Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. All 3 kids are in single digits, but beyond diapers. After a full day I’m exhausted. I’ve had enough touching and at that point I don’t feel like being touched more is at all relaxing. Seems unnatural to force it and DH doesn’t seem to appreciate when I do it but I’m barely into it.

It would be much harder to get divorced. A sex therapist is nonsense and imo a bogus degree.

Get some outside help with the kids and household, then compromise and shoot for 2-3 times a month.

For many women it's another chore, but if it means keeping the family together you need to do it. OP honestly I would make sure you have your own money and funds for a rainy day. I think your DH is the problem, and I wouldn't trust him with what you've posted so far. How would he feel if you suggested a therapist for him if he didn't communicate as much as you liked, or was slacking in other areas? It sucks but you have another child on your hands...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Genuine desire cannot be negotiated. A sex therapist is money down the drain.

Nothing turns off a woman faster than a beta husband whining for sex. That guy should refocus on hitting the gym, make himself his mental point of origin, and make his mission (whatever that may be) his priority in life. By killing the beta inside of him he’ll become the man women desire. Once you begin to see that women desire him I guarantee you’ll be having sex a whole lot more than once a month...

Or maybe help her more so she's NOT exhausted at the end of the day. Why is he not helping more with the kids??????

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, having sex once a week is going to be a lot easier than sex therapy or divorce or whatever.

I totally get being overtouched, tired, etc, but I also realized I have to--and can--get myself in the mood. This is what we used to do when the kids were little.

Thursdays--cleaning people came so the house was tidy, we ordered in pizza and salad so I did not cook, I went to an exercise class, came home, showered, had a glass of wine while DH dealt with the kids. after putting them in bed, got myself in the mood with him or on my own, with a little device. At first this felt weird to plan it out but then it was great. DH wasn't wondering if it would happen or not and I did't have to suddenly make the mental switch from mom mode to lover mode. I had plenty of time and I think, ni the end, that was the key. Its making the mental switch to being a lover. DH never had this issue (maybe most men dont?).

Here's the thing: I like sex once I am into it! Its just getting into it that was the huge challenge....

Confirmed: most men do not have any trouble mentally switching into sex mode. Quite the opposite! Sex is our default mode. We have trouble switching sex mode OFF.

Could you please elaborate more regarding this? As a woman, I'd like an insight into understanding men's sexual needs. What does a day in the life of a man with a switched sex mode, seem like?

Anonymous wrote:Genuine desire cannot be negotiated. A sex therapist is money down the drain.

Nothing turns off a woman faster than a beta husband whining for sex. That guy should refocus on hitting the gym, make himself his mental point of origin, and make his mission (whatever that may be) his priority in life. By killing the beta inside of him he’ll become the man women desire. Once you begin to see that women desire him I guarantee you’ll be having sex a whole lot more than once a month...

Anonymous wrote:Op here. All 3 kids are in single digits, but beyond diapers. After a full day I’m exhausted. I’ve had enough touching and at that point I don’t feel like being touched more is at all relaxing. Seems unnatural to force it and DH doesn’t seem to appreciate when I do it but I’m barely into it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. Sorry to hijack, but I think this is also relevant.

What if your husband never does anything to make you want to have sex with him? Is nice to you. Caring. A good husband, friend and father. But has gradually over many years totally stopped doing anything that might kindle a flame, doesn’t know how to touch you the way you like to be touched—even after YEARS of telling and showing, just basically wants to have sex randomly when he’s done nothing to make you interested. Has let himself go. (But honestly so have I...so I can’t really blame him, although it seems to matter more to me). I tried sometimes to do it to make him happy because I felt guilty. We were “supposed” to have sex. But after I cried silently a few times and hid it from him (because he would have stopped if he knew I was hating it), I just felt like I couldn’t do it anymore. For the people who just lie back and think of England, are your husbands really okay with you being starfish? I don’t know how to do that. My husband wants me to enjoy myself yet does nothing that turns me on. So what do you do? Especially when you’ve talked about it three hundred times?

Your sex issues are a symptom not the cause of your struggles. You have a crappy husband.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, having sex once a week is going to be a lot easier than sex therapy or divorce or whatever.

I totally get being overtouched, tired, etc, but I also realized I have to--and can--get myself in the mood. This is what we used to do when the kids were little.

Thursdays--cleaning people came so the house was tidy, we ordered in pizza and salad so I did not cook, I went to an exercise class, came home, showered, had a glass of wine while DH dealt with the kids. after putting them in bed, got myself in the mood with him or on my own, with a little device. At first this felt weird to plan it out but then it was great. DH wasn't wondering if it would happen or not and I did't have to suddenly make the mental switch from mom mode to lover mode. I had plenty of time and I think, ni the end, that was the key. Its making the mental switch to being a lover. DH never had this issue (maybe most men dont?).

Here's the thing: I like sex once I am into it! Its just getting into it that was the huge challenge....

Confirmed: most men do not have any trouble mentally switching into sex mode. Quite the opposite! Sex is our default mode. We have trouble switching sex mode OFF.

Could you please elaborate more regarding this? As a woman, I'd like an insight into understanding men's sexual needs. What does a day in the life of a man with a switched sex mode, seem like?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, having sex once a week is going to be a lot easier than sex therapy or divorce or whatever.

I totally get being overtouched, tired, etc, but I also realized I have to--and can--get myself in the mood. This is what we used to do when the kids were little.

