Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some kids are obsessed with school and learning and ECs... some are obsessed with sports and hate school... some overachievers are obsessed with school and learning AND sports/ECs... and some are apathetic and into nothing but pissing their life away on the couch.

The glass is half full comments are acting like kids into nothing are actually closet geniuses who magically turn into motivated goal-orientated professionals. I'm sorry, that's a delusional outlook. If you're an unmotivated loser you're not absorbing knowledge or skills at school or at home. You remain a dullard.

Read Gladwell's Outliers book, you need reps or 10,000 hours of doing something to become good. Kids become good public speakers getting public speaking reps. Kids become great writers writing a lot. Kids become the next Mark Zuckerberg writing code in their teens. You get the idea. The only thing a kid like OP described is going to be good at is video games and ordering pizza with mom's credit card as that's what his 10,000 hours were spent doing.

This parent is why so many kids have anxiety.

Either you are and outlier or a loser... geez, wtf.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some kids are obsessed with school and learning and ECs... some are obsessed with sports and hate school... some overachievers are obsessed with school and learning AND sports/ECs... and some are apathetic and into nothing but pissing their life away on the couch.

The glass is half full comments are acting like kids into nothing are actually closet geniuses who magically turn into motivated goal-orientated professionals. I'm sorry, that's a delusional outlook. If you're an unmotivated loser you're not absorbing knowledge or skills at school or at home. You remain a dullard.

Read Gladwell's Outliers book, you need reps or 10,000 hours of doing something to become good. Kids become good public speakers getting public speaking reps. Kids become great writers writing a lot. Kids become the next Mark Zuckerberg writing code in their teens. You get the idea. The only thing a kid like OP described is going to be good at is video games and ordering pizza with mom's credit card as that's what his 10,000 hours were spent doing.

You need 10K hours to be REALLY good, but the fact of the matter is that many people are not REALLY good at anything. Most people are just OK. If OP's kid graduates from a 4- year college, he's already ahead of the game in the grand scheme of things. The problem with people like OP is that they project their own insecurities onto their kids. The need for validation. The need for prestige. Sure, those things can be satisfying, but is it worth making your kid hate you for failing to love him as he is? There's a huge difference between motivating a kid and making him feel like a loser.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some kids are obsessed with school and learning and ECs... some are obsessed with sports and hate school... some overachievers are obsessed with school and learning AND sports/ECs... and some are apathetic and into nothing but pissing their life away on the couch.

The glass is half full comments are acting like kids into nothing are actually closet geniuses who magically turn into motivated goal-orientated professionals. I'm sorry, that's a delusional outlook. If you're an unmotivated loser you're not absorbing knowledge or skills at school or at home. You remain a dullard.

Read Gladwell's Outliers book, you need reps or 10,000 hours of doing something to become good. Kids become good public speakers getting public speaking reps. Kids become great writers writing a lot. Kids become the next Mark Zuckerberg writing code in their teens. You get the idea. The only thing a kid like OP described is going to be good at is video games and ordering pizza with mom's credit card as that's what his 10,000 hours were spent doing.

You need 10K hours to be REALLY good, but the fact of the matter is that many people are not REALLY good at anything. Most people are just OK. If OP's kid graduates from a 4- year college, he's already ahead of the game in the grand scheme of things. The problem with people like OP is that they project their own insecurities onto their kids. The need for validation. The need for prestige. Sure, those things can be satisfying, but is it worth making your kid hate you for failing to love him as he is? There's a huge difference between motivating a kid and making him feel like a loser.

What in the world makes you assume OP's kid will go to college let alone finish a BA? The point of the Gladwell reference was people aren't "naturals" and late bloomers don't fall from the sky with all these God-given skills. OP's kid isn't "repping" or practicing for anything other than being a terminally unmotivated couch potato.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some kids are obsessed with school and learning and ECs... some are obsessed with sports and hate school... some overachievers are obsessed with school and learning AND sports/ECs... and some are apathetic and into nothing but pissing their life away on the couch.

The glass is half full comments are acting like kids into nothing are actually closet geniuses who magically turn into motivated goal-orientated professionals. I'm sorry, that's a delusional outlook. If you're an unmotivated loser you're not absorbing knowledge or skills at school or at home. You remain a dullard.

Read Gladwell's Outliers book, you need reps or 10,000 hours of doing something to become good. Kids become good public speakers getting public speaking reps. Kids become great writers writing a lot. Kids become the next Mark Zuckerberg writing code in their teens. You get the idea. The only thing a kid like OP described is going to be good at is video games and ordering pizza with mom's credit card as that's what his 10,000 hours were spent doing.

You need 10K hours to be REALLY good, but the fact of the matter is that many people are not REALLY good at anything. Most people are just OK. If OP's kid graduates from a 4- year college, he's already ahead of the game in the grand scheme of things. The problem with people like OP is that they project their own insecurities onto their kids. The need for validation. The need for prestige. Sure, those things can be satisfying, but is it worth making your kid hate you for failing to love him as he is? There's a huge difference between motivating a kid and making him feel like a loser.

