Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh-- OP- I did talk to the OW. I actually scared the f*ck out of her because after I had talked to her on the phone--- I showed up at her house unannounced a few weeks later. She was shaking like a leaf. She couldn't believe she was being exposed.

Did you slash her holiday inflatables? Remember that post here?

I had one friend that did what pp did. She was very nice but to the point, if she didn't leave their family alone her next visit would be to her office.

She would have too! Another friend hired a P.I. who located him, she went over to the OW's home and called DH telling him to come outside. They did divorce.

Oh man--I used to have a roommate who was a PI in SF/Silicon Valley. Had some pretty interesting stories.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband won't leave this job, as this is this is a successful startup project of his life. My estimate is that he's having a mistress since 2016, but met her in 2012. I guess I was just wondering, if they are dating for so long and he still didn't ask for a divorce, why is that?

I am just totally shocked someone could be so dishonest and lead double life: photos of our family friends visiting are mixed with him hopping on a plane flying with her somewhere with faces full of love.

Our marriage was full of love some time ago, and he gives her gifts from same designers, takes to same places he took me. She looks old, in her 50s, but otherwise a very well groomed and attractive woman. She took him for dinner with her husband and daughter, who don't suspect anything.

My son is not doing well (on spectrum), and I am SAHM because I am his main caregiver. I've been working part time whole married life, but it's not a high flying corporate job that my husband promoted his mistress for.

I feel like I was ripped of everything, but most of all, of companionship with someone I built a life after our son goes to college...

Now I think you're a troll. This is completely nonresponsive to any of the replies.

I was going to go with AI instead of.troll . There seem to be more and more posts lately with this strange syntax and stilted language.

Mi don’t think AI or troll. They are probably foreigners.

It just reads like a self-published novel on Amazon Kindle. “Anna thought she was living the American Dream. Her husband was an executive. She was a SAHM to an adorable son with special needs. Then she found out her husband had a corporate mistress. Could Anna save her marriage? Does she want to?” And then half way in, Anna somehow reconnects with her childhood friend Stefan who is even richer than her STBX. Plus his wife and son conveniently died in a car accident two years ago.

OP here: I also thought when I found it that I could write a book about my husband. It's just amazing life experience that I have. I never thought of him being able to scheme like that, to live double life totally for 4 years! I don't know when exactly he met her, but she joined the firm 8 years ago, and I have firm evidence of the affair since 2016.

Do it!

I think a lot of wives could write bestsellers about their marriages and self publish. My first marriage was a gothic horror story complete with an insane relative locked away in my in-laws third floor Potomac mansion for a while.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh-- OP- I did talk to the OW. I actually scared the f*ck out of her because after I had talked to her on the phone--- I showed up at her house unannounced a few weeks later. She was shaking like a leaf. She couldn't believe she was being exposed.

Did you slash her holiday inflatables? Remember that post here?

I had one friend that did what pp did. She was very nice but to the point, if she didn't leave their family alone her next visit would be to her office.

She would have too! Another friend hired a P.I. who located him, she went over to the OW's home and called DH telling him to come outside. They did divorce.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP how long are you going to allow it to go on??????

Are you going to contact her OP??? I sure wouldn't have sex with him, and please get yourself tested.

We live separate not sharing bedrooms for 3 months. He moved out of our bedroom himself, pretending it’s because I am hysterical etc. As I said, it’s now “don’t ask don’t tell” marriage. That caused me to investigate and find out everything.
The mistress is abroad. I don’t know her husbands name or address, and I can’t show up there. Plus, I don’t want to disclose my knowledge as I am still getting the ducks in a row.

After the ducks contact her. Obviously you have that info.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could not live with this dynamic. He's a miserable partner and he's cheating on you. I do not see much worth salvaging here.

I didn’t read beyond this response, which is dead on. Document everything, lawyer up, and make sure he gets joint custody so you don’t bear the burden of raising your child essentially 24/7 on your own. The instinct some have is to seek full custody, but that gives this jackass a free pass. Don’t forget to go after his retirement account.

I was actually thinking about even getting a job myself and declining child support, just getting assets and retirement from him. But it would be a shock to my son if the divorce and full custody transfer to dad happens in high school, as he was primarily raised by me. However, thinking of a college, something in Europe closer to where my husband has the business and mistress would be best arrangement for me, so I can visit our son and focus more on my life in the US. Don’t you think so?

No because I feel like the us has the best schooling and resources for kids with Special Needs.

My son studying in the US college means that I will never fully own my life. I think I need a therapy myself to be in peace with it. My husband will enjoy his corporate executive life with his mistress in Europe while I am making sure here in the US that our son gets through college. Then our son will likely live with me maintaining employment at a technology field. l will have to find him a good woman to marry etc.

Anonymous wrote:OP how long are you going to allow it to go on??????

Are you going to contact her OP??? I sure wouldn't have sex with him, and please get yourself tested.

We live separate not sharing bedrooms for 3 months. He moved out of our bedroom himself, pretending it’s because I am hysterical etc. As I said, it’s now “don’t ask don’t tell” marriage. That caused me to investigate and find out everything.
The mistress is abroad. I don’t know her husbands name or address, and I can’t show up there. Plus, I don’t want to disclose my knowledge as I am still getting the ducks in a row.

Anonymous wrote:I would work to transition to an allied health field like speech therapy- think of some of the professionals who help your son and consider their professions.

Thank you, can you recommend good schools ok the East Coast where to go for the certification ?

Anonymous wrote:Oh-- OP- I did talk to the OW. I actually scared the f*ck out of her because after I had talked to her on the phone--- I showed up at her house unannounced a few weeks later. She was shaking like a leaf. She couldn't believe she was being exposed.

