Anonymous wrote:So a man can be a jerk all the time JUST ENOUGH so that she won't divorce him, and he feels he can continue to be a jerk to her and expect her to put out? She decides that she will stay in the marriage for the children which in many cases benefits the children and their finances, including the husband's.

I swear, some men act like sex is the only thing that matters in the marriage. Yes, sex is important, but seriously, you come across as this is the only thing you care about. You don't seem to be *listening* to anything women have posted here. No wonder you are in a sexless marriage. How's your strategy working for you? Not so great, it seems.

Thankfully, my DH did learn to listen to me, and now he gets sex regularly.

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Anonymous wrote:To the men: did it ever occur to you that perhaps you are just not good in bed and that is the reason why your wives refuse to sleep with you?

As much as I hate to reinforce angry sexless guys point - I cheated on my zero libido wife and my AP told me I was the best she ever had. So no, I don't think i was or most men or women being denied by their husbands are the problem

Agreed. My husband is fine in bed.It isn't him, it's me. Coming up on menopause. Bored with him after 20 years of marriage. We drifted apart in part because our marriage was very child focused, and then because we had some trauma and resentment. End result for me is that sex with DH just isn't appealing, even if he CAN make me cum. Really sex is not all about cumming. It's the journey, and I'm not interested in that journey with him.

Exactly... resentment is a sex killer, and for most women, the libido starts in the brain. But that does not mean that every woman who resents her husband for something wants a divorce. It is situational, and sometimes the resentment isn't enough to warrant a divorce, but it doesn't mean that they want to hop into bed with him for the moment, either. Just because she is angry with you for a time doesn't mean you have the right to go have an affair. No person in a marriage should be afraid to be angry with their spouse for fear that spouse will cheat on you. That's absurd, and all that tells me is that the cheating spouse is selfish, and the marriage is all about him him him.

And to a PP, both men and women stay in sexless/loveless marriages for various reasons, one of which is children. That is why once the kids go off to college, you see divorce rates go up.

So a woman can resent her jerkface husband JUST ENOUGH to not want sex with him, but NOT enough to divorce him. She wants the benefits of marriage without providing any .... benefits to him. Got it.

Here we have ANOTHER confirmation of the man's fix to a sexless marriage: declare it open.

Men benefit from marriage in other ways besides sex.
Children, family, stability, cooking/cleaning, social life, etc. There is another man on here who stayed in a sexless marriage all the while planning divorce as soon as the children went to college. He also wanted the benefits without providing any...

Lack of sex (to a man) is a fatal omission for a marriage. Like having a "great car if only it had a steering wheel" it doesn't matter how good are the chrome wheels, leather seats, turbo engine, infotainment system... still cannot drive it: does not meet the basic requirements of a functional car.

So if your wife is mad at you for something, do you still expect to her to have sex with you? Does she have *any* say in whether she puts out?

You want her to basically be a prostitute and give it up just because you put a ring on her finger?

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Anonymous wrote:To the men: did it ever occur to you that perhaps you are just not good in bed and that is the reason why your wives refuse to sleep with you?

As much as I hate to reinforce angry sexless guys point - I cheated on my zero libido wife and my AP told me I was the best she ever had. So no, I don't think i was or most men or women being denied by their husbands are the problem

Agreed. My husband is fine in bed.It isn't him, it's me. Coming up on menopause. Bored with him after 20 years of marriage. We drifted apart in part because our marriage was very child focused, and then because we had some trauma and resentment. End result for me is that sex with DH just isn't appealing, even if he CAN make me cum. Really sex is not all about cumming. It's the journey, and I'm not interested in that journey with him.

Exactly... resentment is a sex killer, and for most women, the libido starts in the brain. But that does not mean that every woman who resents her husband for something wants a divorce. It is situational, and sometimes the resentment isn't enough to warrant a divorce, but it doesn't mean that they want to hop into bed with him for the moment, either. Just because she is angry with you for a time doesn't mean you have the right to go have an affair. No person in a marriage should be afraid to be angry with their spouse for fear that spouse will cheat on you. That's absurd, and all that tells me is that the cheating spouse is selfish, and the marriage is all about him him him.

And to a PP, both men and women stay in sexless/loveless marriages for various reasons, one of which is children. That is why once the kids go off to college, you see divorce rates go up.

So a woman can resent her jerkface husband JUST ENOUGH to not want sex with him, but NOT enough to divorce him. She wants the benefits of marriage without providing any .... benefits to him. Got it.

Here we have ANOTHER confirmation of the man's fix to a sexless marriage: declare it open.

