Anonymous
06/28/2020 16:14
Subject: Re:How to keep the other woman away from my child?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I will do anything to protect my two boys from knowing their father is a cheater because 80% of boys who have fathers that cheat do it themselves. I don’t want to destroy their identity. My husband is a good father even if he was shitty to me by cheating.
It is very painful and prevented me from confiding in many people I would normally turn to because I think it would get back to my boys unintentionally.
As much as I hate him for what he did, I bite my tongue hard about what he did. I will take it to the grave so they have a chance of breaking the multigenerational infidelity that has plagued his side of the family.
Your situation, OP, might be different because you mentioned he had multiple girlfriends. I would strongly advise that your daughter gets lots of therapy to deal with both the divorce and dad’s infidelity so she doesn’t grow up with daddy issues and do the things we despise about the women with these issues, e.g., screwing married, unavailable men.
I disagree that he is a good father. Good fathers don't lie about their commitment to their family/the mother of their children.
You are kidding yourself that your silence protects the kids from emulating their dad.
First of all, it must be very confusing and unsettling for them to have no true explanation for why you broke up.
Eventually , they will find out. And it will confirm that there are no honest communications between family members in your household. You AND your husband will both be perceived as deceptive. THey will learn you cannot trust those you love.
Break THAT chain.
They are too young now.
Anonymous
06/28/2020 16:13
Subject: Re:How to keep the other woman away from my child?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I will do anything to protect my two boys from knowing their father is a cheater because 80% of boys who have fathers that cheat do it themselves. I don’t want to destroy their identity. My husband is a good father even if he was shitty to me by cheating.
It is very painful and prevented me from confiding in many people I would normally turn to because I think it would get back to my boys unintentionally.
As much as I hate him for what he did, I bite my tongue hard about what he did. I will take it to the grave so they have a chance of breaking the multigenerational infidelity that has plagued his side of the family.
Your situation, OP, might be different because you mentioned he had multiple girlfriends. I would strongly advise that your daughter gets lots of therapy to deal with both the divorce and dad’s infidelity so she doesn’t grow up with daddy issues and do the things we despise about the women with these issues, e.g., screwing married, unavailable men.
100% agree
You are a great mom.
You are not a great mom to keep your kids from their Dad for who they are dating. 80% of boys don't cheat. That is non-sense.
Wtf are you talking about? I’m not keeping my boys from their father.
And I said 80% of boys WHO HAD FATHERS that cheated will cheat. Not 80% of all boys.
Since 25% of men have affairs which cause divorce those are the boys we are talking about.
Google it.
Anonymous
06/28/2020 16:11
Subject: How to keep the other woman away from my child?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My child is 13. She's not abusive from what I hear she's a lovely person even though she's a homewrecker. She doesn't have children and I am worried about her trying to mother my child. My child already has a mother.Anonymous wrote:Op, why would you want to keep the other woman away from the child?
I understand the hurt feelings because she was the affair partner, but unless she is abusive to your child or has other behavioral or psychological issues that put your child’s wellbeing at risk, there is no reason for you to prevent your child from being around her.
How old is your child? Is there conflict? Did the child express any reasons not to want to be around her?
As much as it hurts you, it’s probably now best for child to normalize back relationships including with the dad and his partner.
I know it stings for you but this is much much better than the new wife who wants nothing to do with the husbands kids, and cuts them out and/or makes their lives miserable. We have had that happen in our family. G-d forbid they have a kid, make sure you don't make your kid feel like they can't be excited about a new sibling.
This rings true for me. In the years since my ex remarried, she has consistently done things that devalued the kids - inviting them for sleepover then leaving them home alone while she and DH went to parties with her friends, DH moved into her 3 bedroom (where 1 bedroom was made into a walk in closet and the second was an office), never bought the kids real beds or made them a living space, then moved into a 2 bedroom condo that they bought for the price of a 3 bedroom SFH, advocated to DH to cut child support, etc.
It has been very painful seeing the reaction of my kids. DH is as much to blame as his wife.
Anonymous
06/28/2020 16:08
Subject: Re:How to keep the other woman away from my child?
Anonymous wrote:I will do anything to protect my two boys from knowing their father is a cheater because 80% of boys who have fathers that cheat do it themselves. I don’t want to destroy their identity. My husband is a good father even if he was shitty to me by cheating.
