Anonymous
05/02/2020 00:25
Subject: Re:People that never marry - What’s their life like?
Anonymous wrote:Yeah being married means that you have chosen intimacy over isolation.
''Yeah being married means that you have chosen been a house slave over freedom.''
Here, fixed it for you.
I am very happy with my long term r-ship. It's an ideal deal, keeps feeling hot and conflicts at 0. I get the rose with thorns cut off.
---Married twice, no children (thank God)
Anonymous
05/01/2020 18:19
Subject: People that never marry - What’s their life like?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My cousins are identical twins in their mid 50s and they’ve never married. They own a house together. The house has three bedrooms and they share the master! One is in a LTR and one has never had anything long term. They are the kindest, most interesting people I know and just ooze happiness and grace. They travel a lot. They love to garden. They are women of faith and very involved in their church (United Church of Christ so no this is not a weird fundamentalist thing.) They are both introverted so not super big into socializing but they have a few very close friends and are friendly with their neighbors. They both have stable careers (one’s a fed, one’s an accountant for a local college) and are getting ready to retire in the next few years. They have lots of cousins, siblings, nieces, nephews, aunts and uncles they get together with frequently. They live simple but very rich and rewarding lives that sometimes I am jealous of!
They share a bedroom!? I’m sorry, but that’s freaking weird.
Why get married if you have a soulmate? This seems really sweet actually. If my daughters didn’t marry but ended up like this I’d feel at peace.
If my kids ended up like this, I'd wonder if they were in a romantic relationship and wonder where I went wrong...
Exactly! Sleeping in the same bed is not normal, sweet, or healthy. I can see the living together if never married. But have separate bedrooms!
They don’t sleep in the same BED.
Anonymous
05/01/2020 18:09
Subject: Re:People that never marry - What’s their life like?
Anonymous wrote:I could have written so much of this post, except I like (prefer) to travel alone. The financial aspect and lack of companionship are probably the hardest. The lack of companionship has only become noticeable to me in the last year or so---I was always fine on my own, but over the last year or so I've started to think how nice it would be to have "a person", someone to come home to and to share life with.Anonymous wrote:I'm not married and have no kids. I suppose sometimes it's great. Sometimes it's lonely. I don't have many friends, and don't have any good friends, or a best friend.
There's nobody to carry the load. I come home from work and nobody's gotten anything done, nobody ever cooks dinner for me or brings me breakfast in bed. Any time I start thinking I'm getting sick I need to rush to get supplies before I'm too sick to go out for tissues and ice pops and medicine. I can never ask anyone to buy me tampons. When I wanted to throw out an armchair I had to hire people to carry it out of my apartment and out to the alley. I don't have some husband who can grab a guy friend to do these things.
It's hard to be the third wheel. When my parents come to town and want to go out to dinner with me, my sister and her husband? We're often sat at a four-top and I'm given a chair at the end of the table. I have to attend weddings by myself. Extended family parties? I'm sat at the very end of the adult table on the border of the kid table. I don't have anyone to go on vacations with. I've literally gotten talked to at work about taking more vacation days. I live in a shitty apartment that I hate and barely feel safe in (rent control) and don't enjoy a "staycation" and don't really have fun traveling alone. If there's a restaurant I want to try, I have to decide if I'm comfortable going by myself. I don't have an automatic go-to person.
People sometimes assume I'm a lesbian who's not out. I'm not. People try to ask if I am It's awkward.
There are little things. There's nobody to kill a scary bug. There's nobody to investigate a scary noise. Sometimes I won't go somewhere after work because of how late I'd get home. Nobody ever worries if I make it home at night. I've put off getting my wisdom teeth out because I'm stressed about taking Uber home alone. If I had a medical emergency at home, it'd be on me to call 911 and unlock my door so they could get in. There's nobody to tell me that my shirt has become so worn that it's see-through (I found out at work from a kind coworker). There's nobody to come to scary doctor appointments with me.
There are financial issues. I live in a tiny one-bedroom. If I were married I could have the same one-bedroom but a second income to ease the financial burden. If I want to buy anything, it's on me. If I want to go on vacation it's all on me. I can only count on my income.
NP. I'm not single now.but this.is how I started to feel when I turned 30. I think that people who have always been single.come to this feeling at a.later time. And maybe the.norovirus or other big turbulent events stokes.this.feeling, too.
Anonymous
04/30/2020 23:24
Subject: People that never marry - What’s their life like?
I am divorced and childless (not by choice) but have a longtime companion. I have several friends who never married.