Did you slash her holiday inflatables? Remember that post here?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could not live with this dynamic. He's a miserable partner and he's cheating on you. I do not see much worth salvaging here.

I didn’t read beyond this response, which is dead on. Document everything, lawyer up, and make sure he gets joint custody so you don’t bear the burden of raising your child essentially 24/7 on your own. The instinct some have is to seek full custody, but that gives this jackass a free pass. Don’t forget to go after his retirement account.

I was actually thinking about even getting a job myself and declining child support, just getting assets and retirement from him. But it would be a shock to my son if the divorce and full custody transfer to dad happens in high school, as he was primarily raised by me. However, thinking of a college, something in Europe closer to where my husband has the business and mistress would be best arrangement for me, so I can visit our son and focus more on my life in the US. Don’t you think so?

No because I feel like the us has the best schooling and resources for kids with Special Needs.

Oh-- OP- I did talk to the OW. I actually scared the f*ck out of her because after I had talked to her on the phone--- I showed up at her house unannounced a few weeks later. She was shaking like a leaf. She couldn't believe she was being exposed.

Anonymous wrote:At least he chose the classier option over the economy mistress.

Cheating with a married person equals bottom dweller.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could not live with this dynamic. He's a miserable partner and he's cheating on you. I do not see much worth salvaging here.

I didn’t read beyond this response, which is dead on. Document everything, lawyer up, and make sure he gets joint custody so you don’t bear the burden of raising your child essentially 24/7 on your own. The instinct some have is to seek full custody, but that gives this jackass a free pass. Don’t forget to go after his retirement account.

I was actually thinking about even getting a job myself and declining child support, just getting assets and retirement from him. But it would be a shock to my son if the divorce and full custody transfer to dad happens in high school, as he was primarily raised by me. However, thinking of a college, something in Europe closer to where my husband has the business and mistress would be best arrangement for me, so I can visit our son and focus more on my life in the US. Don’t you think so?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband won't leave this job, as this is this is a successful startup project of his life. My estimate is that he's having a mistress since 2016, but met her in 2012. I guess I was just wondering, if they are dating for so long and he still didn't ask for a divorce, why is that?

I am just totally shocked someone could be so dishonest and lead double life: photos of our family friends visiting are mixed with him hopping on a plane flying with her somewhere with faces full of love.

Our marriage was full of love some time ago, and he gives her gifts from same designers, takes to same places he took me. She looks old, in her 50s, but otherwise a very well groomed and attractive woman. She took him for dinner with her husband and daughter, who don't suspect anything.

My son is not doing well (on spectrum), and I am SAHM because I am his main caregiver. I've been working part time whole married life, but it's not a high flying corporate job that my husband promoted his mistress for.

I feel like I was ripped of everything, but most of all, of companionship with someone I built a life after our son goes to college...

Now I think you're a troll. This is completely nonresponsive to any of the replies.

I was going to go with AI instead of.troll . There seem to be more and more posts lately with this strange syntax and stilted language.

Mi don’t think AI or troll. They are probably foreigners.

It just reads like a self-published novel on Amazon Kindle. “Anna thought she was living the American Dream. Her husband was an executive. She was a SAHM to an adorable son with special needs. Then she found out her husband had a corporate mistress. Could Anna save her marriage? Does she want to?” And then half way in, Anna somehow reconnects with her childhood friend Stefan who is even richer than her STBX. Plus his wife and son conveniently died in a car accident two years ago.

OP here: I also thought when I found it that I could write a book about my husband. It's just amazing life experience that I have. I never thought of him being able to scheme like that, to live double life totally for 4 years! I don't know when exactly he met her, but she joined the firm 8 years ago, and I have firm evidence of the affair since 2016.

OP- I grew up in a very loving normal home. Very, very close family and extended family. Zero divorces on either side of my family ---going back generations.

I am 22 years in my marriage and facing something similar. It's mind-blowing. I told my friend it makes Lifestyle movies seem lame. This is stuff I read about in books and for two months I've had to wake up an reorient myself to THIS IS REAL. This actually is happening. It is some weird and strange alternate universe. Friends and families that have known my husband for decades are blown away.

I understand why people can't believe this stuff. I never did or just enjoyed reading stories like this because it was so far removed from reality. Now it's my reality.

My kids are not special needs. My husband does not work with the woman. The woman never worked and is a SAHM he met on the Internet. He had already broken up with her when I found out. Mine was loving and engaged and doing nice things for me the entire time this was going on. Very involved with me and family and would grab me in the kitchen and we had sex 3-4 times per week (now so disgusted for my health).

If I were to tell any of my neighborhood friends that have known us as a couple, family and friends for the past decade they would not believe me. It is this out of character that he played this so convincingly.

I am sorry. I get it. I am 2 months in and needing to get a lot of my ducks in a row as well. I do work full time and make a good salary,have the family health benefits and a good retirement. I'm sorry you have to start all over.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you find out? DH finds a new job and goes no contact recommitting to the marriage or you divorce. It’s not difficult.

Via a mutual friend. And after some more research, I found that so many of his colleagues knew about it all along, and continued to come to our house, party with us, gave gifts to our son. I am totally shocked about morals, not just about my husband's, but our whole social circle!

First I would get those people out of my life. The ones that covered it are just as guilty. If you want to save your marriage you need to let the OW know you will have a nice talk with her DH and daughter. Especially since they know your husband, and had dinner together. Personally I wouldn't want to be married to that. However, finances are a big reality. If you want to divorce then start separating socially from him, and move forward. Your DH doesn't sound like a catch at all, you could obviously be much happier.

If you’ve been out ten years you can’t expect your salary to grow while you’re out as if you stated working. It doesn’t work that way. But if you can get your foot back in the door you can move up.