you, not school.

Marrying my DH. That sounds horrible, but it was a mistake. I let me ego drive the beginning of the relationship. It was new and exciting. Then we moved in together too fast and too early. Once you combine lives, it's too easy to keep moving. He's not a bad person, but we are not a match. 18 years in the spring though. One child and he is a gift. But, yes it was a mistake.

Smoking pot as a teen.

Cheating on boyfriends as a teen.

Not focusing on school as a teen.

Being unkind as a teen. Being a bad influence on others.

I was a shitty teen. I cleaned up my act in my 20s.

Drugs

Staying with mentally abusive men. I didn't know I deserved respect and to be treated with love and grace.

Anonymous wrote:Leaving my marriage without doing anything / making any arrangements or agreements about the house we owned. Years later my credit score is great (I worked so hard, it was in the 500s when I left my ex) but although I desperately want to try to buy my own new home now, I doubt I will ever qualify for a new mortgage since my name is still on the old loan/house, though he pays. It's heartbreaking and I feel like I will pay for this mistake for the rest of my life.

He can refi and get the mortgage in his name.

I messed up at work and it caused a huge litigation. Huge. Lasted for two years.