Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worry about my 17 & 18 year old boys too much to enjoy life. One is chronically depressed (working on it), the other is about to go to college and doesn’t like to communicate about where he is or who he’s with. I spend most nights worried to death.

I hope to go back to enjoying life again at some point, just have to get these two transitioned out of the nest.

This is me. These ages are so much harder than when they are little. I hate it!

My teen boys are 18 & 19 and I don't find this at all.

Maybe try to be a bit more 'casual' with them and don't put a lot of pressure on them? Only saying this because I notice a lot of the parents here are Type A personalities and want the best schools and careers for their children (I understand - but this can cause stress and teens to withdraw).

The boys are still young, give them time to mature. Try and joke around a bit when talking to them. Lighten the mood, give them a hug, tell them they are the best sons you ever had

My boys are sweet, happy, communicative - and I'd say average as far as being "achievers". They can be lazy. I encourage, commiserate about schoolwork and part-time jobs (at the same time show I am pleased they are working part-time, even when/if it's only a few hours!). One step at a time! The kids will be alright.

+1
I have a kid who is actually an "achiever" in terms of grades and stuff that you can put on a resume. But, he is not an achiever in terms of working harder or wanting to "win". Which keeps him happy and grounded. He wants to have a normal and average life and I keep telling him that there can be no loftier goal than that.

Idk if I find my life to be meaningful, but I really enjoy it! I love my toddlers and my dh and enjoy being around them. My parents moved closer and I love shopping and cooking with my mom. The only way my life could get more enjoyable is if I got a dog, but I'm pregnant and don't think I could handle it. But all the time I wish I had a dog to snuggle.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worry about my 17 & 18 year old boys too much to enjoy life. One is chronically depressed (working on it), the other is about to go to college and doesn’t like to communicate about where he is or who he’s with. I spend most nights worried to death.

I hope to go back to enjoying life again at some point, just have to get these two transitioned out of the nest.

This is me. These ages are so much harder than when they are little. I hate it!

My teen boys are 18 & 19 and I don't find this at all.

Maybe try to be a bit more 'casual' with them and don't put a lot of pressure on them? Only saying this because I notice a lot of the parents here are Type A personalities and want the best schools and careers for their children (I understand - but this can cause stress and teens to withdraw).

The boys are still young, give them time to mature. Try and joke around a bit when talking to them. Lighten the mood, give them a hug, tell them they are the best sons you ever had

My boys are sweet, happy, communicative - and I'd say average as far as being "achievers". They can be lazy. I encourage, commiserate about schoolwork and part-time jobs (at the same time show I am pleased they are working part-time, even when/if it's only a few hours!). One step at a time! The kids will be alright.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if I enjoy life, but I find it to be meaningful

Yes. Not every moment (especially during Covid), but it’s the little things. Feeling the hot sun beat down on your skin on a lounge chair. A cold glass of lemonade in the hot sun. Laughing watching a great tv show. Seeing your child crawl for the first time. Feeling a sheet freshly out of the dryer. A delicious cup of ice cream. Falling into bed after a tiring day. Winning a game of cards.

Laundry doesn't do it for me.

OMG! Laundry does it for me majorly. We are 4 people at home - teens and adults - and I am the one who does laundry for every one. I wash, fold and put away clothes. I love how piles of laundered clothes can be folded so precisely and fit into little laundry baskets and there is order in my little corner of the world. Laundry, watering my garden and indoor plants, cleaning my house - these three things are part of my daily routine and they are mindless and rote enough for my mind to clear while I am doing it and I can think of other things. It is my Zen meditation. My DH does the cooking and dishes. For him cooking is what helps him to think and he finds it quite relaxing.

I really like my life. I live a very average and perhaps a small life but I am very happy.