So a man can be a jerk all the time JUST ENOUGH so that she won't divorce him, and he feels he can continue to be a jerk to her and expect her to put out? She decides that she will stay in the marriage for the children which in many cases benefits the children and their finances, including the husband's.

I swear, some men act like sex is the only thing that matters in the marriage. Yes, sex is important, but seriously, you come across as this is the only thing you care about. You don't seem to be *listening* to anything women have posted here. No wonder you are in a sexless marriage. How's your strategy working for you? Not so great, it seems.

Thankfully, my DH did learn to listen to me, and now he gets sex regularly.

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Anonymous wrote:I try to do more chores.

This definitely does help.

IMO, there are about a handful of reasons why your wife doesn't want sex with you:

1. she resents you

She should get a divorce. Why would a woman stay married to a husband whom she resets? Find the door and leave the asshole.

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2. she's tired

She needs to learn to prioritize (stop doing so much tiring stuff) and/or outsource and/or ask for help. It does not take much to conserve 20 minutes of energy twice per week to prevent divorce.

Anonymous wrote:3. you are no longer attractive (could be related to #1)

Maybe. But then she would say so, and the guys on this thread would not be here wondering, they would all be at the gym.

Anonymous wrote:4. medical reasons (drop in hormones or other illnesses)

It is difficult to imagine just how incredibly handicapped a woman would need to be (24x7 life support) such that all forms of sex are impossible. Is this a realistic scenario worthy of mainstream discussion?

Anonymous wrote:
These are good reasons. Here are some more:

1. Do you pay attention to her pleasure? Sex gets boring when you get nothing out of it.

Why would a woman marry a man who is selfishly bad in bed? This makes no sense. Again, she would be telling him what he's doing wrong, and he would surely do those things (because... sex).

Anonymous wrote:2. To want sex, you have to feel sexy. To feel sexy, you need to feel confident and attractive. If you constantly belittle her or criticize her, she won't feel up for anything.

Um, sure. But this sounds just like "she resents you" up above, and we know she would immediately divorce an asshole like that.

Jesus, PP. Do you have any empathy at all? Unless your wife is on 24/7 life support, she owes you sex, no matter what? Even if you’re unpleasant and argumentative (like you are on these boards), even if sex is not pleasurable or even painful for her? Perhaps your wife via disinterested in sex because you see her as a vagina and not a whole human being.

It sounds like OMG (open marriage guy). If it IS OMG then I think it basically came out awhile back he'd never even been married and maybe was a virgin

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Anonymous wrote:To the men: did it ever occur to you that perhaps you are just not good in bed and that is the reason why your wives refuse to sleep with you?

As much as I hate to reinforce angry sexless guys point - I cheated on my zero libido wife and my AP told me I was the best she ever had. So no, I don't think i was or most men or women being denied by their husbands are the problem

Agreed. My husband is fine in bed.It isn't him, it's me. Coming up on menopause. Bored with him after 20 years of marriage. We drifted apart in part because our marriage was very child focused, and then because we had some trauma and resentment. End result for me is that sex with DH just isn't appealing, even if he CAN make me cum. Really sex is not all about cumming. It's the journey, and I'm not interested in that journey with him.

Exactly... resentment is a sex killer, and for most women, the libido starts in the brain. But that does not mean that every woman who resents her husband for something wants a divorce. It is situational, and sometimes the resentment isn't enough to warrant a divorce, but it doesn't mean that they want to hop into bed with him for the moment, either. Just because she is angry with you for a time doesn't mean you have the right to go have an affair. No person in a marriage should be afraid to be angry with their spouse for fear that spouse will cheat on you. That's absurd, and all that tells me is that the cheating spouse is selfish, and the marriage is all about him him him.

And to a PP, both men and women stay in sexless/loveless marriages for various reasons, one of which is children. That is why once the kids go off to college, you see divorce rates go up.

So a woman can resent her jerkface husband JUST ENOUGH to not want sex with him, but NOT enough to divorce him. She wants the benefits of marriage without providing any .... benefits to him. Got it.

Here we have ANOTHER confirmation of the man's fix to a sexless marriage: declare it open.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the men: did it ever occur to you that perhaps you are just not good in bed and that is the reason why your wives refuse to sleep with you?

As much as I hate to reinforce angry sexless guys point - I cheated on my zero libido wife and my AP told me I was the best she ever had. So no, I don't think i was or most men or women being denied by their husbands are the problem

Agreed. My husband is fine in bed.It isn't him, it's me. Coming up on menopause. Bored with him after 20 years of marriage. We drifted apart in part because our marriage was very child focused, and then because we had some trauma and resentment. End result for me is that sex with DH just isn't appealing, even if he CAN make me cum. Really sex is not all about cumming. It's the journey, and I'm not interested in that journey with him.

