Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she the pregnant person? If so, then no, she can't send that out. If she's a bff, she could perhaps host a "Zoom" shower, give out a date and time, and say that the mom-to-be will open gifts that she has during the zoom session. And to do this , I would assume it would go out only to the closest friends and relatives. This is not for wide distribution.

If no one else is giving you a shower it is perfectly fine to still have a baby shower! If no one gives you a birthday party you can't celebrate your birthday either? These rules are ridiculous! Where did they come from? Emily Post?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This does sort of solve the DCUM mystery of why showers are always torn apart on here.

It’s okay for couples to have kids young, to get gifts, and to actually need the help. I get it: you chose otherwise. But it’s normal and fine for middle class people to have kids in their mid 20s and need a shower to get ready to welcome baby. It’s not tacky or bad or low class or for low IQ people. It’s normal.

(I didn’t have a shower and didn’t need one.)

It's not young couples that we are tearing apart. It's the lady in her mid 30s wanting a shower. I mean, really? Most of us are making well over $100K by then. We don't need showers.

And yes, showers absolutely are tacky.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This does sort of solve the DCUM mystery of why showers are always torn apart on here.

It’s okay for couples to have kids young, to get gifts, and to actually need the help. I get it: you chose otherwise. But it’s normal and fine for middle class people to have kids in their mid 20s and need a shower to get ready to welcome baby. It’s not tacky or bad or low class or for low IQ people. It’s normal.

(I didn’t have a shower and didn’t need one.)

It's not young couples that we are tearing apart. It's the lady in her mid 30s wanting a shower. I mean, really? Most of us are making well over $100K by then. We don't need showers.

And yes, showers absolutely are tacky.

Anonymous wrote:This does sort of solve the DCUM mystery of why showers are always torn apart on here.

It’s okay for couples to have kids young, to get gifts, and to actually need the help. I get it: you chose otherwise. But it’s normal and fine for middle class people to have kids in their mid 20s and need a shower to get ready to welcome baby. It’s not tacky or bad or low class or for low IQ people. It’s normal.

(I didn’t have a shower and didn’t need one.)

Anonymous wrote:This is so outrageous that I pray you're trolling, because I'd frankly rather continue to assume that there aren't people so obnoxious living in the world with us.

However, on the chance that this is real, you need to drop her as a friend. Honestly.

Anonymous wrote:Is she the pregnant person? If so, then no, she can't send that out. If she's a bff, she could perhaps host a "Zoom" shower, give out a date and time, and say that the mom-to-be will open gifts that she has during the zoom session. And to do this , I would assume it would go out only to the closest friends and relatives. This is not for wide distribution.

Anonymous wrote:Aside from poor wording choices (e.g. "mail-in shower"), the tackiest aspect of this is that your friend is proposing to host her own shower. If you are close enough with her that she is coming to you for advice, you should offer to host a Zoom shower for her. Then provide her mailing address in the invite and invite friends and family who wish to send gifts for her to open over Zoom to visit her registry at attached link.

Anonymous wrote:

This isn't really about higher education or income. It's about class. Much of the time, education level and income is a pretty good indicator of class. However, I think we all know wealthy people who are trashy and poor people who have class.

Having a baby shower is a trashy thing to do. Period. If you can't afford to have kids, don't have kids. If you have friends/family who want to buy you gifts for your baby, that's great, but then they ask what they can give you to celebrate the occasion and you answer. You don't send around an "invitation" (or get someone to send it around) for people to give you gifts. And it's also trashy for someone else to throw you a shower (unless maybe it's a genuine surprise and people know that), but throwing YOURSELF a shower is beyond trashy.

I had no money when I started having children. I was gifted a couple of smaller items but we paid for the baby ourselves. If I knew that someone was planning to buy us something bigger then I would have politely insisted that they didn't need to do that. You know what we did? We bought what we needed (that does NOT include diaper genies and whatever else was on the "need" list in this thread!) and a couple of small wanted items and nothing else. And yes, we waited to have children until we were 30 and in a position to afford those things on our own, because our decision to have children should not be someone else's problem.

Anonymous wrote:My friend sent me an image of her “mail-in” “shower” invite asking me if it’s tacky and it’s so tacky it’s cringeworthy.

“We would love to celebrate with our close family and friends, however times are difficult to gather, so we invite you to mail your gift or card so baby can feel your love near and far.” Tacky tacky tacky, but it gets worse:

“Please mail gift by June 4th.”

I’m a little horrified, but chose to ignore the first part and just gently addressed the deadline bit...she responded “I wanted to have a deadline so I can get what I still need before she’s born.” I do understand where she’s coming from and feel for her that she can’t have a real shower, but there are much better ways to do these things.

I haven’t responded yet because I don’t even know what to say.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your friend is having money problems.

I would discreetly email family and close friends, and explain that Larla has fallen on tough times, that you would like to buy her a few essentials, and ask if anyone can go in on the cost with you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ummm, this is awful and in such poor taste. She must know this and if not you must tell her she cannot do this! If you’re relying on gifts to have what you need then you’re not ready to be a parent. Get what you need@
- and anything else you get is gravy.

Since when do people buy only "nice to haves" for baby showers? Is this a rich person thing?

What happened to baby registries where people put in all kinds of stuff from diaper genies to bouncy chairs or whatever? Are those things considered "gravy"? Those were must haves, IMO.

DCUM skews towards people with higher education and income. Most ppl having kids are much younger and less financially secure (ready or not to be parents) and they are counting on shower gifts. Based on my experience with the sales person at BuyBuyBaby when I set up my registry back in Feb. bouncy chairs and diaper genies are what you put on the list.

This isn't really about higher education or income. It's about class. Much of the time, education level and income is a pretty good indicator of class. However, I think we all know wealthy people who are trashy and poor people who have class.

Having a baby shower is a trashy thing to do. Period. If you can't afford to have kids, don't have kids. If you have friends/family who want to buy you gifts for your baby, that's great, but then they ask what they can give you to celebrate the occasion and you answer. You don't send around an "invitation" (or get someone to send it around) for people to give you gifts. And it's also trashy for someone else to throw you a shower (unless maybe it's a genuine surprise and people know that), but throwing YOURSELF a shower is beyond trashy.

I had no money when I started having children. I was gifted a couple of smaller items but we paid for the baby ourselves. If I knew that someone was planning to buy us something bigger then I would have politely insisted that they didn't need to do that. You know what we did? We bought what we needed (that does NOT include diaper genies and whatever else was on the "need" list in this thread!) and a couple of small wanted items and nothing else. And yes, we waited to have children until we were 30 and in a position to afford those things on our own, because our decision to have children should not be someone else's problem.