Anonymous wrote:Some kids are obsessed with school and learning and ECs... some are obsessed with sports and hate school... some overachievers are obsessed with school and learning AND sports/ECs... and some are apathetic and into nothing but pissing their life away on the couch.

The glass is half full comments are acting like kids into nothing are actually closet geniuses who magically turn into motivated goal-orientated professionals. I'm sorry, that's a delusional outlook. If you're an unmotivated loser you're not absorbing knowledge or skills at school or at home. You remain a dullard.

Read Gladwell's Outliers book, you need reps or 10,000 hours of doing something to become good. Kids become good public speakers getting public speaking reps. Kids become great writers writing a lot. Kids become the next Mark Zuckerberg writing code in their teens. You get the idea. The only thing a kid like OP described is going to be good at is video games and ordering pizza with mom's credit card as that's what his 10,000 hours were spent doing.

Anonymous wrote:Some kids are obsessed with school and learning and ECs... some are obsessed with sports and hate school... some overachievers are obsessed with school and learning AND sports/ECs... and some are apathetic and into nothing but pissing their life away on the couch.

The glass is half full comments are acting like kids into nothing are actually closet geniuses who magically turn into motivated goal-orientated professionals. I'm sorry, that's a delusional outlook. If you're an unmotivated loser you're not absorbing knowledge or skills at school or at home. You remain a dullard.

Read Gladwell's Outliers book, you need reps or 10,000 hours of doing something to become good. Kids become good public speakers getting public speaking reps. Kids become great writers writing a lot. Kids become the next Mark Zuckerberg writing code in their teens. You get the idea. The only thing a kid like OP described is going to be good at is video games and ordering pizza with mom's credit card as that's what his 10,000 hours were spent doing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom, dad and son should all read JD Vance's memoir and encourage him to enlist in the military at graduation.

+100

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP’s kid is the same as 99% of teenage boys now and in 2000 and in 1980. He’s probably not going to be a deadbeat. Damn y’all are pessimists!

Not really. Tons of boys have been and are very involved in school, sports, extra curricular and do well in school

OP said her child does a sport and extracurriculars and does decent in school.

No, OP only said he's terrible at a single "no-cut sport" he plays and never practices on his own. And something about refuses to bother jogging to get in shape before the season begins again (sounds like a lazy bench rider who couldn't give a damn about playing the sport). If the kid's mum says he's an unmotivated and dull lazy ass, what motivates you to put your head in the sand and exaggerate he's not? It's not like moms like to describe their children in this way, it's painful to admit flaws. But it's better to be honest and confront head on than pretend syrup on s*** is a pancake.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he sounds like a great kid, and you sound like you need some therapy around your own depression and expectations. I say that with all the love in the world. You’re thinking such critical, mean thoughts about him, and probably about yourself. You both deserve support!

Great? How does such a teen ever earn a living? My cousin was like this in his teens — he’s now an affable 37 year old... college dropout who has never had a real job and lives off his parents.

I know a ton of kids like this... so what do they do now 30 years later...

Builds houses retired at 50
paints cars make $100k/year
computer programmer, $100K/year
drives a taxi, $70K/year
Project Manager, IT, $140K/year
fixes cars, $80K/year
Works for a window replacement company, $80K/year
make/hangs signs (like signs by tomorrow), $80K/year
teacher, $90K/year
landscaping/removes trees, has 3 crews, $150K/year
builds furniture, $100K/year
replaces floors and cabinets in apartments $500K/year

I could go on forever, you need to get out of your bubble.

DP. Out of curiosity, how do you know the salaries?

Those salaries are not realistic. Taxi drivers don't make 70k, they have been undercut by uber.
Window replacement and sign hangers don't make 80k, they make 40-50k.
There are plenty of men hanging out in their parents' basements not making anything and playing video games. The guys I know who make 100K in blue collar jobs weren't that good of students in high school but most of them were really good athletes and were used to working hard. Several excelled in auto shop or woodshop and some had relatives who were in the trades and got them Union apprenticeships.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP’s kid is the same as 99% of teenage boys now and in 2000 and in 1980. He’s probably not going to be a deadbeat. Damn y’all are pessimists!

Not really. Tons of boys have been and are very involved in school, sports, extra curricular and do well in school

OP said her child does a sport and extracurriculars and does decent in school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP’s kid is the same as 99% of teenage boys now and in 2000 and in 1980. He’s probably not going to be a deadbeat. Damn y’all are pessimists!

Rationalization is a classic defense mechanism. "All boys are like this!" No, all boys are not like this. And no, it doesn't all magically work out in the end. There are over 10 million working prime age American men — 1 in 6 — who are unemployed and living in their childhood home.

https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2016/06/the-missing-men/488858/

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Believe me, OP, it will take years of therapy for your DS to come to terms with what a crappy parent you were to him.

he better figure out how to get a good job- therapy isn't cheap

It is with insurance

If you have a job that provides it at a cost you can afford- the fall from the DCUM level of privilege most be hard on kids