Anonymous
04/28/2020 20:42
Subject: What to say (if anything) to friend who keeps passing along her baby stuff I dont want
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You really think your kid will never wear a onesie just because you don’t love the pattern? Newsflash: you’re going to need a zillion Carter’s onesies with a baby and many will end up with barf and poop stains on them. You will need extras for child care, your diaper bag, the car, etc. None of what she’s giving you sound like things you wouldn’t use and you sound, frankly, whiny and ungrateful. If you don’t want your friends giving you hand me downs, just tell them. Don’t complain to DCUM. You’re not a victim with your friend offloading garbage on you like you’re trying to convey. You’re not communicating yourself to your friend and that’s on you. And also, when you find your newborn going through a zillion onesies in a day in a few months and changing sheets frequently due to puke and blowouts you’ll realize what a diva you sounded like complaining about these hand me downs and maybe you will realize you should have held onto them. Sheesh.
OMG I had sick twins and never needed other people’s discards.
Then you are privileged and you sound insufferable. Dressing your kids in new clothes doesn’t make you a better mom than women with less money or privilege than you.
I guess I was very privileged with my preemy and later very sick twins. We were at the doctors office almost every day for months. I wanted to be the recycle type of mom but people gave me stuff that was worn to shreds and not very cleanable. In the meantime a big dept store was going out of business and outfits were so cheap. And clean.
I took them all over to the resale store where they were sold in one day. At least it got me out of the house and a breaking from those screaming, very sick babies. I honest don’t know how I got through it.
But I’m the insufferable type in general.
Anonymous
04/28/2020 20:41
Subject: What to say (if anything) to friend who keeps passing along her baby stuff I dont want
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You’ll use that crap.
No, you won’t.
- signed mom of 3
Uh, I posted that and I also have kids. You never threw on a crappy bib or onesie at home, if something got puked on, to send to daycare etc?
Nope.
Different poster and mom of 2.
It’s not because I’m snobby about baby stuff I just didn’t want to have a lot of baby stuff I knew we didn’t need. Just that my babies weren’t spitters and only had diaper blow outs/vomit a couple of times each. They also didn’t go to daycare. Hence, we really didn’t need that many clothes or bibs. They are only little once so I did want to pick out their clothes myself/primarily dress them in things I liked but they only had 4-5 onesies/pjs per size. It is possible to keep baby stuff minimal.
Anonymous
04/28/2020 20:29
Subject: What to say (if anything) to friend who keeps passing along her baby stuff I dont want
I think many of the wordings people have suggested (no space, no thanks, etc) could cause offense or simply not get the point across—especially over text since these drop offs are not happening in person. The best way to handle this is to return the unsolicited donation bag to her house with a note:
“Thank you so much for thinking of me for so many wonderful baby items. Im happy to say that we are all set on baby gesr. In fact we already have a copy of the book you dropped off and we already have not one but 2 bouncers, so we don’t need a third. You and so many of our friends have been so generous and we are so grateful for all the baby supplies. Please pass these along to another family who could use them. Again, thank you so much!
The key is to acknowledge each item and say you already have several so you don’t need more extras. (Say you have it even if you haven’t purchased it.) At the very least, if you return enough stuff to her front porch, she will likely start asking if you need an item before dropping it off. Then you can say “no thank you!”
“Thank you so much for thinking of me for so many wonderful baby items. Im happy to say that we are all set on baby gesr. In fact we already have a copy of the book you dropped off and we already have not one but 2 bouncers, so we don’t need a third. You and so many of our friends have been so generous and we are so grateful for all the baby supplies. Please pass these along to another family who could use them. Again, thank you so much!
The key is to acknowledge each item and say you already have several so you don’t need more extras. (Say you have it even if you haven’t purchased it.) At the very least, if you return enough stuff to her front porch, she will likely start asking if you need an item before dropping it off. Then you can say “no thank you!”
Anonymous
04/28/2020 19:53
Subject: What to say (if anything) to friend who keeps passing along her baby stuff I dont want
I don't understand why people act like it's so sinful to refuse other people's garbage. Because that's what hand-me-downs are.
Baby stuff gets really gross. It's a joy to buy exactly what you want for your kid and your home. I totally understand your annoyance at your friend's "generosity", OP.
