Anonymous wrote:It all belongs to both of us. One big pot that we each have equal say over.

One pot from the day we were married. You have equal say over the pot. We never had "my money" or "his money".

Understand the courts interpret your funds as one pot if you get divorced.

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I married 22 years. My wife has been a SAHM last 20 years. I have almost no clue what gets spent, I am not in charge of that. My wife also points out she does most of the work while I sip coffee in an office or traveled on business. I believe her, we have three kids and never had a maid or any form of childcare or even a babysitter.

Pretty much that is a normal arrangement for most of the history of Earth up till around 40 years ago.

But I do think stigma goes other way. My two sisters have husbands who can’t support their family and they both have three kids, so both juggling raising three kids and working.

Meanwhile my wife and my brothers wife have been SAHM mom whole marriage. The ironic part is at lunchtime you see SAHM moms in Chevy Chase and Bethesda driving range rovers and G - Wagons and during morning and evening commute working moms driving Camry’s and Accords.

I worked with a 50 year old women who was a big four Partner and SVP at a bank, she recalled at 27 her best friend made it to Senior manager and did a trading desk audit on Wall Street and married a rich 32 year old trader, had kids and stopped working and is now 50 a multimillionaire who lives in a mansion.

When she made a partner at 34 she thought the friend was a fool throwing away her career. At 50 she realizes maybe she is the fool. You never know.

The SAHM wife controls ALL the money while married and gets 1/2 upon divorce. The working mom gets only her half and upon divorce gets zero of his money as she only gets half and she put in half.

This is not Ironic at all. The $$ for range rovers and GWagons comes before the decision to SAH. If you can afford to SAH it is likely you can also afford more expensive cars. You drive a Accord because, you don't value wasting money on ugly expensive cars, you spend your money elsewhere, or you cant afford it. There truly is no correlation whatsoever.

Anonymous wrote:We do %. Each have personal savings, each contribute to the joint account based on income %.

I'm just curious - what is the point of the personal savings? If one person makes 70%, will they end up with 70K in savings while the other has 30k? Then what? Person A buys a rental property and all that income just goes to them? Person A goes on vacations without spouse, who can't afford it? Person A retires 5 years earlier?

I understand separate fun money, but when even savings is separated I can't see the reasoning.

We do %. Each have personal savings, each contribute to the joint account based on income %.

My wife and I married 22 years. My wife has been a SAHM last 20 years. I have almost no clue what gets spent, I am not in charge of that. My wife also points out she does most of the work while I sip coffee in an office or traveled on business. I believe her, we have three kids and never had a maid or any form of childcare or even a babysitter.

Pretty much that is a normal arrangement for most of the history of Earth up till around 40 years ago.

But I do think stigma goes other way. My two sisters have husbands who can’t support their family and they both have three kids, so both juggling raising three kids and working.

Meanwhile my wife and my brothers wife have been SAHM mom whole marriage. The ironic part is at lunchtime you see SAHM moms in Chevy Chase and Bethesda driving range rovers and G - Wagons and during morning and evening commute working moms driving Camry’s and Accords.

I worked with a 50 year old women who was a big four Partner and SVP at a bank, she recalled at 27 her best friend made it to Senior manager and did a trading desk audit on Wall Street and married a rich 32 year old trader, had kids and stopped working and is now 50 a multimillionaire who lives in a mansion.

When she made a partner at 34 she thought the friend was a fool throwing away her career. At 50 she realizes maybe she is the fool. You never know.

The SAHM wife controls ALL the money while married and gets 1/2 upon divorce. The working mom gets only her half and upon divorce gets zero of his money as she only gets half and she put in half.

Anonymous wrote:Married 20 plus years, and this entire thread is strange to me. I stayed home with children for many years, and now work making less than $50,000. Spouse makes $300,000 + bonus. Our money has always all gone into one account, always. We have an agreement, if either of us wants to spend more than $500, we we discuss it with each other. Anything else, who cares.

