Anonymous
Post 04/22/2020 12:35     Subject: What are the classic components of an UMC or UC American childhood?
Anonymous wrote:I grew up solidly MC in the Midwest and my husband grew up solidly UMC in the NYC suburbs. These stand out for me as things he assumes are normal for our kids.

Vacations - 1 or more a year. To a tourist destination, not just to visit family. Taking a nanny on vacation with you when kids are young. Taking a friend with you as a tween/teen. Booking multiple hotel rooms or a house instead of squeezing in.

Participating in any activity the kid is interested in. Not having to make the kid choose between dance lessons and softball because there is only money for one thing a season. Being able to go on all team trips, camps, but the special team jacket, etc.

Sleep away camp instead of local day camp. Specialized camps for talents and interests.

The assumption that your kids will get valuable mentors and internships “through your network”.

The assumption that kids will go to the best college they get into without waiting to compare financial aid packages. While they are there, they will join clubs and fraternities, go on optional research trips, and live in off campus housing while working unpaid internships- all parent funded. when the parents visit 1-2x a semester, they will take a group of their kids friends out to dinner and then fill the apartment with hundreds of dollars in groceries from a Costco spree.

The assumption that parents will provide a modest, but safe and reliable car and reasonably new cell phone from age 16 - 25.

The assumption that your parents will pay for your wedding and 20% down on your first house.


Np: I agree with this and it was how I was raised and how we’re raising our child, except the wedding portion. I think extravagant weddings are a waste and will not pay for half of one (I have a son, so traditionally am off the hook), but am ok with hosting a very nice rehearsal dinner and contributing some to the wedding, but certainly not half.

My husband grew up LMC/MC and just shakes his head and smiles at the things I think are “normal.” I always talk to him about everything and make sure he’s ok with it, and he is because he doesn’t want his (our) child to go through some of things he dealt with growing up (being made fun of for his clothes/shoes, fighting about going to a mud-size State school v community college when he really wanted the states flagship school, etc...).
Anonymous
Post 04/22/2020 12:01     Subject: What are the classic components of an UMC or UC American childhood?
Anonymous wrote:I grew up solidly MC in the Midwest and my husband grew up solidly UMC in the NYC suburbs. These stand out for me as things he assumes are normal for our kids.

Vacations - 1 or more a year. To a tourist destination, not just to visit family. Taking a nanny on vacation with you when kids are young. Taking a friend with you as a tween/teen. Booking multiple hotel rooms or a house instead of squeezing in.

Participating in any activity the kid is interested in. Not having to make the kid choose between dance lessons and softball because there is only money for one thing a season. Being able to go on all team trips, camps, but the special team jacket, etc.

Sleep away camp instead of local day camp. Specialized camps for talents and interests.

The assumption that your kids will get valuable mentors and internships “through your network”.

The assumption that kids will go to the best college they get into without waiting to compare financial aid packages. While they are there, they will join clubs and fraternities, go on optional research trips, and live in off campus housing while working unpaid internships- all parent funded. when the parents visit 1-2x a semester, they will take a group of their kids friends out to dinner and then fill the apartment with hundreds of dollars in groceries from a Costco spree.

The assumption that parents will provide a modest, but safe and reliable car and reasonably new cell phone from age 16 - 25.

The assumption that your parents will pay for your wedding and 20% down on your first house.


I agree but cell phones start at around 4-5th grade. Lol at making them wait til 16, I wish.

My kids had their own iPads in 2nd grade and iPhones in 5th.
Anonymous
Post 04/22/2020 12:00     Subject: What are the classic components of an UMC or UC American childhood?
11:56 - One more thing.
Cleaning people every week or 2 weeks.
Landscaper to mow / mulch / weed
Hire help for household projects like painting or changing a light fixture.
Anonymous
Post 04/22/2020 11:56     Subject: What are the classic components of an UMC or UC American childhood?
I grew up solidly MC in the Midwest and my husband grew up solidly UMC in the NYC suburbs. These stand out for me as things he assumes are normal for our kids.

