Anonymous wrote:I will say that in preschool most moms are friendly and inclusive. Once they hit regular school age something changes and it becomes VERY cliquey.

Anonymous wrote:I’m a biglaw attorney. I feel very frozen out of the SAHM/mommy track clique at my kids’ private. I don’t even think about it 95% of the time (I’m a younger mom and most of my friends are still childless so I have a busy social life) but I do feel the sting at school events.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it is important to me to belong to a mom clique in my child’s class (or children). Mostly because my kids are still young so play dates are orchestrated by the parents. It’s also a way to make a community that is family oriented.

I was actually super nerdy growing up, with a small group of friends. I also learned not to GAF what anyone thinks of me as I am a female POC in white male dominated profession. I find the characterization by PPs of cliquey moms to be superficial and not very thoughtful.

I have 3 kids. I was/am definitely in the “clique” for their preschool classes. These have now turned into good group friendships with different levels of friendship with the other moms in the clique - some very close but some less so. They are a tremendous source of information and support.

I am not in the “clique” for my oldest’s kindergarten class. It seems to be populated by SAHMs and WOHMs but I’m not positive since I’m not in it. I definitely feel the difference from our preschool experience to our experience with her current class — I don’t have a clue what is going on beyond what the school send home, I don’t know any gossip, or know what the administrators are thinking about before they announce it. My child is also not part of a social group in her class, although we do host (and she is invited to) plenty of play dates (where I hear about the clique).

I’m not going crazy trying to break into this clique, but I do wish I had more connections with the other parents in her class.

Orchestrating playdates for your kids sounds one small step away from helicopter or snowplow parenting. Older kids should make their own friends and tell their parents who they want to play with, and younger kids don’t need that much peer socialization beyond preschool and playground time. There are better things you can do with your time than artificially engineer friendships for your child.

NP. What the actual hell are you talking about? How are three-year olds supposed to make a play date happen? Do your three-year olds have cell phones?

Anonymous wrote:I’m a biglaw attorney. I feel very frozen out of the SAHM/mommy track clique at my kids’ private. I don’t even think about it 95% of the time (I’m a younger mom and most of my friends are still childless so I have a busy social life) but I do feel the sting at school events.

Anonymous wrote:It's not important to me, but sometimes I do feel jealous of women who have these close mom tribes. I do know a lot of moms from our school and I do have friends among them, but I'm a single mom and the "cool" moms are all married, so I think that's a factor. The single mom thing can be foreign/ threatening to groups of married moms, I think.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it is important to me to belong to a mom clique in my child’s class (or children). Mostly because my kids are still young so play dates are orchestrated by the parents. It’s also a way to make a community that is family oriented.

I was actually super nerdy growing up, with a small group of friends. I also learned not to GAF what anyone thinks of me as I am a female POC in white male dominated profession. I find the characterization by PPs of cliquey moms to be superficial and not very thoughtful.

I have 3 kids. I was/am definitely in the “clique” for their preschool classes. These have now turned into good group friendships with different levels of friendship with the other moms in the clique - some very close but some less so. They are a tremendous source of information and support.

I am not in the “clique” for my oldest’s kindergarten class. It seems to be populated by SAHMs and WOHMs but I’m not positive since I’m not in it. I definitely feel the difference from our preschool experience to our experience with her current class — I don’t have a clue what is going on beyond what the school send home, I don’t know any gossip, or know what the administrators are thinking about before they announce it. My child is also not part of a social group in her class, although we do host (and she is invited to) plenty of play dates (where I hear about the clique).

I’m not going crazy trying to break into this clique, but I do wish I had more connections with the other parents in her class.

Orchestrating playdates for your kids sounds one small step away from helicopter or snowplow parenting. Older kids should make their own friends and tell their parents who they want to play with, and younger kids don’t need that much peer socialization beyond preschool and playground time. There are better things you can do with your time than artificially engineer friendships for your child.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it is important to me to belong to a mom clique in my child’s class (or children). Mostly because my kids are still young so play dates are orchestrated by the parents. It’s also a way to make a community that is family oriented.

I was actually super nerdy growing up, with a small group of friends. I also learned not to GAF what anyone thinks of me as I am a female POC in white male dominated profession. I find the characterization by PPs of cliquey moms to be superficial and not very thoughtful.

I have 3 kids. I was/am definitely in the “clique” for their preschool classes. These have now turned into good group friendships with different levels of friendship with the other moms in the clique - some very close but some less so. They are a tremendous source of information and support.

I am not in the “clique” for my oldest’s kindergarten class. It seems to be populated by SAHMs and WOHMs but I’m not positive since I’m not in it. I definitely feel the difference from our preschool experience to our experience with her current class — I don’t have a clue what is going on beyond what the school send home, I don’t know any gossip, or know what the administrators are thinking about before they announce it. My child is also not part of a social group in her class, although we do host (and she is invited to) plenty of play dates (where I hear about the clique).

I’m not going crazy trying to break into this clique, but I do wish I had more connections with the other parents in her class.

Anonymous wrote:I’m too poor to be in that crowd. I’ll take the awkward hot mess moms at every turn, they’re my people.