I think it is due to several things -
- I have had a great childhood and my parents and siblings are loving and close knit. I am in touch with them over phone every day even though they live in another country.
- DH and I do not have emotional baggage from our childhood or romantic relationships. We are our first and only. There is no heartbreak or comparison.
- I have a wonderful husband who is my BFF. I love my kids as they are just amazing people. We are a very affectionate family and we hug and kiss a lot. We are very close to each other. My kids are good kids and compassionate human beings and I love that about them more than anything.
- I was able to raise my kids the way I wanted because I was home. In other words, no parenting regrets and only very tiny minor career regrets.
- We are a family of readers and so we are always learning new stuff. It keeps us growing and happy.
- We are very green. I know that climate change is happening and it is heartbreaking but we do our part to have our instant gratification. This means green energy, green mode of transportation, recycling, composting, creating habitat for wildlife in our yard and not consuming too much. -- We declutter a lot and that makes us happy. We like living in a somewhat minimalistic, clean and peaceful space.
- We live below our means and therefore we have financial cushion. We are not status conscious and are content living in a nice space in a cheaper neighborhood. We are in the position to help family members and also donate to charity and it makes us happy.
- We have hobbies that make us very happy.
- While I have had severe health setbacks, I am lucky that I have got right treatments in right time and it has prolonged my life.
- We have good friends and good neighbors and every day we meet and interact with people
- We are great cooks and can cook many cuisines. This means that good food is a way of life and for every meal our kitchen is humming. Someone is always making some tea or fixing some interesting snack for everyone.
- We are not on social media.
- We do not have addiction and substance abuse in our family. We all like to spend time with each other.
- We have many birds, pollinators, animals visit our yard and it is very entertaining to all of us. We provide them with food, water and shelter and they provide us with their presence.
- We volunteer our time and donate our money to worthy causes. It really gives us immense happiness to make a difference.
- We pray every day and that is my stressbuster.
- Some normal things of being healthy are paid lip service but people do not understand how important it is for happiness - good quality and enough sleep, a good digestion and elimination, proper hydration and proper nutrition, some exercise every day. I have a fitbit and I do try to get some walking in every day.

While there has been some recent great losses in our family due to COVID and there are many friends and family I may never see again, I am grateful for these people and this life. Of course, there is a lot of loss and sorrow too, but, life is a journey and things keep changing every minute and that is the fun of experiencing life. I have my usual fears and anxieties specifically regarding my kids, DH and family, but my remedy is to have contingencies, pray and exercise. The key is to not obsess and one can train oneself for that.

Anonymous wrote:I worry about my 17 & 18 year old boys too much to enjoy life. One is chronically depressed (working on it), the other is about to go to college and doesn’t like to communicate about where he is or who he’s with. I spend most nights worried to death.

I hope to go back to enjoying life again at some point, just have to get these two transitioned out of the nest.

This is me. These ages are so much harder than when they are little. I hate it!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ask God to let me die everyday. I have good life insurance and healthy organs (I’m assuming), I’m more valuable dead.

I just saw this. Please talk to a mental health professional. You don't have to feel this way, and you are more valuable alive, 100%. Your passing would cause others to suffer.

+1

Anonymous wrote:One way to feel happy is to recognize that you create your own personal heaven or hell. You have a big part in determining whether your life is great or awful, in large part by how you react to your circumstances.

“Heaven and hell is right now. ... You make it heaven or you make it hell by your actions.” — George Harrison

x1000000

bump

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if I enjoy life, but I find it to be meaningful

Yes. Not every moment (especially during Covid), but it’s the little things. Feeling the hot sun beat down on your skin on a lounge chair. A cold glass of lemonade in the hot sun. Laughing watching a great tv show. Seeing your child crawl for the first time. Feeling a sheet freshly out of the dryer. A delicious cup of ice cream. Falling into bed after a tiring day. Winning a game of cards.

Laundry doesn't do it for me.

Anonymous wrote:I do enjoy it, though I am much less fortunate than those around me. It astounds me how my friends with great jobs and nice houses aren’t happy.
I don’t know if I find it meaningful. It’s just a given that you need to live life if you were born.

Maybe you've been more fortunate in other ways? And people can be unhappy for reasons unrelated to their material quality of life.

I do enjoy it, though I am much less fortunate than those around me. It astounds me how my friends with great jobs and nice houses aren’t happy.
I don’t know if I find it meaningful. It’s just a given that you need to live life if you were born.

Anonymous wrote:Not really. I mean, there’s lots of things I enjoy and I laugh pretty much every day. But really I find everything sort of pointless. My husband and I don’t get along. I have lots of people I’m friendly with but no real friends as my husband and kids are really difficult and it just became too hard to make plans or invite people over. I haven’t had anyone over for a meal or anything like that in my house in years and years! Someone I thought I was friends with from the neighborhood moved away without even telling me. Oh well. I actually have a pretty positive attitude and am genuinely cheerful most of the time, but that’s just my personality. I don’t find life enjoyable. I just distract myself with sitcomrs, dcum, and pastries.

This is spot on too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ask God to let me die everyday. I have good life insurance and healthy organs (I’m assuming), I’m more valuable dead.

I just saw this. Please talk to a mental health professional. You don't have to feel this way, and you are more valuable alive, 100%. Your passing would cause others to suffer.

DP - Meh. I feel the same. I feel like I’ve been there, done that. Spent lots of time volunteering in addition to taking care of personal responsibilities. I look at people flitting here and there — all kinds of self-gratification and social one-up-isms. My closest friends have moved all over the country and many parts of the globe. Life is too darn long. By 45 most people have done about the most they’re ever going to do. Any thing past 55 seems untenable. By 70 the medical industry is using you as test subjects. (I grew up with my grandparents and among their peers,)