It is very painful and prevented me from confiding in many people I would normally turn to because I think it would get back to my boys unintentionally.
As much as I hate him for what he did, I bite my tongue hard about what he did. I will take it to the grave so they have a chance of breaking the multigenerational infidelity that has plagued his side of the family.
Your situation, OP, might be different because you mentioned he had multiple girlfriends. I would strongly advise that your daughter gets lots of therapy to deal with both the divorce and dad’s infidelity so she doesn’t grow up with daddy issues and do the things we despise about the women with these issues, e.g., screwing married, unavailable men.
I disagree that he is a good father. Good fathers don't lie about their commitment to their family/the mother of their children.
You are kidding yourself that your silence protects the kids from emulating their dad.
First of all, it must be very confusing and unsettling for them to have no true explanation for why you broke up.
Eventually , they will find out. And it will confirm that there are no honest communications between family members in your household. You AND your husband will both be perceived as deceptive. THey will learn you cannot trust those you love.
Break THAT chain.
Anonymous
06/28/2020 16:07
Subject: How to keep the other woman away from my child?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How COULD you tell your child about the affairs??
Get some help before YOU cause your child emotional trauma.
Because they are member of this family and deserve to know. If he didn't want our child to know he should have kept it in his pants
This is more damaging to children than a person cheating on a spouse. Don't take your pain out on our kid. Kid should not be involved in adult matters.
Keeping a teen in the dark is a DUMB idea.
I just described in detail how ex had spent his time and money on others. I didn't mention sex. That horse camp you didn't get to go to because we couldn't "afford" it? Well here is a picture of tramp and dad at a resort at the same time (dummy side piece posted it on social media, and it eventually got back to me.)
DD got the message, and made her choice. She goes over there, and reams them -- in front of their friends. It's so great! I love that she knows her own mind.
Tramp is mortified that her own mother now knows.
Anonymous
06/28/2020 16:06
Subject: Re:How to keep the other woman away from my child?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I will do anything to protect my two boys from knowing their father is a cheater because 80% of boys who have fathers that cheat do it themselves. I don’t want to destroy their identity. My husband is a good father even if he was shitty to me by cheating.
It is very painful and prevented me from confiding in many people I would normally turn to because I think it would get back to my boys unintentionally.
As much as I hate him for what he did, I bite my tongue hard about what he did. I will take it to the grave so they have a chance of breaking the multigenerational infidelity that has plagued his side of the family.
Your situation, OP, might be different because you mentioned he had multiple girlfriends. I would strongly advise that your daughter gets lots of therapy to deal with both the divorce and dad’s infidelity so she doesn’t grow up with daddy issues and do the things we despise about the women with these issues, e.g., screwing married, unavailable men.
100% agree
You are a great mom.
You are not a great mom to keep your kids from their Dad for who they are dating. 80% of boys don't cheat. That is non-sense.
Anonymous
06/28/2020 16:05
Subject: How to keep the other woman away from my child?
She is not the reason you got divorced. He is. He is the home wrecker as he choose to cheat and continue cheating. If it wasn't her, it would be someone else. If she's lovely then no judge will give you a restraining order to ban her. I doubt she wants to be a mom to your child. I get you are hurt but either you stop all contact with Dad or move on. The best revenge is to find your own happiness.
Anonymous
06/28/2020 16:03
Subject: How to keep the other woman away from my child?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You can’t control him anymore. You’re divorced. Move on.
I don't want to control him, but I should have a say-so who is around my child.
While he is with you, yes. While he is with your ex, nope.
Anonymous
06/28/2020 16:02
Subject: Re:How to keep the other woman away from my child?
Anonymous wrote:I will do anything to protect my two boys from knowing their father is a cheater because 80% of boys who have fathers that cheat do it themselves. I don’t want to destroy their identity. My husband is a good father even if he was shitty to me by cheating.
It is very painful and prevented me from confiding in many people I would normally turn to because I think it would get back to my boys unintentionally.
As much as I hate him for what he did, I bite my tongue hard about what he did. I will take it to the grave so they have a chance of breaking the multigenerational infidelity that has plagued his side of the family.