One is super depressed about it and talks nonstop about how she ruined her life wasting time with trash men. She is celibate by choice.
I have another friend who never wanted to be married or have kids but hasn't had a steady somebody for a few years because she works all of the time and admits she hasn't made enough effort. She is celibate not by choice.
I have another friend who didn't want to be married or have kids but did want a longtime companion but is single at the moment. She is very sexually open, so when she travels she will use Tinder to hook up.
I have another friend who dates a lot and has always had guys falling for her but something was always wrong with them (according to her).
All of the women above are successful in their careers, do a lot of volunteer work, have strong relationships with siblings kids, travel a lot.
One is super depressed about it and talks nonstop about how she ruined her life wasting time with trash men. She is celibate by choice.
I have another friend who never wanted to be married or have kids but hasn't had a steady somebody for a few years because she works all of the time and admits she hasn't made enough effort. She is celibate not by choice.
I have another friend who didn't want to be married or have kids but did want a longtime companion but is single at the moment. She is very sexually open, so when she travels she will use Tinder to hook up.
I have another friend who dates a lot and has always had guys falling for her but something was always wrong with them (according to her).
All of the women above are successful in their careers, do a lot of volunteer work, have strong relationships with siblings kids, travel a lot.
Anonymous
04/30/2020 23:00
Subject: People that never marry - What’s their life like?
I have friends two female and one male who never married or have kids. All seem happy with their lives, they work have hobbies, go out with friends, no stress. They certainly aren't sitting at home pining for a relationship and are doing well financially.
I am married but no kids and I love my life. Little stress, travel heaps, no debt, friends and family. We have friends with kids that love their life.
Really do what makes you happy because what one person loves is hell for someone else.
I am married but no kids and I love my life. Little stress, travel heaps, no debt, friends and family. We have friends with kids that love their life.
Really do what makes you happy because what one person loves is hell for someone else.
Anonymous
04/30/2020 21:34
Subject: Re:People that never marry - What’s their life like?
better than yours op get a life
Anonymous
04/30/2020 21:31
Subject: People that never marry - What’s their life like?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My cousins are identical twins in their mid 50s and they’ve never married. They own a house together. The house has three bedrooms and they share the master! One is in a LTR and one has never had anything long term. They are the kindest, most interesting people I know and just ooze happiness and grace. They travel a lot. They love to garden. They are women of faith and very involved in their church (United Church of Christ so no this is not a weird fundamentalist thing.) They are both introverted so not super big into socializing but they have a few very close friends and are friendly with their neighbors. They both have stable careers (one’s a fed, one’s an accountant for a local college) and are getting ready to retire in the next few years. They have lots of cousins, siblings, nieces, nephews, aunts and uncles they get together with frequently. They live simple but very rich and rewarding lives that sometimes I am jealous of!
They share a bedroom!? I’m sorry, but that’s freaking weird.
Why get married if you have a soulmate? This seems really sweet actually. If my daughters didn’t marry but ended up like this I’d feel at peace.
You’d be okay with them sharing a bedroom? I’m sorry, that’s just odd for adults to do.
I think this is only odd in the US and other western countries. These are also the same places that believe putting a newborn baby in a room completely separate from its parents is normal, and to let a infant "cry it out" is also normal.
And yet here you are. On our Board. Reading our stories.
Anonymous
04/30/2020 20:58
Subject: People that never marry - What’s their life like?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Single Mom by Choice, and i adopted my daughter Never married. Getting married was never a goal.
I love my freedom. All decisions are mine.
I do like dating. I am not a desperado looking to settle for a 3rd-rate partner. Once i turned 40 every guy i dated told me they finally felt like they are not dating a women who was desperate for a husband/sperm donor. I had control of my life. I was disappointed by 2 men in my 20s/30s whom I would have married, but seeing them years later i am so happy it did not work out. Turns out one had been a secret alcoholic and another a womanizer. Both of them were twice-divorced. Glad i ended up not being one of the ex-wives. I loved them for sure; but they were terrible husbands.
Not a lot of money. I had to continually ask my parents for some financial help. They basically said I was getting my i(small) inheritance in advance; which was fine with me. I need a washer/dryer now, not when they are dead. But travel is important for me and i have taken my daughter all over the country and we have been to Europe 3 times, for 2 weeks at a time. Hostels and 2-star hotels and rentals make it very possible. Eating on the cheap. Once you have the airfare, all is doable.
Life had been pretty free and easy.
My sister ended up a single mom via divorce. She is angry, bitter, depressed. Kind of a nutcase. She was depending on a man to give her a good life. It did not come to be.