Vacations - 1 or more a year. To a tourist destination, not just to visit family. Taking a nanny on vacation with you when kids are young. Taking a friend with you as a tween/teen. Booking multiple hotel rooms or a house instead of squeezing in.

Participating in any activity the kid is interested in. Not having to make the kid choose between dance lessons and softball because there is only money for one thing a season. Being able to go on all team trips, camps, but the special team jacket, etc.

Sleep away camp instead of local day camp. Specialized camps for talents and interests.

The assumption that your kids will get valuable mentors and internships “through your network”.

The assumption that kids will go to the best college they get into without waiting to compare financial aid packages. While they are there, they will join clubs and fraternities, go on optional research trips, and live in off campus housing while working unpaid internships- all parent funded. when the parents visit 1-2x a semester, they will take a group of their kids friends out to dinner and then fill the apartment with hundreds of dollars in groceries from a Costco spree.

The assumption that parents will provide a modest, but safe and reliable car and reasonably new cell phone from age 16 - 25.

The assumption that your parents will pay for your wedding and 20% down on your first house.
Anonymous
Post 04/22/2020 11:55     Subject: What are the classic components of an UMC or UC American childhood?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Do UMC people really travel as much as people in this thread think?

Internationally at every break?

The travel some people in here are describing would cost 50 grand for a typical family of 4-5.

For instance, someone said it’s typical in Arlington for families to take several ski trips out West, a trip to the Caribbean or Mexico for spring break, two weeks in Europe and two weeks at the beach in the summer. What would a travel schedule like that even cost? And who has that much time off?


Doesn't seem unusual to me. I would say we are typical UMC. Live in Westchester County, which is an area of affluent suburbs outside of NYC. We go skiing in CO or Utah the week after Christmas every year, up to Vermont to ski over MLK weekend, up to Vermont again to ski for February break or someplace like Costa Rica or Belize, we like to do a Caribbean destination for Spring Break (because it's still usually cold in NY in April), a week in Europe or at a national park in the US in July, and two weeks at the beach in NJ at the end of August.

I'm a SAHM and my husband's job can easily be done remotely so he does some work while we're at the beach in August.

Sometimes in addition, we'll add a week in Cancun or Tulum over Thanksgiving because we love the weather there that time of year. It's perfection.

I'm not sure what all this costs but I wouldn't be surprised if it was 50k or more. We have 3 kids so we always have to get 2 adjoining hotel rooms or a 2 bedroom suite.

This is not an unusual amount of travel for the people in our community.


Clearly the flexibility in your husband’s job allows for your travel with him. We vacation 4 weeks a year (2 weeks in winter/2 weeks in summer) in a specific tropical destination, take ski weekends, travel holiday weekends, and travel to family whenever we want because my husband owns the company and can work remotely wherever and whenever he wants. Not everyone has the luxury of not having to ask for time off. With that said, my husband works when we travel and has to be accessible most of the time. My cousin is a top rated orthopedic surgeon and only operates on professional athletes can only take off certain times and will also add days of travel when speaking at surgical conferences in Europe. His time has a different demand. Money is no object for him, but time is money for him.


So? The PP was saying her situation is typical, not exceptional.

Obviously being a top rated, in demand surgeon is more of the exception than the rule, by definition.

Not sure how you think your anecdotes are relevant to the discussion, which is about the typical, most common, general situation.

I agree with the PP that her travel schedule is common to UMC communities. Nothing unusual there.


Not PP but I disagree that that travel schedule and the costs involved with it is typical of UMC communities. I also think that a lot of communities in Westchester think of themselves as UMC but really skew towards UC.
Anonymous
Post 04/22/2020 11:51     Subject: What are the classic components of an UMC or UC American childhood?
Anonymous wrote:single family homes
lots of presents under the tree
family dinner every night at a consistent time
Pets that you keep their entire lives
In some cases, not having to move around alot.


Ok I definitely grew up LC to MC but I assure you we kept our pets their entire lives! I don't think that's a class thing.