Exactly... resentment is a sex killer, and for most women, the libido starts in the brain. But that does not mean that every woman who resents her husband for something wants a divorce. It is situational, and sometimes the resentment isn't enough to warrant a divorce, but it doesn't mean that they want to hop into bed with him for the moment, either. Just because she is angry with you for a time doesn't mean you have the right to go have an affair. No person in a marriage should be afraid to be angry with their spouse for fear that spouse will cheat on you. That's absurd, and all that tells me is that the cheating spouse is selfish, and the marriage is all about him him him.

And to a PP, both men and women stay in sexless/loveless marriages for various reasons, one of which is children. That is why once the kids go off to college, you see divorce rates go up.

So a woman can resent her jerkface husband JUST ENOUGH to not want sex with him, but NOT enough to divorce him. She wants the benefits of marriage without providing any .... benefits to him. Got it.

Here we have ANOTHER confirmation of the man's fix to a sexless marriage: declare it open.

Men benefit from marriage in other ways besides sex.
Children, family, stability, cooking/cleaning, social life, etc. There is another man on here who stayed in a sexless marriage all the while planning divorce as soon as the children went to college. He also wanted the benefits without providing any...

Lack of sex (to a man) is a fatal omission for a marriage. Like having a "great car if only it had a steering wheel" it doesn't matter how good are the chrome wheels, leather seats, turbo engine, infotainment system... still cannot drive it: does not meet the basic requirements of a functional car.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the men: did it ever occur to you that perhaps you are just not good in bed and that is the reason why your wives refuse to sleep with you?

As much as I hate to reinforce angry sexless guys point - I cheated on my zero libido wife and my AP told me I was the best she ever had. So no, I don't think i was or most men or women being denied by their husbands are the problem

Agreed. My husband is fine in bed.It isn't him, it's me. Coming up on menopause. Bored with him after 20 years of marriage. We drifted apart in part because our marriage was very child focused, and then because we had some trauma and resentment. End result for me is that sex with DH just isn't appealing, even if he CAN make me cum. Really sex is not all about cumming. It's the journey, and I'm not interested in that journey with him.

Exactly... resentment is a sex killer, and for most women, the libido starts in the brain. But that does not mean that every woman who resents her husband for something wants a divorce. It is situational, and sometimes the resentment isn't enough to warrant a divorce, but it doesn't mean that they want to hop into bed with him for the moment, either. Just because she is angry with you for a time doesn't mean you have the right to go have an affair. No person in a marriage should be afraid to be angry with their spouse for fear that spouse will cheat on you. That's absurd, and all that tells me is that the cheating spouse is selfish, and the marriage is all about him him him.

And to a PP, both men and women stay in sexless/loveless marriages for various reasons, one of which is children. That is why once the kids go off to college, you see divorce rates go up.

So a woman can resent her jerkface husband JUST ENOUGH to not want sex with him, but NOT enough to divorce him. She wants the benefits of marriage without providing any .... benefits to him. Got it.

Here we have ANOTHER confirmation of the man's fix to a sexless marriage: declare it open.

Men benefit from marriage in other ways besides sex.
Children, family, stability, cooking/cleaning, social life, etc. There is another man on here who stayed in a sexless marriage all the while planning divorce as soon as the children went to college. He also wanted the benefits without providing any...

Lack of sex (to a man) is a fatal omission for a marriage. Like having a "great car if only it had a steering wheel" it doesn't matter how good are the chrome wheels, leather seats, turbo engine, infotainment system... still cannot drive it: does not meet the basic requirements of a functional car.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:To the men: did it ever occur to you that perhaps you are just not good in bed and that is the reason why your wives refuse to sleep with you?

As much as I hate to reinforce angry sexless guys point - I cheated on my zero libido wife and my AP told me I was the best she ever had. So no, I don't think i was or most men or women being denied by their husbands are the problem

Agreed. My husband is fine in bed.It isn't him, it's me. Coming up on menopause. Bored with him after 20 years of marriage. We drifted apart in part because our marriage was very child focused, and then because we had some trauma and resentment. End result for me is that sex with DH just isn't appealing, even if he CAN make me cum. Really sex is not all about cumming. It's the journey, and I'm not interested in that journey with him.