Relying on your parents for financial help in your 40s doesn’t sound like all the decisions are yours. Although it’s probably free and easy.
Not sure how you see yourself as so superior to your sister.
Yeah not sure why you are so proud of yourself.
Where are you guys seeing that PP is proud of herself? Give her a break. Is it wrong to be happy with her choices? Jeez.
So you can afford to travel all over the world, but can't afford a washer/dryer? Sounds pretty irresponsible to me.
Seriously. PP. sounds like she is 12. Being married or single has nothing to do with maturity and PP sounds totally immature. No way would I let my parents buy me a washer and dryer ( if I’m older than 18)- regardless of my marital status. Grow up, PP.
Anonymous
04/30/2020 20:37
Subject: People that never marry - What’s their life like?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My cousins are identical twins in their mid 50s and they’ve never married. They own a house together. The house has three bedrooms and they share the master! One is in a LTR and one has never had anything long term. They are the kindest, most interesting people I know and just ooze happiness and grace. They travel a lot. They love to garden. They are women of faith and very involved in their church (United Church of Christ so no this is not a weird fundamentalist thing.) They are both introverted so not super big into socializing but they have a few very close friends and are friendly with their neighbors. They both have stable careers (one’s a fed, one’s an accountant for a local college) and are getting ready to retire in the next few years. They have lots of cousins, siblings, nieces, nephews, aunts and uncles they get together with frequently. They live simple but very rich and rewarding lives that sometimes I am jealous of!
They share a bedroom!? I’m sorry, but that’s freaking weird.
Why get married if you have a soulmate? This seems really sweet actually. If my daughters didn’t marry but ended up like this I’d feel at peace.
You’d be okay with them sharing a bedroom? I’m sorry, that’s just odd for adults to do.
I think this is only odd in the US and other western countries. These are also the same places that believe putting a newborn baby in a room completely separate from its parents is normal, and to let a infant "cry it out" is also normal.
Anonymous
04/30/2020 20:03
Subject: People that never marry - What’s their life like?
I have a bunch of friends like this. One is a 40 yr old virgin! She works, goes to church, has an artsy hobby. Another owns horses and shows them. One travels a lot with her sister, who lives around the corner. My male friend always falls for women who aren't interested in him. He golfs a lot and has many platonic women friends. Another one spends all day reading political articles and tweeting .These people are 40 - 63.
Anonymous
04/30/2020 09:21
Subject: Re:People that never marry - What’s their life like?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm not married and have no kids. I suppose sometimes it's great. Sometimes it's lonely. I don't have many friends, and don't have any good friends, or a best friend.
There's nobody to carry the load. I come home from work and nobody's gotten anything done, nobody ever cooks dinner for me or brings me breakfast in bed. Any time I start thinking I'm getting sick I need to rush to get supplies before I'm too sick to go out for tissues and ice pops and medicine. I can never ask anyone to buy me tampons. When I wanted to throw out an armchair I had to hire people to carry it out of my apartment and out to the alley. I don't have some husband who can grab a guy friend to do these things.
It's hard to be the third wheel. When my parents come to town and want to go out to dinner with me, my sister and her husband? We're often sat at a four-top and I'm given a chair at the end of the table. I have to attend weddings by myself. Extended family parties? I'm sat at the very end of the adult table on the border of the kid table. I don't have anyone to go on vacations with. I've literally gotten talked to at work about taking more vacation days. I live in a shitty apartment that I hate and barely feel safe in (rent control) and don't enjoy a "staycation" and don't really have fun traveling alone. If there's a restaurant I want to try, I have to decide if I'm comfortable going by myself. I don't have an automatic go-to person.
People sometimes assume I'm a lesbian who's not out. I'm not. People try to ask if I am It's awkward.
There are little things. There's nobody to kill a scary bug. There's nobody to investigate a scary noise. Sometimes I won't go somewhere after work because of how late I'd get home. Nobody ever worries if I make it home at night. I've put off getting my wisdom teeth out because I'm stressed about taking Uber home alone. If I had a medical emergency at home, it'd be on me to call 911 and unlock my door so they could get in. There's nobody to tell me that my shirt has become so worn that it's see-through (I found out at work from a kind coworker). There's nobody to come to scary doctor appointments with me.
There are financial issues. I live in a tiny one-bedroom. If I were married I could have the same one-bedroom but a second income to ease the financial burden. If I want to buy anything, it's on me. If I want to go on vacation it's all on me. I can only count on my income.