Your situation, OP, might be different because you mentioned he had multiple girlfriends. I would strongly advise that your daughter gets lots of therapy to deal with both the divorce and dad’s infidelity so she doesn’t grow up with daddy issues and do the things we despise about the women with these issues, e.g., screwing married, unavailable men.
100% agree
You are a great mom.
Anonymous
06/28/2020 16:02
Subject: How to keep the other woman away from my child?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How COULD you tell your child about the affairs??
Get some help before YOU cause your child emotional trauma.
Because they are member of this family and deserve to know. If he didn't want our child to know he should have kept it in his pants
This is more damaging to children than a person cheating on a spouse. Don't take your pain out on our kid. Kid should not be involved in adult matters.
Anonymous
06/28/2020 15:18
Subject: Re:How to keep the other woman away from my child?
Anonymous wrote:^ he was faithful until year 14 of marriage. It was the same age are firstborn was (8) when his alcoholic cheating dad blew up the family. He was seriously messed up for several years. A lot of times midlife is when childhood issues emerge.
*our
Therapists call it a “trigger” time
Anonymous
06/28/2020 15:17
Subject: Re:How to keep the other woman away from my child?
^ he was faithful until year 14 of marriage. It was the same age are firstborn was (8) when his alcoholic cheating dad blew up the family. He was seriously messed up for several years. A lot of times midlife is when childhood issues emerge.
Anonymous
06/28/2020 15:11
Subject: Re:How to keep the other woman away from my child?
Anonymous wrote:I will do anything to protect my two boys from knowing their father is a cheater because 80% of boys who have fathers that cheat do it themselves. I don’t want to destroy their identity. My husband is a good father even if he was shitty to me by cheating.
It is very painful and prevented me from confiding in many people I would normally turn to because I think it would get back to my boys unintentionally.
As much as I hate him for what he did, I bite my tongue hard about what he did. I will take it to the grave so they have a chance of breaking the multigenerational infidelity that has plagued his side of the family.
Your situation, OP, might be different because you mentioned he had multiple girlfriends. I would strongly advise that your daughter gets lots of therapy to deal with both the divorce and dad’s infidelity so she doesn’t grow up with daddy issues and do the things we despise about the women with these issues, e.g., screwing married, unavailable men.
Curious, my husbands family is the opposite. My fil's dad was a philanderer and it really disappointed him. He leftmy fils family to be with another woman.
My fil was very honest and faithful for that reason and raised my husband to be the same way. My bil's have made a few mistakes but they are also unmarried.
Anonymous
06/28/2020 14:17
Subject: Re:How to keep the other woman away from my child?
I will do anything to protect my two boys from knowing their father is a cheater because 80% of boys who have fathers that cheat do it themselves. I don’t want to destroy their identity. My husband is a good father even if he was shitty to me by cheating.
It is very painful and prevented me from confiding in many people I would normally turn to because I think it would get back to my boys unintentionally.
As much as I hate him for what he did, I bite my tongue hard about what he did. I will take it to the grave so they have a chance of breaking the multigenerational infidelity that has plagued his side of the family.
Your situation, OP, might be different because you mentioned he had multiple girlfriends. I would strongly advise that your daughter gets lots of therapy to deal with both the divorce and dad’s infidelity so she doesn’t grow up with daddy issues and do the things we despise about the women with these issues, e.g., screwing married, unavailable men.
It is very painful and prevented me from confiding in many people I would normally turn to because I think it would get back to my boys unintentionally.
As much as I hate him for what he did, I bite my tongue hard about what he did. I will take it to the grave so they have a chance of breaking the multigenerational infidelity that has plagued his side of the family.
Your situation, OP, might be different because you mentioned he had multiple girlfriends. I would strongly advise that your daughter gets lots of therapy to deal with both the divorce and dad’s infidelity so she doesn’t grow up with daddy issues and do the things we despise about the women with these issues, e.g., screwing married, unavailable men.
Anonymous
06/28/2020 13:56
Subject: How to keep the other woman away from my child?
Anonymous wrote:How COULD you tell your child about the affairs??
Get some help before YOU cause your child emotional trauma.
Because they are member of this family and deserve to know. If he didn't want our child to know he should have kept it in his pants