Anonymous
Post 04/22/2020 11:50     Subject: What are the classic components of an UMC or UC American childhood?
Anonymous wrote:Do UMC people really travel as much as people in this thread think?

Internationally at every break?

The travel some people in here are describing would cost 50 grand for a typical family of 4-5.

For instance, someone said it’s typical in Arlington for families to take several ski trips out West, a trip to the Caribbean or Mexico for spring break, two weeks in Europe and two weeks at the beach in the summer. What would a travel schedule like that even cost? And who has that much time off?


No. That's UC not UMC. Even with UC, that's going to depend on the jobs the parents have - more of a time factor than a cost factor.
Anonymous
Post 04/22/2020 11:45     Subject: What are the classic components of an UMC or UC American childhood?
Anonymous wrote:parents talk to their kids about money-not "we can't pay the light bill" but about saving, retirement, investing, mortgages, etc. Things that build real wealth.



Yes. I agree with that. My parents did that with my sister and me. They discussed investment strategy with us, planning for retirement, etc. I think our income qualified us to be, from a percentage standpoint, upper class -- they made probably $400K/year in the 90s and early 00s when I was growing up. My sister and I went to private high school and we were full-pay. However, from a social lifestyle standpoint, we weren't upper class. We didn't have trust funds or country club memberships. We were somewhere in between. Neither of my parents came from wealth, but they did build it up.

Now, my husband came from a solidly middle class household. We've built up a high HHI ($350K) that allows us to give our daughter a great lifestyle. My parents are the X factor, though. They are at the point where they are able to give us--and our daughter--the sort of financial support that borders certainly on upper class. They're going to be able to pay for her college completely. They gave us $50K for our wedding. Unless something unexpected happens, I should inherit several million dollars from them when they die.

I think my family should be in the dictionary next to the entry for "how white people build up generational wealth." I can't even begin to describe the sort of privilege it is to know you have this sort of financial safety net.

It incenses me when people who have this privilege don't acknowledge it. It's an absolute blessing.
Anonymous
Post 04/22/2020 11:43     Subject: What are the classic components of an UMC or UC American childhood?
Anonymous wrote:parents talk to their kids about money-not "we can't pay the light bill" but about saving, retirement, investing, mortgages, etc. Things that build real wealth.


Idk about this, we rarely talk to our kids about money. It’s hard to know what to say. Occasionally they’ve asked if we are rich. We have a net worth of over 3 million and a HHI of around 700k. They understand on some level that money is not a huge concern in our household or family. So some people would say rich (those social justice, socialist types) and most people on DCUM would say no, barely middle class. Lol

We respond that “we’re comfortable” and “fortunate” and that it’s not polite to talk about money, especially outside of the family. I know that’s not a great answer though.
Anonymous
Post 04/22/2020 11:40     Subject: What are the classic components of an UMC or UC American childhood?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Do UMC people really travel as much as people in this thread think?

Internationally at every break?

The travel some people in here are describing would cost 50 grand for a typical family of 4-5.

For instance, someone said it’s typical in Arlington for families to take several ski trips out West, a trip to the Caribbean or Mexico for spring break, two weeks in Europe and two weeks at the beach in the summer. What would a travel schedule like that even cost? And who has that much time off?


Doesn't seem unusual to me. I would say we are typical UMC. Live in Westchester County, which is an area of affluent suburbs outside of NYC. We go skiing in CO or Utah the week after Christmas every year, up to Vermont to ski over MLK weekend, up to Vermont again to ski for February break or someplace like Costa Rica or Belize, we like to do a Caribbean destination for Spring Break (because it's still usually cold in NY in April), a week in Europe or at a national park in the US in July, and two weeks at the beach in NJ at the end of August.

I'm a SAHM and my husband's job can easily be done remotely so he does some work while we're at the beach in August.

Sometimes in addition, we'll add a week in Cancun or Tulum over Thanksgiving because we love the weather there that time of year. It's perfection.

I'm not sure what all this costs but I wouldn't be surprised if it was 50k or more. We have 3 kids so we always have to get 2 adjoining hotel rooms or a 2 bedroom suite.