Wow, this was really honest and so sad. Maybe when this blows over you should try Meet Up to hang out with folks who share the same interests as you or something. I'm sorry you feel so lonely.
OTOH, what first PP wrote pretty much describes my marriage -- no one to plan with, no one who helps me out, no one who cooks dinner, minds the kids or brings me breakfast in bed or does anything special. If I want to try a restaurant, I had to ask my DH , who likely wouldn't be into it but would go and be sort of a pill. It wasn't even much of a financial benefit, since DH earned significantly less than I did but wouldn't do any of the parenting thus hobbling my income/career potential. He didn't do any of the administrative work of paying bills, nor the strategizing of financial savings. So, he was basically someone to split bills with, which was pretty much the main benefit.
Marriage was just a situation where I had one more kid to take care of, one more ego to massage and one more person's work to do that they wouldn't do for themselves.
Needless to say, I am divorced.
I think we all dream about good relationships where the partner is really a partner that does their fair share of all kinds of work, is a good friend, but also someone with whom you have great sexual chemistry and with whom you agree or are able to peacefully and positively negotiate life goals/changes.
I sometimes think many people -- married or single -- hope for that kind of partner but never get it. So, IME, many people are either single and unhappy or married and unhappy.
I could have written this -- except I'm the DH, and she was the W who made no effort at anything. I'd rather have the sort of good relationship you've described here; in it's absence, I'd rather be alone.
Anonymous
04/29/2020 21:59
Subject: People that never marry - What’s their life like?
Anonymous wrote:Please share stories about people that never married or had kids.
Honestly, it seems like it would be awesome. Less responsibility, more money, more time to explore interests.
This topic has been addressed here before. I definitely wrote about my glamorous maiden aunts.
Anonymous
04/29/2020 21:59
Subject: People that never marry - What’s their life like?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My cousins are identical twins in their mid 50s and they’ve never married. They own a house together. The house has three bedrooms and they share the master! One is in a LTR and one has never had anything long term. They are the kindest, most interesting people I know and just ooze happiness and grace. They travel a lot. They love to garden. They are women of faith and very involved in their church (United Church of Christ so no this is not a weird fundamentalist thing.) They are both introverted so not super big into socializing but they have a few very close friends and are friendly with their neighbors. They both have stable careers (one’s a fed, one’s an accountant for a local college) and are getting ready to retire in the next few years. They have lots of cousins, siblings, nieces, nephews, aunts and uncles they get together with frequently. They live simple but very rich and rewarding lives that sometimes I am jealous of!
They share a bedroom!? I’m sorry, but that’s freaking weird.
Why get married if you have a soulmate? This seems really sweet actually. If my daughters didn’t marry but ended up like this I’d feel at peace.
You’d be okay with them sharing a bedroom? I’m sorry, that’s just odd for adults to do.
Anonymous
04/29/2020 21:57
Subject: People that never marry - What’s their life like?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Interesting...why are people who never married or have kids on the relationship forum. I'm assuming that you saw the post through the recent topics?
To add to this - why are they on DC urban MOMS and DADS at all?
Because this forum is great to get advice on relationships, fashion, diets, travel, entertainment etc. Just because we are single doesn’t mean we don’t do some or like some of the same exact things Moms/Dads do. And I’ve actually posted questions under the relationship section asking for feedback about dating or a relationship I was in and received great advice.
Anonymous
04/29/2020 21:52
Subject: People that never marry - What’s their life like?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My cousins are identical twins in their mid 50s and they’ve never married. They own a house together. The house has three bedrooms and they share the master! One is in a LTR and one has never had anything long term. They are the kindest, most interesting people I know and just ooze happiness and grace. They travel a lot. They love to garden. They are women of faith and very involved in their church (United Church of Christ so no this is not a weird fundamentalist thing.) They are both introverted so not super big into socializing but they have a few very close friends and are friendly with their neighbors. They both have stable careers (one’s a fed, one’s an accountant for a local college) and are getting ready to retire in the next few years. They have lots of cousins, siblings, nieces, nephews, aunts and uncles they get together with frequently. They live simple but very rich and rewarding lives that sometimes I am jealous of!
They share a bedroom!? I’m sorry, but that’s freaking weird.
Why get married if you have a soulmate? This seems really sweet actually. If my daughters didn’t marry but ended up like this I’d feel at peace.
If my kids ended up like this, I'd wonder if they were in a romantic relationship and wonder where I went wrong...
Exactly! Sleeping in the same bed is not normal, sweet, or healthy. I can see the living together if never married. But have separate bedrooms!