This is similar to us, I make a little less than PP and DH makes 475. Only part that is different is the $500 rule. We discuss larger purchases like cars but that is really it. Years ago I would call DH to let him know I was spend xyz on clothes, gifts, etc. he told me I didn’t need to check in with him. One day I called to let him know I was buying a nice winter coat, he said “if you call me again asking permission to spend money that is rightfully yours I am going to file for divorce”. When I got home he briefly mentioned our conversation and said “I trust you not to do anyting stupid. If I didn’t trust you, we wouldn’t be married.”

We are very financial stable and secure but I know he really doesn’t care about money. It took me a while to realize/trust that our relationship, our family and my happiness were paramount to him. With or without money. He has said before that, we made it before we can make it again.

Married 20 plus years, and this entire thread is strange to me. I stayed home with children for many years, and now work making less than $50,000. Spouse makes $300,000 + bonus. Our money has always all gone into one account, always. We have an agreement, if either of us wants to spend more than $500, we we discuss it with each other. Anything else, who cares.

Anonymous wrote:If you are not married, it does not all go into one pot nor do things get split based on relative income. You either agree that something is worth it and then split it 50/50 or you disagree and the person who wants it pays more/all (regardless of if that person makes more or less).

Once you are married it all goes into one pot and hopefully your time together before the marriage has prepared you for dealing with the case where one spouse wants something that the other doesn't.

Exactly

DH makes twice what I do and our philosophy is what’s mine is yours and yours is mine. Everything is combined and I manage the finances and we both agree on financial goals. I can’t imagine trying to split everything proportionally, what a headache esp with two kids.

Anonymous wrote:All major expenses split according to income relatively (approx.), about 65-35.

After all parents were gone, after inheriting it’s about2:1, the spouse w the greater bankn(separate property, inherited), pays nearly 100% of jointcexpnses now.

Not fair for higher earning spouse to make more money, do heavy lifting and also pay for higher expenses. Looks like he is paying the price of someone's less inclination of making money.

I make more than double my DH. He was not always the best at managing money and came into the marriage with some debt. We tried a joint checking account but it caused a lot of problems- he is more impulsive with his spending. After marriage counseling and a bit of a rocky road, we now have completely separate bank accounts and have specific things we pay for. We have specific bills we each pay (I pay for mortgage, utilities, etc and he covers car payment, phones, etc). It works for us.

Anonymous wrote:It all belongs to both of us. One big pot that we each have equal say over.

I use to make a lot of money and then decided to go into non profit and my husband makes something like 20X what I do. I’m guilty of sometimes saying that he makes all the money but he never does and he never questions what I spend and I pay all the bills. I’m happy, our kids are happy and he’s happy. Spouses should not compete, they should be a team.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dh and I have alway been partners. When we graduated law school he made $135k which seems like a fortune. I literally had no job. Today dh makes $100k in a job he loves and I make $3M+. The money is still all ours.

As a practical matter I pay for mortgages, vacations, credit cards etc. if his personal checking account gets lower than he is comfortable I just transfer money into. Most significant assets are held jointly although to keep liability from him a fair amount is now in just in my name. I’ve started funding assets titled in just his name to even it out a bit.

Wow he must be a dope. Lol

Not such a dope. He has it made. She’s quite generous and this trend could bite her later.

A lot of people thought the same when I had no job and he was making all of the money. I can’t imagine is ever divorcing but if we did we were partners during our marriage. Half of the assets would be his and rightfully so.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It all belongs to both of us. One big pot that we each have equal say over.

same

So every single time you want to buy something you have to ask your spouse's permission. UGH!

Um, no. DH and I trust each other to make wise decisions about shared money. Sure we talk about big purchases but most of those are for joint use anyway.

I make $300K and my husband makes 1/3 as much as me. We have ALWAYS pooled our expenses and kept small "me" accounts that we each put $x00/month into for clothes, lunches, personal grooming, gifts, etc.

I don't really understand couples who split things. It seems like such a hassle.