This is not an unusual amount of travel for the people in our community.


Clearly the flexibility in your husband’s job allows for your travel with him. We vacation 4 weeks a year (2 weeks in winter/2 weeks in summer) in a specific tropical destination, take ski weekends, travel holiday weekends, and travel to family whenever we want because my husband owns the company and can work remotely wherever and whenever he wants. Not everyone has the luxury of not having to ask for time off. With that said, my husband works when we travel and has to be accessible most of the time. My cousin is a top rated orthopedic surgeon and only operates on professional athletes can only take off certain times and will also add days of travel when speaking at surgical conferences in Europe. His time has a different demand. Money is no object for him, but time is money for him.


So? The PP was saying her situation is typical, not exceptional.

Obviously being a top rated, in demand surgeon is more of the exception than the rule, by definition.

Not sure how you think your anecdotes are relevant to the discussion, which is about the typical, most common, general situation.

I agree with the PP that her travel schedule is common to UMC communities. Nothing unusual there.
Anonymous
Post 04/22/2020 11:37     Subject: What are the classic components of an UMC or UC American childhood?
parents talk to their kids about money-not "we can't pay the light bill" but about saving, retirement, investing, mortgages, etc. Things that build real wealth.
Anonymous
Post 04/22/2020 11:35     Subject: What are the classic components of an UMC or UC American childhood?
two parent household. Lots of activities. Social circle of family friends are all white collar and college educated. Attending college is not up for debate, parents will pay for most, if not all of college tuition. Teaching good manners.
Anonymous
Post 04/22/2020 11:35     Subject: What are the classic components of an UMC or UC American childhood?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Do UMC people really travel as much as people in this thread think?

Internationally at every break?

The travel some people in here are describing would cost 50 grand for a typical family of 4-5.

For instance, someone said it’s typical in Arlington for families to take several ski trips out West, a trip to the Caribbean or Mexico for spring break, two weeks in Europe and two weeks at the beach in the summer. What would a travel schedule like that even cost? And who has that much time off?


Doesn't seem unusual to me. I would say we are typical UMC. Live in Westchester County, which is an area of affluent suburbs outside of NYC. We go skiing in CO or Utah the week after Christmas every year, up to Vermont to ski over MLK weekend, up to Vermont again to ski for February break or someplace like Costa Rica or Belize, we like to do a Caribbean destination for Spring Break (because it's still usually cold in NY in April), a week in Europe or at a national park in the US in July, and two weeks at the beach in NJ at the end of August.

I'm a SAHM and my husband's job can easily be done remotely so he does some work while we're at the beach in August.

Sometimes in addition, we'll add a week in Cancun or Tulum over Thanksgiving because we love the weather there that time of year. It's perfection.

I'm not sure what all this costs but I wouldn't be surprised if it was 50k or more. We have 3 kids so we always have to get 2 adjoining hotel rooms or a 2 bedroom suite.

This is not an unusual amount of travel for the people in our community.


Clearly the flexibility in your husband’s job allows for your travel with him. We vacation 4 weeks a year (2 weeks in winter/2 weeks in summer) in a specific tropical destination, take ski weekends, travel holiday weekends, and travel to family whenever we want because my husband owns the company and can work remotely wherever and whenever he wants. Not everyone has the luxury of not having to ask for time off. With that said, my husband works when we travel and has to be accessible most of the time. My cousin is a top rated orthopedic surgeon and only operates on professional athletes can only take off certain times and will also add days of travel when speaking at surgical conferences in Europe. His time has a different demand. Money is no object for him, but time is money for him.
Anonymous
Post 04/22/2020 11:06     Subject: What are the classic components of an UMC or UC American childhood?
Anonymous wrote:I feel like all of these are just standard middle class stuff.


lol, really most middle class families spend 50k on travel every year, live in a 2 million dollar house, and have a full time housekeeper on staff?

Sure Jan.
Anonymous
Post 04/22/2020 10:53     Subject: What are the classic components of an UMC or UC American childhood?
I feel like all of these are just standard middle class stuff.