Thursdays--cleaning people came so the house was tidy, we ordered in pizza and salad so I did not cook, I went to an exercise class, came home, showered, had a glass of wine while DH dealt with the kids. after putting them in bed, got myself in the mood with him or on my own, with a little device. At first this felt weird to plan it out but then it was great. DH wasn't wondering if it would happen or not and I did't have to suddenly make the mental switch from mom mode to lover mode. I had plenty of time and I think, ni the end, that was the key. Its making the mental switch to being a lover. DH never had this issue (maybe most men dont?).

Here's the thing: I like sex once I am into it! Its just getting into it that was the huge challenge....

Confirmed: most men do not have any trouble mentally switching into sex mode. Quite the opposite! Sex is our default mode. We have trouble switching sex mode OFF.

Could you please elaborate more regarding this? As a woman, I'd like an insight into understanding men's sexual needs. What does a day in the life of a man with a switched sex mode, seem like?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Women need to feel loved to want to make love.

That's horse shit. The genders aren't all that different. It's not uncommon for women to enjoy meaningless sex.

Anonymous wrote:Try for once a week. It should be possible to fit in 30 minutes somewhere.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, having sex once a week is going to be a lot easier than sex therapy or divorce or whatever.

I totally get being overtouched, tired, etc, but I also realized I have to--and can--get myself in the mood. This is what we used to do when the kids were little.

Thursdays--cleaning people came so the house was tidy, we ordered in pizza and salad so I did not cook, I went to an exercise class, came home, showered, had a glass of wine while DH dealt with the kids. after putting them in bed, got myself in the mood with him or on my own, with a little device. At first this felt weird to plan it out but then it was great. DH wasn't wondering if it would happen or not and I did't have to suddenly make the mental switch from mom mode to lover mode. I had plenty of time and I think, ni the end, that was the key. Its making the mental switch to being a lover. DH never had this issue (maybe most men dont?).

Here's the thing: I like sex once I am into it! Its just getting into it that was the huge challenge....

Confirmed: most men do not have any trouble mentally switching into sex mode. Quite the opposite! Sex is our default mode. We have trouble switching sex mode OFF.

Could you please elaborate more regarding this? As a woman, I'd like an insight into understanding men's sexual needs. What does a day in the life of a man with a switched sex mode, seem like?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, having sex once a week is going to be a lot easier than sex therapy or divorce or whatever.

I totally get being overtouched, tired, etc, but I also realized I have to--and can--get myself in the mood. This is what we used to do when the kids were little.

Thursdays--cleaning people came so the house was tidy, we ordered in pizza and salad so I did not cook, I went to an exercise class, came home, showered, had a glass of wine while DH dealt with the kids. after putting them in bed, got myself in the mood with him or on my own, with a little device. At first this felt weird to plan it out but then it was great. DH wasn't wondering if it would happen or not and I did't have to suddenly make the mental switch from mom mode to lover mode. I had plenty of time and I think, ni the end, that was the key. Its making the mental switch to being a lover. DH never had this issue (maybe most men dont?).

Here's the thing: I like sex once I am into it! Its just getting into it that was the huge challenge....

Confirmed: most men do not have any trouble mentally switching into sex mode. Quite the opposite! Sex is our default mode. We have trouble switching sex mode OFF.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. Sorry to hijack, but I think this is also relevant.

What if your husband never does anything to make you want to have sex with him? Is nice to you. Caring. A good husband, friend and father. But has gradually over many years totally stopped doing anything that might kindle a flame, doesn’t know how to touch you the way you like to be touched—even after YEARS of telling and showing, just basically wants to have sex randomly when he’s done nothing to make you interested. Has let himself go. (But honestly so have I...so I can’t really blame him, although it seems to matter more to me). I tried sometimes to do it to make him happy because I felt guilty. We were “supposed” to have sex. But after I cried silently a few times and hid it from him (because he would have stopped if he knew I was hating it), I just felt like I couldn’t do it anymore. For the people who just lie back and think of England, are your husbands really okay with you being starfish? I don’t know how to do that. My husband wants me to enjoy myself yet does nothing that turns me on. So what do you do? Especially when you’ve talked about it three hundred times?

When you've talked about it, what were his reasons for not doing what you've been telling him and showing him?

We talk about it. He says he understands. But is just incapable of doing it. I guess I would be okay with it if he really just wanted to use my body for sex. But he wants me to enjoy myself. But I require intellectual stimulation and he doesn't, and he doesn't know how to provide it. Honestly, I carried it for years with fantasizing about things I find sexy--and pot helped--but I can't smoke pot anymore for medical reasons.

Anonymous wrote:Op, having sex once a week is going to be a lot easier than sex therapy or divorce or whatever.

I totally get being overtouched, tired, etc, but I also realized I have to--and can--get myself in the mood. This is what we used to do when the kids were little.

Thursdays--cleaning people came so the house was tidy, we ordered in pizza and salad so I did not cook, I went to an exercise class, came home, showered, had a glass of wine while DH dealt with the kids. after putting them in bed, got myself in the mood with him or on my own, with a little device. At first this felt weird to plan it out but then it was great. DH wasn't wondering if it would happen or not and I did't have to suddenly make the mental switch from mom mode to lover mode. I had plenty of time and I think, ni the end, that was the key. Its making the mental switch to being a lover. DH never had this issue (maybe most men dont?).

Here's the thing: I like sex once I am into it! Its just getting into it that was the huge challenge....