Baby stuff gets really gross. It's a joy to buy exactly what you want for your kid and your home. I totally understand your annoyance at your friend's "generosity", OP.
Anonymous
04/28/2020 19:41
Subject: What to say (if anything) to friend who keeps passing along her baby stuff I dont want
Anonymous wrote:My SIL used us as a place to get rid of all her stuff too. It was a little annoying but in with the stuff I didn't want was often useful stuff that we could use. So we thanked her and donated what we didn't want. But I don't think you can expect someone to sort the wheat from the chaff for you. So you can say "no thanks" but I think you really have to say no to all of it. She can likely find other takers especially if she's a member of these groups - people are still doing contactless drop offs/pick ups - she probably thinks she's being nice.
Your implication that it is somehow gross or shocking that she might be giving you clothes or other things that she got for free is silly. If the stuff hasn't reached the end of its useful life and it is clean (or cleanable), there's nothing wrong with it because someone chose to pass it on for free rather than throw it away. It's a more sustainable choice and we'd all be better off if more of us did this for more stuff - especially kid stuff that you go through so quickly. You don't have to want used stuff, and its fine to want to pick all new stuff and be excited about it, but there's nothing inherently wrong or gross about free stuff either.
I don’t think OP is implying that it’s gross (although, as someone who has been through a bout of bedbugs, I wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t want random stuff from people she doesn’t know). I think she is noting that her friend may be even more insulted by a rejection of the stuff if friend has gone through extra effort to get it from someone else (as opposed to just cleaning her own closets).
Anonymous
04/28/2020 19:38
Subject: What to say (if anything) to friend who keeps passing along her baby stuff I dont want
Anonymous wrote:Thanks for all the baby stuff - I think we're all set now. Anything else you give me I'd just pass along so please go ahead and pass any more things on to someone else.
This is a nice way to put it.
Anonymous
04/28/2020 12:01
Subject: What to say (if anything) to friend who keeps passing along her baby stuff I dont want
Anonymous wrote:You really think your kid will never wear a onesie just because you don’t love the pattern? Newsflash: you’re going to need a zillion Carter’s onesies with a baby and many will end up with barf and poop stains on them. You will need extras for child care, your diaper bag, the car, etc. None of what she’s giving you sound like things you wouldn’t use and you sound, frankly, whiny and ungrateful. If you don’t want your friends giving you hand me downs, just tell them. Don’t complain to DCUM. You’re not a victim with your friend offloading garbage on you like you’re trying to convey. You’re not communicating yourself to your friend and that’s on you. And also, when you find your newborn going through a zillion onesies in a day in a few months and changing sheets frequently due to puke and blowouts you’ll realize what a diva you sounded like complaining about these hand me downs and maybe you will realize you should have held onto them. Sheesh.
I have two kids and this is not my experience at all. I don't know why, but neither of my kids has vomited....ever... I'm not kidding. And they didn't spit up that much either. I used cloth diapers so blow outs were never really a thing for me. I never went through "a zillion" outfits each day. Maybe two outfits sometimes? I agree the pattern of onesies doesn't matter, but I really never needed more than ~5 onesies for my kids. When we went somewhere, I would put an extra outfit in the diaper bag, and then I would take it out when we got home. I didn't have outfits around everywhere. Same with crib sheets - I just needed one for the wash and one for the bed.
Anonymous
04/28/2020 00:03
Subject: What to say (if anything) to friend who keeps passing along her baby stuff I dont want
Anonymous wrote:just thank your friend for her thoughtfulness, tell her you don't have any room in your house to store her gifts, and tell her to pass the gifts to other friends.
The problem with this suggestion is that OP's friend isn't asking. She's going to OP's house (or having her DH go) and dropping off stuff there, perhaps leaving it at her front door when she's not around.
Anonymous
04/27/2020 17:13
Subject: Re:What to say (if anything) to friend who keeps passing along her baby stuff I dont want
Anonymous wrote:Just say, "no thanks, we are all set with baby items." If she insists, repeat and say "we don't have any room for these things. Perhaps you can find another family who could really use these items."
You don't owe her an explanation as to why you don't want her items but I find that pushy people don't get the hint if you simply say no thanks.
I'm 17:12 and just posted something similar, but this post is worded better than mine!