Exactly... resentment is a sex killer, and for most women, the libido starts in the brain. But that does not mean that every woman who resents her husband for something wants a divorce. It is situational, and sometimes the resentment isn't enough to warrant a divorce, but it doesn't mean that they want to hop into bed with him for the moment, either. Just because she is angry with you for a time doesn't mean you have the right to go have an affair. No person in a marriage should be afraid to be angry with their spouse for fear that spouse will cheat on you. That's absurd, and all that tells me is that the cheating spouse is selfish, and the marriage is all about him him him.

And to a PP, both men and women stay in sexless/loveless marriages for various reasons, one of which is children. That is why once the kids go off to college, you see divorce rates go up.

So a woman can resent her jerkface husband JUST ENOUGH to not want sex with him, but NOT enough to divorce him. She wants the benefits of marriage without providing any .... benefits to him. Got it.

Here we have ANOTHER confirmation of the man's fix to a sexless marriage: declare it open.

Men benefit from marriage in other ways besides sex.
Children, family, stability, cooking/cleaning, social life, etc. There is another man on here who stayed in a sexless marriage all the while planning divorce as soon as the children went to college. He also wanted the benefits without providing any...

Lack of sex (to a man) is a fatal omission for a marriage. Like having a "great car if only it had a steering wheel" it doesn't matter how good are the chrome wheels, leather seats, turbo engine, infotainment system... still cannot drive it: does not meet the basic requirements of a functional car.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the men: did it ever occur to you that perhaps you are just not good in bed and that is the reason why your wives refuse to sleep with you?

As much as I hate to reinforce angry sexless guys point - I cheated on my zero libido wife and my AP told me I was the best she ever had. So no, I don't think i was or most men or women being denied by their husbands are the problem

Agreed. My husband is fine in bed.It isn't him, it's me. Coming up on menopause. Bored with him after 20 years of marriage. We drifted apart in part because our marriage was very child focused, and then because we had some trauma and resentment. End result for me is that sex with DH just isn't appealing, even if he CAN make me cum. Really sex is not all about cumming. It's the journey, and I'm not interested in that journey with him.

Exactly... resentment is a sex killer, and for most women, the libido starts in the brain. But that does not mean that every woman who resents her husband for something wants a divorce. It is situational, and sometimes the resentment isn't enough to warrant a divorce, but it doesn't mean that they want to hop into bed with him for the moment, either. Just because she is angry with you for a time doesn't mean you have the right to go have an affair. No person in a marriage should be afraid to be angry with their spouse for fear that spouse will cheat on you. That's absurd, and all that tells me is that the cheating spouse is selfish, and the marriage is all about him him him.

And to a PP, both men and women stay in sexless/loveless marriages for various reasons, one of which is children. That is why once the kids go off to college, you see divorce rates go up.

So a woman can resent her jerkface husband JUST ENOUGH to not want sex with him, but NOT enough to divorce him. She wants the benefits of marriage without providing any .... benefits to him. Got it.

Here we have ANOTHER confirmation of the man's fix to a sexless marriage: declare it open.

Men benefit from marriage in other ways besides sex.
Children, family, stability, cooking/cleaning, social life, etc. There is another man on here who stayed in a sexless marriage all the while planning divorce as soon as the children went to college. He also wanted the benefits without providing any...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:To the men: did it ever occur to you that perhaps you are just not good in bed and that is the reason why your wives refuse to sleep with you?

Men don’t suddenly get bad in bed. It was there all along but you just wanted a husband.

Or sex wasn't the #1 important thing on the list.

So how did you power through while dating and why not do it now?

NP here. Because when we were dating, I thought he would naturally learn more about my body, and it would get better. There is a curve over the first couple of years where the sex gets better and better. I had never been married before. I didn't know it was a bell shaped curve.

Woman marries, expecting him to change. Man marries, expecting she will NOT change. Both are disappointed.

Give him a hall pass: he gets the sex he needs, you get to NOT have sex. Win/Win.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the men: did it ever occur to you that perhaps you are just not good in bed and that is the reason why your wives refuse to sleep with you?

As much as I hate to reinforce angry sexless guys point - I cheated on my zero libido wife and my AP told me I was the best she ever had. So no, I don't think i was or most men or women being denied by their husbands are the problem

Agreed. My husband is fine in bed.It isn't him, it's me. Coming up on menopause. Bored with him after 20 years of marriage. We drifted apart in part because our marriage was very child focused, and then because we had some trauma and resentment. End result for me is that sex with DH just isn't appealing, even if he CAN make me cum. Really sex is not all about cumming. It's the journey, and I'm not interested in that journey with him.

Exactly... resentment is a sex killer, and for most women, the libido starts in the brain. But that does not mean that every woman who resents her husband for something wants a divorce. It is situational, and sometimes the resentment isn't enough to warrant a divorce, but it doesn't mean that they want to hop into bed with him for the moment, either. Just because she is angry with you for a time doesn't mean you have the right to go have an affair. No person in a marriage should be afraid to be angry with their spouse for fear that spouse will cheat on you. That's absurd, and all that tells me is that the cheating spouse is selfish, and the marriage is all about him him him.

And to a PP, both men and women stay in sexless/loveless marriages for various reasons, one of which is children. That is why once the kids go off to college, you see divorce rates go up.

So a woman can resent her jerkface husband JUST ENOUGH to not want sex with him, but NOT enough to divorce him. She wants the benefits of marriage without providing any .... benefits to him. Got it.

Here we have ANOTHER confirmation of the man's fix to a sexless marriage: declare it open.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the men: did it ever occur to you that perhaps you are just not good in bed and that is the reason why your wives refuse to sleep with you?

Men don’t suddenly get bad in bed. It was there all along but you just wanted a husband.

Or sex wasn't the #1 important thing on the list.

So how did you power through while dating and why not do it now?

NP here. Because when we were dating, I thought he would naturally learn more about my body, and it would get better. There is a curve over the first couple of years where the sex gets better and better. I had never been married before. I didn't know it was a bell shaped curve.

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Anonymous wrote:Woman here invading this group. My husband is always very sweet to me and never criticizes or belittles me. That makes me want to be very sweet and nice to him and sex is part of that. And when we have sex he almost always asks what I’d enjoy because it’s not always the same and I do my best to make him happy.

Another women here. Agree with this. My entire life I used to lose interest in sex within 2-3 months of a relationship. I thought it was biological. Turns out I just picked jerks, and once I found one who treated me well, I found that I wanted sex more and more over time, not less.

So if a woman doesn’t want sex, it’s because her husband is a jerk. I get that, makes perfect sense: nobody wants sex with a jerk!

But wait: if he really is this total jerk, he would know (because she would say so) in fact she would quickly divorce him! Because who stays married to a jerk? So this “no sex with a jerk” theory cannot apply to this thread, because these guys aren’t divorced, and their wives aren’t calling them jerks, therefore they can’t be jerks.

Try again please?

*shrug* A lot of people won't get divorced for various reasons- kids, finances, societal pressure. I mean, you can apply your same logic and say "no man would stay married to a woman who won't have sex with him! Who stays married to that? So your "wife won't have sex with me" doesn't apply this thread, therefore all the men here are actually getting laid!"

If you want to keep telling yourself it's not your fault your wife won't sleep with you, go ahead. Doesn't affect my life at all, and I'm happily getting laid several times a week.

You are saying that a sexless wife (secretly) WANTS to divorce her jerk husband except ... he’s a provider, and her divorced-over-35-mom-with-joint-custody life would be too hard. She wants to continue getting her benefits of marriage while providing him no ... benefits. Is this your message?

Also: you are calling these wives liars. Because a husband who isn’t getting sex due to being a jerk.... surely must KNOW he is a jerk! Unless his wife is being dishonest. Is that it? The men really ARE jerks but the wives are LYING about it? Because a jerk is more likely to stop being a jerk if his wife keeps this a secret?

The men are being honest. Their sexless wives KNOW their husband is unhappy about not getting laid. The men aren’t pretending to be happy about no sex while (manipulatively) thinking that keeping this secret will result in... sex.

And your counter argument (who stays married to a wife who won’t have sex) fails because sex can be had elsewhere, whereas a jerk husband will just keep on being a big old jerk.

Try again please?

I don't know what to tell you, man. Every woman I know- myself included- who lost interest in sex did so because their husband wasn't a good partner.

You can keep telling yourself whatever you want about how it's all your wife's fault that she won't sleep with you. It probably won't help you get laid. From the way you word your posts, you sound bitter and sarcastic, so I'm not surprised she isn't interested.

Happy to provide you with some resources if you're interested in improving your marriage.

So you immediately left your husband, because who stays with a bad partner? And well before you leaving, he was clear about being a jerk, yet he wanted to remain a jerk?

Your guidance seems to be: she loses interest mean romantic relationship is over. If a husband want to stay together as platonic room mates, open the marriage. Otherwise divorce. Do NOT keep doing chores expecting sex (ever). Thank you for confirming the well know solution to a sexless marriage.